Anxiety and Answering the Phone

[x_chelsea_x]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to share my experience and see if anyone else can relate to me or offer me advice.

I've had anxiety for about four years now. I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and most of my symptoms fall under that category. However, recently I am wondering whether I also have elements of social anxiety and agoraphobia.

In relation to social anxiety, I have always been a shy person. I've had a lot of trouble making friends over the year and I feel frustrated because I am actually a nice person and others often dismiss me before they get to see this. I don't avoid social events but I always fade into the background when I am at one. I have a few social anxiety issues but answering the telephone is the one I wish to discuss here.

I have aways feared answering the telephone and always avoided it at all costs. However, it is only in the last couple of years that it has become a huge problem for me. This is because I work in an office two days a week and one of my main responsibilities is answering the phone.  I work in a family business with my future in laws so I know the people I work with extremely well and it is a more relaxed environment than many others workplaces. If I can't handle it here than I wonder how I will handle other jobs in the future in big companies. (I am one year away from graduating from a law degree so I am worried about how I will handle stressful workplace situations in the future). At the beginning of the year I didn't answer the phone at all because the thought of it made me feel so nervous. I would sometimes have an anxiety attack over it and often, the night before work, I would stay up most of the night worrying about it. I think my in laws were very generous to me at the time. They knew about my telephone anxiety and didn't say anything about the fact I never answered the phone. I think that if I had been in another workplace my inability to answer the phone would not have been tolerated.

In the middle of the year I realised how ridiculous my fear of answering the phone was getting. I also feared people thinking I was crazy for continually not answering it. So I decided to work on it. I've answered many calls in the last few months. I have good  days where I answer about 80% of calls in the office and bad days where I'll answer just a few. Even though I am trying to push myself to answer them I still feel the same amount of anxiety as I ever did. Answering the phone has not become any easier for me. I feel intense nerves and worry about what I will say. When I do answer the phone I absolutely cannot do it in front of anyone else. I also hate saying my name on the phone because I have an unusual name and I'm worried about saying the wrong thing and embarrassing myself. I thought it would get easier with practice but it has not. I still have a very long way to go.

Also, making phone calls to doctors and psychologists to get help for my anxiety has become a problem. I have avoided help so many times for this very reason.

Has anyone experienced this? Any advice for me?

[AchromaticRainbow]

Ug, phones are the devil, IMHO.  D<  There are few things that can cause me as much stress as a ringing phone - I'm always scared that it's going to be my job telling me that I didn't show up for a shift!  And I completely understand how much anxiety answering the phone at work causes - I'm very thankful that I rarely have to touch phones at work, but when I do, I turn bright red and sweat like you would not believe.

While I'm still horrible at receiving phone calls, I've gotten better at making them.  One of the most important things that I feel that I did to make that happen is talking on the phone with my mother for really quick little things.  When I would do the grocery shopping, I would call her to ask about something on the list.  I found that having little less than thirty second phone conversations really helped.  It took me almost a year, but I'm better.

When it comes to making phone calls to psychiatrists and other doctors that I feel anxious about making, I will force any phone conversation to be a game of phone tag so I don't have to talk to anyone.  I try to call businesses after seven in the evening and leave a message, then not answer the phone when they call back and return any more phone calls well after business hours as well.  It's a total cop-out, but it really does help me.

[Jessie.x]

Hey,

I've had anxiety about the phone for a few years now.. it's kind of horrible. I don't call anyone if I don't have to and that basically means I will only talk on the phone when I'm at work because it's something I have to do. I had a credit card that wasn't working for two years because I refused to call and fix it. I feared I wouldn't know how to explain the problem or understand the solution. I missed an appointment with my therapist and never called to reschedule.. ever. I'm going to have to call the student loan people to set up payment options, which I probably wont do. I get my mom to call people for me and pretend to be me as sad as that is.

I don't really have advice because I'm in the same boat, but I definitely can relate !

[x_chelsea_x]

Thank you both for sharing your experiences. It really helps how there are people that understand. I greatly appreciate it. I can relate when you said you never called back your therapist. I am in the same situation. I can't continue treatment, even with a new therapist, unless I call my old one and I absolutely cannot do it. The thought of it terrifies me.

[x_chelsea_x]

Just found out that I'm only getting one day at work this year instead of two. I'm almost certain it is because I am terrible at answering the phone. My mother in law tried to tell me in the nicest possible way but it still hurts to be told that answering the phones is not for me because I lack confidence, that I would be better suited to other areas of the workplace, that the new girl who has only been there a month or so is better than me at work and that the way I deal with people is my flaw. I'm so upset. It makes me feel as though I'm a total failure. I especially hurts because I'd been trying so hard to get better at phone answering but it didn't really work.

[DreamCaster]

Hi Chelsea,
I totally understand where you're coming from, but the truth is you DID improve because you got to the point of answering 80% of the calls. Now OK, in business it needs to be 99% and its understandable that they need someone who isn't anxious about the task, but that doesn't take away anything from the fact that you tried, and succeeded in improving your skills with this. You deserve a massive pat on the back for getting to that point, so try not to give yourself a hard time even though I am sure that must be difficult in the circumstances.

I can be horrible with phones, it depends on the day to be fair, and new jobs are always way worse because of course you don't know anything about the place to answer any questions. I improved my skills by having a notepad by me at all times to write down what I needed to say when I made a call - I even write down my own name, address and phone number because anxiety will sometimes get the better of me and I won't be able to say my name correctly! For work I will have the name of the place I am working, if there's a whole thing you have to say when you answer the phone like "Hello, thank you for calling McDonalds. My name is DC, how can I help you today?"  I will have that written down, along with useful numbers, who to pass calls to, and any information which is commonly needed. It isn't fool proof - people are unpredictable and ask weird questions - but it does help. And then as you build your confidence you rely on your notepad less and less.

You're still there one day a week, you can still improve. Be proud of what you've achieved so far. You will get there

DC

[UnreadierLizard]

You should be proud! You've come a good way - I still have problems with calling non-family members.

[jerri46]

Thanks.  I especially like note pad and routine answers suggestion.

[DreamsDeciphered]

Ugh. Phones. They are the absolute worst of the worst for me, right next to asking for help in stores. I make myself physically ill all of the time over a phone call, especially if it's one that I have to make and not one that I can just simply ignore or have someone else make for me. Just last month, I had to call to make an appointment with my dentist and I cried for a good twenty minutes because I was shaking so much that I kept messing up the number. I had to make numerous bathroom runs before I finally settled down with the idea enough to make the call. As far as answering them, I have no problem with it because of caller ID and my living conditions. Haha.

[hippieatheart]

I just thought I would add my ten cents Phones are EVIL I hate them and will do anything to not answer them. I now have a young daughter that will answer the phone for me so I don't have too (I know that is so lame ) .
 One time I was expecting and important phone call and I got so wound up about it, for days on end I covered the phone with pillows so I wouldn't hear it ringing, my justification being that if I couldn't hear the phone ring I couldn't feel guilty for not answering it .....Needless to say this didn't work and I just ended up feeling even more anxious about  the whole thing.lol what a looser huh?
 I think you are doing everything you can , having information written down is a good suggestion and can help with answering the phone .....I hope it gets easier for you   
 

[Mosley]

Hey, I just wanted to thank you guys for sharing your experiences here.  The phone has always been a sore spot w/ the wife and I and I never thought it could be because of her anxiety.

I'll lay off it now but I'm not sure how to explain to others who complain to me about her not answering/calling back.

But again, thank you.

[Issa]

I have suffered from SAD for 11 years now. Although answering the phone has never been a really big deal for me. Calling people on the other hand has been. Not really bad, but I have stressed out about it. And like you, I don't like for people to be around. I still to this day write down what I'm going to say when having to call to order something, make an appointment or whatever it may be. Maybe that is something you can do at work? Maybe your in-laws can write some sort of script for you to read, slowly, to the customers who call? With answer scripts to questions they might ask. As far as saying your name over the phone, just say it, go for it! Everyone has something they don't like about their-selves whether it be their name, their big nose, their big ears    And most mature people, don't care what your name is, as funny or unusal it may be. I have a very "funny" last name, but it's mine, and until I get married, its not going anywhere, so i have just learned to deal with it. I'm very proud of my family name :) And just think maybe the person on the other end of the phone is just as nervous as you are calling, and they won't even remember your name when you say it. I would ask about doing the script though. I think that might help a little.
Another idea, is to have your boyfriend, or a close friend, call you several times and do role playing. Such has setting up appointments, calling and ordering a pizza, or things that have to do with the work, make them act like one of your customers.
I really hope these ideas help you. Good Luck!