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Author Topic: Social Anxiety rules my life  (Read 7570 times)

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Offline beautifully_anxious

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Social Anxiety rules my life
« on: July 11, 2011, 06:06:29 PM »
I don't recall always having social anxiety, but I guess it could have started early on and just continued to get worse throughout my life. I never want to go anywhere and usually sit home by myself watching TV.

I am an attractive woman and I like myself, but for some reason when I get out in public I panic and feel like I can't breath. I won't walk into a place by myself. I don't buy groceries because I don't want to go to the grocery store. I avoid going out at all costs. I work a full time job but I am a software engineer so that enables me to keep to myself pretty much. I haven't missed work because of anxiety, but I give up many opportunities to get out and have fun and meet people. I do avoid business trips though, and make up excuses why I can't go. I don't like going on business trips because I have to go in the airport by myself.... "what if I miss the plane?, What if I mess up somehow and everyone is staring at me?"... I hate living like this. I am miserable.

My whole life I have had someone with me whether it be my parents, or a significant other. I was 13 when my mother abandoned me and I always felt a sense of "I am not wanted", then I got married at 19 years old and my husband (of 10 years) always made me feel like there was something wrong with me. He was very verbally and mentally abusive, which is probably why I stayed with him for 10 years (I believed I was worthless). I finally got the strength to get out of that life and put myself through college. I don't know how I got through college with anxiety, but I don't recall being all that anxious at school. I always got to class early so I didn't have to walk in and have everyone stare at me. (that's my biggest problem, I think everyone is looking at me).

I married a second time a short time after my first marriage (a little co dependency thing going on). He was not very nice either. I believe this is when my anxiety started to get worse. I left him after 2 years and moved into another relationship. This is when I realized I feared being alone more than I feared being with someone who mistreated me. This next relationship lasted a couple years. He was physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally abusive.

I have been single for 3 years now. I have learned to live alone and I am happy for the most part. I am only comfortable when I am alone. I would much rather sit home and watch the news then to get dressed and go out with my friends. I go to work every day, but I come straight home after work. I order food to be delivered so I don't have to go to the store. I don't call anyone and rarely answer my phone. I prefer texting! I don't date. I can't date, and won't even consider dating. I hate meeting new people. The only way I can have a good time anywhere other than home by myself is if I drink. Liquid courage always helps!

I know I am not crazy and I know that my fears are ridiculous but I can't overcome the thoughts. I worry about everything to a point I can't fall asleep many nights. Hopefully others experience this and can share their thoughts.. if not, maybe I am truly crazy!?
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Offline epiphone15

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Re: Social Anxiety rules my life
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2011, 09:04:26 PM »
One things for sure, you're not "crazy." Theres a (very) large number of us with similar problems. My social anxiety isn't too awful, but I think it's made me miss out on career opportunities, and even made me lose a few friends. I think I came off as bored/aloof when I wasn't trying to (it was the anxiety, of course) and this offended some people.

While you should definitely take steps to get out there and socialize (waaay easier said than done), I'm glad to hear that you're comfortable with living alone. I think it's important to know how to be alone. As you'd mentioned, your fear of loneliness led you into some abusive relationships, and that's certainly a lot worse then being single. You seem like a smart, insightful person, so don't shortchange yourself and think you're worthless. Also, you're never truly alone; there's so much of us out there suffering the same thing.
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Offline beautifully_anxious

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Re: Social Anxiety rules my life
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2011, 09:53:10 PM »
Thank you... I just logged on and was gonna delete the post. I feel alone because I never met anyone with the same Issues. Thank you for your kind words!!!
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Offline lonelygurl

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Re: Social Anxiety rules my life
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2011, 06:28:32 PM »
I know this is a lil late but I'm new to this site. I know exactly what ur going through because I feel the same way. I've always been shy, but never knew I had social anxiety until now. I like to stay inside, only go out for groceries like 1 or 2 in the morning when I know other ppl aren't around, and I rather text or email than actually answering the phone. I have lost many friends and family because of this, but they just dont understand. I recently decided to go to therapy so we'll see what that brings.. i hope life is treating u better now! And rememba ur not alone  :action-smiley-065:
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Offline Jojothechibi

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Re: Social Anxiety rules my life
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2014, 12:30:23 PM »
hi,
Im only 16 but i have been in your shoes
I have extreme social anxiety so much that I dont like hanging with my boyfriend(new one hes so sweet ^^) but even him i have a lot of trouble going to him. Social problems are very common and you are definitely not crazy
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Offline lullaby

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Re: Social Anxiety rules my life
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2014, 05:27:47 AM »
Hi I feel for you. I would rather hide at home then go into public something about the thought of a cramped store with to many people breathing on me makes it hard to breath myself. I go into a groccery store and get dizzywanting immediatly to leave. My husband enables me to stay home. Most days I thinm I'm abnormal until I read that and realized I'm not alone
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Offline Kavenchols

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Re: Social Anxiety rules my life
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2014, 04:58:10 AM »
Well, Hypnotherapy can also be an effective treatment for anxiety disorders, it aims to seek out the root cause of the anxiety and change an individuals perception of a past event or release emotion from it.
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Offline fortunetsoul

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Re: Social Anxiety rules my life
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2014, 12:19:15 AM »
I'm sure you know by now that you're not crazy, just look at what you've been through and how strong and resilient you are.  I can identify with the verbal abuse but sticking it out way too long because I'm sure I deserved it (it's what is ingrained in us), I grew up with a very critical mother and passive-aggressive father. Wasn't allowed to date or go to dances, after school activities, nothing all the "normal" people were granted and allowed to participate in.  I applaud you for going to college with all that was going on in your life.  I was never encouraged and now wish I gone into psychology since it intrigues me so much and I can empathize with so many people and their problems.
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