Wife is obsessed with home cleanliness

[spiroc]

I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice.

My wife is a wonderful woman and very meticulous but not to a fault, except in this case.  The bottom line is that she forbids us from having friends over unless we pay a maid to come clean the house first or she must spend a full day or longer cleaning before they come. 

I've tried to explain to her that our friends really don't care that much about the meticulousness of our home and a touch up is sufficient but she absolutely refuses.

As a result, it's difficult to maintain relationships with others because everything has to be coordinated between having money to pay a maid or a day or more to clean before we can have anyone over.  Often we are invited to other's homes but can't ever reciprocate so they begin to feel that perhaps we are not as interested in spending time with them as they are with us.

My wife insists her behaviour is totally normal and all her friends are the same way, but she refuses to let us engage anyone in conversation about it.  She insists that the she already knows that the answer is that they do the same thing as her and that they won't tell the truth about it.

Thoughts?  Am I the one seeing things wrong here?  If not, what can I do to help her gain insight?

Thanks,
spiroc

[evilmoose]

I clean all the time!!!!! I have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.  Which means I clean all the time, my house will shine and sparkle and I still hate when people come in my house.  It is a very uncomfortable feeling for me.  I can understand how your wife feels.  Has she been diagnosed with anything or go to therapy?   I kind of sounds like she is in denial about her situation.  I have been in therapy for 3 months now dealing with my OCPD and my Bipolar.  I think if you can start to get to the underling problem it will help.
One other thing.  I try to leave the house by leaving one thing messy.  It is very, very hard for me to do but I know I have to do it.  I will leave some of the kid’s toys on the floor or a dirty dish in the sink.  It really helps along with therapy.