Is This Relationship Right? PLEASE Help Me.

[Much-Afraid]

I've hesitated on writing this, but I don't know what else to do... I am 17 with social anxiety.  I'm a loner, not desiring a romantic relationship. I've avoided people, besides family. But now, there is a man in my life, and I don't know what to do about it. He's from another country, staying in America for the summer to work (but he wants to stay here). He is kind, courteous, handsome, and I feel safe around him (which is very unnatural for me). I was fine with us being "just friends", but then he kissed me (my first kiss).
      I didnt think anyone would want to be with me, so I didn't hope for it. But now... I don't know what to think. I really like him, but when we were kissing, he tried to go TOO FAR. I am a follower of Jesus Christ (a Christian, though that label has been somewhat marred), and I will not have sex till I am married. I thought he liked me for being a "good girl", but when he wants to take things further, he seems to forget that. Is there a way to make him understand that I don't want the relationship to go so far so fast? He just called me his girlfriend a few days ago!
     Besides when we are kissing, I feel comfortable with him. I don't fear public places as much. But, he might be moving back to his country next month. He wouldn't have to leave if he got married though (it is a bit more complicated than that, but it would still work). I'm a little afraid that he will ask me to marry him. Maybe that's why he's with me? But he should know that a shy, worried girl like me does not rush things like this. He has told me he loves me, several times. My reply was that I liked him. This may be my only chance for love, but I still don't feel ready. Oh, and one more thing... He is 27... I feel so flustered. Please, any advice or opinions you have could help me!

[camel]

This is my opinion, it is neither right nor wrong

Firstly, are you not too young to be legally married?
It is also way too soon to be thinking marriage if you have only known him for a short time.
It takes a long time to get to know someone enough to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them.
Sorry to sound negative, but this could easily end in divorce; would you want that so young in life.

If he is wanting to take things "too far" and you are not willing but he keeps pushing, then he sounds like a douche bag. He should respect you for that.

This is by no means your only chance for love hun. You are so young. You have plenty of chances down the road. Do NOT be with someone just because you fear never being loved.

Please think long and hard about this

[Tam0630]

You need to have a talk with this guy.  He is completely disrespecting your values and beliefs and that CAN NOT happen.  Sit him down, talk to him and tell him you need to take things slow and re-emphasize your beliefs.

If he reacts badly, he isn't the guy for you. If he tries again to push this, he's not the guy for you. Any guy you are with should show you 100% respect and if that's not happening, you have to move on.

The best way to deal with this, and I know it's hard, is honesty. Be honest and up front with him, don't be shy or afraid. These are your beliefs - your values - this is your own self respect and you have to guard and protect those things.

I realize you care about this guy, and you have issues with self worth/esteem (I do too), but that is a reason to be even more diligent in protecting your self respect and beliefs.

Just my two cents. Good luck!

[ashcrash85]

Hi much-afraid,

I have similar experiences to you and I want to share with you what I have learned. As a disclaimer in some of the sentences I am about to say are not a blanket for every person of this particular demographic.

First let's talk about the age difference. You are very young and he is almost 30. This in general would not be a healthy relationship scenario sweetie, you are still growing and figuring out your place. He, on the other hand, has figured out his place and his agendas and with that he may be able to place more control on you. In my experience at your age, do not date nearly a full decade older than you, it's just not wise. He's whisking you off your feet and charming you and using his age and all that jazz to get you to feel like you should do this. And that is not OK you are the driver of you destiny.

Another thing I want to raise the flag on is the fast pace he seems to be taking with this "relationship" and his status as a want to be in America. He is taking this relationship so fast all my warning flags are going up. I feel like he's wanting to convince you into marrying him (or possibly get you pregnant to get you to marry him). I'm not saying he is ultimately like this or that all men in this situation is like this, but on the whole you don't know him well. I can't say much more than too too fast.

If you want to continue this relationship it's imperative that YOU are in control of what happens with you. Not him, not his opinions, not his pretty words. You don't want sex before marriage he needs to respect that. You don't want it going so fast he needs to respect that and cool his jets. But it kind of seems like he doesn't want to, you need to seriously look at that.

In my God's honest opinion, and what I would do, is RUN. Do not walk to the nearest exit RUN. The very fact that you are thinking this way and wondering what his ulterior motives are should tell you that your warning systems are going off. Take this as a learning experience, not as something that shows defect in you. In all actuality being able to see the possibilities of all sides and making a decision for the good of yourself is showing maturity, responsibility and in no way defective.

At 17, you are young and still have so much to live for and experience. You are pretty too. This is not your only chance at love, I promise you that. As a believer in Christ you know that God has someone for you that will not make you feel this way. A relationship that starts off on this foot is unhealthy and doomed indeed.

Message me if you need to talk more, I'm always here.

[Paulina123]

Hi all,
in which relationship is trust and love,care,
that relationship is called right,
and that relationship is the good for both of them.........

[constantmover]

In my God's honest opinion, and what I would do, is RUN. Do not walk to the nearest exit RUN. The very fact that you are thinking this way and wondering what his ulterior motives are should tell you that your warning systems are going off. Take this as a learning experience, not as something that shows defect in you. In all actuality being able to see the possibilities of all sides and making a decision for the good of yourself is showing maturity, responsibility and in no way defective.

At 17, you are young and still have so much to live for and experience. You are pretty too. This is not your only chance at love, I promise you that. As a believer in Christ you know that God has someone for you that will not make you feel this way. A relationship that starts off on this foot is unhealthy and doomed indeed.

Hi Much-Afraid,

This statement by scaredcrazee, I couldn't have written better.  This guy is far more worldly than you and at 17 to think that you won't find someone who will love you besides this guy is simply not true.  There will be that special someone for you when you are older and truly understand what it is to love someone.  I see red flags all over the place and had a friend who went through this very experience.  To be brutally honest, there are guys that come to our countries that want to stay here and the only way they can do that is by marrying someone.  They tend to go after girls who are more vulnerable because the strong ones can see through their BS.  I just don't see this working for anyone but him and once he has you married at such a young age, there will be control issues as time goes by.  Seriously, as scaredcrazee said, Run from this situation...You don't even have to have contact with this guy again.  In fact, I wouldn't.  OR if you do feel you need to give it some closure, just tell him that you are flattered by his attention to you, but you simply aren't ready to make any commitment to him or anyone at this stage....then run...Stay away from him because he will try to manipulate you. 

I hate hearing stories like this because they never turn out well for the woman.  I'm sorry for being so harsh, but this isn't a loving relationship, it is one to get a Green Card...Sorry, but that is how I see it.