RM's girlfriend - trying to cope

[RMgf]

Hi,

My boyfriend posted a while ago about how to help someone who is a hypochondriac...he showed me his post and it really made me realize my semi-irrational behaviour. However, I have been unable to break the trend as I still feel something is wrong with me; as i rule one thing out I just give myself something else to worry about. Any helpful comments would be great from people who have more experience dealing with this form of anxiety than me - i have been only displaying hypochondriatic behaviour for over three months and I even can't believe myself sometimes.

It all started in  March when I got some abnormal bleeding between periods and very sore breasts - immediately i thought i was pregnant (and having had an abortion before I guess this really upset me)...I waited until the end of my cycle and did the pregnancy test - not pregnant. I decided it was a one time thing, and in my next cycle the spotting came back. This time i went to the emergency room as i was freaked out (i was also having crazy bouts of diarrhea and sore breasts again) --> they did a pregnancy test again, not pregnant. No Stds either. The Dr said it was probably just my birth control. I had to finish that cycle before i switched birth control - the next few weeks were crazy with me thinking I had everything from a brain tumour (my grandma had a benign one), multiple sclerosis (my other grandma had that), to ALS. I became very distant and became obsessed with poking and prodding different parts of my body to see if they were painful. At thsi time i also developed a pain in my leg. I also had blood tests and stool tests done - all came back fine.

I switched my birth control - the first cycle was just great, no spotting. However, second cycle my sore breasts came back along with spotting and a few weeks of diarrhea (the diarrhea is very related to my cycle...). Anyways, I went back to the doctor who did a pelvic exam and a pap smear (i had convinced myself i had either cervical cancer or ovarian cancer and a tumour was pushing up against a nerve and causing the pain in my leg). The doctor also ordered an ultra sound for me, even though she said it was probably all hormonal. I have not heard back yet about that - which i take as a very good thing! I also asked the doctor to conduct a CA-125 blood test and that came back fine and all my blood work came back fine once again.

SO now, while my diarrhea has gone for the time being, i have decided that i must have a bone tumour that is causing the pain in my leg (perhaps osteosarcoma in my pelvis or something. An aunt of mine died of bone cancer  and it first appeared as her right breast feeling strangely harder than her left (now i obsess checking my breasts to see if they feel the same). I am going back to the doctor on friday to get the results of my ultra sound and i just know that i cannot believe that the pain in my leg is being caused by a pinched sciatic nerve and it must be something else! I have also just recently become obsessed with some small bumps on the right side of my lower back (my new area of prodding)....and i think that they really must be cancerous! I am also an obsessive googler - and seeing strange/rare cases people have gone through makes me assume that I also have that (and yes, still sure i have some sort of tumour growing on my pelvic bone right now that has not been detected)

I am having trouble with understanding how this just cannot be anything serious! Its not that i am unable to function, i just have this fear that i have some form of cancer that is slowly having its way with me. I am scared. My boyfriend RM has been so great to me and I hate to see him putting up with me - but i just cannot stop.

Anyways, i read the posts your wrote to RM and would really appreciate any words of wisdom right now.

Thanks guys

RMgf

[Xalatimo]

Hi, just because you know what is causing the problem it doesnt mean it will go away.  it helps to know what it is, and that is 50% of the solution, but the other 50% is actually getting rid of the anxiety causing it.  this will take some work.  because everytime you fear you have a disease, you go to the hospital or you freak out, and this feeds the anxiety, and it grows.  the trick is to ignore the anxiety until it dies.  the way to do this is say yes i may have a problem with my kidneys, but ive been wrong 100 times before and im probably wrong again so ignore it, eventually it will pass, i think this will help you become less impulsive and less anxious, try it trust me you will be fine.  its all in the mind and how you deal with the anxiety.  at first its gona be hard, because you are so used to feeding the anxiety, but when you are feeling you are dying of a disease, just remember you are not, you are young and healthy its your anxiety, trust me. and you have bf to turn to when in doubt. just remember no disease is gona kill you in 1 months time anyway, so try to relax.  the 2nd part of this is medications that relax you, or medications that change the chemistry of the brain so that you wont be anxious.  Good luck!

[Ann Onimous]

I think you just have to start looking at things logically. Spotting is very normal. Most women do it every month. I think wanting to be pregnant triggered this and maybe you should see a counselor to help you deal with that. I know it can be very hard, but I think when these obsessive thoughts start to happen you need to just slow down and talk yourself down. Start using rational thinking to help you talk yourself down (and maybe a counselor can help teach you how to do that if you cant). That would be my advise. 

Xalatimo you gave really good advise. What confuses me is how you can give such great advice and then I read some of your other posts and you cant give yourself the same great advice. I think it might be a good idea to reread some of your posts to other people next time your having a problem because the advice you give is really good. I guess sometimes we just cant use it on ourselves. 

[Xalatimo]

Lol that is the most ironic thing i think in this forum.  everyone gives really great advice, and the next minute they are on, asking questions about a disorder...we all do it.  we can give advice but we cant put it to use :)

[RM]

After my post a couple of weeks back, my girlfriend (RMgf) promised she'd keep a journal, but has now only written in it once.  Does anyone think the journal thing even helps?

[Xalatimo]

Yes, it will show detailed and  concrete evidence of everything she claims is happening to hear.  It might not seem like much, but after a couple months, you will start to see a pattern.  For example, different disease every day, each time she was 100% sure she was dying, and each time, it will show that she was wrong, and its right there written down on paper.  You can even keep statistics.  Like when she moves on to the next disease, you can write 0 for 1.  like a batting average.  eventually she will be 0 for 125.  So hopefully in the end she will realize this.  it wont cure her but its just another thing to help her once she gets her anxiety down to  be able to think rationally

[Ann Onimous]

What Xalatimo wrote is exactly what I was gona say. If you can get her to write stuff down (or maybe you can keep a journal of your own of each thing she goes through). Either way its gona be a pattern she will soon be able to see and hopefully will learn from it that when the next thing comes she is fine and doesnt have to freak out over every little thing. I think she needs to get into see a counselor ASAP and they will suggest she keeps a written journal of some sorts. If she wont commit to it, as I said I think you should write down every time she does this stuff and then you can go over it with her after you have a history, or at least have something to share with the counselor. I hope she gets better because this can really take over and control her life (and not in a good way). I would suggest you keep her OFF of google also. I know I have to stay off of it for my own sanity.

[Kate1982]

RM,
A journal probably isn't going to help much (probably wouldn't hurt much either) unless she is using it in conjunction with some form of therapy.  Just knowing what it is you're feeling or finding a pattern won't actually get rid of the anxiety by itself.  She has to learn the skills to overcome her anxiety with the help of a professional.  I'm speculating here but I can imagine that it must feel frustrating for you because you probably want to help her but are maybe feeling overwhelmed and even helpless.   The best things you can do are to try and be patient, be as supportive as possible, listen to her concerns and encourage her to get help.  Don't however get so wrapped up in her problems that you forget to take care of yourself.  If you need to vent then find a friend, come on here, keep a journal for yourself.  Make time for yourself too.  I hope you both get the support and healing you need.