Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder

[gavinscott]

Hello all

I'm on here as I am completely and utterly terrified of my mum dying and it's completely taking over my life.  Not only am I terrified beyond belief, but I'm also scared about how scared I actually feel - and this is a vicious circle I've no way of escaping.  I read a few similar posts on here and realised I'm not alone, but this is a pretty overwhelming thing that I can't begin to get my head around.  If anyone here is going through similar, I'd appreciate some advice.

Thanks
Gavin

[dasher4924]

Hey everyone!! My anxiety started shortly after I had my daughter in 2008. My daughters father was very controlling and possesive. He would keep me from my friends and family, and pretty much kept me prisoner in my own house. He would control every move I made. I think it eventually just got to me and I cracked. I started getting really bad anxiety attacks. I went to the hospital one night and they had prescribed me .25 xanax. I took them for a couple of weeks but I didnt like them and stopped taking them. I wanted to go on anxiety medicine but my daughters father kept telling me bad things about it and really made me scared to take it. So my panic attacks kept coming and only got worse. I was able to sort of keep them under control for a while. We finnaly broke up about 6 months later for good after being together for 5 years, and my anxiety got a little better but it still wasnt under control. I waited for a while and I finally went to a pyschiatrist and talked to her about going on medicine. She thought I needed it so she prescribed me Cymbalta. It worked great for me. It got my life back on track and made me stop worrying about my problems and I stopped having panic attacks!

 I am currently taking 50mg of Cymbalta, but now I am pregnant with my second child so I have to wean off of the Cymbalta by my third trimester, so I am doing so VERY slowly. I have decreased my doseage by 10mg so far and I feel my anxiety slowly coming back. I can't wait to just get off of the medicine so I dont have to go through any withdrawls anymore. After I am done weaning off of this medicine, I plan to go on Lexapro in a few months bc i heard its one of the safest to take while pregnant. I hope I have success with Lexapro!! Well thats my anxiety story! I hope my anxiety goes away one day because I dont want to have to depend on medicine forever.

[emilem]

I'm a 16 year old girl with good grades, a few good friends and alright parents. As a kid, I was naturally withdrawn and very sensitive, but I'd never experienced anything like what I'm going through right now. I've never had anything traumatic happen to me, and so far I'm at a loss as to what triggered my anxiety.

My mental health story starts almost two years ago, at the beginning of the ninth grade. My whole life up to this point, I was known for my distinct personality: wildly imaginative, bright, cheerful and extremely interested in everything going on in the world - I guess you could say I had a zest for life. But when I was fourteen, my personality completely flipped. Looking back now, it kind of feels like the old me is a complete stranger. I don't relate to her much at all any more.

I don't know what caused this 180 degree spin of mine; a family history loaded with mental health problems, maybe. I guess it was just my time to start going insane, lol. Basically, it started with fatigue. I found myself falling asleep in class, something that never happened before. I would get my usual 9-10 hours and wake up feeling exhausted. I remember sitting in home room, with my peers all around me, talking and laughing. Usually, I would have jumped into the conversation with them but I just had no motivation to do so. I just didn't have the energy to do something as simple as talk to my friends.

I lost interest in all of my old passions. I used to study Russian and play bass guitar, but I quickly forgot about these things. I simply became devoid of any enthusiasm for anything.

Over the next two years, it kept progressing. I developed an array of physical problems and mental problems: severe muscle tension, so much that a physiotherapist commented that my shoulders are "filled with cement", uncontrollable worry, fatigue, a constant feeling of dread, shortness of breath, irritability, the compulsion to lie, no sex drive and the inability to slow down my thoughts.

Like the original poster, I've gone through phases where I smoke A LOT of marijuana. 4 times out of 5, it just makes my general anxiety and feelings of dread worse. I guess I kept doing it because that 1 time out of 5 would make me feel happy, but I've decided to cut down after I had a panic attack while high. My heart started beating really fast and I was freaking out, thinking I was going to die. I kind of wish I'd never smoked weed; I'm pretty sure it made me more neurotic than before.

It took me tons of blood tests and visit to my doctor to finally realize that I might be suffering from a mental health problem. I've started seeing a psychologist, and hopefully I'll finally get a diagnosis and a treatment so I can begin getting my old life back. I suspect that I'm suffering from a combination of depression & GAD... then again, I've been accused of being a hyperchondriac, so I guess I'll let the psychologist figure it all out.

I've only just begun my road to getting better, and I know it's going to be really hard for me to commit to changing the way I think. I kind of hope I get prescribed medication, but at the same time it's a scary thought. Up until this point, I'd always been a little weary when it came to psychiatric medicine, but after doing research I think it would be a good thing for me. For now, I'll just have to keep fighting it everyday, and I can only hope that I'll get better one day.

Thanks for reading =) writing this was pretty therapeutic, haha.

[MT2010]

Well I started suffering from anxiety disorder when i was 23 years old....i am 36 now. It was and still is completly
dibilitating. My attacks were so bad i would fall on the floor from not being able to breath, couldnt drive a car or work.
No one i told believed me in my family i was considered a bum and using that as an exuse not to work. Got no help
from them. This went on for months until I checked myself into the emergency room with my eyes rolling
in the back of my head and the doctor took a look at me and said i was fine......so i found out i would have to
help myself there was no help for me. I went to the library and checked out every book i could find on it and
read it.  I found out that part of it is ur way of thinking i changed my thinking to completley positive it helped
some but the attacks never went away. Right now i have been through over 100 jobs in 14 years. In the state
I live in the welfare psychiatrist do not issue narcotics which happens to be the medication i need for this dis
order, i have anxiety disorder with agoraphobia not panic disorder. also i do not qualify for social security
disablility for my condition is treatable. so im beside myself near homeless in financial ruin with no way
to get help i dont know what to do.

[k-z101]

well im new to this type of thing but have really enjoyed reading everyone elses story so i thought id tel mine. Im into my third episode of health anxiety. this time its different. before i used to have all the physical symptoms ofanxiety - breathing, numbness etc. Now, all stresses i can deal with in life (theres been alot) all stresses except one and thats is anything regarding my health. i dont like ANY type of uncomfortable feeling. it literally drives me insane! i have discovered a bone in my throat which is one of my vertebrea that is sticking out and the doctor said to operate would be life threatening or even worse(to me) could leave me paralised. the lump causes me no major pain and is said to be non life threatening but its sooo uncomfortable. i constantly think about it all day from morning to night. i am in hope that this bone has always been this way and that since i have noticed it i have fixated my thoughts on it and this is whats made the symptom feel worse. the bone can be clearly seen that it is sticking out so i know its not in my head which i so wish it was. so now alls i can do is deal with it..... which is the one thing im not managing. im having suicidle thoughts on a regular basis - not good! i constantly think about surgery and wanting so badly to get this lump of bone out of my throat so i can live my life again. can bones just abnormally grow? i hope in time i can accept what is happening and adjust to feel of the bone. im in need of a therapist but the waiting lists are soo long and cant afford the private option  if anybody can tell me of anything i can do to help stay positive please reply to this post. i take citalopram 30mg which has just been upped from 20mg by my doctor but the meds arent making my problem go away  also im in need of any tips on coping at work. i am a dental nurse so i cant be crying in front of patients! a tip for everyone else is that i write lots of positive stuff down before bed and do the same through the day. staying positive is the key to overcoming anxiety!

[gavink2010]

Hi,

I'm going to keep this short as its 4 o clock in the morning and i cant sleep, for my fear of dying in my sleep.
Of course my worries get worse when im up late..... you see my problem
brief history of things that happened in my life to contribute to my GAD
- Parents abused me as a kid
- Dad had a 7 year affair
- Parents separated
- I was quiet & shy at school, so I got bullied for being a loner...
- Tried to commit 0119 so many times...
- Fell in love, got engaged, girl lied about being pregnant, lied about losing the 'baby'(and blamed me), went off to another country and cheated on me for two weeks, then a good while after left me.
- abused dope for 2 years

Now there is alot more that I could say, and go into detail, but thats just the basics.
 

I cannot enjoy life as i feel as if I am going to die all the time, or that I have every disease under the sun at some stage,
and i can't cope with it anymore...
I just want to be carefree and try to have a normal life.
I'm 19 and should be looking forward to things, but i'm just not.
I feel as if i'm ranting, so I'll be quiet now, and thanks for listening.

Gavin.

[jillkrystall]

I am 27, and my first panic attack was when I was 19.  I've worked as a hairstylist since I was 18, and the first year was fine.  At 19, I experienced my first panic attack while at work, and had to go home.  It runs in the family, so I have my mother to talk with about it, luckily, because a lot of people don't think it's real.  "You don't need medications, just relax," is what I hear the most.  I wish it was that easy.  I was on Effexor for many years, sponsored because I don't have health insurance, but it had horrible side effects.  Once it was not sponsored, I quit cold turkey, painfully with electric shocks throughout my body the entire time, but glad to be off it.  Then I started on Clonazapam.  Worked great for the first year, not a single episode or worry that one would occur.  Year two was different.  The side effects were kicking in, as well as the tolorence.  I've been taking 4 mgs a day when I work, ONLY when I work, because anywhere besides work has been okay.  It doesn't matter what I'm doing, where I'm at, as long as I'm NOT at work, I don't experience panic disorder.  If only it were easy to find a different career choice.  =(   So side effects are now:  Memory loss, vertigo, depression, personality change, being tired ALL THE TIME and sleeping 12-14 hours a night, there's more but...the medication isn't working anymore.  My doctor today gave me Citalopram and Propranolol, so I'm hoping that will help and get me away from clonazapam.  Panic Attacks rule my life, and destroy it.  I envy every person that doesn't have to experience them.

[ord2jpn]

Hello all!

I never felt I was as good as anyone all my life.  My anxiety began when I was in the 5th grade and all the girls hated me.  I didn't understand why they called me ugly, cut my hair and wanted to fight me all the time.  I remember the sadness began then. My mother worked a lot (father dies earlier), so I'd come home shaking and crying.  I hated school.  I went from an A average to a D.  I remember my mother telling me that my classmates were jealous because I was prettier than all of them.  I didn't believe it.  I still don't and I'm not saying this to show you a picture.  It's just how I feel.  A person reminded once that pretty girls make graves.  It's a song by Morrissey and is absolutely true.   

I don't think looks mean much.  It's the person's heart.  Men make rude comments to me all the time and they make me feel so ugly and like a 0107.  I don't dress like a 0107.  I wear baggy butt jeans and oversized t-shirts most of the time so I'm not noticed.  I suppose I have a fear of getting attacked.   

It followed me into my teen years and led me to take X, cocaine, pot and meth.  I felt that w/o these drugs I couldn't feel as good as everyone.  I couldn't stand out from the crowd without them.  From 15-27, I was a functional drug user.  I even lived in London and Ibiza while continuing my habit.  I decided to quit fora real good reason.  I just couldn't find anything anymore and couldn't really be bothered.  I guess I was lucky.  Although I used at almost every social gathering, I never took it while working and maintained a "normal" appearance. 

The worst were the comedowns.  After a night of dancing for 10 hours straight, I'd find myself home, in an empty apartment with my cat meowing like crazy and the sun beaming in.  I wouldn't be able to sleep and would take various sleeping pills to fall asleep.  Now I'm 30 and find that my "rave days" paranoia has followed me.  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?   

I have a pretty good job that allows me to work p/t for f/t pay when I'm in college and f/t when I'm not.  I'm part of the 2 year honor society and I hope to transfer to a well known great books college. I will begin studying Japanese this fall with the hope of procuring employment in Japan by late 2013.  I want to split my time between working in Japan and becoming a secret philanthropist.  This is totally doable as long as I can remain focused and I guess this is what led me here.

On a another note, I've only been on 4 dates...ever.  Everytime I'd go on one I'd either take a line, so I'd be able too talk or I'd be so anxiety ridden that I'd literally knock over things.  I once knocked over a pitcher of sangria on a woman's white dress.  Yep...date over.  I'm not easy and haven't slept around that much because I'd feel like absolute crap the next day. 

I need help.  I will try to give advice for people which I'm sure I could easily folllow.  I welcome all comments.       

[factory girl]

Well, I am new here so here's my tale:

I have always had a tendancy to worry about my health but it was never really intrusive. Anyway, a week before I got married I had a serious health scare because a lump was found. I couldnt do anything about cos I was getting married in a few days then honey moon so I was really concerned and scared. Over the space of 10 weeks I had two hosital trips and to rule out anything serious.

The thing is, noone explained to me what it could be, all I could think was that it was bad, I couldnt rationalise it and I was scared half to death.

Anyway on the 02/01 a couple of years ago I was given the all clear. The second consultant was surprised I wasnt better informed because I was trembling and crying the whole time thinking the worse.

It was perfectly benign and always will be, it is quite common as it happens, but I didnt know and noone told me anything.

since then I have been scared witless something else will happen and I will have the long waits for appointments etc I cannot cope with that again ! It scares me! the more I worried the more physical symptoms would manifest. 

Random thoughts would pop into my head like what about this cancer or that time when you hit your head which means that you will develop some kind of illness later in life.... and then I would obsess and I would feel my stumach tighten and would have to work hard to stop the hysterics.

My dad had a brain heamorrage (out of noowhere - he is fit and healthy now :)) but I obssessed that it would happen to me and there was no point doing anything because I could jsut be struck down. I even hated making weekend plans.

So, I had never heard of health anxeity before but it seems to be exactly how I feel.

I want my head space back, it feels like its been invaded by all these thoughts that wont go away!

I am still managing to work full time and study an open univeristy degree so I am manging it at the moment just know the bad anxiety is not far away.

[getbetter2010]

I am new to the forum but glad I found it. I am struggling daily with thoughts of impending doom, dizziness, etc. I feel as if I am losing my mind. However, I'm hoping this site helps!

[2panic2much]

   Hello everyone!  I don't know where to start at to be honest...after reading some of the posts on here I couldn't believe all the things I have in common with you.  I believe I had anxiety and other problems from childhood....  I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder, Bipolar, depression, and a few more several years ago.  I have went on and off meds and treatment for several years as well.  I have found myself right back in the same if not worse cycle since about 1 year ago when I stopped my Paxil and Depakote.  I am trying to get myself back in treatment and on meds.  I am currently taking Vistiril 25mg 3x a day or as needed until I get into the Psychiatrist for therapy and meds.  Panic Attacks have ran my life and are the worst and most terrifying thing I have experienced and I have been through it....especially my childhood and teen years.  I have experienced all types of physical symptoms from not being able to swallow, breathe, rapid heart beat, imagining I have every kind of disease or disorder.  I also have experienced during Panic attacks that when I look in the mirror it doesn't look like me or I hear my voice and it doesn't seem to be me.   I have suffered sleep paralysis and insomnia as well.  I am very fortunate to have had a very loving and caring relationship for the past 12 years but how guilty and depressed it has made me when I suffered from one of these episodes and seemed to ruin plans or good times.  After my grandmother died when I was fourteen, I began to worry all the time I was going to die in my sleep and would not go to sleep until I had to.  My body would get so tired and eventually give in to some sleep.  I have tried to explain to so many of the people close to me what I was experiencing and could never make anyone realize what I was really going through...One time I confided in a friend and told them about the meds. I had to take just to have them call me crazy and a  pill head not only to my face but to others.  That is one of the reasons I stopped meds. last time because of shame and embarrassment.  I am not going to be ashamed anymore and work on getting myself well again regardless of what anyone may think about me.  If you have never experienced these problems first hand you don't know how overwhelming and frightening it can be.  It literally rules your whole life...I hope sharing a bit of myself can help someone else out there who is dealing with this.  I plan to post more of my stories and experiences later on for I am teary eyed now.  Thanks to all who read this and best wishes to you and the problems you are facing.....

[Sethe]

Hi everyone.

My story is pretty long, so I'll try to summarize.

I've experienced panic attacks since the age of 13/14 (they've gone away for the most part- knock on wood), depression, and extreme anxiety/fear/paranoia most of my life.

I have a history of childhood abuse (verbal and emotional- with just a dab of physical). Due to my unhealthy upbringing, I married another unhealthy person who happened to be an emotionally abusive narcissistic sex addict. Makes sense.

During that time, I was on several medications- Zoloft, Paxil, Lexipro. I spent most of my time kind of in a daze (from what I recall)- a little too happy if you know what I mean. I did have several panic attacks, but nothing like what I experienced in high school.

The Narcissist left me for someone else after leaving me with immense debt.

Currently I am on no meds whatsoever and I feel like I'm doing better. I meet with a therapist every week, which is VERY helpful.

Lately, I've experienced some odd fears, or maybe I'm much more aware of them and they've always existed. I have an intense fear of people yelling at me. I am also afraid of "getting in trouble", being shamed, shunned and basically becoming the crap that people wipe off the bottom of their shoes. So, to prevent this flagrant anticipated ostracization, I try to anticipate what people want and do it for them. I suppose this could be tied in with codependency somehow.

This fear leaves me paralyzed sometimes. I think it is also tied into my OCD. I worry that if I don't do things "just right" that I will be immediately punished. So, I go through repetitious tasks, etc. to alleviate my fear, but it feeds into a loop and I just get stuck for awhile.

It's to the point where I feel overly scrutinized most of the day by any and every person. I'm afraid that people will become immediately aware of my mistakes. My therapist called this fear that the world is watching me... waiting for me to screw up "reverse narcissssm".

I am aware that I am being irrational, yet I just can't help feeling that way. Compulsion? Paranoia?

Is this anxiety?

Am I am the right forum?

[nondescript]

Hi ppl. I'll try to describe my situation as coherently and as best as I can, because I don't know where to start or put it. I'm not good at penning my thoughts down, which is probably the only avenue I feel comfortable enough and able to express myself most accurately.

My Social Anxiety Story

Since young, I've backed away from people, yet wishing so much to get noticed. Which of course didn't and isn't going to help me. My retreating behavior does not encourage people to get into closer contact with my true thoughts and opinions, as little as I have. I've always felt anxious and fear when among people. Even family and definitely, any other extended family. As a result of retreating behind others, not daring to speak up, and also unable to maintain small talk(much less heart to heart talks) with many people, I was of course forgotten. As a result, I've never trained or persevered to speak up, because I never seem to know what to speak- my mind is many times a blank because I believe others expect me to come up with witty stuff as well as have expect myself to come up with topics, ideas, even words that won't embarrass myself. As a result, I can't speak up and my low self-esteem acts up(Type 1 scenario). Either that, or Type 2 scenario would be that I say something that makes me regret making myself heard at all because I think I sounded stupid. Type 3 scenario, and the most frequently-occurring one, would be that I monitor other people's reactions to my words. This is the most damaging because people's responses range from ignoring, unresponsive, unsure and guarded, half-hearted, fake enthusiasm, to amusement or even outright . Apart from feeling restrained from speaking up due to my powerful fear of being judged, my body movements are clumsy, feel and look awkward, stupid, which makes me feel so helpless and upset.
Being average, fearful of speaking up, or not even having above average intelligence or a fun personality is no help for my condition. When being in a social situation, I've always managed to retreat into the background growing quieter and meeker, feeling awed by others and just clam up and feeling and behaving awkwardly. There never seems to be correct place to put my hands, enough personal space to move around without feeling that my gestures are overly huge and awkward.   

My SAD manifests in the form of tense facial muscles, trembling hands, a blank mind and a racing heart. I've never had panic attacks though. I can't remember ever feeling comfortable around people. In public, I am acutely aware of other people's  presence and my movements, words and facial expressions feel restricted. Everything I do or say feels awkward and I can’t behave normally. I notice others around me, I get increasingly anxious for no reason at all. This immense frustration, helplessness, and fear is something that I feel tears me apart from inside out; I want to rage and cry, yet it is not logical for me to do that because I'm only suffering inwardly and there is nothing external contributing to my rage and despair. 

SAD is still the biggest issue for me till now.

[cloudedheart]

This is kinda long... sorry 

I was in an abusive relationship at 13 with a 17 yr old.
I was in love with him and he treated me lower the dirt, but i didn't view him any differently till he took to far sexually...
after that i felt like i was dirty and stained. my parents were christians so i felt like i couldn't tell them anything, cuz they were always telling me how they wanted me to be a virgin when i married and how it was a sinful thing to have sex before your husband. so i hid from everyone and pretended nothing ever happened. 
 Around 14 i started cutting cuz i couldnt take the pain, i think my anxiety/depression started  around then. i never really wanted to hang out wtih friends, I was terrified of guys.was always afraid that something would happen, that id have no control over.and whenever my lil sister spend the night at other places i was worried she was being abused and i wasn't there to protect her.
I would never let anyone hug me. i even refused to eat around people especially my dad and brother. cuz i felt like they were watching my mouth.
 
when i hit 15 we moved. i didnt have alot of friends and started freshmen year alone. i felt like i was a bad person and that no one should really talk to me. so i never attempted to make friends. i was content alone..but not really.
the cutting got worse and worse around 16 i made some friends, things seemed a lil better till one of them  saw my cuts on my thighs, and she told my parents. they flipped and then
the therapy sessions began. ..

Im not the type of person to talk about my emotions and feeling.. i rather pretend i have none.
so my therapist could never get me to talk and said i might be depressed genetically.
so they put me on Depression pills. which helped a lil.

Let me rewind a lil,
- i come from a christian background like i said
- so my dad was VERY protective and always talked about how
sex is sooo sinful and wouldn't let me watch certain movies if it showed anything at all. 
he always made it seem like he was so almighty cuz he doesnt sin in that way and blah blah. so i always felt in his eyes,  if he were to find out he'd hate me.

well around 17 i was playing around with my dads phone and come across porn(really bad stuff too).. which scared the living crap out of me.  i had a panic attack and felt like everything was spinning... and everything i feared was true...
cuz i always feared my dad would rape me at night , so i could never sleep.(he never has) just was worried all the time about it. and the only thing i felt that reassured me he wouldn't was hes preachings, which he obviously didn't follow.. 
 
then when my mom found out he was looking at porn, she was upset/hurt
 and the fights began.
 after a while i couldn't take it
so i tried 0669, which i failed and ended up in the hospital.
when i got out we had alot of family sessions and personal ones for me.

my rents threatened to send me to a mental home if i didnt start talking , so i finally opened up to my therapist and told her about everything..   she then diagnosed me post traumatic stress disorder.

..a year & 1/2 later- now- im a lil better. i have friends and  ive even had a few boyfriends.
but still struggling with some anxiety attacks/depression and alot of phobias towards men and life.
and still working on trying to view life in a better light..

-CH

[RAL]

I guess my story isn't nearly as tragic as some of the others, but...uh... here it is.


  I've never had a legitimate panic attack in my life. I have. however, gone through several long periods of greatly increased anxiety.

  The first such incident occurred when I was twelve and I started feeling weird. Common sense would tell you that this was hormones, and that I was starting puberty. I, however, lacked common sense and assumed this was the onset of some terrible disease. This was before WebMD (or at least before I knew about it) so I hadn't actually done any Googling of my symptoms, but I was somehow sure that I had weeks, maybe even days to live. I started seeing a psychologist at age 13 (and I still go to this day.) I was diagnosed with clinical depression with some elements of SAD and started taking Zoloft.

This treatment worked well for a while, as I was fine until last year. (This is sort of gross. Just a warning.) I started going to college last year, where I fell in love with a girl who ended up breaking my heart. Break-ups are hard for regular people, but when you already suffer from depression, they're devastating. I went into a deep depression for a while, which started affecting my academic performance, I eventually failed out of school (although I transferred somewhere else and am going to get back on track.) To add to my stress, I began noticing blood on my toilet paper sometimes. I researched it on the internet, but I decided it wasn't that big of a deal. However, with the added stress of the school thing, I suddenly freaked out when I saw blood one day. I was suddenly convinced it was a symptom of colon cancer.

I went to the doctor, who told me it wasn't a big deal and it was probably either a hemorrhoid or anal fissure and that I should relax. I was concerned because he didn't do any sort of exam, which makes me the first person in history to want a rectal exam. I was still convinced that I might have colon cancer, and I became a nervous wreck for a while. It eventually reached a point where I couldn't watch T.V. shows or movies that involved death or illness, because they would make me freak out. My doctor's considering increasing my medication now.

That's all (at this point)

[Elrino]

When I was 11 the stomach flu was going around at school. Within a week two kids had thrown up in the classroom and I had caught the flu. I threw up a lot and after the throwing up stopped I was still very nauseous. I refused to go to school because I was so sure that I was going to be sick, although I never did. After a few weeks I developed a phobia of throwing up (emetophobia). I can't honestly remember my first anxiety attack because I have always suffered from GAD, just not at such intense amounts as I do now. I remember going to the doctor and hyperventilating in the car because I was so scared. I remember when I was 11 I weighed about 55 pounds, and all I was eating was crackers. The Doctors eventually gave me medicine to gain weight, and I gained thirty pounds in one year. Unfortunately the nausea never went away and almost four years later I'm suffering pretty badly. I am unable to go to school because the anxiety has taken over my life. My family and I are still searching for possible physical problems that could be causing the nausea (and other symptoms). I just want my life back.

[tokyopiglet]

Hi I am a new member with history of GAD for last about 20 years. It started from my highschool probably triggered lots of pressure - and I had no one talk about my feelings at that time. All I tried to do was I just study and prove people arround me I was a academically successful student.


After recovery from severe symptoms and resolving family issue.
Now I am starting teachers college. I feel very anxious - and also I hope I can be approachable about students'
concern.

Thank You

[misscuddly]

Well I'm nearly 40 and have been a worry wart and a sensitive soul since I was a little gal really.I started to experiencepanic  attacks more readily about 3 -4 yrs ago after my family went through some major upheaval after some serious medical issues came to light.My sister has multiple sclerosis and my father experienced a heart attack in very quick succession of each other.....very interesting times  they were!!!I also have some major fears with sexual intimacy due to earlier trauma.What I thought were memories about 15 yrs ago I can now see were definately panic attacks.Ialso have memories of doing things like learning how to put on my first bra and just completing 'loosing it ' cos I couldn't do it and my mother not being terribly inventive or supportive to help me get around such issues.I am now challenging myself to just be who I want to be and listento. my inner voice without all the 'buts' and 'wot if's ' intruding in.While I am definately anxious I am looking forward to what are some major changes for me in changing jobs , learning to drive finally , and changing my living arrangements.Bit by bit the future is looking up and while this anxiety journey has been really scarey I believe it is worth it for all of us who experience this disorder to be true to ourselves and live the life we want.This is thanks to the support of a brilliant therapist who lets me get away with nothing , brilliant friends , and of couse a loving family.

[Elrino]

When I was eleven the stomach flu started going around at school, two kids in my class threw up in one week and everyone seemed to catch the bug including me. At the time it was abundant that I was a nervous kid, but not so severe that it disabled me from living my life. After I got over throwing up, I was still very nauseous and I would not go to school because I was convinced that I was going to throw up. Over time I developed a phobia of throwing up (emetophobia) and my GAD that I had when I was littler got bad enough so it disabled me from living my life. I can't exactly recall when my first anxiety attack was, because I have GAD for so many years. I am slowly getting over my phobia, but I'm having a tough time. I still can't go to school because the fear is still very strong, but I get home schooling to make up for that. I hope some I will get my life back and things won't be so difficult.

[feelncrazii]

As I think back I guess I've always had anxiety issues since a child. When ever my mother would leave home at night or b gone to long from me I would think she's dead or she would b found dead someplace...idk y but I also developed a vomit phobia as a kid. If I seen vomit I couldn't eat for days..2 this day if I see it smell it or hear it..I panic
But the 1st time that it made me feel the panic, racing heart, sweating, felt like I was losing my breath & all the other crazy feelings I was 23. I was driving in a snow storm & Omg it kicked in outta nowhere. I didn't knw wat was happening all I knew was it felt like everything was going on at once. Now 7yrs later I'm having them like every other day & I'm sooo ready to see a doctor...

[David25]

Hello all:

    My anxiety all started in October of 2008.  One Sunday night my wife had told me that she was pregnant.  Which was great news because we had been trying for a couple of months.  I was very excited.  The next morning I woke up and let the dogs outside and I was smoking a cigarette.  I bent down to snuff out the cigarette and I had felt a heart palpitation.  I kinda thought about it for a second and than just forgot about it. 
    The next day I felt another heart palpitation and again I just shrugged it off.  Then two days later I was at work and I felt a couple of palpitations in a row.  Than I started to worry about it.  That night when I got home I just figured I was stressed out so I poured myself a drink(WRONG MOVE).  My heart continued palpitate and I just kept getting nervous about it.  So I went to bed and I was laying there thinking that maybe I had heart disease or something.  Thinking that I was going to die and leave my wife and my unborn child behind sent me into a full blown panic attack.  I begged my wife to take me to the ER but she was able to calm me down.  I went to bed and the next morning I went to my primary doctor.  My doctor gave me a EKG, blood tests, and a 24 hr. holtor monitor.  I was told it would take 10 days to find the results of my holtor monitor and blood tests. 
     Meanwhile I am in a constant state of panic everyday and all day.  I finally get the call saying that all is normal.  I just couldn't figure out why supposedly everything is normal but yet I'm still having heart palpitations.  I was having upwards of 40 - 50 palpitations everyday.  So of course I worried and panicked all the time.  I was given Zoloft and Xanax.  I only took them for 1 day.  The side effects were too much.  Since than I've been battling this anxiety naturally.  I exercise, eat right, quit smoking, and take fish oil pills.  My palpitations have reduced dramatically.  I go days without any palpitations and when I do I only have a couple.  I've noticed that my palpitations are influenced by stress.  Now my biggest enemy is having anxiety about anxiety.  Kinda stupid huh? 
      This is my battle and I have to accept and know that one day I will be better.  Thanks for listening and any advice would be greatly appreciated.  I hope that with my almost two years personal experience, I can maybe give some of my own advice for those looking.

                                                    -Dave

[tamzy69]

hi everyone im new here but finally ive got somewhere i can turn to with like minded people. well here goes........................

13 weeks ago i had {to that point} the worst physical experience of my life i thought i was dieing my heart felt like it was going to explode, i couldnt breathe, i thought oh no im having a heart attack, i got rushed to the A+E department at the hospital, i had all the tests and it turns out i had nothing physically wrong with me and that i had suffered  a panic attack they gave me 2 pain killers and told me to get in touch with my GP about anxiety, the next day i did i explained what had happened and he prescribed me with a beta blocker, he didnt really explain what anxiety was or what it could do etc, i started taking the propanalol and after 3 days i felt fine i did continue to take them, by now a full 2 weeks has gone by since my 1st attack and out of nowhere whack that same feeling has come over me oh 0103 not again. this attack lasted alot longer. the day after back to my GP i went, he told me to give the beta blocker chance to work. who am i to question a dr there the professionals. another week passed by but in the meantime i had picked up a really bad headache that seem to pulsate in my temples, back i went again this time he prescribed me some amitriptyline to help with the headaches... well after a week the headache had gone i thought fantastic i can have my life back without living in fear of the fear. i started to research my symptoms at this time { i think this made matters worst } i started to become aware of every little sensation my body gave out.. i also started to feel a little down........ drs again this time prozac, 3 days i had this for and it made me feel like a zombie i also beleive it made me see things.. my vision became staticy { like the tv wasnt tuned in properly } my vision was like this for 2 weeks and then came the wavy vision { which i still have now } its like looking through a heatwave and its getting worst by the day i now have a psychiatrist because of all this. does anybody else have this sort of vision mine is constant i cant work because of it, does taking diazapan help or am i stuck like this for the rest of my life

[sarahdlc]

I was 20 years old when I got married. I was 3 months pregnant with my son Bronson. Things were going well until one day I was bending down to pick up the laundry to put it in the washer and I stood up and my heart started skipping beats and it was pounding so hard. My ex-husband was a CNA and I started screaming for him to come feel my heart cuz I thought I was dying of a heart attack. It mellowed after a few minutes but I was still terrified and everything in my body was so tense. I went to the ER and had an EKG done and they diagnosed me with GAD and panic attacks. I had never even heard of panic attacks before.  I was confused, and I spent months in bed while my parents had my son. I couldn't function. I eventually had my mom come over one day when I had my son and she walked in on me sitting in a corner rocking like a child because I was panicking and scared so bad. She picked up my son and she took me and my son to her house and I got a divorce from my husband because it was a bad marriage and he was emotionally and physically abusive. I went on medication for about 4 months and then I felt better and I moved into my own apartment and was doing fine until about 2 months ago

2 months ago I started having panic attacks in the car and it progressed from the car to my house and then eventually in my own bed. I haven't been able to leave the house or go anywhere with my fiance. It is causing relationship problems and I feel hopeless and scared all the time. I just got put back on the Lexapro on monday so I have been taking 5 mg a day for a few days, but I still want to cry and I am still scared.

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!

[weebo]

anxerty sucks always lows you down and u cant move follward, i have aspergers syndrome and this makes it hard to

[huyz0rz@sbcglobal.net]

Hi,

I'm usually very anxious and have obssessive thoughts. I believe I have a mental problem and am always searching for information to find out what's wrong. First I thought I thought I had social anxiety, then schizophrenia, then bipolar (I even took meds for it), then ADD (I'm stopping my meds after reading up on the hypochondria forum and even payed 600 dollars to get help for ADD which I'm cutting back as well), and even think I'm gender confused, Thinking I'm a woman trapped inside a m ans body.
I get anxious over the smallest task and around people, my head is foggy and I can hardly concentrate. I still believe I have bipolar disorder, ADD, and gender confusion disorder. I've been out of college for a year and a half because of crippling anxiety and severe depression and suciidal thoughts. But I'm on  my feet and getting help I need a nd am volunteering and getting a job and going back to school next quarter. Hopefully I can gain hope, support, and help from this forum and hopefully I can do the same for others on this forum.