First Psychiatrist Assessment In Hospital

[sneakazz]

Hello. This is my first post. Sorry its a bit long but IVe spent so long without dealing with my problems so there is a lot to say.

I have my first ever psychiatric assessment next week and wondering what to expect.

Ive suffered intermittently with depression for 15 years and anxiety for about 10 years. Between these lows Ive experienced a chaotic life. Ive moved around a lot, lived in 20 plus places, different cities, countries, always trying to escape something. Often these have all been done on a whim. I get an idea and next week I'm doing something different. Ive always had problems with money i.e. spending rent money, getting debt, spending £2k in one day until my card got stopped etc. I once decided I was going to Barcelona in the morning and by the afternoon I was on the plane. In the past Ive decided to quit a job and move to another city within a couple of weeks. Ive been living in Holland for a year now. I constantly feel like escaping/running away. Ive had about 30 jobs in my life. (I'm 36 years old)

I will also admit to substance abuse, from booze, all types of drugs which I do either through excitement or trying to stop feeling extreme whether its a high or low.

Ive also been in and out of college, university (which I quit due to depression and insomnia).

Ive had a few traumatic events in my life such as being involved in a car crash where a family of 4 died. (I regularly think of the mangled bodies) I tried to save a dying homeless man one who died in my arms. Ive had really bad break ups where Ive been utterly devastated. (Again, running away on a whim with no money, hitchiking though Europe)

Ive been to the doctors numerous times and had all kinds of meds but always refused therapy. About 3 weeks ago I had a complete breakdown where my panic was cycling between massive attacks which would wax and wane then I go into a depressive state, sometime catatonic. The doctor first prescribed 40mg except and 20mg Prozac. A week later I felt worse. I was drinking on top just to make me feel different. My except has been increased to 100-150 mg a day. This is now wearing off as I'm getting a massive tolerance.

I now also have agoraphobia and only feel slightly safe going to the shop if my girlfriend is with me. Ive not been to work for 3 weeks.

Ive always had massive mood swings from excitement and being really hyper to being really snappy and aggressive. If I get in a bad mood Ive been known to insult people in the street for the most minor thing.If I'm hyper, I feel like I'm on speed or something. I try to get people to go to extremes with me and get crazy ideas.  I can never relax. I replay conversations in my head all the time. I can't handle any confrontation. If someone snaps at my I get really nervous although sometimes I think I would scream a profanity at someone and walk off. Ive disassociated myself from most of my friends and family. I feel like I'm losing my partner of 14 years.

I seem to have confused excitement for anxiety nowadays. My life has always been a mess. Ive never been able to stick to anything for very long. I'm scared I have boarderline personality disorder or bipolar with anxiety.

Given all the above, what will happen when I go for my psychiatric assessment? (They mentioned part of it will be computer based) Does it sound like Im bipolar or BPD or am I just useless with dealing with life?

[spitfireatme]

Sounds like you know yourself pretty well, you have a mix of different anxiety and depression issues, sounds like.

HIT UP YOUR OMEGA 3 FATTY ACIDS! I always also loved REBT Rational-Emotive-Behavior Therapy! Personally, I'm very religious too and created loveGodwithallyourheart.com and think that spirituality is very healing! LOVE others, choose to love them, but with a sense of detachment - freely give, expecting nothing in return! I have had my heart crushed many times by girls and I have come to enjoy just trying to love others and not focus on my own pain! You know, re-organize your whole life and get into a healthier groove on serving others, boosting your diet, things like that!

[constantmover]

The best thing you have done to date is make an appointment to have an assessment done.  This is nothing to be afraid of...It is the first step in get some control and stability in your life.  As far as what they will do, is a hard question to answer because you don't live in the same country as I do.  If and I'm not saying that they will do this, but if they suggest that you get admitted to hospital so they can do a complete assessment of medication and therapy, etc.  I'd go for it.  You have been spending a lot of time self medicating and running from so many things that this would be a golden opportunity to get some great help on an inpatient basis.  Many people have really benefited from going into hospital to get their meds straightened out. 

I'm only mentioning this because it may come up.  If it doesn't, I'm guessing that they will want you to start therapy and get you on a regular drug plan.  In my opinion, in order for you to truly take responsibility for your life, you must follow the plan that is set out by your doctor.  That means no more illicit drugs and drinking.  If you truly want to help yourself, you need to be disciplined and work hard at getting better. 

To take the step you have taken is really brave and such a smart move.  You aren't useless at life...you have a disorder that is very treatable if you follow the directions that will be set out by your doctor.  If he/she gives you meds and you take them as directed without the addition of alcohol, there is a good chance you will, after a few weeks, feel substantially better.  If that drug doesn't work then there are plenty out there that can help.  I know you said that you've tried many with little to no help, but there are others and maybe the drugs didn't work because either you weren't following directions or you were using alcohol or illicit drugs as well. 

You will get on track IF you work at it and let it happen.  Your psyche assessment will be like a fact finding mission at first and then later, you will get into the nitty gritty which will help you understand why you do the things you do. 

I'd love to hear back from you about your assessment.

[lilmsflynn]

I just wanted to say good luck hun x