Do people just hate me or something?

[Serenity]

I have never been able to figure out why everyone I meet just totally ignores me and treats me like I'm a potted plant. It's almost to the point of total rudeness and disrespect. My hygeine is normal. I usually dress casually. My IQ/education level is fairly high. No deformities (big eye in the center of my head, horns, etc). People just don't seem to like me at all. I can be at a party or with a freind of mine and try to strike up a conversation but all I get is the raised eyebrow look or a frown and then totally ignored beyond that while other people are busy chatting away, telling jokes, laughing, etc. Even when I say "hi" to someone or ask them a direct question like "wow, looks like we're in for another storm, eh?" they just look at me as if to say "who the heck wants to talk to you??". Ok, it's not like I want to be the center of attention or anything but people are just tend to downright ignore me. Often I'll stand right there in a small crowd and just get totally ignored even though I make an effort to get involved.

I've noticed that it mostly occurs when I'm around older people for some reason. Is it possible that they think that because I'm younger than them, I should not speak until spoken to or something?. Is it just "how people are" these days?. Also, I have noticed that people tend to cross their arms a lot around me as if I'm putting them on the defensive. I am not a loud, agressive or obnoxious person so why do they feel the need to do this?. I just don't understand. I have abuse issues and depression, anxiety, etc in my history but I can handle my own in a conversation - when I can actually get into one.

[GreyGoose]

Hi Serenity and please allow me the pleasure of welcoming you to the forums!.

I think it's pretty common for one age group to not always be able to relate to another sometimes. For one, different generations grew up in different eras, have different interests, different memories and a different level of maturity (age-wise, not necessarily behaviorally). You probably look and dress just fine and I'm sure you have a nice personality. Some people can also be a bit stand-offish or they are just like you and want very much to have a conversation but are too shy (or perhaps hurting inside) to do so. Sometimes it can be downright difficult and awkward making new freinds. Sometimes you have to be a little bit aggressive and just jump right in there (in a nice way, I mean).

There are also some good meds for social anxiety disorder that can help a LOT.

[Angelwings]

Hello Serenity :)

Please don't feel bad. I get this a lot too. I think it's really true that birds of a feather flock together at least as far as age groups are concerned. Of course, like anything else in life, there are always exceptions. I have young freinds and older freinds but am able to relate better to people my own age who have the same issues, likes, dislikes, etc but that's just me.

Just my thoughts.

[pmhoran]

I used to feel the same as you do Serenity ... but then a friend pointed out that it was probably my own doing.

I was so afraid of "not fitting in" or not being accepted and liked that I used to throw up this "wall" around me to protect my feelings ... so any perceived rejection would not occur.

So in social situations I was unintentionally giving off vibes that I was not approachable & arrogant ... and I am not either.   So I worked at not throwing up that "wall of protection" ... and decided to take a chance and if my feelings got hurt then so what.   I will survive.

Once the wall was down ... I gave off a different vibe to those around me and met many people over the years who have remained good friends despite all the health stuff crapping up on me this past 15 years.   But I don't think I ever would have met them if I hadn't taken the chance at having my feelings hurt.

JMHO
Peter

[lifeforce]

Sometimes you just have to go for broke and do the best you can. I used to have a few drinks before going to social events to help me relax and be more open. While there's nothing really wrong with this - in MODERATION, it's better not to rely on alcohol too much (if at all) and far better to see a doctor and get a script for a medication that can help you cope when your around other people so it's not so stressful for you.   

[rara]

Of course not everyone disslikes you, i mean you mentionend youre self you have friends ore a friend. I have not been totaly incoherrent though to youre message, you were writing about conversations.
I think there could be a number of reasons to way this is happening, perhaps the age difference, maybe youre putting up a wall, maybe youve just meet/ tend to seek snody rude people, maybe people sometimes feel nervous around you instead of the other way around ore maybe it is all in youre head...
The point is that there are way to many people in this world to ever really find out and on top of it, one can never really know what another one thinks ore feels if not that person confesses. Although i trust youre instinct about youre feelings of alienation in youre conversations, the only thing you really can do when it involves som many causual people is to look at youre self introspectivly. I dont mean condem youre self and i am not judging you but youre not an anti conversation-whit-people-remover.
If you get along whit some but not whit others maybe you should ask youre self if youre seeking the right people, figour out if you really want to talk to the person/s youre approching ore if it is some sort of "see,see" proving thing. You seem to be cind of aware of how those people are so i must ask: why do you seek them?
Of course you shouldnt be rude to anyone but i dont think you are. If people are crossing there arms at you, which by the way i notice a dissliking for people`s nowdays behavioure (maybe thats why you seel older people), than be nice to them but dont assume its about you, dont take it personally and dont seek them.   
I know this sounds corny but i like you. /I hope i can be to any help Rara.

[rara]

Nobody can please everyone either.

[Velouria]

I feel this way too! 
My sister told me not too long ago that I was talking very loudly.  That just made me sad because it seems like no matter "how" I talk, no one listens.  I feel like I have to yell just so someone will look at me and say, "Oh...someone's there."  It is very frustrating.  I usually just give up and walk away or something.  I even feel like this with my family…like I am invisible.  BTW, I am a grown woman!!! So it makes it even more pathetic!

I know I DO give off "bad vibes."  I went to an all-day social event.  At the end of the night, we all went to a ballroom and danced (not modern dance).  I was talking to a lady and man...laughing...smiling.  The man commented that I was smiling now...that I had been in a bad mood all day.  I was NOT in a bad mood though.  I was enjoying the classes I attended.  No wonder no one was approaching me...I was unapproachable!

I decided then that the next event I went to I would be pleasant ALL day...smile and everything even if I didn't feel like smiling.  So, I was basically fake all day.  You know what??  That did not work either

I had worked so hard all day.  I made acquaintances.  I spoke to many people...had nice conversations...smiled...laughed...look ed happy.  In the end, I was standing alone!
It really stinks.  Now I am not sure what to do!  I do not know how to welcome people in…my walls are impassable.

Vel

[mstanya]

To PMHoran,

Wow, that must have been so great to start being able to participate in conversations in a group!  I'd dearly love to be able to do that - like a "normal" person!  I have been exploring the same idea for a long time - that i am unintentionally giving off signals that show i'm unapproachable and that i think i'm better than everyone (which is so far from the truth!), so that ultimately i don't have to experience rejection.  Are you able to identify what things you were doing that gave off the wrong vibe?  I haven't really been able to work out what they are yet, for myself.   
Or do u start with not worrying about your feelings getting hurt, and the rest follows?

I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment who is doing his darndest to convince me its okay to be introverted and to not like loud parties etc.  I can see his point but i think it is vital to learn skills in coping in a group - you can't avoid socialising all the time (or u can, but it gets increasingly lonely.)  I would love to find out what facial expressions and body language i'm unintentionally displaying, so i can practice not doing them!

Grateful for any ideas,
Tanya G