Sorry for the text wall...
Hi everybody,
I'll try keep this post short (I FAILED AS ALWAYS). I will quickly go over previous problems and then post about my current situation...Which I am trying to work through.
Just to give a little bit about myself, I would say I don't have hypochondria. I probably have a mild version, it does effect me and take hold of my life in many ways, yet I don't run to the doctor all the time. I do consider myself one but I don't actually fit the clinical description is what I am trying to say.
My life is filled with a lot of worry, and when I look at the reasons behind it, seems quite obvious that it is the fear of death. It could involve asteroids hitting the earth, ghosts, spirits, disease, etc. However the disease part of it has the greatest effect and grips me the most as I seem to be a pro at manifesting symptoms.
Obvious there is this constant general worry about random aches and pains, but as long as they go away, they are forgotten about most of the time.
Childhood Anxiety Issues (please remember childhood issues are less logical and less researched but I hope it will reinforce the type of person I am)
Scared of not being able to breath - I had an issue for a while where I was struggling to breath, the symptoms simply included feeling like I couldn't take a deep breath. But as I suppose a lot of anxiety sufferers know it's quite difficult to breathe properly when you are monitor it. This lasted a while of (not being able to take a full breath, etc). This actually did involve seeing a doctor and doing a breathing test to check I was fine.
There was a large period where I was scared of tinitus (I think it is called). A ringing in the ears. My uncle told me about it and how some people can go crazy from it. One day when I woke up with ringing in my ears (lots of wax in my ears) I thought I had it and was going crazy. I literally went through a period of a year where I could constantly hear it, was always scared and had to sleep with a radio on so it didn't stress me out.
An even younger example would include caustic paste (I find this example interesting because it's really the same thing as now but to a younger and much simpler mind). My mum opened a i-zone camera and got caustic paste on her hand, It was mentioned at the table that caustic paste burns through you and I think can kill you. I spent the month feeling burns all over my body all the time and thinking I had caustic paste on me.
So these were the more serious issues of my younger years, obviously there was also the constant little things. Such as "Hi Mum, what is lepresy? Do I have it? etc) - However mum was a great help and very knowledgeable and reassuring so she often made me feel better.
Now onto the adult issues
I am now 22, since being an adult I have again have a variety of minor issues but nothing that really gripped my life and caused massive problems like those things did when I was a kid. However in the last few months, I have literally had 2 major issues which are kind of molded together and cause me constant anxiety and I am at the point where I am very frustrated about it and just want it to go.
So...January 10 this year I started training Capoeira, twice a week minimum without fail. For those that don't know, Capoeira is a very intense martial art, a lot of acrobatic movements, etc. Is it very intense on the body. Before this year I spent 3 years doing no sport since I left school. (I am quite athletic but just stopped doing things). I also literally spent all my time on the computer, at work all day and plenty at home to since it's my favourite hobby.
A few months into the year I started getting tension headaches, light, but annoying. I didn't stress out much, since I was also getting lots of neck / back pain and it seemed quite related. I didn't have health cover at the time (just after hitting 21) so I didn't go and see a chairopractor. I also would sometimes get a stabbing pain in my head. When I got up one day and asked a few people "hey you know that stabbing pain you get in your head?" and they said no or not really. I panicked and rushed to a chairopractor. (I should note at this point, I started getting them much more once I was scared about it :) The chairopractor told me that your skull is surrounded by muscles, when your neck is very tight it pulls on them and makes them cramp which causes the stabbing pain. He adjusted me (said I was very tight). I felt a lot better, the tension headaches dissapeared (unless I spent all day playing comptuer, etc) and the stabbing pains did as well, I should admit the fear was also gone.
A couple of months later - I woke up one night with a heart flutter feeling. I don't know if it was real, or if it was dreaming. I should also mention I went to bed very anxious that night, due to reading things about ghosts at 3am, etc. Although I have never had a panic attack in my life (I had seen one just recently though) I was scared I was having one. I tried to get someone to calm me down and I eventually calmed down my breathing and managed to get some sleep. Here however, the thought was now in my head. From that day onwards, I had breathing problems, in the sense that I felt like I couldn't get a deep breath, chest tightness, and sometimes heart flutter feelings as well. I was quite convinced it was in my head however I was also very scared and very stressed, it reached a climax a few days later with the assistance of Google, where I went to see a doctor. He checked my lungs, blood pressure, heart (standard GP stuff). Said it was textbook anxiety and to relax. This helped but not entirely. This mentality of this issue was very severe one night when I was away from home in the city at a party, where I spent most of the night freaking out until I finally got drunk enough to dance the night away, lol). This went on to effect my capoeira, I started noticing that after I start training I feel my heart beating very past (I can still train as long as normal, but my heart feels unnaturally fast to quickly). I am sure this is simply me noticing something I never noticed before, but it fuels the thoughts nonetheless. I should admit I did manage to relatively beat this, but as most of you know, they stay with us forever. I still notice my heart beating fast sometimes, I still sometimes feel the trouble having a deep breath but need to pause and re-normalize my breathing. Also most frustrating is whenever I lie oddly, for example with my lower body elevated above my chest, I feel a tightness in my chest which feels very awkward and makes me stress. HOWEVER - This issue seems to be relatively defeated now.
The issue that is now the source of my trouble is based around the original tension headaches / stabbing pains. Basically, tension headaches seem to have now become a normal thing for me (Always for GOOD reason).
Such as if I get poor sleep, I wake up with a tight head / light pressure for a bit or some pains here and there. Or if I spend all day on the computer. Even reading this now as I type this, it seems completely normal, but it wasn't before...or at least I didn't NOTICE it.
Basically I went to a capoeira workshop / competition and trained very hard. I was very tight and in pain from this. During my adjustment in an attempt to alleviate any fears I might have, I asked the chairopractor the below question.
"Do you think I should worry about the headaches now? Is there any need to see a doctor?"
Her response and what I believe to be the source of my current ails was,
"No, it all seems related, you are very tight and tense. However although superbly unlikely, legally I need to mention other options. There is a near impossible possibility that you could have a growth on the brain stem, and me adjusting you could be releaving the pressure which makes the headaches go away."
Looking back...At this point my stabbing pains now became the focus of my worries. From literally this day, they increased ten fold. I get them through most of the day now on and off and my stress was increased dramatically.
I decided to take 2 weeks off capoeira, my chairopractor mentioned I am probably over training. During my period of seeing her I never took any time off capoeira. I took 2 weeks off with the hopes of HUGE chances and feeling like a superhuman after it ended. Well guess what, it didn't. I feel the same. I get back pains, some chest pains and of course the head pains. The chairo confirms I am very tight, in the upper neck area (which causes head pains) as well as the back, shoulders, chest area. However it isn't releasing as easily as it should. Upon advising of my anxiety, she believes that is most likely contributing to the muscle tension and the fact that the tension won't release properly after an adjustment in these certain areas.
I should advise this pain isn't debilitating. I don't even need to take mediciation for it. But it is there and it reminds me of my fears, and I am stressed about it. As far as I know, there are no diseases which could cause muscle tightness, but I can't let go of my fear. Most of the time I am quite confident that this is mental, but I have my little moments of 'what if?'
What should I do? Does anyone have the same experience? I decided if it is not gone next week I am going to train full time. Do any of the symptoms sound worrying? It is only the head and chest pain that stresses me out. The back isn't a worry, and the breathing seems to be have proven itself a mental issue. I have trouble relating to most stuff I read online because they are EXTREME examples and also although these are SYMPTOMS of anxiety, these are the symptoms of my fears as well, which only came about strongly AFTER the fear if that make sense. So I find it hard to say that I am experiencing this because of anxiety as most of it never happened before.
SORRY FOR THE RANT ... Peace
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Topic: My Anxiety Issues ! (First forum post) (Read 298 times)
February 05, 2007, 08:47:42 AM
