URGENT help me help me

[Angel5576]

I have never been so depressed in my whole life, please someone help me i have never felt so alone. I am going mental.. literally.. i dont know what to do with myself. I have been havin 2 do gcse tests at the mo and ive been panicing about not bein able to escape or if i need the loo and NOW i have 2 go n a compulsory trip which is in the middle of nowhere 2 hours away.. i just cant do it.. i dont know what to do. I HAVE NEVER felt like this i am seriously wondering whether life is worth this. No-one can understand me.. i cant go on this trip its in like 2 days.. wat the helll should i do im so so so sosscared and alone pleaaase help me. Someone tell me what to do because im thinking of running away or dong something stupid.    Please 

[gloomy]

Do you feel upset because you have to go out is it like agraphobia?  Or can you not stand being in a confined space?  Do you think all this worry about your exams is making things worse or were they already bad beforehand?

I am just trying to get a better picture of all the things that are making you depressed so I can try and help

[Angel5576]

No its not agoraphobia.. its fear of needing the toilet and bein to far away.. recentely when i did a test i didnt need the loo but started really panicing about the "what ifs.." and i have 2 do another 1 soon.. im scared ill start panicin again or i actually may need the toilet and feel like i cnt escape... but now ialso have to go on a field trip in the middle of nowhere and thats makin me go crazy with fear

[fedupwithanxiety]

If you are that scared and panicked about it maybe you shouldn't go.  Try to get your anxiety under control and then try to go another time.  Just know that you are not alone in your anxiety.  I have felt that way as well.  I know you feel depressed now, but things will get better.  Right now you need to focus on yourself and help yourself get better.  If that means not going on the trip, then don't go. 

[Angel5576]

i know.. thanku. i really dnt want to go but i have 2.. its compulsory because its for coursework and i have no way out of it i dont no wat to do.  i want to run away because i feel itsmy only option.. i need profesional help but i dont know here to get it from ive tried helpin myself for years but ive only got worse

[fedupwithanxiety]

I feel bad that you are in that kind of situation.  I wish I knew exactly what to tell youto make you feel better.  If you run away though, you won't be going either.  Is there no way to make it up at a later date?  You need to find a good doctor, someone who will listen to you, and they can help you find a someone to talk to.  We're all here to help too! 

[Angel5576]

i know  thankyou. This is the only place where i can truly show who i really am. I no this may sound stupid but is it possible bein 15 that you can see ure GP on ure own confidentially? because i ve never done it and i really dont know. I just want this to be gone  :traurig001:i

[fedupwithanxiety]

I don't know.  I guess you could call and ask.  If they wouldn't see you, I guess you'd have to bring a parent.  Do they know how you've been feeling? 

[Angel5576]

No. My mum knows and she is really supportive but for sum reason she never suggests me goin 2 the doctor.. she seems to think they wont help. But i know myslef and i can tell that i cannot do this on my own she says i have to face my fears for this trip and sed that if i dont go itll make it worse and she sighs as if shes disapointed at me for not facin my fears. But she doesnt know how painfully petrifying this is for me. I CANT do it. can u now see wat situation i am in?    its really nice 2 talk 2 sum1

[fedupwithanxiety]

I know.  People who don't deal with anxiety everyday think that you can just face it and be done with it.  If it were only that easy.  If it were that easy, none of us would be talking online.  I have felt disappointment as well from my family.  Not to the extreme that you are experiencing though.  It makes you feel worse when you feel you've disappointed your family. 

What it comes down to is that you've got to take care of you.  You need to tell your mum that you feel you can't do it on your own and you would like to see a doctor for his opinion.   

Hope you are feeling better soon! 

[Angel5576]

Ok ill give it a go.. thankyou ever so much for helping me. It was nice to talk to someone who really understands, and ill always be happy to listen if you ever want to talk about fears thankyou again 

[Angel5576]

Hi just to let u no i went on the trip today. And it was fine. I was petrified last nite and i only got 2 hours sleep. Not 2 mention im ill with a bad cold.. but i did it. It just goes to show that nothing is impossible. No matter how scary you HAVE to face your fears, if not itll only make things worse i was so so so scared and i no this wont make it disappear but it gives u more confidence. I really should have listened 2 myself more. The message for everyone is dont run away from ure fears like i was going to. take it one step at a time.. no matter if u think u cant possibley do it because you can. Other people can. Why not u. 

[gloomy]

Angel, congratulations on facing your fears.  I hope this is the start of more incidents of facing your fears and anxieties.  It just goes to show it can be done, although its extremely difficult sometimes its not the end of the world and people can recover and move on from these sorts of worries

[fedupwithanxiety]

Good for you!  I'm proud of you!  Keep up the good work! 

[suki43]

Hi Angel,

You mentioned GCSEs and I am curious to know if you are in the UK? What was your trip for?

Well done on facing your fears, Angel!

I also wanted to ask, are your fears specific to going to the toilet (If so, what is it that you are afraid of?), or is it general anxiety, or are you stressed about your exams?

Take care

Suki

[suki43]

Hi Angel,

It's Suki again. I just read an older post of yours on the Phobia section of this site where you said that you fear being too far from the toilet if you need it.

It made me think that may be deep down you have a fear of simply being humiliated in public or simply a fear of being exposed. Do you think there is any truth in this?
Are you the kind of person that would rather not be the centre of attention?

If so, I assure you that this will subside as you get older. It may just be a question of increasing your self-confidence, Angel, and caring less about what others think. At 15, it would be normal if you feel self-conscious and feel your confidence could do with a boost.

I remember passing all my GCSEs was probably the first real boost of self-confidence I had. Then I went on to do A Levels and get a degree. Interestingly though, no matter what success I have had, partic. with my education, I have always feared going on to the next educational level, thinking "can I do it?" and to a certain extent this has been the case when starting a new job. I don't think it's unusual really.

What I would say, is that for most people, teenage years are some of the hardest. I do know people who had a blast as a teenager, but I personally found it a living hell and left home at 18. You will probably find that this fear you have will lessen as the years go by, because then you'll have other issues like work, paying the bills, relationships etc. which will give you a greater perspective on your current fear and keep you busy!

It will get better - you're anxious about growing up, yet probably want to grow up as fast as you can. Life is good, you have a lot of carefree years ahead of you, so be kind to yourself and look forward to good times ahead. They will come.

If you need to talk you know where I am.

Suki

[Angel5576]

Hi Suki. First of all im sorry i havent replied, it took me a long time to get over some situations at the time, and second, thankyou so much for being so kind and supportive. Yes i live in the UK. I have GCSE s soon now im at the top of my school. Well my trip was to the South of the UK to these cliffs. (FUN) If only they realised the pain i went through because we need to *observe* them.  Although i did it, at first I was over the moon but then i realised that I really did let my fear control me still,I kept starving myself of liquids so i wouldnt feel the need for the loo and now some months later I feel worse than ever because I know that I only got through it by letting my fear still control my functions (ie not drinking). Now my brain is telling me that this is the only option to get through situations like that because unlike most people if i am in one of these situations with no toilets i panic which then makes me conscious of my bladder, which makes me nervous and leads to me actually needing the loo.
As you can see this is a horrible situation and right now these GCSEs are my worst nightmare, it makes me feel faint when i think about them. 

If i feel an urgent need to go to the loo then i panic and Im so scared of that ever happening. The reason why is beacuse when i was little i was on a long journey and we were caught on the motorway for 5 hourse going nowhere because there was this father holding his son hostage with a gun.  I started to need the loo and i was panicing beacuse my dad was shouting at me and telling me "dont you dare pee in my car!" I was really scared but i made it, ever since then its got worse, and worse and Im too embarassed to go to my doctor becausue i dont know what they could do.

If only I COULD enjoy my childhood without having to worry over this stupid thing every time i go out.
I hope that made ssense. Thankyou for understanding, please write back.

Angel

[IceAngel07]

I know exactly what youre goin through! Its so good to find someone who knows wat its like! It suffocates you and you feel so sad and alone and you just wanna run away and get away from everything. Going on trips that you would usually find fun and exciting are just another thing to make you stressed and anxious, especially if its with scool or people you dun know well. Before you know it youre avoiding doing things with your friends and family. This is sad and i try not to let it interfere with my normal life but its hard, its like this barrier, and i hav to push through it every day. Some days i feel like i hav it unda control but sometimes it comes back, especially in bad times, like right now! cos im in my last year at scool and not only do i hav the normal stress of exams and studying but im constantly worrying about goin to the toilet!

I went to see a psychologist about a year ago and it was really good. She gave me some good strategies to use. Hear are some of  them,I hope they help!

- when youre in an anxious situation like a test and you start thinking "oh my goodness wat if i need to use the toilet i cant get out of here im trapped", try to ride your anxiety out. Anxiety comes in waves and goes up and down, up and down. When you start panicking and thinking this you are at the peak of your anxiety and if you wait a few minutes it will soon subside. This may go on throughout the feared situation but the important thing is to stay in the situation, because if you run away wen the anxiety is at its highest, in your mind you think that if you had stayed there your anxiety would have kept increasing, whereas in reality it would have gone down again. So its sort of like if you run away and avoid the situation, you begin to think its worse than it actually is, and the more you stay in situations and ride the anxiety, the more you realise that you can get through it.

- staying in the situation is much easier said than done! a technique i use to help me through a situation is holding my breath. My mum told me about this and its really good cos its a bit of a distraction and helps to relax the body. Do this over and over and youll start to feel really calm and will be able to stay in the situation.

- you might find that you have developed some "safety behaviours" that you use to help you feel more calm. i kno i hav alot! You may go to the toilet excessively before a test, not drink or eat before feared situations, or make sure you are always close to a bathroom. While these behaviours may make you feel calmer in the short term, they end up making the anxiety worse and stop you from conquering it. Try to work out wat your safety behaviours are and then slowly in you own time get rid of them, one by one. This can be really hard and the important thing is to take it slow. Its hard and i did conquer mine but ive slipped back into them and am trying to work through them again. Dont worry if this happens. Just keep taking it one step at a time. I know you can do it!

Talk to me or email me anytime im always happy to talk and help!

[oldman]

If I were you, I would wait for the next time that you felt the urge to 'go to the loo', and then calmly time yourself and figure out how long you can hold out before you absolutely can't wait any longer. 

Then, other times, when you don't need to go urgently, try to figure out exactly how long it would take you to get to the loo wherever you are.  You will find that you can hold out for quite a while longer than you expected, and you will also find that there is never a loo more than a couple of minutes away (because everyone needs them all the time!)

For long car trips, bring some toilet paper with you in a backpack, so that in an emergency you can stop on the roadside and relieve yourself in the woods.  That's smart advice for anyone.

---

Your fear may not be rational, but there is no reason that you can't deal with it by applying rational solutions.

[DismantleRepair]

I can relate to how you feel about all of this.  Last year I was actually considering being home schooled because of how afriad I was of being trapped in a room that I couldn't leave if I needed to.   It came out of nowhere too.  If you are unable to seek proffesional help on your own then perhaps seeing a school counselor might help.  They may be able to help you with your parents.  I know how it feels to have anxiety and parents that don't understand what you're going through.  You're not alone.

[ziggy_moron]

I only read the first page of this thread but it caught my eye, im really impressed that you went on the trip! I had something similar for my biology a level, im emetophobic and agrophobic so i was terrified and ended up dropping out of school entirely.... obviously this was the worst thing i could have done so i am so glad you didnt do the same! but one thing, doesnt it feel amazing when you do finally do some thing you where really scared of?1 i mean it probably means nothing to you but i went to my friends bbq the other day and i managed to stay for 6 hours... that is the longest i have stayed out for years and i actually had a really good time! but i just couldnt stop smiling once i got home.