my life is a wreck.

[e.fogarty]

Hi, I'm new here and I figured since I am always so busy to talk to a professional it might help or rather be more beneficial to talk to people who are in a similar situation.  In a nutshell I had super ventricular tachycardia and 3 years ago I had a catheter ablation to fix it.  Then 6 months later I had a pulmonary embolism and was hospitalized.  Ever since then I have been in and out of the hospital with sinus tachycardia (elevated heart rate) for the past 2 years.  My heart goes up to 180+ and it's really scary, the doctors can't figure out what's wrong.  I'm on so much medication and it makes my blood pressure really low so I get dizzy and always think im dying.  I don't think I go 5 minutes without thinking about something to do with my health.  If i have a headache, it's brain cancer, blood clot or an aneurysm.  If my leg hurts it's DVT.  If my side hurts it's my gall bladder, appendix, or kidneys.  I have severe panic attacks about this and have been on Klonopin for over 2 years just so I can function.  Once the panic attacks start I start having trouble breathing and then convince myself I'm having another pulmonary embolism.  My doctor once told me that if I eat too much it will aggravate my heart condition.  Everytime I eat I think I make my heart race just by thinking about it.  I hate eating now.  My father died of a heart attack very suddenly in his mid 30s so that in addition to my unfortunate medical history I think gives me good reason to have health anxiety.  It is taking over my life.  The worst part of it all is that I am 20 years old.  I've missed so much college and so much of my life because I'm too anxious and scared I'm going to die.  I won't go out with my friends for fear that I may have to go to the hospital for something.  I can't live like this anymore.  I don't remember what it feels like to feel good anymore.  I'm crying as I'm writing this...I just want to be a normal 20 year old girl and not be worrying about cancer and blood clots and heart attacks.  Any advice...please.

[kgirl]

I just want you to know that you are not alone! I am obsessed with my health and NOBODY can convince me that I don't have MS (that is the disease that I fear and obsess about the most!!!) I have had terrible episodes of aching, twitching, tingling, blurred and distorted vision, etc..... I was on Zoloft and it worked well but now I am off of it b/c I want to have another baby. NIGHTMARE.....I had a dizzy spell about 7 weeks ago - I worried about it so much that I began to feel dizzy and off-balance on a constant basis. Now I am having tingling, twitching, etc...all over again in addition to the constant dizziness. So, in a nutshell - I know how you feel. I sooo badly want my life back. I feel as if I will never feel like myself again - I have forgotten what it feels like to fee normal. Your elevated heart rate is most likely all part of your HA. I know it is easy to say, but not easy to believe b/c I do the same thing - I just can't believe that you can make yourself so anxious that these physical things happen....BUT IT IS TRUE!!!!! I am sooo sorry that you are having such a terrible time - but you are not alone and I wanted you to know that. I did order a book and I am going to try to read it and see if it helps - it is called "It's not all in you head....how obsessing about your health could be making you sick." It is worth a try. I live for my short moments of relief - not that the strange dizzy and off-balance feeling ever goes away - but there are times when for some reason I am able to focus less on it - these are few and far between and don't last long - mainly b/c if I don't feel anxious and I am still feeling it then I think _"well, if anxiety is causing it, then why do I feel it when I don't even feel anxious." My psychiatrist says that my label is OCD and health is the obsession - isn't that the truth - it is all I think about! hang in there!!!

[e.fogarty]

ugh thank you so much.  i also really try to live for the moments when i'm feeling halfway decent.  i try to tell myself it's all in my head but then what happens if something is really wrong? and what if i just brush it off as an anxiety attack?  i just never know when to draw the line...but god once i cross that line, i'm a complete nut job convinced that i should be scouting burial plots instead of graduate school.  terribleeeeeee :)

[kgirl]

I know what you mean - it is just sooo hard not to play the "what if" game!!!! Have you ever tired medication - it gave me my life back and I am trying sooo hard to not take it so that I can hopefully get pregnant again. BUT.....the last time I started meds was during a bad aching, funny feeling all over, twitching, tingling, episode and I was sooo scared that if the Zoloft did not work that it would only confirm my worst fears that I did in fact have MS. It did work and I was NORMAL!!! Now I am already thinking - what if I go back on the meds and I am still dizzy????
Does it ever end?????? I know some of it is mind over matter - but gosh!! That is sooo hard for people with anxiety disorders!

[brandytaj]

Hey there -- I'm another 'heart' HAer.  I'm always afraid of having a heart attack and I also have 'mystery' sinus tachycardia.  At this point I'm getting to the level that I accept that it's panic induced.

I've missed so much -- even still.  I don't lay down flat at night because I can get palpitations, I don't exercise, I won't go anywhere thats really uphill or anything out of fear.  It sucks.

I've gotten progressively better though by chatting with others and realizing that this HA is in my mind.  It's better for me to be healthy and not good at all to be so anxious!

Hang in there :)

[e.fogarty]

ugh i know exactly what you mean...i have the same 'mystery' sinus tachycardia..
i don't do sports anymore, i feel like crap when i walk up stairs...
lately the eating thing has been really bothering me...i've been getting anxiety about eating too much and it bothering my heart.  i went to the doctor today and i lost 10 lbs in the past 4 weeks.  and trust me i did not need to lose weight.  i now barely weigh 90 lbs.  so now i have to go eat these weird ensure puddings or something...i can't take this