Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder

[barbie3737]

 I first started experiencing the signs of anxiety roughly 7 years ago. At first they were a mild irritant. I didn't have a clue what was going on with me. Off and on for a few years I would go to different doctors trying to find out what was wrong. I concluded that none of them knew what was wrong with me and gave up since it really wasn't majorly life impacting. Then, about 4 years ago, over a few month period, I started experiencing major anxiety and depression. I didn't know what was going on with me. I was afraid I was losing my mind. It made it worse that I made a real hash of trying to get help because I really didn't know what I was doing and I made some really bad choices in the first few people I reached out to for help. I finally ended up moving clear across the state to my Grandma's and started trying to get help down here. I think the fact that I was with family that was really supportive made all the difference in getting the help I needed. I started going to cancelling and taking Paxil and Xanax. Things became a lot better. My instances of depression and anxiety slowly decreased over time. Then I started really getting involved in church. I asked some people from church to pray for me about my anxiety. They did and that helped even more. I went over 6 months without any anxiety or depression that I didn't quickly kick its but. However, over the last few months at my new job, I've been unusually hot. I thought it was because the A.C was out, but then the weather turned cool and still it occasionally happened. I wrote it off as this or that because it didn't happen a great deal. Then, tonight, I started getting hot again. Then, I started feeling one of the very first anxiety symptoms I ever had. I started really freaking out on the inside. It was an effort to keep it from showing on the outside. I ended up leaving work early and pissing off my boss. Sigh. If I hadn't thought that just maybe I was over anxiety attacks, I would at some level been prepared for the possibility and the odds were good I could have beaten it without leaving work. Sigh

I've been doing research on-line for a few hours now (I wish I had realized how much useful info is on the web 7 years ago. It might have saved me from a lot of problems.) I realize the most likely (not guaranteed, but most likely) cause of feeling hot is that the symptoms of my anxiety have changed. For now, at least, I'm going with that, because I know how to kick anxieties but and if that doesn't work, then it will be time to consider other possibilities. I'm glad I found this site because it really helped answer that last nagging question: Can anxiety symptoms change? This is the only site that provided the answer to that question for free. The rest didn't have the answer or wanted to charge something for additional information. Considering I'm broke, this site rocks.

[sarahm7224]

I have several stories to talk about my anxiety.  I have been going through this my entire life!  I am a 30 year old stay at home mom now, and I have been struggling through anxiety for almost my whole life, I remember my very first one and I thought I was going to die, I was at my cousin's house one night and I woke up out of a dead sleep and woke my cousin up, barley breathing and she told me I was having an anxiety attack and I was like what?? I thought it was a heart attack or something and the fear of me feeling like that had me petrified, she gave me a brown paper bag to breathe in because i was getting light headed for hyperventilating, I felt so sick to my stomach and I had the shakes so bad and I was crying so bad, I was choking on my own words.  I will never forget that day and I think I was about 15 or 16.  After that night, I was so scared to get it again and then I went home and told my mother about it and she told me it ran through the family and I would have to take medicine for the rest of my life and I was really skeptical.   I have been in mental hospitals scared out of my mind, there were months where  I didn't eat or even get up and that is when I was forced into a hospital.  I was so scared and they had self help groups which I refused to go, I felt like I was crazy and some of the ppl in the group were far off worse than I was and I was like this is for the birds.  So a  few years later I went to PA for college with my boyfriend at the time and I got the most homesickness ever and I made myself so worried that I physically made myself ill.  I am scared of getting sick, that is my biggest fear, I always carry a can of Lysol and spray everything down several times a day and I was like what am I doing? My husband has no idea whats wrong because he has never been through something like this.   I was sleeping on the couch for a bout a year and our relationship was dwindling and I also was very agitated and very annoyed when I didn't have the control to do things and I kept myself away from the family and I wouldn't talk to anyone and I hope that one day that I can snap out of it because i do carry depression too especially around the winter months, today by far was the worst day of my life, I am scared of everything and I coupe myself up in my room or the couch.  I just want to get better. I do take Zoloft and Manx on a regular basis but it took me forever to take it beecause I am scared of side effects,  I mean really scared they gave me latimical for mood stabilizer and I took it for two days and It didn't feel right so I took myself off of it, I don't like taking medicine especially if I have never heard of it and never taken it.  It took me about a year to take Zoloft and xanax and now I have been on xanax for about four years and Zoloft for almost a year and i find myself overlooking my medicine and trying to control myself while taking them, I am extremely tense and I don't know how to relax. I was told i have bipolar 2 and GAD and I don't like telling ppl i take anything because i don't want anyone thinking I am crazy so no one ever knows what i go through unless it is someone i have known for a while. I just wish i can snap out of it!  Does anyone have an insight on this?? PLEASE HELP!

[Clara_Destine]

Greetings Everyone! I hope that you are all doing well, today!

I have been dealing with anxiety for about fourteen years now. I was (or thought I was, at least) successfully managing my anxiety until a car accident on March 5th, 2009. The accident was bad though not life threatening for any of the vehicle occupants; I suffered some whiplash, and of my friends, one had a concussion and whiplash while the other was not injured. We were evaluated by the response ambulance and sought additional care at an Immediate Care center. At first, I felt alright. I mean, of course I was physically sore all over for a few days, but I felt well in a mental and emotional capacity.

Then, on March 13th, I started feeling funny while I was at work. I remember sitting down at the computer and thinking, "Man, I feel really foggy and lightheaded." Of course, I had been having sinus problems since early February, had not eaten much that day, or gotten very much sleep the night before. However, somewhere inside, I suddenly began to panic about my physical state. "Oh no," I thought, "it's the car accident. My brain! My neck! I could have nerve damage, I could end up paralyzed, I could be dying. Oh my God, what if I'm dying? I'm dying!" I could not stop the thoughts from snowballing and my body responded with some familiar but also some new anxiety symptoms.

I knew all too well the shaking, heart palpitations, hyperventilation, lightheadedness, dry mouth, trouble swallowing, feeling like a brick dropped in my stomach, sweating of the extremities, heartburn, surreal-ness, twitching, and feeling my blood course and nerves dance all over. Because I was so familiar with them, they did not bother me so much. What I never had were severe tingling with a freezing coldness in my limbs, and a severe tingling at the base of my skull. Those two sensations made me panic even more as they seemed to fall in line with the brain/spinal cord injury I originally panicked over. Work called an ambulance and while at the hospital, the doctor examined me, gave me a Xanax, told me I had had a severe anxiety attack, and sent me on my way home. What a way to spend a Friday the 13th!

As of that day, my manageable anxiety shifted into uncontrollable health anxiety. I became obsessed with and had anxiety attacks over normal physical aches, twitches, sensations, "off" moments, and so forth: I even went back to the hospital when I found some blood in my post nasal drip. And when it came time to seek chiropractic care because of my sore neck (had cervical sublimations between C1/C2 and C6/C7, I believe), I freaked. The first time my chiropractor adjusted my neck, I walked out of the office in tears, trying to suppress the intense anxiety that he had done something that would sever my spinal cord. (For record's sake, the neck adjustments eventually came to be my favorite part of my visits). The health anxiety and resulting depression eventually got so bad that one day, as I packed to move, I found myself thinking, "What's the point? I'm just going to die soon. I shouldn't bother packing. I'm going to die." In September, I sought counseling at my school’s clinic, was diagnosed with depression, PTSD, and anxiety attacks, and began taking .5mg of Fluoxetine daily (not without a terrible adjustment period).
 
Fast forward to the present. I stopped the Fluoxetine and the counseling by August 2010. Those, coupled with time, really seemed to help my levels come down. I actually remained anxiety free until August 2011, when I was putting myself through a lot of unnecessary mental and physical stress over a writing intensive summer college course. I managed to pull through it, thanks in part to being so busy with Fall semester and work right after the completion of the course. Then, it came time to start making some life changes, and my emotions began to slip a little. In November I had to quit the job that I had for five years, pack up my apartment, and move boxes 136 miles away from home to a very different environment. In December, I successfully finished my last semester for my undergraduate degree (3.68 overall, 3.80 in my major), and officially moved away from my friends and family on Christmas to live with my boyfriend.

The emotional stress (good and bad) associated with finishing my BA, moving away from my loved ones, living in a different environment, and quitting my job, in a way, provided the “breeding ground” for the HA to come back. Coupled with the fact that I no longer had externally imposed obligations to keep busy with, no friends in the area to visit, and generally had no where to go around my new place, my inclination toward introspection and somatic awareness turned ugly with the new amount of idleness. HA began to build again, at first with concern proceeded by worry around Christmas Eve with the appearance of UTI-like symptoms. After those symptoms abated by New Year’s Day, my feet kept getting very hot and sweaty. Then, after the appearance of a persistent eyelid twitch on 1/09, it escalated into full blown anxiety attacks by 1/13 (thought I was developing a hemifacial spasm and would have to have cranial surgery). By then I fell back into the trap of Googling my symptoms. “UTI symptoms without an infection” turned up many things including MS. “Burning feet” also turned up MS, as did eye twitches, the twitching I was starting to have all over from being so stressed, and everything else… but maybe it could be pituitary gland cancer, or ALS, or Parkinsons, or kidney failure, or a bad heart valve, or… well, if you have HA, you can see where this is heading, and it went there REAL fast.

What really set me off, and I mean that I had almost constant anxiety attacks between 1/17 and 1/20 (hardly able to relax or sleep), with huge upsurges all up until 1/23, were the upper arm muscle weakness, leg weakness, joint pain, ticklish sensations, and burning in my arms, hands, legs and feet accompanied by pinching feelings in my fingers that I noticed between 1/17 and 1/18. The burning has subsided into on/off again sweating and slight swelling of my hands and feet, and my legs do not feel as weak. Everyone around me, including the doctor, thinks that I have been so tense and anxious since Christmas, coupled with physical and mental idleness, that I have exhausted my body and kept my nerves in an excited state and have begun to feel the consequences, if you will. Even now I am aware of how I am tensing my upper arms and stomach. My blood work came back "normal," which is good news, but then again, I wonder in the back of my mind if there is something that blood tests alone cannot detect? I am scared, but because my doctor thinks these are the effects of severe anxiety, we are trying counseling and medication before we seek other avenues.

[floridaguy65]

Hi C:) Welcome:)! You're, certainly, not alone in your struggles. It's a healing power unto itself to not feel so isolated (as we can tend to feel with some of our issues), and to feel that we are not "crazy":) Hope you can find some compassion and insight, here, on The AZ:)

You said, "Everyone around me, including the doctor, thinks that I have been so tense and anxious since Christmas, coupled with physical and mental idleness, that I have exhausted my body and kept my nerves in an excited state and have begun to feel the consequences, if you will. Even now I am aware of how I am tensing my upper arms and stomach. My blood work came back "normal," which is good news, but then again, I wonder in the back of my mind if there is something that blood tests alone cannot detect? I am scared, but because my doctor thinks these are the effects of severe anxiety, we are trying counseling and medication before we seek other avenues. "

Overwhelmingly, with your background and your, recent, clear med testing, hyper-anxiety is the major root cause of your, current, struggles. This, coupled with the life stressors you've been dealing with as you move on in your life, seems to be where you should be focusing your energies in seeking some relief.

When do you begin counseling? When do you begin a med? Or is this still in consideration?

There are many self-help avenues that can really facilitate us moving down our healing paths, as well.

Best wishes.

Maybe you should post in another section, as well, after this. Topics in this section don't tend to get as much review and response. Post away! Glad you're here:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

[peachy31]

Hi, this is my first post here. My anxiety experiences are fairly new to my life, at least, to a degree that they're becoming an issue. Mostly I just worry I have a serious illness. All the time. It's horrible and scary, and I have young kids and I fear leaving them without a mother. I have tried seeking help from a gp, but it didnt go well and ive lost my confidence to go back. So now i worry if it is something serious, will i miss out on help? (here I go again!)
My arms ache, but only since i noticed they were, and half an hour ago my hand was stiff (parkinsons?) Or my face goes numb (ms?) Or Im dizzy. Or pregnant. Or it's deja vu, that sort of disconnected, dream like feeling, whilst sitting at a dinner table with 8 other people, and Im convinced Im about to have a stroke and fall off my chair. But on the outside I look completely calm and continue my meal. (That was the other night.)
My partner was 25 mins late tonight and i was convinced he'd been in an accident. I was 10 mins away from calling the police. But I kept calmly smiling and bathing my kids.
I feel alone as anytime i try to speak to a friend they react by kind of laughing, like Im mucking around. (Believe it or not Im quite funny!)
When I read other posts on here, i can relate to what people are saying. The human brain is amazing.
I could go on, but you all know what i mean! :)

[Anxiety89]

Hello all,

I have had anxiety problems for a long time and the past two years is when i started to get help and understand there is nothing wrong with me. Its so good to have a place to post and chat where people understand. 

[matt101388]

hi im matt i have been dealing with anxeity for about 5 years now. Everyday i check my heart rate and i worry all the time if im going to have a heart attack. im 23 years old and have a pretty good job life should be great right? but the anxiety has just controlled most of my life now. like anxiety89 said it is nice to know that you can chat with ppl that understand.

[Rebekah]

Hello everyone,
My story is quite simple:  I smoked a joint (of who knows what, it looked like marijuana but sprayed with something--maybe PCP) when I was 14 years old and I had a very bad trip.  Panic attack, body pain, disorientation, depersonalization, confusion.   I feel ok sometimes, but have lots of anxiety other days.   Not much else to say, the docs say it's a panic disorder, but I believe it's something more--definitely depersonalizion disorder.  Hope to make friends on this forum, since it's been hard over the years for me to socialize.  I'm now 50, suffered all my adult life.  God bless you all who are suffering as well.

[DreamsDeciphered]

My anxious tendencies started when I was only in elementary school, third grade to be precise, so that would make me around seven years old at the time. My family life wasn't very strong around then. My father was a drug dealer, in and out of jail, and my mother liked to party more than parent. In such a household, I didn't seem my mother or father as much as I should have and developed quite a fear of things just going wrong while I wasn't there, while I was at school. Not only that, I didn't really have any friends, either, so being at school was complete torture. It was around the time that my parents started talking about divorce that the physical symptoms started. I would get sick to my stomach and have to go home almost everyday. When we went to the doctor, they diagnosed me with GAD and tried to put me on some medication, but my mother didn't like the idea of me being on drugs like that at a young age. So, it was dropped and I continued to struggle.

Social anxiety stunted my growth in middle school; bullying and such ensued. As such, I was never going to be able to make friends or make close connections. Throughout the rest of high school, I got to the point that any social interaction made me physically ill, so I kept to myself. I couldn't answer phone or make calls, I couldn't instant message without getting needlessly nervous and sick, I couldn't ask for help in school, I couldn't ask for help in stores, and I couldn't reach out for help when things got bad at home. I was a mess, and I still am.

Hypochondria was never much of a problem until recently. During the summer of last year, my eye got really irritated. I thought it was allergies, so I kept ignoring it. And then I started getting these awful spots on my face, so I naturally went to the doctor ASAP. Turned out, I had shingles in my eye and my sight in my left eye was in serious danger. My the time it was over, I had some irreversible damage done to my eye, but I didn't lose the eye, luckily. Ever since, I've been paranoid about my health to the point of obsession. Every little ache and pain sends me into an anxiety attack, terrified that I am on death's door that very moment. There was one point that I was convinced I had appendicitis because of some bad pains on my right lower stomach. I went in for an ultrasound and CAT scan, and it turned out that I had an ovarian cyst, so I wasn't imagining the pain, but I seriously blew it out of proportion. And then I had chest pains for weeks, and one night I was convinced that I was having a heart attack. I had my boyfriend drive me to the hospital. I had chest x-rays and an EKG, blood tests, and blood gas tests. Everything was fine, aside from my heart rate being insanely high. They sent me home and told me to relax and take it easy.

Chest pains and paranoia about my health have continued since. I know it's anxiety, but my mind jumps to the worst of outcomes. I still haven't overcome any of my anxieties and struggle with them on a daily basis. It has been crippling at several points in my life, including now.

[rweiler2010]

Hello everyone!
I'll start off by saying how amazing this site has been.  Reading all the stories has really broken the fear that I am alone in this.  I'll start off by stating that I have been suffering with Pure-O for the past 3 years.  At first I thought I was going crazy because the thoughts that were bothering me were so outrageous and illogical and I couldn't understand why I was actually giving these thoughts a second thought.  I've somewhat learned to live with my ocd problems but recently I hit a new intrusive thought that takes the cake lol.  It's the thought that because I've been suffering from this for so long that one day I will actually go crazy.  Now this has to be the most stupid and worthless thought I have ever had but because I can't 110% prove it false (which trying to prove the thought wrong is a symptom of ocd) I can't seem to brake it and it has been the worst thought ever.  I'm currently taking medication but it hasn't taken full effect so I can't say wether it is effective or not and I won't be able to see the psychiatrist for about a month so until them I'm relying on my old techniques and new ones I'm discovering on this website to brake this thought just like I've broken the other ones.  If anyone has any tips or is going through the similar situation please please feel free to contact me.  God bless you all and keep your head up, you can beat this!

[TheFloydFan]

Hi, everyone!
I've only just discovered this site out of desperation to find someone, anyone to relate to when it comes to my anxieties. I'm already feeling so much better knowing I'm not all alone, nor am I completely crazy!

My anxieties began my sophmore year of high school. I was sixteen years old at the time. Goodness, life was beautiful at that moment! There was so much for me to be thankful for! I was smart, responsible, and had a few good, close friends. I loved my family, my friends, my school, my hometown, everything! I remember being known for my positive attitude by my peers at school. I would go to bed each night full of love and appreciation for the life I was given.

I was in the living room at home when the first tiny, tic-tac sized thought popped into my head. "I'm not breathing properly," I thought. "I can't draw deep enough breaths. Why can't I breathe as deeply as I think I should be?" The moment I became hyper aware of my breathing, my irrational thoughts hurtled out of control. I was aware of my breathing constantly. I came to believe that there really was something wrong with me, that I really was not breathing correctly. I became terrified of forgetting to breathe and suffocating, so much so that I could not fall asleep at night. When I finally fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion, it was a relief until I woke up the next morning and became aware of my breaths once again. I became so frightened and sad that I would sit with my mom and cry. I was sad, I was scared, and I was exhausted. I was afraid to be alone. When I was with my family, I had a sense of security and a way of distraction. When I was alone, I could do nothing but obsess over my fears. I dreaded going to bed at night.

My anxiety lasted for about two weeks before it finally faded away, but I haven't been the same since. My anxiety started out focused on medical issues: breathing, breast cancer, ringing in my ears. Later it became focused on myself as a person: "I'm a horrible person", "what if I start worshiping the Devil", "what if I become a murderer"... Those were scarier thoughts than medical paranoia! I struggle with all kinds of anxieties nowadays, from my religious faith to my relationship with my boyfriend. I learned that my dad struggled with anxiety and had panic attacks; he took medication for it. In all likelihood, this is something I inherited. I'm still learning to deal with the cards I've been dealt, and I've found that talking it out and receiving reassurance from others really helps. So, here I am!

[Thorny Rose]

*waves* Hello, I'm Rose. I'm new. I'm here to talk about anxiety.

I'm 25, and have had anxiety my entire life (as I can remember). I've only been treated for minor anxiety (getting some Xanax in my recent years.. but not really taking it much). My parents slacked on my upbringing, not giving my feelings/emotions/problems any thought. In recent years I have found the internet to be an amazing tool of figuring things out. So I'm basing my next statement purely on symptoms I found online. So, with my lack of upbringing also came a lot of abuse and a not so cookie cutter home setting, which I believe is what gave me some form of Child PTSD. I've always felt anxious by nature, always felt away from the group, different. It's funny how your mind can get you out of so many situations but can also be the one thing to put you in the worst.

Through my teendom, because of a sexual trauma as a kid, and being abused as a child I was never one to be around a lot of people, or associate myself sexually with anyone. This obviously brought a lot of pain into my life, and my attacks usually came when I started having sexual feelings toward boys. So the problem solver for along time was to just tell myself I didn't like anyone. Yeah, that's how I used to deal with 0103.

These days I still had yet to have a sexual experience, and the only men I had found myself attached to were unavailable. Now I have found myself in a relationship and it's triggered a lot of old anxiety in me and I'm currently dealing with some hard emotions yet again. This time I want to do it right. I'm here and I am in a caring companionship with my mate. I want nothing more than some happiness with him. Which I get on a daily basis, until my anxiety rears it's ugly head.

I'm here to read what others have gone through and hopefully find some peace of mind through my ability to think logically, rationally and be an adult about my situation.

I chose the name "Thorny Rose" since the current thorns in my side are my anxiety, and hopefully by the end of my journey here I can walk away with a few less thorns than I started with.

PS: My post here is a tad more vague than you would imagine, if anyone has any questions, feel free to PM me. I'm utterly open about my life as I've had a long time to deal with old wounds, and have no problem talking about them at all.

[alleys1017]

Hey.
MY name is Seth and I live in Tennessee. I'm 24 years old and go to college down here. I've been dealing with anxiety/depression forever and it's finally catching up to me. When I was a junior in high school my best friends dad committed 0119 and I went through a hard time being by his side. Always said to myself I couldn't imagine going through something like that. I saw what it did to his family and how it changed his life. Well a little over a year from that incident my father committed 0119 and I have NO idea why. WE were so close and it hit me so hard. I honestly dont remember the months after his death I was so messed up. 5 months after his dead my mother met someone new and got remarried. MOved us out of our house and moved into his shitty dump. I ended up playing baseball in college my first year up north in michigan where i was living at the time but that summer after my first year my step dad decided to try to beat up on me and it didn't work. I handed him an 0104 beating like no other and he kicked me out of his house so i got in my car and drove 20 some hours to new orleans to live with my uncle. I seriously hated my life everything about it. I lost my dad....my family...my dream of playing baseball also due to arm surgery. I was stuck in new orleans a year after katrina which looked like a bomb zone trying to get by day after day not looking forward to anything. I ended up moving to tennessee a year after and got back into college which was a great thing. I'm finally on my senior year graduating this semester but my anxiety and depression have gotten so bad that its affecting my everyday life....

I get so nervous about absolutely EVERYTHING. I worry about everything known to man. I never wake up ready to go. Im always confused and dizzy and stomach problems. MY heart skips a beat all the time and it just worries the hell out of me so i just sit here with my finger on my neck counting my pulse and feeling the skipped beats. I'm so paranoid of getting sick I carry a thermometer in my pocket and take my temperature atleast 20 times a day. Ya i know sounds ridiculous right ha? If i know someone thats sick or hear of something going around I go straight to the computer and google it. Then i end up looking up some crazy 0104 disease and am certain im going to get it. There are foods that I will not touch now due to the fact that i think i will have an allergic reaction which was NEVER a problem 3 years ago. I could keep going on and on about the stuff i worry about but theres no need...this is just the anxiety part. I just feel like im never going to get better. I have recently gone to the doctor and have a prescription for 10mg of celexa but i get this 0103 in my head that its going to mess me up worse than i am now and i just can't build up to take the medicine.

I dont know if anyone is going to respond to this if not its cool. Just need to get a little bit off my chest.

Thanks, Seth

[Albalmal]

My name is Alexa,
      I am 17 years old and by no means have it as bad as most people out there; but that doesn't make the feeling of looking in the mirror and less easy. I have always picked, I don't know why, I just liked it. To pick for me is relieving my stress, i feel like i can take a breath once I've finished but then am horrified the next day when i realize exactly what I had done. Last year is when picking my face became a problem. I would get pimples or bumps that i thought everyone could see, Id find myself sitting and just touching it without even being aware that I was doing so. Eventually id get sick of feeling it, so i would take a pair of tweezers and have my way. The worst feeling ever is to have this giant 0104 pit on your face for all the world to see. Its so embarrassing ! it makes me sick to my stomach, everyone is watching, everyone is staring. this has contributed to my anxiety that i live with today.
      I hate that my dermatillomania controls my life. I have to pretend that I'm sick just because Im embarrassed of people seeing my face. So ill stay home with bandaids and ointment trying to heal the craters on my face. My dad just says to stop . "Just stop picking, Its not hard." he says.
WHATEVER!! unless you have this OCD then you will never know how hard it is to stop ! how hard it is to say "okay, Im done."
     I can't do this by myself anymore. I need a support group. I need help. I need people that understand.

[zephyress]

hello?  I am new to this forum. 

age: 40 (my birthday just past 2/18)  so I am now in my "40's"
female

same job for 20 yrs, cocktail server AC casino.
3 yrs ago mhy fulltime position  became permanenty oncall and i went to medical school but cannot get a medical job

tried many different jobs within the 3 yrs to supplement but all were crappy jobs, diners n stuff.

2 yrs ago my dad suffered a near fatal heart attack and my fiance of 5 yrs suddenly broke up w me and my anxiety disorder began with severe attacks lasting 9 months, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  VERY SEVERE.

anyway, nutshell... ive been to cardiologist, lung doctors and ruled out possibilities. 
Ive learned how to handle my anxiety since then, and my fiance and I are back on track after 8 months of no contact.  He is now one of the few things in my life that seem to be best.  and he now knows how to support my anxiety :-)

But now, I am suffering once again, with slightly different symptoms.

Just on here wondering if anyone else with chronic anxiety disorder has the same symptoms.
these symptoms are VERY similar to a woman's heart attack or angina symptoms:
-nasuea
-chronic and sudden severe fatigue
-heavy chest
-feeling that its difficult to breath
-left arm and shoulder blade feel overworked, like muscle ache
-sometimes minor chest pain
-sometimes dizzy

all these symptoms tend to come on quickly, sometimes without warning OR reason. 
And they all come on simultaneously, and usually only last about 10 or 15 min.

My fiance has told me to join this forum to ask Qs and see if I can get some comfort and relief

so here I am.  thank you for reading.

if anyone has the same symptoms and can give me peace of mind, please do so as i would greatly appreciate it

thank you in advance. and i hope this was easy to read.


zehyress

[zephyress]

hi im matt i have been dealing with anxeity for about 5 years now. Everyday i check my heart rate and i worry all the time if im going to have a heart attack. im 23 years old and have a pretty good job life should be great right? but the anxiety has just controlled most of my life now. like anxiety89 said it is nice to know that you can chat with ppl that understand.

Hi Matt. 

I dont know how to reply to your particular post here so i quoted you and would like to say that I too would check my BP and heart rate.  I dont do it much anymore as my doctor told me it just makes me worry worse.  I would like to talk to you about our anxiety. I have been suffering for about 3 yrs now.  I just posted my first post on here as my "introduction".

I am just searching for some kind of support group or someone to chat with. 

[adjbridges]

Hello everyone , I don’t know if this is the perfect section to post this question…My friend suffers from tension and anxiety…he has been on Paxil to cope with the problem but it seems that he is still depressed. I would like to help him with the problem he has but I don’t know where to start and what to do??Anyone here suffers from anxiety and depression??What did you take to treat the problem. Did you take Daily health capsules???Anyone has been on daily health capsules? What do you think about it? He is like this since his separation with his wife. He has trouble falling asleep, he fells always tired…sometimes he even has inability to relax… what to do to help him???

Hi

Great to hear that you are trying to support your friend, You should really be proud of yourself for this and as a sufferer of this horrible problem I fully understand. I read an article on here very recently which has changed my life in a very positive way. I now take daily, Multi Vitamin, Vitamin C drink, Cod Liver oil, Echinecea and the main one I take is Magnesium. Magnesium is apparently very good for calming and I have to be honest it has given me a great boost. Also camomile tea is also very good. With regards to relaxing I also go through this. I have to admit I feel at my best when I have exercised and also I do something called Body Scan which is on you tube by John Kabot ZInn. I also have a few of the Sounds DVD's like the noise of the sea, Beach noises etc etc - All very calming and beleive it or not they do relax you. As I am writing this I am going through a rough spell and have been awake since 4am. Going to do a relaxing DVD now for 25 mins. Good luck and well done for supporting your friend

[havva]

ok, this is my first day so i hope im doing this right.....

let me start off with tellling you alittle about me excluding my anxiety.

im 30, im an outreach worker for my borough which means i work with families who are "hard to reach" and i support them in any areas to do with child care. i arrange appointments, accomany them to social services meetings, help them apply for benefits.. u name it.. i do it. and i love my job. i love the families i work with and i love the people i work with.
i am currently engaged and live with my very suppportive fiance who is also my best friend. we live in a big 7 bedroom house with my inlaws who are as good as gold and rarely at home. :-)

my life was perfect....... until..


i was at work one day in an office who i share with 7 other people thinking aout my work load, a wedding i was having to plan and my parents who were taking about vising me as they live in turkey. i suddenly felt restless, i wanted to just stand up because sitting did not seem comfortable to me anymore.

i shot up then got hot.. but i felt cold... i was dizzy but i didnt want to sit down, i didnt kno what was happeneing to me.. then i remembered it was the same feeling i had when i use to feel when i suffered with anxiety before... NOT AGAIN!!! NOT NOW i said to myself... i suffered wuth attacks before .. years before but i was not happy then. i was stressed and i was lonely... i thought again IT CANT HAPPEN NOW MY LIFE IS TOO PERFECT!!!! as you can imagine i panicked more and the heart palpertations began.. i tried calling my fiance who works in the city to calm me down... he was in a meeting and was unanble to answer ..... yep.. more panic.... i then called my inlaws who thankfully answered... "I WANT TO COME HOME I DONT FEEL WELL " i must have repeated it at least 5 times. my father in law offered to pick me up but my work colleague said she would take me. i trusted her because i knew she would drive fast. my panic slowly disappeared... but i still wanted to go home. i felt like a fool. a child. a waste of space.

When i got home i explained to my inlaws what happened and then my fiance finally rang... i told him what happened an dhe rushed home.  i was so angry at myslef that night, why did i panic, why am i feeling this way. cem offered to take me out to cheer me uup but i was too afraid to go outeside. i overcame this feeling years ago WHY has it come back to me. This was 6 weeks ago.. since then i havent returned to work, ive been to my gp 4 times, hospital 2 times and ambulance called 3 times. i have had panic attacks every other day and i hate it.. i feel my life has come to an end and i dont kno what to do.. thats why im here. and thats why i hope you guys can help me.  thanks

[insignifigant2most]

ive never NOT had anxiety. it became worse through numerous trauams and such. but, i know nothing else.

[JV1234]

Hi everyone,

I'm a college senior in my last semester, perfect time to get trapped in a massive panic attack of anxiety.

My whole life I have experienced small episodes of anxiety and depression (surely that everyone natural would go through). Two severe episodes occurred in the past 2 years - One triggered by boredom, the other triggered by financial difficulty. I'm an overly sensitive guy so I usually overanalyze people's responses to my actions  - something I've done my whole life. I'm confident in my ability to make friends though, as I've made some good relationships along the way and have had my fair share of dates and good things to follow. I get good grades, have good jobs, etc. So how is the all happening now?

This current horrible episode (worst one I've encountered) started with a breakup. I broke up with my last girlfriend. I still had feelings for her. When I was in a rational state of consciousness (while I was dating her), I knew it wasn't right. So I broke things off. Unfortunately, emotional and rational thinking are two very different things, and when you feel like garbage, rational thinking isn't even comprehensible. At this point, I regret breaking up because of what it has triggered for me  - its been 4 weeks and I can recount having maybe 4 brief happy moments since. Even just to get a few of those happy moments with her (that were so rare anyway) back would be amazing. Life's not so easy.

Right now, I'm working hard with my family to resolve this episode and mood disorder. Both them and my friends have been extremely supportive for me, talking me out of panic attacks. I've learned that my brother deals with anxiety and takes meds and does CBT for it. Later today, I'm seeing a psychiatrist to discuss solutions to get my head out of this rut. I'm currently on Lorazepam for short anxiety attacks, but they don't get rid of the sadness. Once my exams finish, I will consider going on a full medication day until I can get my head back in order. I will try to establish a pattern of activities to restore my own confidence and get my head back into the world.

I have accomplished amazing things. Up until now, I have been getting ~A averages, I am a teaching assistant for first year psychology, I am the Director of a children's summer day camp, and I am a 22 year old on a board of directors for community centre (working with doctors, lawyers, CAs, engineers, you name it). Why am I feeling this way? Who knows...

As much as I regret breaking up with this girl (and all the semi-goodness that came in that relationship), I am almost glad that I did because it revealed something I have actually been suffering from a lot longer than I thought. Anxiety is really something I have dealt with my entire life, and only now has it manifested in the worst possible way. I am glad that I recognize this, and I see light at the end of the tunnel in finding a solution to this so I can learn how to manage the triggers in such a way that does not destroy my happiness or confidence.

If you can relate, comment, offer advice, and be someone for support, I'd love it.


 

[emppin]

So this is my first post.

I was diagnosed with quite severe GAD and mild depression 2 years ago. I remember googling my symptoms since I felt like I was crazy, that something was physically and psychologically wrong with me, and that's when I first heard of GAD.

I can't pinpoint where it all started and I believe it's been a gradual thing. Anyway, I've always been super sensitive to the mood of others around me. Whenever I'm on a bus or train or just walking down the street I look at every person I meet to see if they will explode with anger or do something that might be dangerous. I'm paranoid and I can never live in the moment. I am always ten steps ahead. Even the smallest issue is life-threatening in my head. Not life-threatening as in I might die, but as in I will go absolutely crazy and my life will fall apart.

The worst part with GAD has always been that it's so internal. People view me as calm, rational, and productive, but inside I feel like I can't breath and that I might vomit. Whenever I express my irrational fears and worries, people look at me like ''what the-?'' and tell me to 'calm down' and 'relax'. How the hell is that going to help?
It's also the fact that the worrying becomes so normal. Like it's always there. A person in your head that keeps on babbling, telling you scary stories, commenting on everything that happens, tells you what to think even though you know it's crazy.

I can function pretty well in social situations and at work since my worries often give me an adrenaline kick which makes me perform well. But the moment I get home or have a minute alone, it hits me like a ton of bricks and I get this urge to go home and stay in bed for weeks. I've even done that on many occasions just because I'm so exhausted.

I haven't tried meds for it, but I was sent to a CBT specialist which did not help at all and I think it just wasn't working with the therapist rather than the actual treatment itself.

Anyway, to sum it up, I'm tired of my own brain, I'm frustrated with the people around me who think it's a joke and I'm longing for that  sense of calm that does not come with a hangover the next day.

Thank you for reading :)

Emppin

[grrranxiety]

My anxiety started about 5 years ago when i started having gallbladder problems. I suffered for 6 months before they took it out. The day of the surgery I was terrified I was going to die. When I awoke from the surgery I felt very agitation and it started with my legs, like i had a blood cloth. I went to the hospital everyday for 2 months before I was diagonsed with health anxiety. Now I am on celexa 40mg a day. The dr now says my celexa is not working anymore and i need to go on zoloft 50mg a day. I am terrified to take zoloft. I hate having anxiety so much. I feel so alone in this big world. Like I am the only one who has it, but i know there are others out there like me. My family is very supportive but not so much lately because i guess they herd the same complaints over and over so now they just tell me to shut up. but i still feel like i am gonna die. I have had every test you can imagen. 

[Bel12]

So my anxiety has been with me all my life pretty much. I was about 8 when it really started getting noticed though. I don't really remember what the trigger was now looking back, but for about 2 years every morning just about I'd throw up. I wasn't sick at all - well not in the way of having a fever - I literally made myself throw up - made my stomach so tense let my mind just think only of anxiety - as if it was a release of everything I was anxious about in those 24 hours prior. I know that sounds insane, and you're probably wondering why my parents did nothing about it... they tried desperately, asked for advice on it again and again. I was perfectly healthy other than that one factor. I wasn't bulimic. I was just so incredibly anxious that for me at that age the only way that I thought I could make myself feel better at all was being sick. Like how it started, I don't know what it was that made that end... my mum thinks it was me finally realising I wasn't really helping myself at all. I think I was scared. I just didn't understand what was going on inside my mind at all.

It seemed to dissapate for quite awhile after that... it wasn't until I was 13 that it crept back. One of my best friends died - was hit by a car walking home from school. I think really part of that came from me blaming myself. I always walked home with her, but that one afternoon I didn't. At first I was pretty strong - or so it appeared - I was like a counsellor for everyone else in my year (the school counsellor even said this to my mum some time later), but then suddenly it all caught up with me, and the panic attacks started. Almost every night for about a month I'd wake with it... feeling as though I couldn't breathe. If it wasn't for my mum I don't know how I would have gotten through that time. I went to the school counsellor for about 2 and a half years... it helped in some ways, but in some ways it didn't really appear in the long run to help properly.

I went through another lull after that, but then in Year 12 it started getting out of hand again, except now it was also mixing with depression, and my mum set me up to see a psychologist. I went every week for 6 months. Together we set up a routine of sorts to help me and it was only then that I was diagnosed with GAD and severe depression... oddly after that I pretty much thought I was sorted, that I could handle it all on my own... but you never know what's around the corner.

Just in the past 6 or so months both my anxiety and depression have come back. This is due to many reasons... though the big ones being, me miscarrying, my boyfriend and I breaking up, me falling for a guy that my mum dislikes, the guy i was kind of seeing finding out part way through our relationship that he was going to be a dad (this was 2 months before the baby was due), him and I knowing we should break it off properly if he wanted to make proper family for his kid but it taking us about a month and a half to really stop things (even though now we still have strong feelings for one another), the biggest impact was my ex boyfriend (the first I mentioned) having just died only a month ago in a car accident, and me having now done two hpt and them both being positive, and now waiting on results from doctor... *sigh*

As one of my friends said to me yesterday, 'well, I guess from here things can only get better' - I so hope she is right

[Mommaof2]

Hello, my name is Jerrica.  I use to never have panic attacks before until I did exstacey once and had a really bad trip.  Now out of the blue I will start to feel like I am going to die.  It could be my heart feels weird or my head hurts and Ill think i am going to have a brain anurisim or something crazy.  I know its stupid after I have one but while I am having one its so awful i can barely take care of my kids.  It scares me so bad and I have told my Dr about it and he gives me Paxel which I cant take anything cuz it gives me a panic attack if it makes me get sleepy. The only medication I can take is my suboxone and I barley even take it.  I want to get better so I can feel better and look better!  I have been reading peoples stuff on this website and I really love it.  I cant believe there is so many people that feel like me.  I mean cuz it sucks having these. I cant watch my ghost stories anymore or watch certain things.  So if you have any suggestions write me.

[lost992]

Hii i'm new very new. I just joined 10 minutes ago. I'm starting to wonder if joining this site was really going to get me what i wanted. I'm sorry if I'm sort of starting off topic. It's about 4 am and I'm really scared. I'm not sure if scared is the right word to use, but it feels sort of that way. Anyway I'll start with today and go on from there. I have school today. I missed yesterday and a lot of other days scattered through out this year. So When i miss a day even though I was sort a normal behavior at my old school it became something for people to comment about at this school. The reasons for missing school are varies, but my general reason is my anxiety. If I don't finish an assignment or have a presentation I skip because I'm too scared of the teachers and students. I get anxious and worried over things that don't really matter too like the way i look. this shouldn't really matter because i talk to maybe one or two people a day. not friends, just classmates that I may talk to once in a week to borrow a pencil or ask when an assignments due. I'm quiet and most of the time keep out of peoples way. I'm 18 and have never even dated anyone  my shame... So anyway I'm not really going to tell u why I'm missing school today, but its pretty much stupid anyway. I always tell myself i just need one more day to go back to that place and then ill be fine, but the longer I'm away the harder it is to go back. my current situation at school is: might get kicked out of night school, failing most likely 2 day classes and barely passing the other two.  with the weather the way it is now i feel like school is almost over and there is not hope of passing all my class or even being allowed to stay in them. I'm sup post to see a psychiatrist in June, which is at the end of this semester 3 months from now. my mid terms marks are already in too. I'm not planning to go to grad or prom or anything and my mom tells me to just drop out and start fresh in September, but honestly ill be going back to the same school with a new group of people who probably won't want to talk to me. It all feels so hopeless. So thank u for reading to this point if you made it this far. I'm sorry that i am confusing and all over the place in my writing. Again thank you Here's some good news i got two conditional acceptances to college and on one waiting list. These programs are stepping stones to what i really want to be. Sorry to go back to being a failure, but i have yet to accept any and at this rate I won't be able to. There are more things id like to say about other aspects of  my life i hate, but I'm leaving it here for now...

thank you for your time and hope your day goes well -lost992