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Author Topic: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder  (Read 124089 times)

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Offline Rachel_k

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #585 on: February 15, 2014, 03:19:27 PM »
I admire you all for your courage, I have tried my hardest to forget what is the worst part of my life. But today I will share my story.

April 2011- it was a sunday and the start of a weeks annual leave with my partner. I decided to get a bath before having some lunch. I got out of the bath and leant over to clean the tub. All if a sudden a pain in my head, and my head suddenly just dropped (just missing the tub). I tried to stand myself up as I was now lying naked on the bathroom floor. I couldn't get up, dizziness took over, nausea followed soon after. I screamed for my partner, who came in and scooped me off the floor and carried me into my dressing room. My head was spinning, either that or the room was. All of a sudden my life force was drained, sweat pouring off me, i couldn't talk and couldn't even hold my head up... ( i had never experiences anything so traumatising in my life)

I had to be taken to a&e, my partner had managed to dress me like you would a child. I couldn't do anything except hold the bucket that I was violently being sick into and by this point, it was blood i was throwing up. When we got to a&e my partner had to get them to come out with a wheel chair, it was humiliating. There i am in a and e being violently sick and I could tell people were staring. I was rushed through, blood pressure was dangerous and they admitted to a ward, where I was given fluids, anti sickness meds and monitored. the whole experience completely traumatising. This is what made it 100x worse...... ok so Get this, super low blood pressure- still vomiting and cant even hold me head up... And they discharged me. Yes they sent me home and I was left to carry this on for the whole day and night- I couldn't lie down so no sleep came to me, just sat there terrified holding my sick bucket like it was a life line.... like this at home.

The hospital They said it was a freak incident. The Next sunday, due back in work the following day- as I lay down- to go to sleep.... it started again. Dizziness, vomiting, room spinning, inability to even crawl, another night awake hugging my bucket.... So  I am taken to gp the following day... They tell me... A freak one off incident (even though this is twice in a week). This is when anxiety crept in, I didn't even realise it until it was too late... When I finally went back to work after a few days off. I was nervous and my other half was working away. my mum stayed at my flat with me and she came on train to work with me.... I was terrified I would collapse again. i mean they said it was a one off and it happened twice.....  by the time I got to work I had bad palpitations, I was being sick, I had a horrendous headache and dizziness. Then Im ended up in a taxi straight home.

I developed IBS-D, tension headaches, social anxiety and a mild case of agoraphobia. I was at the doctors every week, sent for camera procedures, ct scans, referred to neurologists, gastroentologists etc. I argued it wasn't stress related. It took me 12 months to realise It was all as a result of anxiety. My family tried to sympathise, they claimed to understand, they pushed me to 'get over' it. But all it did was agitate me. They couldn't understand no matter how much they tried..... In the end I tried therapy..... But after a few sessions I realised I was my own worst enemy, I was the one obsessing, I was harbouring negative thoughts...

 So here I am a few years later. After  pushing myself to go places on my own and gradually increase the scare factor of each trip I am sooo much better. Okay I do have those moments of terror every now and then but i have relaxation tapes on my phone. I also know all those little things I do subconsciously when I am getting nervous, it helps me catch it early. I am still socially anxious and I am still not the person I once was..... But I have come a long way, I can now accept that what happened was out of my control, and I am confident that I can still one day slay this monster which has a grip on me...
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Offline bluecanary

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #586 on: February 25, 2014, 04:05:26 PM »
I sort of posted some of this in my introductory thread, but I was focusing on more recent events. Anyway, I'll try to keep this brief, but rambling is one of my many quirks, so I can't make any promises.

I've suffered from anxiety my entire life, and I'm not really sure why. From the time I was a child, I had what I guess you could call social anxiety. I was painfully shy, even around my extended family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.). Eventually, I grew out of it, but I started exhibiting symptoms of OCD, although I wasn't aware that was what it was at the time. I was terrified of the idea of vomiting. I made my mother promise me every day when she dropped me off at school that I wasn't going to get sick that day (how could she possibly know that??). I somehow became afraid of the number three, and anything that happened in multiples of threes, to the point where, when I did papers at school, I would count the number of words on every line of my paper to make sure that there weren't any lines that had words numbering in multiples of three. If they did, I'd try to squeeze an extra word in, or erase/scribble out a word and rewrite it on the next line. I also had "harm" obsessions - I'd get images in my head of bad things happening to my loved ones or pets. They'd just pop in without warning and frighten and upset me.

I think it was about high school by the time this sort of behavior leveled off. That, I think, was the time when I was happiest and most "well-adjusted," so to speak. While I've always been a bit of a worrier, anxiety really didn't take over again until I was in college. I was home for break between semesters, and for some reason, I suddenly became aware one day that it felt almost like there was a strange sort of lens or invisible barrier between me and the rest of the world. Everything felt different and I didn't know why. I experienced panic attacks. I became nauseous and couldn't eat. I had a hard time sleeping at night, and then would get very sleepy in the middle of the day. I saw a doctor, who diagnosed me with depression and put me on Prozac and Xanax. I saw a handful of therapists, who were varying degrees of helpful. I was always holding something back, though - I thought if I told them my full extent of fears and strange thoughts, they would throw me in a mental hospital. On the rare occasions when I did really open up, I got a couple of odd responses. For instance, I was feeling very panicky one day and looked at a stuffed animal, which was basically positioned so that it was "staring" at me. Because I was already feeling so anxious, it kind of freaked me out. It wasn't as though I thought it was going to come alive and eat my head or anything. Just something about it being there was making me uneasy. The therapist I told that one to raised an eyebrow. You never want to make a therapist raise an eyebrow. Another time, I told a different therapist that I'd had a hard time getting over an old boyfriend of mine (we had broken up a couple of years earlier and hadn't seen each other since, as we were living in different states, but still kept in contact now and then), and she actually accused me of having a "fatal attraction." Mind you, this is the man who ended up reaching out to me a few years later and asking if we could give it another try. I'd say we've got a pretty healthy relationship - we're getting married in June. I feel a little bit smug about the therapist having been way off on that one.   :P

It's hard to put my anxiety into words, when thoughts are racing through my head that I can't begin to make sense of, much less explain, but I think mostly what it boils down to is that I've got a huge amount of health anxiety, both mental and physical. I get migraines, so I'm constantly terrified of being out somewhere in public and getting one, and not being able to get home. I worry about every little twinge and pain I feel - what if it's something serious? The idea of cancer scares the crap out of me - I know many people who have died from it. The mental component is the biggest part though, I think. If I see something out of the corner of my eye or hear a faint sound, I think I'm hallucinating. I'm afraid of "going crazy," that I'll end up in a mental institution for life. I'm obsessed with the idea that there's something horribly wrong with me, although I have a hard time putting a finger on what that "something" is. After we get married, my fiance and I are planning on starting a family fairly soon, since we're both in our thirties and would like a few kids. I'm afraid that I can't take care of myself, that I won't be able to take care of a family, that I'll be a horrible mother.

I found this site after doing a Google search for "can anxiety cause psychosis," so you can guess what my frame of mind is at the moment. I'm hoping to connect with people who have had similar experiences, since I think not feeling alone is a big part of what most of us anxiety suffers are searching for, and maybe to get some reassurance that I'm not really as crazy as I seem to be convinced that I am, and perhaps even come up with some coping strategies. Here's hoping.  :action-smiley-065:
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Offline ana271288

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #587 on: March 08, 2014, 12:34:14 AM »
I read all of ur stories so heres mine, i started to feel bad when i was almost 9 years old, i've always been a very nervous person but the diagnose came after 6months of tests, hospitals, doctors, fear,loneliness, and negative thoughts. I wasnt eating or sleeping, all i knew was a desperation feeling... All day, all night. My parents drove me to the hospital, and there, the doctors said that i just had gastritis, they gave some medication and send me home, bit things didnt got any better, i literally stop eating because i was afraid of throwing up, and didnt know why..... At nights, sleep was not an option: "if i fell asleep something is gonna happen to me" "im feeling nauseas, but something even worse isgonna happen if i throw up", " i wanna scream" " i wanna die", those were muy night thoughts. Muy parents thought that i had to stay in the hospital, so i did, for 6 months the hospital was my Home, and the doxtors, they decided that the best thing was to run every single test they knew, i was miserable, i was only 9 , my only pray to god was: "please, the only thing i need is not to feel desperate, i wanna sleep, even if i have to sleep forever" . After 5-6 months the drs decided that it was  time to  feed me using a tube, so they did, i got into the or and came out with a strange tube coming out my stomach, at that point i was lost, desperate and i wasnt feeling me anymore. But one day , a doctor came to me, a psychiatrist finally saw me and said the key word: anxiety. I started muy medication: sertraline and rivotril, magically i was able to sleep again.  I got Home after 6 months feeling like me again , of course i started therapy, i used the medication for two years, But at some point was able to say : fu&k you  to the food tube and started a new life, now, im 25, and had to admit that the struggle contin˙es, not at that level, not every day, not un the same way but there r moments in my life when my old friend appears again, but  now is easier for me to say: fu%k u anxiety, im stronger than u
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Offline AmandaH33

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #588 on: March 14, 2014, 03:25:44 PM »
Ok, Here's my story..

I was 17 years old when I first experienced a panic attack, it was the most frightening time of my life!!
My aunt had died from cancer, I had to help take care of my grandparents, So depression set in quick, I didn't get to experience my last year of high school, my friends quit calling me because I could never go and meet up with them, I was stuck in a house all day taking care of my grandparents day in and day out.
I remember it like it was yesterday, I was just laying in bed, watching a movie, and then BAM, my heart started beating fast, I couldn't breathe, I was shaking uncontrollably, I thought I was dying!

My dad took me to the ER and they ran all sorts of test, everything came back normal, so that was a relief, until it happened again about a month later, I went to my family doctor, and he ran all sorts of test, again, normal.. I should have been happy, right? well I wasn't.. I knew something was wrong with me. everyone told me it was all in my head, and to just think of happy thoughts! That should make it all better!

Well, another one hit, I said ok, I am going back to the ER and they would probably find it this time.. Nope, they sent me home after the tests came back. Here I am, a 17 year old girl who thinks she could die at any minute and no one will help her!

After that mess, I just took it one day at a time, falling deeper into depression and panic. This went on for about 4 years on and off, then I met my first ex hubby, he was ok at first then his cheating and drinking began, I got divorced from him after only 2 years of marriage. Then I met my latest hubby, he was wonderful (at first) I finally was able to relax, and my panic quickly subsided, I felt like a whole new person with him. We got married in 2010 and again after 2 years of marriage, things took a turn for the worst, he stayed out all night, then I was getting calls from mutual friends that he was out with women, My world just crumbled again.. I was not having panic attacks yet but a few months after he left me, that's when they started again for me, which brings me back to today..
33 years old, unemployed, twice divorced, mess..
I am back at home with my parents because I am scared to stay by myself, I don't go out much and when I do, I do not go into a store or anything because I am scared I will embarrass myself if I have an attack, I hurt all over, I just want to sleep, I have lost weight, no energy, just in panic mode all the time!..
This is me, and I hate it!!
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Offline Crols

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #589 on: March 18, 2014, 02:51:16 AM »
I'm a 34 year old male who suffers from panic disorder with ocd ego-dystonic intrusive thoughts. Basically I get scary generalized thoughts that I'm going to hurt someone physically.. and this causes a panic attack.  These thoughts are completely abhorrent to me and I hate them.  It started when I was 25 and has been going on for almost 10 years now. I usually get these attacks twice a week, and they last quite a while. The worst of the panic lasts for about 3-4 hours but a lot residual anxiety remains, and as i get these attacks at night I find it hard to sleep. I have been prescribed ativan 1mg, which helps, but as I don't want to become addicted to it I refrain from taking it when i can.  I suffered from generalized anxiety in high school which has now developed into full blown panic disorder.  Anyway that's my story.
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Offline Kathie

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #590 on: March 20, 2014, 06:12:49 PM »
Thanks for your story.
Well I have one too.  This started many years ago, probably 10 years.  Thats when I had my first panic attack.  I was in London and called the ambulance for myself.  Thought I was getting a heart attack. Spent the day in the hospital as they ran tests.  Well i was my first anxiety attack.  Very painful.  I had lost my mother just a couple of months before this and was on vacation with the mother-in-law from hell (pardon my expression).  She, I believe, was the cause of much of my stress in addition to the fact that I was working hard, long hours.   
When I got home I was put on Wellbutrin and a relaxer for my anxiety.  i was told to take it daily.  So its been many years.  In time I developed gerd which brings on anxiety and visa versa.  About a month ago i went to the doctor to check in if there is anything I could do further about my depression.  Soooo emotional.  Someone compliments me, I cry...upsets me, I cry.  So anyway, the same family doc perscribed me zolof (?) so I was double dosing for four days until I stopped cause I started with panic attacks which I had never experienced!  I was paranoid about being alone cause I didn't know what was going to happen to me.  After stopping that med, which was about 3 weeks ago, i continue to have more serious panic attacks.  I realized I needed to take strong control of my mind.  Tonight I will go to a TM Meditation workshop and plan to join with hopes that I will master meditation.  Think it would be helpful and you have confirmed that.
Part of my panic is that the symptoms of gerd is the same as pancreatic cancer which my sister died of in two months, four years ago.  So what happens each time is when I get a gerd attack, I panic and worry about cancer.  I experience indigestion and nausea.  The gerd takes about six weeks or two months to cure the inflammation of the stomach lining .  No wine, spicy food, greasy food and on and on.  So thats my story and I am very sorry if I didn't prepare it better than you did yours. 
Glad to hear you are feeling better.  Best of health to you.
K
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Offline neon

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #591 on: March 25, 2014, 09:19:06 AM »
Hello Everyone
I've had the curse of hypochondria for about 4 months now as an 18 year old it has the capacity to take over my life. Here is my story:
Before I had my first panic attack, I discovered a mark on the upper half of my back (which I know now is a freckle) which I thought was a growing melanoma. A couple of nights later I woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly i felt a very weird surge shoot up my back that had me convinced it was the cancer, which sent me into a state of panic. I became sweaty, I was hyperventilating, my heart was palpitating like crazy and my hands were trembling. I tried to convince myself to sleep it off but I finally got up and woke my mother to help me. I spent the next three hours pacing up and down the house (sitting down seemed to make me nauseous) while she talked me through it. Eventually I was able to settle down and watched a movie before falling asleep.
We went to the docs the next day to figure out what happened but we could not figure out any solution until I mentioned that I did drink nearly a whole 2L bottle of Pepsi (high on caffeine :P) which explained the heart palps.
While that did help (I'm off the caffeine now), the anxiety followed me through the whole of my 3 month break (just finished high school).
I now mostly think that my breathing is just going to fail and my heart will stop beating so I am always checking on my pulse and manually breathing.
However, on the plus side I have been able to train myself to recognise panic attacks and stop them from happening and for me, getting on with everyday life seems to distract my brain well enough to not focus on the anxiety.
Well that's my story. I still am dealing with many 'symptoms' but I am training myself to ignore them as they are just to painful to focus on all the time, especially when I am doing a University degree.
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Offline servantofgod

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #592 on: April 04, 2014, 12:55:27 AM »
Thank you very much for sharing guys.
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Offline emiloo09

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #593 on: April 09, 2014, 08:53:52 PM »
Well....here goes nothing.
Growing up, I have always felt like I needed to be perfect. There was nothing that had initially caused me to start thinking like this...I guess it was just me and my brain. I had wonderful parents and an awesome sister. My family was supportive and great. Everything was awesome on the homefront growing up. I was not bullied in school and I had friends.

When I was 12, my parents got a divorce. I had no idea why, but as I am older now I understand now that my dad could not deal with my mom's anxiety and mood disorders. After my dad moved out of the house, I became obsessed with how I looked and making sure that I was appealing to boys. I would go online and chat with people I did not even know and send them promiscuous pictures of myself just to get clarification that I was good enough and that I was capable of being wanted and loved. My freshman year of high school, I met the first love of my life. He was my first for everything. This relationship ended up being emotionally abusive and he had drug and anger problems. I felt like I couldnt help and to me, that meant that I was not good enough and that I was failing. Initially, this relationship ended....awfully. As any normal teenager, this sent me into a spiraling depression. I eventually got over it and had great friends nearing the end of my high school year.

Well, after I graduated high school, is where things went horrible. A boy that I had met in high school and whom I was talking to decided that he did not want anything to do with me. Before I started talking to this boy, one of my best friends was talking to him and assured me after that she did not have feelings for him and that it was ok if I did. So I basically started dating this guy and all of a sudden my friends turned on me. They said nasty things to me, all while this guy was cheating on me with one of them. This guy said horrible things to me and basically told me I was a worthless person and not worthy of love or friendships. That summer I began to cut myself I got back with my first emotionally abusive boyfriend, which again sent me into a further depression. Finally my mom and my best friends at the time saw the cuts on me and knew there was something wrong. I went to see a psychiatrist and he prescribed me Prozac 40mg and Ambien so that I could get some sleep at night. By this time, I was in college. I was trying to get my studies done but it was extremely difficult. I was also working at a restaurant. The Prozac seemed to work for a while and the ambien helped me sleep. Eventually the prozac didnt help filter these dark thoughts in my head that I was never going to be good enough for anyone and that I was not capable of being loved. One evening, I felt so low that I decided to cut myself deeper and I took several...way more than I should....ambien pills. I just wanted to go to sleep forever. My mom ended up coming in my room a short time later to check on me, I was barely able to talk because I was so out of it. All I remember from that night is being in an extremely cold bathtub with water pouring in my face, my mom on the phone with the poison control center crying, crawling down the hallway to my room, and being kept up all night by my mom because she was scared that I was not going to wake up.

This was the wakeup call for me. I could not do this to my family. I ended up getting on Zoloft, which also helped for a while. I still had cutting rounds but not nearly as bad and the suicidal thoughts went away. I started dating a wonderful boy and moved up to Tampa with him. Everything was going great until a year later, I became unexpectedly pregnant. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and had to get a D&C. My depression and anxiety hit hard after this. I began to have panic attacks everyday. I stopped exercising and gained some weight which made me feel worthless all over again. My boyfriend had no idea how to handle it so he would just watch me as I hyperventilated and cried. Eventually, I began to have mood swings and it caused problems with my schooling and my relationship. I also had health anxiety on top of everything else after the D&C. I constantly thought I was dying of something. I decided that it was time to go see my psychiatrist again. He prescribed be Ativan 2mg daily, which helps and still helps a lot.

I am continuing to fight through this anxiety and depression. I just recently started Lexapro while still taking Ativan as needed. I already am feeling so much better and my relationships wih others and school are improving.

No matter what, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. There will always be love for you. You just have to pick yourself up and get there, and if you cant, someone will be there to help, I promise. If I can, anyone can.

Thank you to everyone who shared their amazing stories. It really has helped me understand that I am not silly or alone for feeling like this.  :happy0151:

KEEP ON SMILING
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Offline Vaalee

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #594 on: April 10, 2014, 05:39:15 PM »
Hello everyone! I am 38 years old male living in Mumbai (India). I have seen many deaths in my Family (My elder Brother, My Mom, My younger Brother, My Daughter). With the fear of dying, I used to get a lot of Panic Attacks and Anxiety some 5 years back. Now i am blessed with another daughter who is 5 years old.

Two Months earlier, I witnessed a close friend's death and since two months, I am again getting Panic Attacks and Anxiety frequently. I literally started loosing my weight. I was 83kgs and now i am 77kgs. Everyday i check my Weight on my Weight Machine and the Weight never goes up. This gives me a Scary feeling of is something hidden wrong with me which Doctors are not able to detect? My doctor says i am perfectly fine after going through my Lipid Reports (Which came Normal last month), My Thyroid Report which was again Normal, My Blood Pressure which is absolutely Normal. My doctor also said that my brain is full of Negative Thoughts and he has prescribed me with Agopose (For my Anxiety) and Cobadex CZS (For Vitamin). I would like to know will these Medications help me? Will my Panic Attacks and Anxiety live with me forever? I know, I am not the only one in this Boat.. There are many other like me. Everyday (Like a Fool) I check my weight.. I Google about Anxiety and Panic Attacks.. I am getting little Agoraphobic..

PS: I have consulted other Doctors too, They all said the same thing.. Nothing is wrong with me and i am alright!
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Offline Jossy80

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #595 on: April 17, 2014, 01:11:17 PM »
Hello. My name is Joslyn. I am 33 years old and in generally good health although i have MS, it does not have me . :happy0151:Recently i have stopped taking my Lexapro, also visited the dentist and told i needed a root canal and couldn't afford it so i decided to have it pulled. That didn't go to well, after three shots of novacaine i could still feel it and told the doc forget it. He said "i don't know why you are getting it pulled anyways, its healthy, just a abscess, here is some amoxocicillin"..(spelling)?. Anywho,  reason for me not taking the anti anxiety med anymore was that i felt it gave me heart "flip flops" from time to time. A couple weeks after i stopped i noticed i was crying over my gran dfathers passing which was 20 years ago, we were very close, but i was crying like it happened yesterday, on the floor balled up.  :traurig001:[ The next week or so after that while still being emotional, i had a sense of detachment from the real world, i guess its called "derealization". Going far from home scared me, being alone scared me. I started waking up at night two or three times with my heart racing, pulse around 120 to 130. I would sit up and breath and it would go back down into the 80s and i would go back to sleep. Well, now this happens all the time. I have had tingles in my chest, costochondritis due to my fiance giving me a really quick hard bear hug, i am guessing it was from that.I also have a pain in my lower spine, maybe from being in bed Googling every symptom for the past month and its compressing my spine...WHO KNOWS:(I have gotten 4 EKG's, a chest xray, blood taken for everything, holster monitor..you name it.I have also lost about 12 pounds in a month and a half due to this as to one point  Every doctor keeps telling me its anxiety. It has completely taken over my life. I cannot get up and clean or cook or even take long showers without my heart racing it seems. I am trying ot plan our wedding and this has completely haulted it. If not Anxiety what the heck could it be?? Please let me know if you relate.Thank you all. BIG HUGS.
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Offline positivethinking

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #596 on: April 22, 2014, 09:00:50 AM »
I find it really interesting to read the other stories and experiences of anxiety on here. For me, I cannot remember a time that I didn't have anxiety. I think it is built in to my personality. When I was little I remember feeling irrationally worried about small things like going to school the next day after a weekend and what to wear to visit my friend's house. Nothing has really changed. Obviously in stressful situations, my anxiety dramatically increases so that I feel the pounding heart and the feeling of uneasiness you get when you look down to the ground from the top of a huge building. However, it can sometimes be just a constant feeling of dread the moment I wake up as though I have forgotten to do something really important.

Has anyone else experienced similar feelings? Also, do you have any tips on how to deal with this? I am no longer no Fluoxetine and I do find that exercise and meditation helps for short periods, but it is not always easy to fit in to daily life with work and uni etc.

Thanks everyone!
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Online Aaron Davis

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #597 on: April 23, 2014, 12:58:26 PM »
I wanted to respond to you OCD engineer because I definitely identify with your story to a certain degree. I actually just posted my story under the "panic attacks and agoraphobia" section, named "heart attacks, stroke, passing out and other freak out things"...Please go there and read it if you have the time.
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Offline Lamberto

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #598 on: April 23, 2014, 04:15:21 PM »
My name is Lamberto and I have had anxiety since I was about 15.  I am currently having my good and bad days as I see everyone has them.  It got worst for me when my first daughter was born with a disease that was killing her white cells.  I didn't take it that well, then my boss at work was always questioning be because I had to take my daughter out of town at least twice a week.  The first time that I took her to the hospital I saw all this children really sick then it got worse for me.  We bought our first house and then it got worse because I was working 2 jobs so my wife could stay home with my daughter.  I ended up seeing a hemopathic doctor who told me everything was just caused by my anxiety.  I did good for about 2 years then I began to have chest pains while I was walking at a local store with my wife.  I ended up going into the ER for chest pains.  They told me that my heart was fine but my blood pressure was too high so they put me on a diet.  I ended up loosing weight and had my anxiety up and down.  I was so infactuated with my heart.  Whenever I had a chance I would go to the local pharmacy and checked my blood pressure and heart rythm every day about 3 times a day.  Then if I had any sensation in my chest area I would automatically go to the ER.  Well I over came that after several years.  Then my dad got diagnosed with liver and colon cancer.  I didn't take this very well especially after seeing him go through everything.  Well unfortunately the cancer got the best of him and he passed away about 3 years ago.  At first I thought I took it good.  Then my anxiety came back and now my focus was on me thinking I have the same thing as my dad did.  I got to the point of getting constipated then the thoughts would come every single hours of every single day that I have colon cancer.  No matter what I did the thoughts were there.  I have my good day and bad days.  I just want to be happy like everyone else in this world.  I cannot enjoy life and I am just afraid of life and what the future brings me.  I cannot enjoy my family or any of my friends because I am constantly thinking and focusing on this "cancer".  I want to be free and live a normal life. 
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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #599 on: April 24, 2014, 08:01:44 PM »
Reading all these stories breaks my heart. And I can relate to just about all of them. It seems like they all one thing in common: one triggering event that sends us all on this terrible anxiety path.

I've been reading (checking) a lot about medical stuff in general, including anxiety spectrum disorders. So I have a couple theories:

We all at one point have been comfortable with our lives at some point or another. Even if it was long ago or very short lived. Circumstances change, "emergencies" happen, or some other sort of event triggers us. Some people are much more sensitive to these changes than others and we become so consumed/obsessed with these changes that we start down this path of anxiety. For whatever reason, we anxious people wish circumstances were "how they were before X happened" or we say "if only X were this way, then I wouldn't have a problem." Well I really don't think it's our problems or our "perceived" problems that separate us from others. It's how we handle them. I believe anxious people are perfectionist by nature. Things haven't panned out as we'd expected or we wish things could be better. Perfectionists want security and guarantees. But there will never be any guarantees in life. The closer you are to accepting this, the closer you are to conquering anxiety.
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