Fear of losing your parents. (SEVERE! Please help. It's becoming worse)

[Periwinkle]

Hello... I'm 19 and I know that normally only young kids get this.. but out of all my phobias (and I have a ton) this one is my strongest.

My parents have always been my rock growing up, and I was so fortunate to have their support with my anxiety disorder- I can't imagine a world without them. I know it's inevitable that they will be gone someday, and I left behind- but even this thought brings tears to my eyes.

The idea of losing them prematurely to a car accident, health reasons, or even being mugged and shot frightens me to no end.

I'm worried about my dad, because he can be reckless driving (he's always texting and driving, and calling) and his health is reclining (he keeps eating bad foods and gaining weight... and he has a bad sinusitis problems that I'm worried is going to kill him... and he refuses to get it properly treated!)

I constantly worry about my mom too.  I worry about her walking alone, being in the passenger seat if my dad got in a car crash, and everything else.
I live in Los Angeles and fatal car accidents are so common... I'm terrified I'll hear about it on the radio, TV, or have a morgue call and ask me to identify their bodies ( even thinking about that...)

When they leave to go out on their own, I PANIC that something bad will happen. I will be on edge, pacing back and forward until I see them home again- and if they don't answer their phone after a few hours, my panicked mind is CONVINCED that they're dead and I start crying and even contemplate taking my own life. I really become beyond hysterical- I don't show them this side of me (but I do express some concerns.) when they come back, the fear completely evaporates and I'm filled with such relief.
I feel like I always have to be with them to prevent something bad from happening to them.

I honestly can't imagine how I could move on at this stage in my life if they died. I know I'm capable of getting a job and supporting myself, but I don't know if I could mentally recover. I'm afraid I'll go completely insane from it.  Whenever my mother even mentions 'life insurance' I start to panic and worry that even having life insurance will bring bad luck (and I'm not even that superstitious)

"Hysteria" is the perfect term for my reaction to this phobia... I literally become so mentally unstable that I lose complete control. I've been an only child up until recently (Yes, my parents had another child recently... 19 years apart! I love my newborn sister very much- but this almost makes the fear worse- because then I'd have to take care of my sister and I wouldn't know how to properly do so)

Honestly, if I could change the way things work, I would want to die before they did- and I know that's a horrible thing to say- and it's odd, because I fear my own death greatly- but I fear their death more.

I've called a hotline (because I have no one else to talk to about this) at times when I get to that point of hysteria, because I'm so afraid that I'll do something to myself, and at that point I think I'm very capable. I've even had the operators tell me I sound extremely unstable and their voices express surprise ("Am I their most crazed caller that night?" I always think.)

Anyone else get this...? This is the only fear I have that I have absolutely no power over. I can't calm myself down from this whenever I get hysterical from it, unless I see them again.
I hide this phobia away from everyone... and I always go into my room and suffer so no one can see- the last thing I want is anyone I know to know this.

If you have this fear- how do you cope...?

[Cuchculan]

This is one of the most common fears people with anxiety conditions can have. I think you will find so many have it. Especially those who may live at home. Fair to say we can come to depend on our parents a lot of the time. I read your introduction. Home schooled. Which meant a lot of time at home. A lot of time around your parents. I have no doubt they were always there for you. It is not a strange fear to have at all. It is a normal fear. The thing we may tend to do is obsess over it. Were the average person wouldn't. That is were it becomes a problem for us. Simply because it causes us anxiety. I know I would be lost without my mother. She is in her mid seventies now. My dad died 9 years ago. It was far easier to keep on moving along after he died. Though I dreaded the whole event. He was always sick. So it was only a matter of time. Was always going to happen. Just a case of when? He done it in style. At my feet. Massive heart attack. 6am. But once my mother was still around I could accept his dying. She is the one person who does so much for me. We do depend on them so much. We know they love us so much. And we miss all of that. If we do live at home with them we would wonder could we survive without them. It is clearly something I try not to think about. I try and enjoy each day she is here. Look at it in that sort of way. You can worry about them dying and lock yourself away. Then if it does ever happen you may look back and think you locked away when you could have been spending that time with your mum or your dad. So of logical reasoning. Yes, they are getting no younger. But as I once said ' I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and I could go before my mum '. What a waste of worry that would have been for me. Me fretting over her dying and I go first. So try and place some form of logic on it. Enjoy the time you have with then whilst they are here. Life insurance always comes up. The house here is signed over in my name in the event of my mother's death. Bank accounts are in my name too. It is just something a lot of parents do. They want to make sure that should anything happen the person / people they are leaving behind won't be left broke and in debt. It doesn't mean they are planning on dying any time soon. Bit like a worker setting up a pension scheme / plan. Some to live off of after they retire. You could speak with your parents. Especially your dad about his eating and his way of life. That is does worry you. Nothing wrong in saying that at all. Bit like showing him how much you really love him to care about him that much. But try and use a bit of logic. Try and enjoy the time with them. So in years to come you won't look back and see all the time you wasted worrying instead of being with them.

[Periwinkle]

This is one of the most common fears people with anxiety conditions can have. I think you will find so many have it. Especially those who may live at home. Fair to say we can come to depend on our parents a lot of the time. I read your introduction. Home schooled. Which meant a lot of time at home. A lot of time around your parents. I have no doubt they were always there for you. It is not a strange fear to have at all. It is a normal fear. The thing we may tend to do is obsess over it. Were the average person wouldn't. That is were it becomes a problem for us. Simply because it causes us anxiety. I know I would be lost without my mother. She is in her mid seventies now. My dad died 9 years ago. It was far easier to keep on moving along after he died. Though I dreaded the whole event. He was always sick. So it was only a matter of time. Was always going to happen. Just a case of when? He done it in style. At my feet. Massive heart attack. 6am. But once my mother was still around I could accept his dying. She is the one person who does so much for me. We do depend on them so much. We know they love us so much. And we miss all of that. If we do live at home with them we would wonder could we survive without them. It is clearly something I try not to think about. I try and enjoy each day she is here. Look at it in that sort of way. You can worry about them dying and lock yourself away. Then if it does ever happen you may look back and think you locked away when you could have been spending that time with your mum or your dad. So of logical reasoning. Yes, they are getting no younger. But as I once said ' I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and I could go before my mum '. What a waste of worry that would have been for me. Me fretting over her dying and I go first. So try and place some form of logic on it. Enjoy the time you have with then whilst they are here. Life insurance always comes up. The house here is signed over in my name in the event of my mother's death. Bank accounts are in my name too. It is just something a lot of parents do. They want to make sure that should anything happen the person / people they are leaving behind won't be left broke and in debt. It doesn't mean they are planning on dying any time soon. Bit like a worker setting up a pension scheme / plan. Some to live off of after they retire. You could speak with your parents. Especially your dad about his eating and his way of life. That is does worry you. Nothing wrong in saying that at all. Bit like showing him how much you really love him to care about him that much. But try and use a bit of logic. Try and enjoy the time with them. So in years to come you won't look back and see all the time you wasted worrying instead of being with them.

I cannot express how much your words have comforted me- especially your logic about 'wasting time on worrying about them, when I could be enjoying the time we have now'. Yes- being an only child who was homeschooled has made me feel very close with my parents- they're my best friends! But it backfires a bit, since I've become emotionally dependent on them being around and it tolls on my anxiety... But! I'm going to chin up and consciously make an effort to enjoy rather than worry, especially when I get moments of extreme panic.. It's the toughest fear I've ever faced, but I can't let it control my life anymore..
Recently I talked to my dad about his health-- and he's seeing a doctor now and has begun to eat well! I know it's only just happened and that gaining/maintaining good health is something that takes a bit of work and time- but it's still put my mind at some ease.

I'm sorry about your father, and I'm hope your mother lives a long and healthy life~ I know it's silly for me to obsess with legal matters like inheritance and life insurance, especially since it's a common subject in almost every household.

Thank you so much! This means so much to me~

And seeing how many others, just on this forum, who have talked about this fear makes me feel a lot less embarrassed.. (one member even mentioned their own suicidal thoughts- which is something I get ONLY with this phobia, not with others. The idea of taking my own life actually really frightens me.) And it also brings great comfort~

[LindaRK]

Wondering if you're still checking posts, as I see this was written in October.  My oldest son, who turned 26 a few months ago has this phobia.  I never realized it until we were in the car one day a few months ago.  Can't remember the topic of our conversation but I said something about my parents and my dad died last year and then all of a sudden he started crying and it came out how he worries about something happening to us.

Of course, my knee jerk reaction was to say nothing is going to happen .....I could have kicked myself.  Me, with an anxiety disorder and he has one as well and that's what I came up with!  Arghhh!!!

Anyway - we talked about it -it's a very real fear for many, no matter what your age.  What has really helped him is to be out on his own - to become more independent instead of dependant on his mom and dad.  As much as I like him being dependent on us, it's not healthy.  I suspect you're still living at home?  Maybe it's time to leave the nest?  Or maybe some sort of exchange student thing?  He did this, too and it helped immensely.  Maybe a job in another area or state where you can live elsewhere for awhile. I think that when you are able to separate yourself from your parents, your fears will diminish quite a bit.

I'm 54 - I had a fear of losing my parents for a long, long time - I lost my dad about 1.5 years ago.  Right now (as of today actually), it looks like I'll be losing my mom fairly soon as well.  She is 91.  It's the inevitable we all have to learn to live with.

[~justme~]

Wow I know how u feel. I lost my sister when she was 18 in a car accident in 2002. And I've lost many others. My fear of losing my parents... Awful. I cry about it alot and when we leave each others house I cry. Its scary and I get freaked alot by this. I know what u go through and it's a hard one to cope with. We can all do it through support. I'm here if u need to talk. Good luck and it will be ok.

[Kookey]

I have a fear of losing my parents... Mainly my mom... She is my love. I love my parents deeply, and they're both lovely people. My dad served in the Navy for 25 years I believe, and my mom works as a nurse who helps disabled elderly people at their homes 5 days a week... I have been on a total ALS scare for weeks, and I thought one day "Okay, I obviously don't have ALS... What if someone i know gets it? But the disease is rare. But your risks increase as you get older. My parents are healthy, but it can strike at any age... What if my dad gets it? What if my mon gets it? What if my sister gets it? Heck, what if someone in my family gets it? I'm gonna be that one who gets it... If not me, my sister. If not her, my dad... If not Dad.. Then Mom... " I always have these dark thoughts. Last night I was trying not to cry as i kept having these dark thoughts and images... My mom not able to drive... She waking up one day and she can barely move her hand, or her foot, or her ankle feels weak, or she can barely talk because her tongue is weak.... I had the same thoughts for my dad, my sister, me, and a few of my best friends... It's scary. All i do is worry, worry, worry. I can't help it. If I dont fear something about my health, it's someone else's. Mainly my parents. I'm afraid that one day, my life will change drastically because one of them-God forbid both-becomes unhealthy, disabled, or dead. It's a fear I don't like to wrap my mind around... I could never see why someone would say "I hate my mom/dad/bro/sister" for something totally irrelevant, unless they're abusing you... It's terrifying to think that they're going to be gone one day...

[mollyfin]

I have this fear too, mostly from being dependent on my mom because my mental health issues keep me from working.  It's gotten worse since my dad passed away two years ago.  Every morning I'm convinced she died in her sleep and I'm scared stiff until she gets up.  It got better for a while but then something triggered it (won't go into it here) and it came back. 

I was 26 when my dad died though, and almost all of my friends much older than me have both parents still - my mom's dad lived until she was in her 60s!  It's uncommon to lose your parents early, though I know it's a terrifying thought.