Medical Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

[KaraAlissa88]

My doctor recently diagnosed me with PTSD as a result of all the medical problems I've been through in a short period of time. My life has become  a gigantic mess. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of my lungs. My panic will get horrendous and I'll beg my boyfriend to take me to the hospital. Trying to leave my apartment is getting more difficult. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just keep thinking,   "I am going to die." I remember the hospitals and I am too scared to get care when I'm actually sick. I feel like I am spiraling downwards toward a blackness that no one can control. I am only 23. I don't want to be sick forever. I don't want to die and I have no idea how to help myself. My doctors are wonderful, but I feel like it's not enough. Even now, I am checking my pulse and thinking maybe I should go to the hospital. I didn't sleep at all last night. I think around 7 AM I finally crashed, but I keep thinking I wont wake up. I keep remembering the smell of the hospital and the surgery. (I had a kidney transplant over a year ago.) I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost. Can anyone relate? Any ideas?

[Linny]

Hiya
I can relate to this as my PTSD is also medical. i suffered major trauma as patient about 7 years ago and i can relate to the terror you describe and the fear of something happening which will land my back there. iv not spoke about my trauma in all these years as i find it too difficult. its so hard. but i can say that now i try not to panic and try to rationalise my thoughts before i do. im still under my gp and now doing cbt therapy which i have wanted all along. so fingers crossed lol. its hard also for our families. anxiety etc affects the whole family not just the suffer and boy did it affect mine.
im also on medication still which helps to a point but alas there is no magic pills or magic wands lol. i just want you to know that i do understand and you can get to a place where the anxiety is managable.
i hope it helps even if its just the fact that someone else relates to what your going through.

take care.

[KaraAlissa88]

Thank you. A lot. It's weird sometimes to be on here. You feel so alone in a disease but then you see other people and, I guess it's just helpful to know that other people are going through it and thriving.

[rayandrae]

Hi,

I was really glad to see these two posts. I too have hyper-vigilance medically due to PTSD. Luckily I don't really have the nightmares, but I most certainly had the sleep issues and the hyper-vigilance or Health Anxiety. Mine was cumulative and was several medical emergenies; three in a hospital believe it or not. A year and a half after the last trauma which had occurred due to my 3rd childs birth, I thought I was pregnant, and I went into a week of non-stop cyclical panic. When I was finally done, I had a profound panic disorder with sever HA, that just got gradually worse over time. It is truly astonishing the pain and physical symptoms your brain can give you to get your attention ...

This started 15 years ago, and I would say that the generalized anxiety and panic are almost totally under control; I hardly think of it, unless I am in hyper-vigilance mode. I rotating cyclical symptoms that don't go away until I can focus on something else totally. And this can take months or even years.

I started Rapid eye therapy last week and have done only a 'safe' scene. In two weeks, I go back to examine one of the trauma's. I am hoping to help my brain to truly process what has happened so that it does not feel like it needs to be so hyper-vigilant. This is the hope, and I don't see why not!

Let's keep in touch in this thread. I find it encouraging to know we share this.

Rae

[KaraAlissa88]

I had to call my doctor this morning. It hurts when I take a deep breath and I have another UTI. I was crying, my doctor told me I shouldn't be worried about the pain but I can't help it. Right now I feel like I can't breathe. I hate this. I absolutely hate this. I just want to cry and scream. No one is really here, in the physical sense, to help me deal with it. My boyfriend gets really really angry and I don't know who else to turn to. :-(

[rayandrae]

Hey there,

I am really sorry that you are going through this alone and I hope that today is much better for you.

I know what it is like to be alone and afraid; I am not sure that there is any worse feeling in the world. So I really want you to consider finding out about a support network for people with PTSD in your area. It might take a bit of work, but they are out there. You are not alone in what you are feeling, but that feeling of terrror makes it very hard to to find peace. I know this so very well.

I am going through some medical tests right now that have blown the PTSD out of the water for me lately. I wound up in the hospital with panic for the first time in 14 years. And I went to see a friend of mine, who is a Priest who has had cancer. I told him that it is the fear that is so bad; the idea of being alone curled up in a ball and afraid and waiting to die. And he told me that it is very hard to feel God when one feels terror. Even Jesus in the garden couldn't find God - an angel was sent to help him instead. Terror does that.

So I am not a particularly religious person, but I felt really comforted. So on that note, I will pray for you and I hope that you can reach out and find some people who will stand beside you and support you.

Rae