Just having a rant

[renjenjen]

I'm new to this forum just signed up tonight because I am at my wits end and trying to distract myself from doing something I'll regret later that will make me feel even worse. I'm not expecting anyone to read this I just need to completely vent.

So where to start I have been getting treated for depression and anxiety for the last few months, though didn't realise till I started getting treated for the depression again that the anxiety was the precursor and what has been making my life hell without me realising it for the last few years. I have been treated for depression before, and I got through that and out the other side, but I had no problems with anxiety then, no panic attacks, nothing and I could identify when I was starting to get better the fog eventually lifted and I was ok again. The worst part is this time I have no idea what the hell is setting it off, counselling doesn't seem to be helping much either, I feel worse because I can't find a rational reason this time as to why I should be even remotely down, let alone suffering anxiety attacks and depression. I feel like I'm trapped in this vicious cycle and I can't handle it much more I'm so exhausted from damn near constant panic attacks and at the stage where I just want to die, I'm getting seriously concerned that my body can't handle much more of these rollercoastering emotions and will just pack it in, which at this stage actually feels like it would be a welcomed comfort. I don't feel like I'm making any progress with treatment either, I've cut out caffiene and alcohol because I didn't want anything to affect my meds at all. I'm doing counselling. I'm still miraculously going to work, but every day is a constant struggle and I don't feel like I am improving at all. I'm seeing two counsellors, trying all sorts of techniques to curb the anxiety because I know thats what has made the depression so bad this time but nothing seems to help. I'm at my wits end, I just want to feel normal again.

[San Andreas]

Sorry you are feeling so badly.  Remember that anxiety breeds anxiety.  My bad periods seem to come out of the blue too, but after dealing with GAD for most of my life, I have come to realize they really don't.  It often takes my body months to a year to react to something.  I am a rock during a crisis, and then when crisis is over and I should be relaxing and enjoying the peace - all of a sudden PANIC.  Like a delayed reaction.  Once I was able to make this connection - I saw that I had been having the same pattern all the time.  Started college - 1st trimester fine, 2nd - anxiety filled.  Good friend died after being hit by a car - same thing, fine the 1st 6 months, then anxiety.  Got married, started a new job (stress can come from good things too) and on and on.