"I love you"

[GlimmerOH]

When is the last time you heard someone tell you this?  When is the last time you used this phrase?

I make sure to let my children and husband know this everyday.  Multiple times a day (when I'm in a good mood, lol).  My husband grew up in a family where it was 'implied' and they didn't want to 'overuse' it or cheapen the meaning.  I grew up in a family where it was used liberally, and meant each time.

It's still hard for my husband to say these words to his parents, and when he tries, his mother turns pink and changes the subject.....then later says, "you don't have to say that, I already know it."  Instead of returning the words. 

Do you use these words in your home?  With your parents?  I guess I always assumed that children hear this often in their upbringing, but I'm learning each day that that is not so.

[camel]

Good point

I try to say it every now and again to family. I should say it more.
But I did say it to a very good and close friend of mine tonight. To let her know that I love her as a person and friend, and she said it back. It always feels good to say it and to hear it.

We should all say it more often (and mean it of course lol)

[GenSec]

A very interesting topic.

Scottish folk in general do tend to make an ***** of you if you go in for soppy emotional stuff, lol. Especially the word "love". Neither of my parents families used the "love" word. Not even amongst themselves. It was quickly ridiculed if ever used. It didn't cause embarrasment: rather, it resulted in scorn which prevented you from saying it again. My father's side never showed emotion of any sort but my mother's family were happy to give hugs, oddly enough. Love tended to be spoken via a silent hug or some other form of physical reassurance, not words.

My father never used the word towards me, that i do know with certainty. My mother last used the word love towards me.... must be years ago now. I cannot remember when. Its been so long ago. But it would be years we are talking about here.

I don't use the word neither. Its been years. Maybe even 10 years ago. I know it was last used towards my mum. But God knows when.

I could count on one hand how many times i have said the word to somebody, and count on one hand how many times it has been said to me.

[GenSec]

sorry double post.

[sixpack]

you know when your kids are little 12 and under, you hear it and say it all the time.  then puberty comes along and those cuddly kids don't want to hear (or try to avoid hearing it, lol) and refuse to say it.  lol.  However they still get "tortured" by my saying it.  The thing is, they Do want to hear it cuz being a teen is hard and sometimes not much fun.  Hubs and I tell each other all the time.

[GlimmerOH]

Six, that's so true that teenagers need it the most!  Even if on the outside they cringe, you know their heart swells to hear it and know that you are willing to say it regardless of how it's received.

I don't think my mother-in-law's response of turning pink was out of embarrassment, I think it was one of Joy...she just didn't know what to do with it.  lol!  Just as you can get out of practice using the phrase, you can work it back into your life.  The results are worth the effort. 

[sixpack]

oh your mom in law is probably a bit surprised by hearing it.  My mom in law and I share the sentiment often.  It is so lovely hearing it, while you may know it already.

[Cuchculan]

We're a bit like the Scottish. We might not say ' I love you '. But we would use the word love when talking to a female friend. Like ' how's my love today '. Be they married or not. Just a common word here used in a few different ways. You might use it even to an older stranger. ' Are you ok love '. It is very seldom you actually hear the words ' I love you '. Differs from country to country.

[Zaelaura]

It was pretty much never said in our household when I was a kid. We didn't do physical affection, either. You might occasionally get "I love you" in a letter while you were away at a relative's house for the summer or something.

When I got older and realized that other families showed compassion and that kind of casual intimacy, I really felt like I had missed out on a very basic but important form of bonding. In my home, we express love with words and hugs and kisses several times a day, and always before departing from each others company (like bed time, school, etc). They might find it embarrassing when they get older, but I never give them reason to feel grossed out or embarrassed by affection.

[jane134]

I don't ever remember  hearing those words when i was growing up. Affection wasn't really shown. I have a huge problem showing any affection to my family - it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

I tell my husband and  son that i love them all the time. I will hug my mother in law and tell her i love her with no problems whatsoever. My in-laws are very affectionate and i feel comfortable to do that with them. Maybe the reason i have a problem with my own family is because i think it would make THEM uncomfortable. Who knows. *shrug*.

[sixpack]

what is WITH all you UKers?????     so many seem not say I love you....

[Cuchculan]

Don't insult me, I am Irish and I love you Sixpack. 

[sixpack]

Don't insult me, I am Irish and I love you Sixpack. 

ooops sorry    and aww thanks cuch!  I luvs you too   

which reminds me of a comedian I heard the other day--he took his kid to London.  He said he wanted to take a taxi around to show his son the important points of interest but was concerned he didn't allow enough time.  He said it was no worries because he got a Scottish driver.  It only took 10 minutes.  The scotsman saying--Buckingham Palace????  I wouldn't be caught dead there.  LOL

[Cuchculan]

LMAO Six. Nice one.

I best not forget to mention Tam. The love of my life. Or she will get the whip out. Oh wait. Maybe that is a good idea. Thinks about that one. Tam ' I love you '. Now Cam will be on my case. Wanting some man love. 

[sixpack]

LMAO Six. Nice one.

I best not forget to mention Tam. The love of my life. Or she will get the whip out. Oh wait. Maybe that is a good idea. Thinks about that one. Tam ' I love you '. Now Cam will be on my case. Wanting some man love. 

man hope you are not spreading yourself too thin.

[tinam7]

This thread has given me much food for thought. We, of course, grew up with no such love words. If we had a roof over the head, food on the table, some semblance of safety, we got to Step #2 on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Maybe #3 (love), but very little overt indicators. The words were never spoken. I think the frequently spoken "I Love You's" are of recent vintage. Sometimes I've been taken aback by the almost consistent endings of conversations with that refrain.

What do the words mean? Did I short my children because I know the words were not rolling off us in those days? Will they end up on couches with shrinks wondering "did they love us?" I'm going to have to open up this can of possible worms with them.

[sixpack]

This thread has given me much food for thought. We, of course, grew up with no such love words. If we had a roof over the head, food on the table, some semblance of safety, we got to Step #2 on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Maybe #3 (love), but very little overt indicators. The words were never spoken. I think the frequently spoken "I Love You's" are of recent vintage. Sometimes I've been taken aback by the almost consistent endings of conversations with that refrain.

What do the words mean? Did I short my children because I know the words were not rolling off us in those days? Will they end up on couches with shrinks wondering "did they love us?" I'm going to have to open up this can of possible worms with them.

tina you grew up in a different time--lots of tumult and depression era.  My mom is about your age.  I know her fam had their own extreme troubles.  For her, as a result, IDK my mom was very affectionate word wise and physically. But she grew up with emotional abuse so....  However I wouldn't put in any worry that you didn't say "I love you" to your kids all of the time.

[tinam7]

Am not really too worried because, in fact, I know our children were very much loved. But I will bring it up.

Maybe what I don't know is how much actions and behaviors mean as compared to the words. For myself, in truth, I'd rather someone show me they love me with the way I'm treated and considered and appreciated. What could be influencing me is the cardinal rule in writing, for example. The rule is to show with the telling left out or only inferred. What I also don't know is what impact the repetitive telling has when circumstances and people change and the telling is not there either. So it continues to be food for thought.

[Zaelaura]

I think the bonding is the essential thing... I don't think that the words themselves mean anything special regardless of how often they are used. My parents were not the best at creating a safe habitat, investing their time in our lives, or consoling us. For me, the vocal and physical affection is just my way of expressing to my own children that they have that whether things are good or bad... a reminder to them I suppose. It probably means much more for me than it does for them. I don't think that a lack of vocalization would have harmed your children.

[peepo23]

What about the idea that self-actualization requires unconditional positive regard? Gosh how psychology can be vulnerable to depressing corporate-speak.

[AdrienneK]

I say it all the time.  I never heard it from my mother so I make sure my kids hear it multiple times throughout the day.  And I mean it.  And the know it and tell me all day long they love me.  Nothing better.  However, I do feel wehn it comes to significant others, this is much different.  It is either not said because it is not meant or it is thrown around loosely.  Hearing it and feeling it are completely different.

[tinam7]

Never heard it but never expected it either. That was many years ago.

Yes, bonding is the essential thing. I bonded in terror over the responsibility. How did I ever get through that part of life? Wonder what mistakes I made and so pester them. Now I have something new to bring up. I'll start saying "I Love You's." They won't know what hit them.

Who gets to reach self-actualization? I'm still searching for safety.

[GenSec]

I think the frequently spoken "I Love You's" are of recent vintage. Sometimes I've been taken aback by the almost consistent endings of conversations with that refrain.

A long time ago there was a member here who started using the word "love" when i would speak to him. Call me prudish, but to me love is a serious word and not to be taken lightly. It shouldn't be thrown about otherwise it loses its meaning. I think alot of emotions, and the words used to convey those feelings, have been cheapened in recent years and lowered as a result. They've lost their value and the word "love" in particular is bandied about for any reason, flippantly, in many a conversation.

One day i asked him directly when he used it towards me again in the chatroom (this was probably last year) - please, don't use the love word when speaking to me. I explained why. The word may not have had the same value or impact in his understanding of its applicable usage, but it meant more than that to me and its increasing frequency in our conversations by him towards myself made me uncomfortable. Regardless, his response was simply never to speak to me again. Oh well!

[peepo23]

I think the frequently spoken "I Love You's" are of recent vintage. Sometimes I've been taken aback by the almost consistent endings of conversations with that refrain.

A long time ago there was a member here who started using the word "love" when i would speak to him. Call me prudish, but to me love is a serious word and not to be taken lightly. It shouldn't be thrown about otherwise it loses its meaning. I think alot of emotions, and the words used to convey those feelings, have been cheapened in recent years and lowered as a result. They've lost their value and the word "love" in particular is bandied about for any reason, flippantly, in many a conversation.

One day i asked him directly when he used it towards me again in the chatroom (this was probably last year) - please, don't use the love word when speaking to me. I explained why. The word may not have had the same value or impact in his understanding of its applicable usage, but it meant more than that to me and its increasing frequency in our conversations by him towards myself made me uncomfortable. Regardless, his response was simply never to speak to me again. Oh well!

Poor old Carryon, he was only trying to reach out!

[sixpack]

I think the frequently spoken "I Love You's" are of recent vintage. Sometimes I've been taken aback by the almost consistent endings of conversations with that refrain.

A long time ago there was a member here who started using the word "love" when i would speak to him. Call me prudish, but to me love is a serious word and not to be taken lightly. It shouldn't be thrown about otherwise it loses its meaning. I think alot of emotions, and the words used to convey those feelings, have been cheapened in recent years and lowered as a result. They've lost their value and the word "love" in particular is bandied about for any reason, flippantly, in many a conversation.

One day i asked him directly when he used it towards me again in the chatroom (this was probably last year) - please, don't use the love word when speaking to me. I explained why. The word may not have had the same value or impact in his understanding of its applicable usage, but it meant more than that to me and its increasing frequency in our conversations by him towards myself made me uncomfortable. Regardless, his response was simply never to speak to me again. Oh well!

Poor old Carryon, he was only trying to reach out!

lmao, lmao