Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder

[yaz1988]

Hey! My name is Yasmin and I'm 21 about to turn 22 in a week.
I found this site as I was googling  symptoms of Lymphoma. But I guess it all started about a year ago, when I first started having panic attacks, and then I starting thinking I had HIV, and from then on everything just went downhill.
 Since then I have learned how to control my panic attacks much better, but what worries me now is thinking I have some sort of deadly disease. Right now I'm stuck between lymphoma and salivary gland cancer.
For the past year I've had this swollen lymph node on the right side of my neck, and it has gotten much bigger the past few months (4cm or so) it doesn't hurt, you can sorta move it, and in the past 2 weeks or so it seems to have gone down in since a little. I have no other symptoms, I have gone to the doctor and done blood tests and she said my white blood cells are fine and that means I don't have lymphoma, she did say I might have a blocked up salivary gland.
This has been eating me alive for the past month or so, I'm constantly nervous and scared.
I would just like get some opinions and just have someone to talk to about everything that's going on.

thank you for reading this, it means a lot :)

[tk]

Hey everyone . . . I've been reading through this forum for a little while, and I am amazed (and mildly relieved) at how similar my recent experience with anxiety is to many of the members here.  This is my first post, so I thought I would describe the past few weeks I've had dealing with GAD for the first time.  My hope is that the experiences and insights of the members here will somehow help me cope better with this recent affliction.

I am a 39 year-old male.  Happily married with two wonderful kids.  About 3 1/2 months ago I was diagnosed with mild acid-reflux and prescribed the proton pump inhibitor "Protonix" for 3 months.  The drug worked very well controlling my reflux, and I experienced little (if any) side-effects.  Other than the reflux, I am in relatively good health.  I play basketball once/week, take walks almost daily, I eat a fairly healthy diet with lots of fruit and veggies.  I take a daily multi-vitamin and fish oil.  I have maybe 1-4 alcoholic drinks per week.  I am unaware of any abnormal stress in my life.  Furthermore, I receive a fairly elaborate physical examination annually, including comprehensive blood screening, ekg, and stress-test.  I have always gotten a clean bill of health.

About a week after I finished the 3 months of Protonix I attended a family gathering where I drank more alcohol than is typical for myself.  Additionally, some of the drinks had "red bull" in them.   I regretted this behavior the next day when I had a severe hangover.  I proceeded to attempt to sooth myself with a cheesesteak, french fries, and diet cola.  Midway through eating this atypical meal, I experienced something that felt like a heart murmur/flutter palpitation, etc.  It was probably related to caffeine, or just a normal flutter.  Only this time it caused me to jump out of my seat in alarm.  As the day progressed I felt a growing wave of anxiety that culminated in what I now understand to be my first anxiety attack.  My heart was beating out of my chest, I was sweating, couldn't focus.  I felt "detatched" from the events going on around me.  I managed to calm myself to sleep that night after tossing and turning . . . and dwelling on the negative sensations occurring to me. 

I awoke the next day feeling more normal, but I had an underlying sense that the anxiety could spring forth at any moment.  Inevitably, I had my 2nd attack that evening, and my wife coaxed me to drive myself to the ER, where she would meet me after making arrangements for the kids.  By the time I arrived at the hospital I was feeling better.  The ER took me in and proceeded to perform an ekg and standard blood screening.  My anxiety gradually escalated as I lie in the hospital bed.  Finally, the doctor felt fairly confident that I was experiencing General Anxiety Disorder or GAD.  He gave me 1mg of Ativan . . . and I felt myself again in about an hour.  My wife and I left the hospital with a script for 21 1mg Ativan pills and directions to see my family doc.  I went home and slept soundly.

That was about a week ago.  In the subsequent days after my ER visit I have generally awoke feeling well, but the anxiety has come and gone.  It seems as if my anxiety tends to manifest itself more often after I eat a meal and/or as it gets closer to bedtime.  I have tried to use the Ativan only as needed, usually to calm myself before bed.  I have since visited my doctor, and he referred me to a psychologist . . . my first visit is upcoming on Monday.  Both my doctor and my psychologist urged me to use the Ativan if I need it.  The Ativan has helped tremendously.  I have not used it everyday, but I'd say I have averaged .5mg per day since my original attack.  I am looking forward to my visit with the psychologist.

My major concern rears it's head when I am having an attack.  Basically, I get an overwhelming fear that this anxiety is something that is never going to totally leave me, and I fear I will never have the same quality of life I had prior to all of this.

[constantmover]

Hi TK,

I want to reassure you that you will get back a good quality of life, but it may need some adjusting.  Your anxiety arising before bed is not untypical.  I have had GAD all my life and wasn't diagnoses until much later.  It was just before I turned 50 that I got my official diagnosis but I had been prescribed ativan by my gp before that as I once went through 2 weeks without sleep.  He thought I was depressed but I rejected the idea and I didn't accept the fact that I had anything wrong with me until I kind of crashed and sought out a psychiatrist.  He confirmed that what I had been feeling all my life was GAD with panic.  I had had panic attacks off and on all my life and just decided to kept it to myself for fear that I was going crazy.  As a young kid, no one wants to think they are different than the others, but I knew I was and just figured out ways to look "normal" whatever that is. 

I look forward to hearing what your new psychologist has to say about what would be a good method for you to help combat this disorder.  One thing I would suggest, stay away from caffeine if you can.  It is definitely a trigger for a lot of people.  Your diet sounds healthy, which is a great thing, other than the cheese-steak, fries and cola.  We all have gone off the wagon on food at times.  I know, I did last night and regret it too.  Diet, at least in my case, really does make a difference.  BTW, I assume you know there is caffeine in cola also Mountain Dew (if you live in the States) and lots of other drinks you wouldn't even think of. 

When you do get to see the psychiatrist, please post in the GAD forum so that many of us can see it.  I often go to that forum first and then head over to the Panic and Agoraphobia forum as my official diagnosis is GAD with panic. 

When I did see a psychiatrist, he used to tease me (in a good way) about any time I got the excuse to stay home knowing full well that I would relish it and lessen my feeling of GAD.

Just so you know, with the right help possibly CBT, diet, and sometimes combined with proper medication, you can live a very full life.  the medication you are currently on is for short term use, but some doctors will prescribe it for long term as long as it is only used on an "as needed" basis.  Alternatively, if you are feeling anxiety (assuming without depression) all the time, beta blockers are helpful and/or long acting benzos like clonazepam (klonopin) or valium.  Don't be alarmed about these medications even though there is some controversy about them.  The controversy is really directed at the short acting benzos that sometimes get abused because they were never meant for long term use.  I actually like ativan (short acting benzo) to carry around with me just in case of a panic attack.  If you get the sublingual kind (use under the tongue, very small quick dissolving pills) they start working within a couple of minutes and are a great tool to stave off panic attacks.  Even though I am on clonazepam, I still carry ativan with me...just in case.  It's funny how reassured I feel knowing it is at hand if needed.  I rarely ever take it, but I know it is there.  In your case, you could carry a couple in a discrete small pill box or even in a match box and no one would be the wiser.

The bottom line here is plenty of people have this disorder and carry on quite nicely.  If it makes you feel any better, there are celebrities who no one would ever guess had or have it.  I was fond of the comedian John Candy.  He passed away from a heart attack not from anxiety (which doesn't happen, by the way).  Anyway, he had an anxiety disorder.  Conrad Black, infamous embezzler millionaire from Canada, used to carry a paper bag around with him because of fear of having a panic attack.  It doubled for a breathing bag and barf bag if needed...LOL  Seriously, people go through periods in there life where they don't feel any anxiety, even years as was the case with me.  Then it hits again or in some cases doesn't come back.  Either way, you have it now.  Deal with it and we are here to help.

[tk]

thx . . your words truly help.

[YoungAndUnsure]

I discovered a few months ago that I have been dealing with anxiety for years. I don't know if it getting worse or being aware of makes it feel worse, but I have yet to discover what I can do to overcome it. I really do not like that I have to take medication for it and that I have no one to talk to about it.

[Maria G.]

Hello everyone!!
I'm so relieved to see that a lot of people are in the same situation as I am.
First of all I apologize for any language mistakes as I'm from Greece. Yes anxiety seems to be a world spreading disease.
As for my story, well I had an episode of panic at the age of 17 that was followed by a year of anxiety. Back then the main symptoms were dizziness and lightheadness (if there is such a term).
All ended during my university years. Of course due to my studies (I am a doctor), I was suffering from almost every disease I was studying about! But this was not something to panic me or anything.
2 years ago I had to move to the capital of Greece , which is a very big and noisy city. In the beginning I had a couple of panic attacks in the metropolitan which only caused me a phobia when going around the city. Following that I found my self avoiding crowded place which led to avoiding going out even for coffee. I must add a couple of panic attacks too late at night (but I thought that this was because I felt completely alone in this new place).
Meantime I was working on a medical study and had to do a lot of going around in the city's hospitals as well as many journeys abroad (notice that I have problem with airplanes too).
The study had become a nightmare but it was supposed to end on August... unfortunately it didn't! When they informed me that I had a BIG panic attack that wake me up at night with tremors , shaking, sweating, thinking I was going to pass out and of course rapid heart beat!!
Since that day I'm having the anxiety feeling EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! I visit a colleague (cardiologist) who performed me all the examinations but is absolutely convinced that all these are only severe anxiety.
I can fully understand that , especially when I wake up.
To be more specific I wake up perfectly well and then I automatically think of all the symptoms and.... the games begin (usually with chest pain and abdominal discomfort).
As for the symptoms... well here is a catalog:
1. Chest pain / or discomfort and heart palpitations
2. Short of breath (despite the fact that I don't feel like it when I exercise)
3. Strange feeling in my stomach that is like 'butterflies' or something.
4. Numbness on the face ,arms, legs
5. Feeling like I can not speak, or eat
6. Dizziness
Well currently I can not even drive myself to work, or go out to the supermarket.
BUT
I'm trying to relax and convince myself that all these are not real. They are only things that my mind does to my body. As soon as I have fully understand that I will be back to normal.
Again thank you for making this beautiful site. It is important to know that you are not alone.
 

[mania]

Hi everyone,
This is my first time ever on a site about anxiety and talking about it.I'm 32year old female mother of 2girls 8 and 4 years old,I've always been a person that worries and stresses over everything even things that are not in my control and this has been been for years mayb 10 years now.only recently mayb 2years ago I started showing symptoms of being lightheaded eye problems muscle twitches lightheadedness feeling faint forgetfullness bad mood swings tearfull most of the time and I became overly paranoid of my health.kept going to doctors with my symptoms and nothing ever came of it they all said its anxiety.I'm at a piont were I think the doctors are making a mistake there has to be something seriously wrong with me.I get all the physical symptoms pains in my muscles,bad chest pains stomach problems etc the list goes on.I need help.I'll wake up in the morning tired and wen I start walking I feel so weak like I could fall over,I feel like that most of the time.is there anyone else there that feels the same?

[dinky2shoes]

I think this is a wonderful post area and a very good idea.

One day I will return and post my story, when its 'straighter' in my head.

Warm wishes to all...

[panicmommy]

Hello all! I have read many of the posts here, and feel that I am in the right place, and I am not alone. (finally). All my panic problems started in 2001 at age 21. I had a surgery they gave me morphine, and all of a sudden, I start feeling like I am having a heart attack, can't breathe, punding heart, chest pain, you name it. I have been in and out of the hospital, Dr office, cardiologist, since. My father is a heart patient, his father died at 46 from a massive heart attack, and dad has started to have "mini" strokes and in and out of the hospital. So heart problem run in the family big time. I'm a cigarette smoker, which don't help. I found out that I have high cholesterol, that freaks me out. My mom also suffers from panic attacks, which could have something to do with me, who knows, i have heard both ways.

Now, I have been married for 6 years, have a 3 year old son, and I am 26 weeks along with a new one. I should be happy right? Wrong, I live in constant fear and panic. I constantly feel I am having a heart attack. I have had EKG, blood work, stress test, echo, and even a elective cardiac catherization, just for reassurance, which was November of last year. Went to ER 2 nights ago with what I just knew was a heart attack, but all turn out good with my heart, they said I have GERD and panic. I knew this. I have the feeling constantly it seems it never lets up, I worry about my pregnancy and what all my symptoms are doing to the baby. I just want my normal back. I have been on and off meds for years now, my OB just put me on Prozac, and I feel awful just starting them, but I was told that I just need to give it time. Was on Zoloft, on and off for years but they stopped working probley because I did not take them like I should and always took myself off of them. Anyways, would love to talk to any who are going through all of this too, and maybe we can help each other.   

[StarGazerLilly]

Mine isn't anywhere NEAR as long as everyone elses, haha.

My social anxiety story began in 1999. When I was seven years old. I lived with my grandparents all my life at that point. They were always snipping and arguing with each other. my grandfather constantly pressured me  to do well in school. Make A's or you're grounded! If you make a B you'll do the homework assignment another two times or until you understand your mistakes!

It was difficult, but to me it was normal. My grandmother was a sweetheart though, she understood people made mistakes, and she didn't get frustrated if I got a spelling word wrong. I loved(and still do) my grandmother. My real parents were never around, my mother was a druggie and my dad had another woman so he was never in the picture either. So, as the years progressed, everything began building up. I could never do good enough, I figured that I'd always do wrong and why even bother talking to people? They're going to judge me anyway! There's no reason to even try. . . So I stopped. I became this nine year old recluse, hiding up in my room and reading books or playing outside with the animals. In 2001 my grandmother moved away, leaving me alone with my grandfather, my mother.. and on occasion, my father. Everything escalated. Hate was taken out on everyone BUT the person they were mad at, the family turned into a huge raging ball of mess and it was all my grandmothers fault(so they said). I didn't believe it , though, my grandmother just wanted to get away from all the chaos, it wasn't her fault!

She was the only one that I could trust with things, so after she was gone I literally had no one left. On the bright side, though, about two years later I finally did get to move away to live with my grandmother. It was amazing! I wasn’t pressured anymore; I was my own person I didn’t have to make straight A’s I didn’t have to worry about messing up. If I did, that was okay, I’d be able to do it over again. Unfortunately, though the effects of past years grew on me and built up more and more to the awkward aloof mess I am today. I’m slowly getting over it with the help of God, and my best friend- My grandmother. She’s so supportive and I wish all of you have someone like that in your life you can lean on when you’re worried, scared, panicking, or simply curious about something or why something is going on in your life.

[anxiousteen]

Well I would first like to start out by introducing myself and giving you a little background information on me. I'm a 16 year old high school student that suffers from Anxiety and Depression. I have started to realize that my anxiety started a few years ago even though just recently it has hit an all-time high. I'm fairly new to all of the medical terms used to characterize anxiety such as agoraphobia and such, but I have done a little research to gain a firm understanding. Also my parents have been divorced since I was in Kindergarten so that has never really had a big impact on me because it happened at such a young age.

Anyways, I believe that my anxiety started about a year or two ago. I was living with my Dad at the time. Every night when I would go to sleep I would get these thoughts about him dying and how hard it would be and how much I would miss him. I would try to dismiss these thoughts by calling them silly or saying that it would never happen. Some times this would not work and I would panic and worry myself to the point where I would quickly raise up in bed and be like "You're all right....You're all right, just breathe". Usually this would help me to the point where I could relax and lay back down, but it also gave me thoughts and fears about myself dying. This led to loss of sleep and loss of good rest.

Well at the end of May of this year my Dad did end up passing away. I found him in the morning when I went to wake him up like I normally did because he was unemployed at the time. This was VERY traumatizing for me because I found him laying on his floor by the bed where he had passed out when trying to go back to bed I'm assuming. I quickly shook him and was saying "Dad! Dad! DAD WAKE UP!"....in a sense of panic I screamed to my sister who is 4 years older than me and she came in the room and we immediately called 911. They had her start administering CPR until the firemen and paramedics could get there. The paramedics told us that he was already gone though they could still take him to the hospital, but we agreed that it would not be worth it if he was already gone. This was a very overwhelming and devastating blow to me. I just lost my father and I'm the one that initially found him.

Now almost 7 months later I've been dealing with a lot of what I feel to be Social Anxiety and stress to the point where I have been avoiding a class because I'm not doing well in it. My symptoms that I have been experiencing can be described as sweaty palms, racing heart, what seems like my mind is going 1000 mph, tightness and pain in chest, trouble breathing, and also what seems like I'm listening to 100 radio stations at once when sitting in class. Also when I am having these anxiety or panic attacks I can feel the adrenaline wave flow through my body. It is a weird feeling.

My doctor has prescribed me Zoloft along with .25 mg Xanax. Recently I have purchased Theanine Serene with Relora and Gaba extract in a pill form. I have found that by combining the Xanax with the Theanine Serene it calms me down and lifts my mood. And that's my story...

[CharlieWhiskey]

Hi everyone,
I'm new. I might have a six hour trip this weekend so I figured I needed to get a jump start on my anxiety. My family lives up there so I make these trips often and because of this, I know that this trip will trigger my anxiety.
It all started on Christmas day, four days after I had turned 16. I was eating Christmas dinner with part of my family. I felt fine, never had an issue before. Then I went to go out with my boyfriend at the time. We were driving and he was smoking weed and I usually partake but I just didn't feel well almost the instant I stepped outside. He was bumping some kind of "hardcore" music which made things worse. We got to his sister's house and immediately, I had to go. I told him I had to go. There was no way I could stay, something was wrong. I started walking out without him, not even bothering to explain or try and argue. I just left, walking out in the snow. He followed me and continued to ask questions which I ignored because I had no answers. We got to the halfway point between my house and his sister's and I looked at him with overwhelming fear and just told him I had to go. He hugged me and let me leave, watching me walk away.
After, I cut myself off from everyone. I wouldn't take phone calls, I couldn't eat anything except maybe a few chips and some dip. I watched Saving Silverman at least 20 times over. I stayed in my room and laid down on my bed for hours, days. No one bothered me because my mother was not a very interested person. I finally came out one day, due to lonliness, only to be obsessed with the computer. What more could i ask for? Human interaction without leaving my house.
I now know that I was depressed. I now know that was the beginning of everything.
I have overcome my depression. I cannot give anyone advice how, I just was sick of feeling the way I did. I was done and my mind realized it so, it gave up making me feel the way I did. Every once in a while I get the ping in my stomach and I just dismiss it. It doesn't bother me anymore.
Anxiety is a different thing. I had it bad when I was depressed but it wasn't nearly as severe. I also happened to be lucky enough to get what the doc's say is the highest level of anxiety. I get headaches, butterflies that never stop, I get goosebumps on only the back of my thighs, I get the cold sweats, I get basically the emotional plus physical characteristics of anxiety.
I know now that my anxiety is triggered by change, pain, and the fear of death.
I want children with my husband and I know I am ready but I am soo afraid of the change, of the pain, that I cannot do it.
I am afraid of take drugs because of my past as a pothead, I don't even take Aspirin.
Anything that alters my mind or body, freaks me out.

Now, the reason I joined. I have family up North which is about 7 hours from me. These long drives do a number on me emotionally. I will make my stomach hurt because I know it will happen (it always does). because of this, I freak out because I think I'm dying. The thought of a hospital in the middle of a place I've never been before, freaks me out. Some times, I can get a grip on it but I can't take the risk this weekend if I go. I don't want to spend another 7 hour trip freaking out. I know things that help but in a car, they usually make me partially car sick.

I just thought I would try something different. Maybe talk to people who know what I am going through and don't dismiss my anxiety as everyone else has. No one seems to understand that I don't just suffer from feelings, but physical. It's much harder for me to do normal things like take a train than them.

[techie]

HI

Just joined...So I suffer from extreme anxiety.  I find most days hard to get through for example taking the bus is terrifying to me. I can barely write tests for school because I so afraid of failure. I have to do everything perfect and i get really obsessive about it. I had an anxiety attack yesterday, woke up at 4:00am with a bit of chest pain was convinced I was having a heart attack and almost called the ambulance. I constantly think I am the verge of dieing and that I am going to get or already have some life threatening disease. I am a huge hypochondriac did I mention HUGE. If I have any weird symptom I instantly google it and look at all the possible diseases that have the same symptom. If I could I probably would live next to a Medical Doctor or Clinic just so I can ask him or her about every possible symptom I have. Just leaving the house is a scary for me I am crippled with thoughts of perfectionism and failure that I can barely do anything. MY thoughts are so intrusive that I can't live in the moment or hardly enjoy anything because I am afraid of everthing. Also, my hair has started to fall out which has made me obsessive about that and convinced that I am making myself ill with all this anxiety. I have an exam in a couple days and I am convinced I will fail it. I am so stressed while studying because I am constantly thinking about the failure that a waits me. I have bad muscle tension  and my breathing is very shallow most of time because I barely breathe when Im having anxiety. I'mafraid of social rejection and my social relationships that its hard for me to go out to social gatherings... Literally every step I take I feel as though I am taking risk of possible death, failure, bankruptsy, illness, mass social rejection, ect.. this list goes on and on.
            Just recently I have received some treatment for my anxiety.. The doctor gave me 20 ativan for the month of November and I used all of them in a matter of 3weeks. I found them very helpful but felt as though I needed them everyday for various different reasons.  The doctor has put me on Cipralex, it worked for the first week but now I find it barely works at all... so I guess I am back to figure something out. Ugh, I feel so trapped and stuck and paralyzed.

[vagrantfilmsguy]

Hi,

My name is Ryan, I am 35 year old , self employed who suffers by what feel like chronic anxiety and panic attacks,  driven by a fear of dying one day.

I can barely sleep, and at worst I've thrown furniture in my apartment, pulled hair from my head, and urinated myself in public.  The last 2 months have seen me screaming or violently reacting (never against people) up to 40 times a day.

I also suffer from severe loneliness and depression also.

I have yet to find a proper physician in Toronto who will prescribe anything for me or refer me to proper help.

I relish the opportunity to find friends and support here.

[constantmover]

Hi,

My name is Ryan, I am 35 year old , self employed who suffers by what feel like chronic anxiety and panic attacks,  driven by a fear of dying one day.

I can barely sleep, and at worst I've thrown furniture in my apartment, pulled hair from my head, and urinated myself in public.  The last 2 months have seen me screaming or violently reacting (never against people) up to 40 times a day.

I also suffer from severe loneliness and depression also.

I have yet to find a proper physician in Toronto who will prescribe anything for me or refer me to proper help.

I relish the opportunity to find friends and support here.

Have you contacted the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto.  they often have some research programmes that may benefit you or they definitely could put you on to someone who has experience dealing with your particular problem.  Here is the website:  http://www.camh.net/  It might be worth looking at the site and giving them a call. 

[Dee0069]

Hello everyone.  I’m new to the forum.  New to any forum actually.  I’ve never told this story to anyone, barely articulated it to myself even.  I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (albeit somewhat amateurishly, is that a word?) at 18.  But really I’ve dealt with it since 4th grade I think.  My family moved and I had to go to a new school.  I never felt like I fit in there, I didn’t know anybody.  And to compound this, there was a lot of pressure from teachers to be good and not talk.  As a result I think I just fell into this habit of not standing out or drawing attention in anyway.  So I didn’t talk to anybody, didn’t look at them.  And when I had to talk, I unconsciously learned to derail any momentum and the conversation would die after a few moments.  Even now at work, people have to talk to me, and then they try to make a joke, and don’t know how to respond.  I just agree, then try to laugh like I got it, but they caught that I didn’t get it right away.  So that’s me, I’m afraid to talk to anyone that I don’t know intimately.  My immediate family and friend.  And even then, I have a hard time calling my mom or grandma sometimes.  I guess, to be more direct; I’m afraid to talk to people in person, on the phone, or online.  I can’t give presentations, make introductions, or ask for things.  Initiating seems to be my biggest hurdle, but I have a terrible time maintaining a conversation as well.
So I’ve been cruising the boards for a few days now, just trying to work up the courage to post something.  And I’m a little saddened by the amount of people that have given up on their dreams and ambitions.  Not me though.  I have tons of dreams, chief of which is that I will be normal.  I will live a life relatively free from social anxiety. (Gotta keep it realistic)  I have a lot of ideas how to start too; it’s just getting up the nerve to do it.  Good luck to everyone else.  It’s a struggle for all of us.  Thanks for making a site that facilitates healing and growth.

[constantmover]

Hi Dee0069

Welcome to Anxiety Zone.  I hope you take a look at the Social Anxiety section in here and read some of the posts plus jump right in and post yourself.  Lots of us suffer from this form of anxiety so you are certainly not alone.  For those who aren't housebound or only have a problem with public speaking or interaction with other then a couple of my friends have benefited from joining Toastmasters.  This can really help you in your job if you have to do presentations etc.  It actually help turn one of my friends into an incredibly great speaker who is often invited to speak at various events.  She has gone from a shy individual to outgoing and it all happened because she joined Toastmasters.  This is also a great way of meeting new people who are in a business environment. 

Enjoy the forums and don't hesitate in posting. 

[dots2010]

Panic attacks and feelings of being unreal....agh...i hate anxiety! drinking doesnt help. only smoking i found to be helpful. (cigs not weed, i go crazy on weed)

[Hayden]

Im so glad I found this site!  I have a lot of anxiety issues, panick attacks, depression, anxeity, lots of fear for no reason, and now a new one chronic pain    

Mine all started when I was about 26 I had a lot of pain with my wisdom teeth and a terrible racing heart I thought i was dying.  I went to several dentists and doctors I couldnt understand why I felt like I was dying all the time.  I was constantly in another world. My dad told me I had anxeity and he was the same age when his started.  I have never been the same since, I have learned to conrol it somewhat but now its haunting me again.  I am constantly worried about my heart and having a heart attack.

[dlsharpe75]

Well I am just joining today but wanted to give my story as well.  My first panic attack was Sept. 23, 2004.  I had been at my cousin's house and we had smoked some marijuana.  It was around 10:30 and I had to leave for work cause I worked 3rd shift.  On my way to work I all of a sudden out of nowhere started feeling my heart racing which was followed by shortness of breath.  I got sick on my stomach and slowed my car down and pulled to the shoulder just in time for me to black out for just a second.  When I came to, I was dead in the middle of an attack although at the time I had no idea that was what it was.  I just knew that something was seriously wrong and I thought I was having a heart attack.  I began to call out to God begging him to just let me make it to work (I only had about 2 more miles to go).  I told Him that if he would let me make it to work I would never ever smoke marijuana again. 

Well I made it to work but the panic attack had not subsided.  When I got to work I told the girl I was relieving that I needed her to call 911 cause I thought I was having a heart attack.  She did and they told her they were on their way.  It seemed to take forever and during that time everyone was telling me to take deep breaths....but that's kinda hard to do when you are panicking.  The ambulance came and hooked me up to the heart monitor right there in the lobby and it came back ok.  The EMT told me that it sounded like I was having a panic attack.  This was news to me cause I had never heard of anything like that, and I was convinced that he was full of it and demanded they take me to the hospital.  In the ambulance my heart rate was extremely high and he kept telling me to bear down like I was having a bowel movement and to take deep slow breaths...did it and still my heart raced.  Once I got to the ER they did the usual routine and nothing was wrong....they just said ANXIETY.  Well how do you explain that to someone who has never ever been afraid of anything in their life.

From that moment on my life changed.  I stopped being the carefree woman that I once was and became a prisoner in my own mind.  Everytime I would have an attack I would think I was dieing and no one could convince me otherwise.  These attacks have robbed me of my happkiness and I just want it back....there is so much more to tell but I don't want to bore anyone right away.....I just want others to know that I feel everything they have felt and want them to know that I want to do whatever I have to to get rid of them...I hope I can find that here.

[tofutti83]

Wonderful to read some positive outcomes. It's a daily struggle for sure.

[dlsharpe75]

tofutti...you summed it up right there..it most definitely is an everyday battle and it takes alot of energy to get through it.

[waitohyeahwait]

Here's a snippet of some of my fun OCD moments.

I cant eat without soda pop. Rare exceptions like not being at home.

Can't eat at home without watching tv.

My food will sit on my plate, frozen solid even, until I can find a tv show i want to watch. I don't want to "waste" the meal just because I m hungry.

If I am attempting to accomplish a goal and it becomes frustrating, i will ignore even the phone, door and need to use the bathroom until I can figure it out. Example: I love puzzle games.  I can't play them anymore. Ha.

Social surroundings are fine unless i have to speak to someone I've never met. Meeting new people freaks me out.  I don't wanna be judged. I'm very outgoing which is weird i think.

When some of these things happen I get hot flashes around the same parts of the body to jittering, biting nails and snapping fingers. My mind constantly tells me all of this is "normal" and not to worry and pretend I don't have issues like this. I gave some of these examples to show my weird pop fascination.

Edit: I haven't ate since 2pm and i m hungry. I wanted to eat so bad but i needed to check email, social networks, here. I saw this thread and HAD to reply. Now I am starving!

[kerstin]

Well, im 15. I was just diagnoised with anxiety today. I had been diagonoised with ADHD and Turrets since i was 4. It all makes sence now. Ever since i can remember, ive been very jumpy, someone will come around the corner, and i will scream before i understand what is going on. I always thought i had a strong imagionation, i would think about intruders in my house, and my heart would race and i would get very very scared. My breathing would speed up, i would freek out. I never knew it was a panic attack. My anxiety is also contributing to my Turrets. When i get bad, my turrets does to. I cannot sleep knowing that i have an unfinished task. I also cannot sleep because I have an irrational fear of the dark, people in it, dying, someone being in my room, house, anything. I get full body shutters all the time. my eyes also get blurry. My throat hurts every morning as result of my stressful night. My body is constantly on fight of flight all the time at night. my anxiety is hardly there during the day. The night just sets it off. if anyone has any input about this. that would be sooo helpful.

[leopard89]

hi!!! well im gunna try and keep this short and sweet!! im trying 2 read every1s post but ther so long and my eyes r stinging!!!
im 21 i have had anxiety 4 2 yrs now and its the most awfull thing iv been thru!!! i feel so alone and that no 1 understands me!!! hopefully sum1 here will :) i had my 1st big panic attack 2 years ago whils having a piknik with my friendsan ter kidsin the park!! it was awfull they just lookd at me like i was loosing it like i was doing this for attention..... since then ihave lost alot of my friends and findit hard 2 keep intouch with the 1 that r still standing by me!! i feel so stuck and like ther is no way out of this!!!! i have quit smoking drinking an drugs within these 2 years trying to clear my head that is something to be proud of!! i would rather still beon them and living a life thanjust existing like i am atm!! well im gunna leave it at that!! its new years eve and im supposed 2 b going to a friends family party!! soooo nervous but going 2 keep trying :)
i have learnt alot about anxiety an simlar coditions durig my jurny but wold appreciate any tips that you cangive me :) and hopefully i can give you some and help you!!! :) get intouch!! xxxx