Member Gallery    Games   Member Groups   Member Blogs   Health News    Bored?

Author Topic: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder  (Read 136467 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline AmyVick

  • Just Joined!
  • Posts: 1
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #580 on: February 03, 2014, 10:46:33 AM »
I'm nearly 27 and for the last 2 months, I have been suffering from severe anxiety. It all started when I went to my doctors because my heart kept skipping beats. I thought it was nothing but cautionary when the doctor suggested I have an ECG;I really just thought they'd say it was nothing. However, going back a few days later I discovered there was an anomaly and the ECG was referred to a cardiologist. When I asked what, I was told they suspected I had a heart condition (I can't even write down what condition as it still frightens me). I made the mistake of looking up this condition and all I saw were the words "could die in their sleep". Well, that set me off. I could not sleep; I didn't want to sleep. I had moved back home 2 years ago and now I was getting my mum to stay in my bed with me. I was crying constantly and getting pains in my chest, which made things worse. I was convinced I was going to die, that I wouldn't see Christmas or the New Year, I wouldn't see my god-daughters grow up or my best friend get married. The doctors couldn't prescribe me anything until they knew whether I had the condition or not. It took weeks for a diagnosis, all the while my anxiety was getting worse. A couple of days before Christmas I found out that I didn't have the condition but the damage was already done. The anxiety was awake and it wasn't going anywhere. I was prescribed 20mg of Propranolol to take 3 times a day. I don't feel like much has changed for the better. OK, some days I can sleep on my own but most days I feel restless. I constantly feel like my breathing is restricted, even though I know I am breathing OK. I feel useless and tired and most days I cannot be bothered with anything other than work. The thought of socialising in a large group, with alcohol, scares me. Or a future relationship. I constantly have thoughts about how rubbish I am and that I'll never amount to anything and that I would be better off dead.  I think my depression is clawing it's way back and I want to try meditation but feel like I'll just give up on it. I feel like I am just existing at the moment and wish I could just go back to feeling normal.
Bookmark and Share

Offline ashleyc1

  • Just Joined!
  • Posts: 2
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #581 on: February 10, 2014, 04:24:19 AM »
I remember in kindergarten I was scared to go to school. I would cry and make my sister hold my hand until I got to my classroom. I use to fake sick from school a lot until high school, then I became home schooled. When I was 14 I had my first panic attack, I wasn't really sure what was happening and I felt embarrassed by it. I have had periods in my life where I am really social and other times I isolate because of this. I have always excessively worried and I know that contributes to the depression and anxiety. When I was 20 and in college I was in an abusive relationship and I started having panic attacks 6-7 times a day for 3 months straight. The doctors said I have social anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. I have been on various medications and do therapy. Shortly after the 3 month panic attack my dad got cancer and I started drinking heavily to cope. I dropped out of college, worked at a bar, and got pretty much blacked out drunk every day for the next few years. I mainly stayed at home, but I did go to the bar a lot. During the time period I dated another abusive guy. We drank, popped pills, and smoked. After that I decided to go to therapy and get help. I have been in therapy for almost 3 years and went back to college and am attending part time and I am engaged. I overdosed about a year ago and it was then that I found out that I actually have PTSD. Since then I have been trying to heal and cope properly with PTSD. Lately, I find that hard because I just lost my grandfather who was my biggest supporter.  I am struggling with fear and anxiety and a lack of motivation to do the things I need to do to get better.
Bookmark and Share

Offline Wendy13

  • Just Joined!
  • Posts: 2
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #582 on: February 14, 2014, 03:21:38 PM »
I'm 20, havnt been suffering from anxiety for that long only a couple of weeks but its starting to really bother me! I am a hypochondriact I worry about every little thing! I constantly feel like something is wrong with me or the worst is going to happen to me. I keep thinking every little pain is serious when its probably just in my head.
No one really understands how it makes me feel.
Bookmark and Share

Offline Makayla

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Indescribable
    Indescribable
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #583 on: February 15, 2014, 02:29:37 PM »
Ok here I go. I can't believe I'm about to tell my story about my anxiety, so here goes....
I have been suffering from anxiety since I can remember, and I can remember it clearly in the 6th grade after my parents and I moved from Iowa to Arkansas (where my grandma lives and I grew up).

I seemed to be doing ok in Iowa for 3 years from 8 to 11 years old because I had regular friends to play with and spend nights over at our house, but I was a shy and quiet kid in school.

After we moved back to Arkansas and was enrolled in school, that second year I believed I had become the class's laughing stock, meaning no one had respect for me, but rather made fun of me, so from that point on, I had no friends, and my anxiety started to grow and grow. I had social anxiety then, but had no clue at the time what was wrong with me.

I suffered with some of those same classmates for several years and anxiety got worst, and major depression took root as well. Sadly I couldn't take it anymore after one school day I was severely made fun of about my hair on the bus riding home, so I didn't go to school the next day, I hid under the bed I believe and missed the school bus on purpose to avoid the torture. I never went back to school, I dropped out.

For years I stayed to myself and didn't visit family much. I've always lived with my parents and even worked a couple jobs, but I couldn't keep jobs because we lived so far out in the country from the city, and the car was even wrecked by a family member and tolled (I didn't wreck it).

So for years I became more and more isolated from the world, basically housebound, but I would of never guessed it made my depression and anxiety crippling, and much much worst.

I moved to Florida and married my husband, then after I had our daughter, I suffered postpartum depression, and it was crazy and I didn't feel like myself at all. I just felt like running away from life and everything.

When my daughter was 4 mos old, I seen a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with major depression and social anxiety, then was checked into a psychiatrist hospital because I didn't care to live. I was in there for 2-3 days, then prescribed some anti-depressants and sent home.

I guess I didn't really believe this was gonna help me because I didn't take them very long--maybe 2 weeks or so and never went back until last years -- Jan 2013 when I was still a mess and took celexa for 8 months but then was taken off of medicaid and left with no way to get these meds. Now I'm still suffering with severe crippling anxiety and I think depression too. I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety last year.

Though I am so confused on what ALL I really feel, because I do believe I suffer from more than just anxiety. Its really hard to explain all my feelings and symptoms. I don't think anyone will really understand, but God.

I'm in the process now of seeking something more safer and natural to take for my anxiety and depression. No more prescriptions for me.

Bookmark and Share

Offline Rachel_k

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
  • Country: gb
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #584 on: February 15, 2014, 03:19:27 PM »
I admire you all for your courage, I have tried my hardest to forget what is the worst part of my life. But today I will share my story.

April 2011- it was a sunday and the start of a weeks annual leave with my partner. I decided to get a bath before having some lunch. I got out of the bath and leant over to clean the tub. All if a sudden a pain in my head, and my head suddenly just dropped (just missing the tub). I tried to stand myself up as I was now lying naked on the bathroom floor. I couldn't get up, dizziness took over, nausea followed soon after. I screamed for my partner, who came in and scooped me off the floor and carried me into my dressing room. My head was spinning, either that or the room was. All of a sudden my life force was drained, sweat pouring off me, i couldn't talk and couldn't even hold my head up... ( i had never experiences anything so traumatising in my life)

I had to be taken to a&e, my partner had managed to dress me like you would a child. I couldn't do anything except hold the bucket that I was violently being sick into and by this point, it was blood i was throwing up. When we got to a&e my partner had to get them to come out with a wheel chair, it was humiliating. There i am in a and e being violently sick and I could tell people were staring. I was rushed through, blood pressure was dangerous and they admitted to a ward, where I was given fluids, anti sickness meds and monitored. the whole experience completely traumatising. This is what made it 100x worse...... ok so Get this, super low blood pressure- still vomiting and cant even hold me head up... And they discharged me. Yes they sent me home and I was left to carry this on for the whole day and night- I couldn't lie down so no sleep came to me, just sat there terrified holding my sick bucket like it was a life line.... like this at home.

The hospital They said it was a freak incident. The Next sunday, due back in work the following day- as I lay down- to go to sleep.... it started again. Dizziness, vomiting, room spinning, inability to even crawl, another night awake hugging my bucket.... So  I am taken to gp the following day... They tell me... A freak one off incident (even though this is twice in a week). This is when anxiety crept in, I didn't even realise it until it was too late... When I finally went back to work after a few days off. I was nervous and my other half was working away. my mum stayed at my flat with me and she came on train to work with me.... I was terrified I would collapse again. i mean they said it was a one off and it happened twice.....  by the time I got to work I had bad palpitations, I was being sick, I had a horrendous headache and dizziness. Then Im ended up in a taxi straight home.

I developed IBS-D, tension headaches, social anxiety and a mild case of agoraphobia. I was at the doctors every week, sent for camera procedures, ct scans, referred to neurologists, gastroentologists etc. I argued it wasn't stress related. It took me 12 months to realise It was all as a result of anxiety. My family tried to sympathise, they claimed to understand, they pushed me to 'get over' it. But all it did was agitate me. They couldn't understand no matter how much they tried..... In the end I tried therapy..... But after a few sessions I realised I was my own worst enemy, I was the one obsessing, I was harbouring negative thoughts...

 So here I am a few years later. After  pushing myself to go places on my own and gradually increase the scare factor of each trip I am sooo much better. Okay I do have those moments of terror every now and then but i have relaxation tapes on my phone. I also know all those little things I do subconsciously when I am getting nervous, it helps me catch it early. I am still socially anxious and I am still not the person I once was..... But I have come a long way, I can now accept that what happened was out of my control, and I am confident that I can still one day slay this monster which has a grip on me...
Bookmark and Share

Offline bluecanary

  • ...in the outlet by the light switch
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 41
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Sad
    Sad
  • A life lived in fear is a life half lived.
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #585 on: February 25, 2014, 04:05:26 PM »
I sort of posted some of this in my introductory thread, but I was focusing on more recent events. Anyway, I'll try to keep this brief, but rambling is one of my many quirks, so I can't make any promises.

I've suffered from anxiety my entire life, and I'm not really sure why. From the time I was a child, I had what I guess you could call social anxiety. I was painfully shy, even around my extended family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.). Eventually, I grew out of it, but I started exhibiting symptoms of OCD, although I wasn't aware that was what it was at the time. I was terrified of the idea of vomiting. I made my mother promise me every day when she dropped me off at school that I wasn't going to get sick that day (how could she possibly know that??). I somehow became afraid of the number three, and anything that happened in multiples of threes, to the point where, when I did papers at school, I would count the number of words on every line of my paper to make sure that there weren't any lines that had words numbering in multiples of three. If they did, I'd try to squeeze an extra word in, or erase/scribble out a word and rewrite it on the next line. I also had "harm" obsessions - I'd get images in my head of bad things happening to my loved ones or pets. They'd just pop in without warning and frighten and upset me.

I think it was about high school by the time this sort of behavior leveled off. That, I think, was the time when I was happiest and most "well-adjusted," so to speak. While I've always been a bit of a worrier, anxiety really didn't take over again until I was in college. I was home for break between semesters, and for some reason, I suddenly became aware one day that it felt almost like there was a strange sort of lens or invisible barrier between me and the rest of the world. Everything felt different and I didn't know why. I experienced panic attacks. I became nauseous and couldn't eat. I had a hard time sleeping at night, and then would get very sleepy in the middle of the day. I saw a doctor, who diagnosed me with depression and put me on Prozac and Xanax. I saw a handful of therapists, who were varying degrees of helpful. I was always holding something back, though - I thought if I told them my full extent of fears and strange thoughts, they would throw me in a mental hospital. On the rare occasions when I did really open up, I got a couple of odd responses. For instance, I was feeling very panicky one day and looked at a stuffed animal, which was basically positioned so that it was "staring" at me. Because I was already feeling so anxious, it kind of freaked me out. It wasn't as though I thought it was going to come alive and eat my head or anything. Just something about it being there was making me uneasy. The therapist I told that one to raised an eyebrow. You never want to make a therapist raise an eyebrow. Another time, I told a different therapist that I'd had a hard time getting over an old boyfriend of mine (we had broken up a couple of years earlier and hadn't seen each other since, as we were living in different states, but still kept in contact now and then), and she actually accused me of having a "fatal attraction." Mind you, this is the man who ended up reaching out to me a few years later and asking if we could give it another try. I'd say we've got a pretty healthy relationship - we're getting married in June. I feel a little bit smug about the therapist having been way off on that one.   :P

It's hard to put my anxiety into words, when thoughts are racing through my head that I can't begin to make sense of, much less explain, but I think mostly what it boils down to is that I've got a huge amount of health anxiety, both mental and physical. I get migraines, so I'm constantly terrified of being out somewhere in public and getting one, and not being able to get home. I worry about every little twinge and pain I feel - what if it's something serious? The idea of cancer scares the crap out of me - I know many people who have died from it. The mental component is the biggest part though, I think. If I see something out of the corner of my eye or hear a faint sound, I think I'm hallucinating. I'm afraid of "going crazy," that I'll end up in a mental institution for life. I'm obsessed with the idea that there's something horribly wrong with me, although I have a hard time putting a finger on what that "something" is. After we get married, my fiance and I are planning on starting a family fairly soon, since we're both in our thirties and would like a few kids. I'm afraid that I can't take care of myself, that I won't be able to take care of a family, that I'll be a horrible mother.

I found this site after doing a Google search for "can anxiety cause psychosis," so you can guess what my frame of mind is at the moment. I'm hoping to connect with people who have had similar experiences, since I think not feeling alone is a big part of what most of us anxiety suffers are searching for, and maybe to get some reassurance that I'm not really as crazy as I seem to be convinced that I am, and perhaps even come up with some coping strategies. Here's hoping.  :action-smiley-065:
Bookmark and Share

Offline ana271288

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 6
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #586 on: March 08, 2014, 12:34:14 AM »
I read all of ur stories so heres mine, i started to feel bad when i was almost 9 years old, i've always been a very nervous person but the diagnose came after 6months of tests, hospitals, doctors, fear,loneliness, and negative thoughts. I wasnt eating or sleeping, all i knew was a desperation feeling... All day, all night. My parents drove me to the hospital, and there, the doctors said that i just had gastritis, they gave some medication and send me home, bit things didnt got any better, i literally stop eating because i was afraid of throwing up, and didnt know why..... At nights, sleep was not an option: "if i fell asleep something is gonna happen to me" "im feeling nauseas, but something even worse isgonna happen if i throw up", " i wanna scream" " i wanna die", those were muy night thoughts. Muy parents thought that i had to stay in the hospital, so i did, for 6 months the hospital was my Home, and the doxtors, they decided that the best thing was to run every single test they knew, i was miserable, i was only 9 , my only pray to god was: "please, the only thing i need is not to feel desperate, i wanna sleep, even if i have to sleep forever" . After 5-6 months the drs decided that it was  time to  feed me using a tube, so they did, i got into the or and came out with a strange tube coming out my stomach, at that point i was lost, desperate and i wasnt feeling me anymore. But one day , a doctor came to me, a psychiatrist finally saw me and said the key word: anxiety. I started muy medication: sertraline and rivotril, magically i was able to sleep again.  I got Home after 6 months feeling like me again , of course i started therapy, i used the medication for two years, But at some point was able to say : fu&k you  to the food tube and started a new life, now, im 25, and had to admit that the struggle contin˙es, not at that level, not every day, not un the same way but there r moments in my life when my old friend appears again, but  now is easier for me to say: fu%k u anxiety, im stronger than u
Bookmark and Share

Offline AmandaH33

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
  • Country: 00
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #587 on: March 14, 2014, 03:25:44 PM »
Ok, Here's my story..

I was 17 years old when I first experienced a panic attack, it was the most frightening time of my life!!
My aunt had died from cancer, I had to help take care of my grandparents, So depression set in quick, I didn't get to experience my last year of high school, my friends quit calling me because I could never go and meet up with them, I was stuck in a house all day taking care of my grandparents day in and day out.
I remember it like it was yesterday, I was just laying in bed, watching a movie, and then BAM, my heart started beating fast, I couldn't breathe, I was shaking uncontrollably, I thought I was dying!

My dad took me to the ER and they ran all sorts of test, everything came back normal, so that was a relief, until it happened again about a month later, I went to my family doctor, and he ran all sorts of test, again, normal.. I should have been happy, right? well I wasn't.. I knew something was wrong with me. everyone told me it was all in my head, and to just think of happy thoughts! That should make it all better!

Well, another one hit, I said ok, I am going back to the ER and they would probably find it this time.. Nope, they sent me home after the tests came back. Here I am, a 17 year old girl who thinks she could die at any minute and no one will help her!

After that mess, I just took it one day at a time, falling deeper into depression and panic. This went on for about 4 years on and off, then I met my first ex hubby, he was ok at first then his cheating and drinking began, I got divorced from him after only 2 years of marriage. Then I met my latest hubby, he was wonderful (at first) I finally was able to relax, and my panic quickly subsided, I felt like a whole new person with him. We got married in 2010 and again after 2 years of marriage, things took a turn for the worst, he stayed out all night, then I was getting calls from mutual friends that he was out with women, My world just crumbled again.. I was not having panic attacks yet but a few months after he left me, that's when they started again for me, which brings me back to today..
33 years old, unemployed, twice divorced, mess..
I am back at home with my parents because I am scared to stay by myself, I don't go out much and when I do, I do not go into a store or anything because I am scared I will embarrass myself if I have an attack, I hurt all over, I just want to sleep, I have lost weight, no energy, just in panic mode all the time!..
This is me, and I hate it!!
Bookmark and Share

Offline Crols

  • Just Joined!
  • Posts: 1
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #588 on: March 18, 2014, 02:51:16 AM »
I'm a 34 year old male who suffers from panic disorder with ocd ego-dystonic intrusive thoughts. Basically I get scary generalized thoughts that I'm going to hurt someone physically.. and this causes a panic attack.  These thoughts are completely abhorrent to me and I hate them.  It started when I was 25 and has been going on for almost 10 years now. I usually get these attacks twice a week, and they last quite a while. The worst of the panic lasts for about 3-4 hours but a lot residual anxiety remains, and as i get these attacks at night I find it hard to sleep. I have been prescribed ativan 1mg, which helps, but as I don't want to become addicted to it I refrain from taking it when i can.  I suffered from generalized anxiety in high school which has now developed into full blown panic disorder.  Anyway that's my story.
Bookmark and Share

Offline Kathie

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 4
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #589 on: March 20, 2014, 06:12:49 PM »
Thanks for your story.
Well I have one too.  This started many years ago, probably 10 years.  Thats when I had my first panic attack.  I was in London and called the ambulance for myself.  Thought I was getting a heart attack. Spent the day in the hospital as they ran tests.  Well i was my first anxiety attack.  Very painful.  I had lost my mother just a couple of months before this and was on vacation with the mother-in-law from hell (pardon my expression).  She, I believe, was the cause of much of my stress in addition to the fact that I was working hard, long hours.   
When I got home I was put on Wellbutrin and a relaxer for my anxiety.  i was told to take it daily.  So its been many years.  In time I developed gerd which brings on anxiety and visa versa.  About a month ago i went to the doctor to check in if there is anything I could do further about my depression.  Soooo emotional.  Someone compliments me, I cry...upsets me, I cry.  So anyway, the same family doc perscribed me zolof (?) so I was double dosing for four days until I stopped cause I started with panic attacks which I had never experienced!  I was paranoid about being alone cause I didn't know what was going to happen to me.  After stopping that med, which was about 3 weeks ago, i continue to have more serious panic attacks.  I realized I needed to take strong control of my mind.  Tonight I will go to a TM Meditation workshop and plan to join with hopes that I will master meditation.  Think it would be helpful and you have confirmed that.
Part of my panic is that the symptoms of gerd is the same as pancreatic cancer which my sister died of in two months, four years ago.  So what happens each time is when I get a gerd attack, I panic and worry about cancer.  I experience indigestion and nausea.  The gerd takes about six weeks or two months to cure the inflammation of the stomach lining .  No wine, spicy food, greasy food and on and on.  So thats my story and I am very sorry if I didn't prepare it better than you did yours. 
Glad to hear you are feeling better.  Best of health to you.
K
Bookmark and Share

 

anything