First of all...Coldhands!! That post was awesome :)
I completely understand where you are right now. I've so been there. Thank you for letting me know that something I said helped you. That's why I stay around here. I'm at a point in my life now where I've made peace with my anxiety/HA.
I still have "moments" that come and try to steal my peace, but I don't let it take hold anymore.
I think that what helped me the most is I got MAD.
I was MAD that HA was causing me to not be the woman of God, mother, wife, sister, daughter, that I was created to be.
I was MAD that HA had stolen so many moments, opportunities, memories.
I always laid it all out on the table with God. He knew my doubts, my fears, my struggles. I think that he knows our hearts. He knows what is going through our minds in our deepest moments of fear. He doesn't expect us to never have fear, but he does expect us to reach out to him.
I finally accepted that, YES I will die one day. Whether I die from one of my biggest HA fears, or I get hit by a bus...the fact remains I'm going to die. I can not control that. BUT, what I can control is how I live all the days in between.
I also thought of my daughters, and of course I love them SO much and want to see them grow up. But, guess what THEY ARE GROWING UP...right now!! And all this time that I wasted not really "being there" with them, was time that was given to me to watch them grow. I refused to miss anymore of that....
Once we accept that we don't and can't have "control" over the day we die, we can release the false thinking that tells us.."if I just stay on top of these symptoms, I'll be able to keep anything really bad from happening".
That is a "false" statement. We can't control that. Being that you are a believer, you know that if it's God's will, whether you are diagnosed with Stage 1 or Stage 4 cancer...you live, or die, according to his will. So why fool ourselves into thinking otherwise?
Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't take care of yourself and be healthy, eat healthy, exercise, etc. I believe we should do what's in our power (our part) at taking care of our bodies...but beyond that, we can't do anything. Let it go. :)
Anyways, I know I babbled a lot. But, I just wanted you to know that I'm here. PM me if you need to talk. And know that there is hope. I haven't had a major HA episode in almost 2 years. I'm just not going to let it steal my life anymore :)
Oh and as far as the original poster saying that they have heard that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle"....I believe that verse means "more than we can handle, WITHOUT HIM". WITH him, we can handle any situation given to us.
Merry Christmas!!! I hope you allow yourself to enjoy this season :)