Important New Posting Rules...

[GreyGoose]

Dear Anxiety Zone Members...

The Anxiety Zone forums are (and always have been) a happy and lighthearted place for support and friendship. We want everyone to feel comfortable and welcome here so please folks, If you disagree with someone or have a strong opinion about a particular issue that runs counter to another members', please try to focus on the points that you agree on and ignore the points that you do not agree on rather than engaging in a heated and protracted debate which could scare off or intimidate both new and old members alike and/or make them afraid to post. Always remember to "agree to disagree".

If you are unable to do this because you are caught up in the "heat of the moment", then please refrain from posting anything at all, put the other member on ignore or take some time out to think about how you are going to respond before actually committing yourself and running the risk of hurting someone's feelings or scaring away new members. When visitors or new members see this type of behavior, what kind of an impression do you think it leaves them with?. Please consider this before you post.

This forum may have a number of health care professionals from a variety of fields or specialties on it at any given time. These members generously volunteer their time to assist others here. These individuals (as well as other members using the Anxiety Zone forums) are strictly prohibited from providing medical advice or using their knowledge or skills to chastise, preach, lecture, ridicule, patronize, demean, degrade, demoralize or make other members feel inferior. On Anxiety Zone, everyone is equal and no single individual is "above" another, "right" or "wrong" or the "final authority" on any issue. Members are welcome to provide their opinion or even advice as long as it doesn't turn into a debate or constitute medical advice.

This has been an ongoing issue for the past 4-5 months now and quite a few members have expressed their discontentment and I have largely ignored it for fear of offending someone but something has to be done. We have also been hemorrhaging a steady stream of members over the last 5 days and the posts that I've seen and the reports I've been receiving coincide with this drop in membership and the recent account closures by existing members citing this as their chief reason for leaving the forums so this leaves me with no choice but to act.

In the future, when either one of the Moderators here (or myself) notices a thread that looks like it's about to turn into a heated debate or meets any of the criteria listed in this post we will first politely warn and then (if necessary) lock the thread (or delete it). The rules will also be amended to include this new (and very reasonable) policy. Members are also encouraged to use the "Report to moderator" link (located in the lower-right corner of each post) to report unsupportive or unfriendly posts so that we can look at them and fairly decide whether they should be locked, removed or if no action should be taken. I'm also going to solicit more moderators to police the forums here in the coming days. These Moderators must be fair, reasonable and even-handed and possess good people skills. All interested parties may PM me.

And because I want to be as fair, open and transparent as possible, I have left this thread open for replies and opinions.

Welcome to the new, friendlier Anxiety Zone forums

- Warmest Regards, GreyGoose

[King]

Dear GreyGoose & Forum

AnxietyZone is a great forum for people to come and share the views and experiences regarding their anxieties and other life concerns. GreyGoose deserves great praise in setting up this site which has helped 100's if not 1000's of people. I have always enjoyed reading other people's posts, and in my early days here it was great to get feedback and reassurance for my own anxiety disorder. As I have learnt to live with my disorder (but its there daily believe me), I have transitioned to offering my advice and views. As many people know I do have some specialist knowledge - but thats not to say it is any higher or more valid than other people's opinions.

The post stated that in fairness, openness and transparency it is open for replies and opinion, therefore I have taken the opportunity of replying.

It is clear that the reason for this thread and the stated ongoing issue of '4-5 months' coincides both with my length of membership and some of the debates I have been part of or even perhaps instigated. The basis of this thread may also involve others however I think its fair to say I'm clearly implicated. 

I'm sure that forum members will have seen some of my posts (albeit a small fraction) being vigorous in debate although to my knowledge I have never got personal. I know this is also similar for my forum colleague, Gloomy, who has also enjoyed sharing views and participating in debate too. Yes, on occasion perhaps the debate went too far, but I think that out of the 320+ posts from myself (and approx. 1000 posts between Gloomy and myself) 95%+ have been to offer others advice and support which I think people have valued that at times, indeed I was pleased to receive 3 recommendations. In doing this, I have tried to not only give support but offer some more indepth reasoning behind this to really help support the advice.  I would also like to think that people like myself and Gloomy have added something to AnxietyZone, that we provided a port of call for other members where we have been able to offer good insight and knowledge through specialist training or experience outside this forum. I have always been careful not to give specific advocational medical treatment advise for which I'm not trained anyway.

However, focusing on the "debates", I wonder if sometimes there was a slight cultural difference between how posts from people like Gloomy and myself from the UK were perceived or interpreted by others? But regardless of that it was never my intention to offend anyone, I only expressed/defended my views when I thought it good to debate a point put forward by someone else or myself. Where one particular debate went too far in my mind I actually asked for that thread to be deleted. I think on a forum where guidance is often asked for, and often given, there are bound to be different viewpoints on the information ventured forward. Indeed, some of the health professionals that have frequented this site in the past have engaged in or initiated debate themselves.

Looking to the future, I think if opinion is wished to be received but only as long as it doesnt turn into a debate then thats going to be hard for someone like myself who enjoys a good in-depth discussion. Perhaps my expectation of that is too high but sometimes I feel that discussion is impossible without challenging debate. If the debate goes too far then I agree the member(s) should be advised both accordingly and promptly. I also accept that debate should be amicable and conclusive. Having said that, I believe that much good information and the furthering of knowledge and advice comes out of vigorous debate.

However, if some of my posts have contributed to forum members distress, that I have been unfriendly and furthermore my presence has caused members to be intimidated or leave then clearly I've overstayed my welcome.

It is therefore appropriate I tender my resignation from this forum.
King

[gloomy]

GreyGoose and members of Anxietyzone,

Firstly I would like to mention this forum has given me a lot of support and comfort over the last 15 months.  I have visited this site at my lowest points and found solace.  I hope in my heart I have repaid that to another soul who felt that low when I replied to them and encouraged them that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  There have been many threads on the forums that have been difficult to say the least to respond to, especially when a person is pleading for help and it's an area I have no personal experience in, but I always think of something even if its just words of support rather than advice.

Obviously we are all human at the end of the day, and some responses I have perused without naming names have been.......... lets say 'interesting', without making any apologies for my personality traits I never like to agree for agreeing's sake and when information posted is blatantly wrong it would be improper of me not to advise slight correction, after all learning is a life long thing. 

I would like to reiterate at this point the comment made by King that cultural differences may play a part in how a comment is interpreted, if the sterotypical views are indeed correct it would appear the English are seen as cold, stiff and outspoken by the Americans, I cant change my culture or attitude but I will say I would never purposely insult any member for any reason not even in retaliation.  I have joined in with more than one debate on various subjects on the forums but have never resorted to name-calling or insults. However, I will speak up for myself and defend my integrity, thankfully I have only had to this a couple of times, I certainly didnt do it in anger either, there was no danger of me not thinking it through first.

Some of the words used by GreyGoose to explain the sort of answers he didnt want on the forum I wholeheartedly agreed with, no one should be made to feel ridiculed or small, even though it wasnt long ago that very thing happened to me and actually upset me for the week but I had to accept that other people are entitled to their opinion.  After all in England we have the freedom of speech so its not appropriate to complain when someone else uses it to their advantage. To only permit freedom of speech as long as it meets certain rules isnt freedom of speech at all, hence I didnt complain to the moderator.

I for one cant operate in an atmosphere where only nice, agreeable and supportive comments are allowed anything that disagrees, highlights a misconception or doesnt fully support the thread no matter how out of order it is isnt reflecting true life.  One of the main things about people with an anxiety disorder is self esteem issues, if one surrounds themself with 'yes' people how will they ever create coping strategies for a world full of less than nice and understanding people?  Sometimes it's wrong to mislead and agree with someone for fear of hurting their feelings. I cant do that, I have a wealth of knowledge and education in psychology and have shared a lot of that in my answers but I have always stated I am not qualified to medically advise and a members own doctor is the first place they should turn.

If any of my replies have broken the rules set by GreyGoose because I stated the truth in a straight talking manner then I simply cant abide by such restrictive boundaries although I agree deliberate demeaning and insulting personal posts should be restricted I still enjoy healthy debate and discussion and I am getting the impression this is now prohibited, therefore I feel I have no choice but to offer my resignation.

Gloomy

[GreyGoose]

To King and Gloomy:

First of all, I want to say thank you for the generous accolades. I have taken several days to carefully think this situation over before posting a response and I must say that I am deeply saddened that both of you feel the way you do and that you appear to have taken the new rules so personally that you chose to resign. It is my sincere hope that you will reconsider that decision.

No one individual was singled out or targeted as King has suggested and I was not even aware that he joined 3-4 months ago because I haven't got time to keep tabs on when each member joined and other such minute details. In fact, when I go back and read many of the posts from both of you, you indeed did offer a great deal of help and support to many of the members here and all of us our truly greatful for your contributions.

However, please try to put yourselves in my position. I am an administrator so anything that happens on this forum ultimately ends up coming down on my head whether it be something relatively innocuous like a minor squabble between two individuals or a huge and nasty fight that takes up several pages and lasts for weeks. When I receive complaints, I have a choice; I can either take action based on those complaints and risk upsetting the people who have had the complaint filed against them or I can do nothing at all and risk upsetting the people who filed the complaint. In the end, it is all about mediation and relationship management and as the forum grows, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep everyone happy all of the time because of things like cultural differences, stereotypes, miscommunication, rumors, conflicts of opinion, etc. Dealing with some of this can be a very catch-22 situation.

As to the whole idea of "freedom of speech", a forum is not a democracy. Forums are usually owned by one or more individuals and governed by a set of necessary rules in order to keep the peace, insure harmony and protect it's members. Freedom of speech for example (in the strictest sense) does not give one the right to yell "fire" in a crowded theater, make prank 911 calls or make terroristic threats. Freedom of speech is not an absolute "right". Rules are a necessary part of life and not intended to spoil anyone's "fun" or deprive them of their "rights". I've been told by many people that our forum is one of the more liberal and tolerant ones. I've only personally banned one person in the nearly 2 years this forum has been in existence and that was under extraordinary circumstances. I've always attempted to be fair, reasonable and open-minded (which is why I left this thread open). I see infractions on this forum all the time and 9 times out of 10 I simply ignore them because I realize that we are all human and we all make mistakes.

Having said all of this, Anxiety Zone is not a place for debate (polite, civil or otherwise). It is a place to offer support and friendship to those of us suffering from anxiety-related disorders. A person (including medical professionals) can offer their personal opinion or support without (1) giving medical advice or (2) always being a "yes" person and agreeing with everyone about everything unconditionally. In a situation where a member appears to be going down a self-destructive path in life or making the wrong decisions with respect to their health, it is perfectly ok to try to steer them in the right direction but if they refuse that same advice, it is never ok to push the envelope by engaging them in a lengthy debate. Rather, simply respect their choice or opinion and agree to disagree rather than forcing the issue.

It is also important to remember that not all of us are medical professionals so using a word like "perambulate" versus it's equivalent "walk" can be the difference between someone being able to understand what you are saying or not. Some people can also be intimidated because they don't feel they are in the same "league" and this can sometimes cause problems with communication. Medical professionals are a highly valuable and indispensable part of any forum and it is not my intention at all to single this group out for without them, we would all be just a bunch of anxiety-ridden people sobbing on each other's shoulders with little or no real answers or sense of direction.

Again, I hope that both of you will understand my position and reconsider as it would be a shame to lose either of you.

- Warm regards, GreyGoose

[itsmeesindee]

Grey,

I just wanted to let you know that you have my support 100%.  I feel that some the the debates went a little too far.  My suggestion would be if several indivduals would like to debate an issue, they go to the chat room and do it in a semi private fashion.  This way the text would not be availabe for all to read and therefore not make some people uncomfortable, etc.

Just a suggestion to satisfy both sides of the fence.

Cin

[GreyGoose]

Thats an excellent point itsmeesindee. Perhaps members (both regular and professional) could use PM's or private chat to hash out their differences. This way, they could freely engage in unlimited debate. Again, excellent point.

- Regards, GreyGoose

Grey,

I just wanted to let you know that you have my support 100%.  I feel that some the the debates went a little too far.  My suggestion would be if several indivduals would like to debate an issue, they go to the chat room and do it in a semi private fashion.  This way the text would not be availabe for all to read and therefore not make some people uncomfortable, etc.

Just a suggestion to satisfy both sides of the fence.

Cin

[gloomy]

Thankyou for the support and compliments GreyGoose,  I really appreciate it.  I do want to add that I fully support what your saying and I understand the reasons why you need to implement rules as an administrator.  I also need to add that now you have explained the situation even further I realise that there may well be an answer and solution to suit everybody even its titling certain discussions with a warning so people who arent interested or maybe offended dont have to read them.  Or maybe a certain section just for debate, information etc.  I am going to be doing a 3 year research PHD into the causes of anxiety disorders and of course the academic study and teaching I already have although I am not qualified as such I do still have a lot of explanation and advice to offer members.

I hope an agreement can be reached as I dont want to leave the site in this way I have been a member since New Years Day 2006, I was in a desperate state then when I found this place and as I have said before for that I will always be grateful.

Thankyou

[King]

GreyGoose

Thank you for your support, and in expanding on the approach and ethics behind moderating debate, and for rationale behind the rules of general site communication.

I appreciate that it has taken time to consider your responses to myself and Gloomy and the resulting explanations have been most helpful. I think the proposed suggestions will be excellent in channelling and moderating the two-way dialogue and debate.

Looking back, I was also in a desperate desperate state when I came across this site in August 2006. I'd been off work for 6 weeks due to the disabling nature of my anxiety, indeed I could barely walk to the bathroom. During that time I didnt know I had GAD, infact I didnt know that GAD could make someone so ill - I genuinely thought I was dying and was planning my wife's and children's futures. It was simply the worse moments of my life. It was only after a marathon Google session that I happened to come across this site - I wasnt aware anxiety forums even existed. I can still remember reading posts describing GAD's symptoms and it was like a 'eureka' moment for me. I suddenly realised I had a disorder. Since then I have used a variety of approaches to seek to control and minimise my condition but like for so many others here its a daily challenge.

For the enlightenment and reassurance this site has given me, I'll be eternally grateful.

So further to your thoughts, my reflection, and a few good nights sleep may I add, I wish to remain an active full member of this forum and continue to contribute my help, experience and knowledge to others where I can.

kind regards
King

[ocdengineer]

Good.  It's good to have you guys back!  LOL. 

Later,
OE

[King]

Thx OE.

[gloomy]

Thanks OCDE

[GreyGoose]

Hi everyone...

Something came up yesterday and unfortunately, I wasn't able to get anything done at all. I am feeling only slightly better today and so I will attempt to catch up on my PM's, respond to the posts in this thread, bring more moderators on board, etc. A few other things I would like to do as time and health permit...

* Create a "Doctor's Lounge" (or similar) forum.
* Create a private chat for moderators.
* Add more videos.
* Etc...

Thank you for your patience .

- Regards, GreyGoose