Guilt

[apple]

Anyone have trouble with guilt?

When something happens that I feel guilt over...it consumes me.  Then I start thinking about other things in the past that I felt guilty about.  I feel that awful feeling in my gut and cant shake it...even if it is something I shouldnt feel guilty about to begin with.   Then my anxiety starts to rise and I feel it increase...now how to shake it

[2anxious]

Yes, I have a tendency to feel guilty a lot.  Even over things that I really had no control over.  I am always afraid something will go wrong and it will be my fault.  When my son was born I literally worried myself sick over everything, worrying whether I was doing everything the "right way".  And then I would feel guilty, like I wasn't a good enough Mom.  I guess it has to do with anxiety/perfectionism. 

[retrogurl88]

Yes.  I feel guilty and ashamed when I think back to the crap I put my family through during my breakdown.  I'm not sure if it's a feeling that will ever go away...

[FALCON z]

I'm really totally the opposite.  I just get irriated with others and feel like things aren't fair to me.  I try not to think about it a lot but the only thing I feel guilty about is that I'm not the same person that my wife married 3 years ago.

[lkb]

retrogurl88 - what happened with your breakdown and how did you get better?  I'm assuming you are better now?

[NightOwl]

I feel guilty if I do the slightest thing that someone else doesn't like. 

[retrogurl88]

Yes lkb,

     I am much better now, but not cured.  I still get panic attacks from time to time and feel anxious, but I am functioning.  Paxil and behavior treatment has helped tremendously.  During my breakdown I had a severe fear of leaving my house and skipped a month of school.  Each morning I was reduced to tears and making up excuses why I couldn't leave the house.  Every time I would attempt to leave I would get nauseous and have dry heaves.  Many "battles" happened during this time between me and my parents, who di :(dn't understand what was wrong with me.  Finally, they forced me out of the house one day to the doctor's office; to seek treatment.

   However during this period I made my parents a wreck, and I was constantly angry and frustrated with myself.  To this day I still feel guilty about the hell I put everyone through, even though it technically wasn't my fault.  I had been suffering with daily panic attacks for four years leading up to it and my body and mind had reached its breaking point....

   My question is will this feeling of guilt and shame ever go away?   And what can I do to help me heal?

[itsmeesindee]

I think maybe by starting to forgive yourself.  We are alll human and by no means perfect.  We can only do our best with who we are and what we have.  Have the people whom you feel guilty about forgiven you?  If so you need to forgive yourself. If they haven't and there is nothing more you can do you must try to move on knowing you tried your best.  We can only learn from regretable events whether it is our fault or not.

To err is human, to forgive divine.

Cin

[pattyjul]

I feel guilt for things I done in the past.  For working instead of staying home with the kids.  The guilt consumes me, then I feel depressed and anxious.  Then I cant breath and its starts over and over again.

[NightOwl]

Like itsmeesindee said, the key is forgiving yourself and loving yourself.  That is the key in happiness in general.  That is what pretty much any psych will say is that you have to love yourself before anything else works out.

 

 

[BlkRaven]

I knew there was a reason I joined this message board and all I can say is "thank you" to all who come here.  Why?  Because it is so comforting to know that I am not the only person who suffers and feels these types of things.

I had a horrible run with GAD years ago and through counseling it toned down and was very manageable.  Recently, following surgery, it is back full force with a new component - obsessive thoughts about guilt.  I imagine that I have "lied" to someone if I paraphrase a conversation.  Before I stopped smoking I imagined if I was careless with a cigarette I'd cause a fire and burn my house down and injure someone or worse yet that if I was in public I wouldn't get it put out and cause a fire harming innocent strangers, etc.  These thoughts get so consuming I am convinced I did something horrible. 

I restart counseling in one week and this time feel like I will probably need meds eventho I have always been reluctant to take them (the old if you take psych meds you're crazy stigma I grew up with from the 60s). 

Thanks for listening and wish me luck as I wish everyone here success with overcoming or managing this rotten disorder!

[apple]

Good luck I hope you can get thru this again.

Yes, the guilt over something starts...then that feeling in the gut, and even when I sort it out that feeling in my gut continues for hours and finally my body gets anxious...then I am in a bad mood and stay like that for a while. 

There has got to be a way to get rid of that guilty gut feeling.   

[richteact]

We are human beings. You are human...so just be. Are feelings are what they are, they will be what they will be. be. Feel it, then carry on. I hope that one liner meditation helps you...it did me.

[retrogurl88]

Yes, all of the people involved have forgiven me, so the time has come to forgive myself...That will take awhile but I know eventually I will heal.  Thank you all for your comforting words.  Sometimes you just need to hear words of enouragement from others to feel better.   

[VILLEFAN4]

yes i feel guilty about my son being blind.  when i allow myself to dwell on i my anxiety goes through the roof.  i become physically ill and have crying spells that sometimes last for days.  which then leads to depression.  he was born 4 months early and really i couldn't have prevented that but sometimes i think i did something wrong to cause God to take it out on my son.  is that dumb to think that way? 

[Beth]

I know this feeling -- guilt -- so well.

I've always been this way. Hypothetically speaking, someone could walk up to me and punch me in the stomach. But if I punched them back, I'd wonder if, maybe, I had reacted too harshly. Same thing with words: Someone could say something completely inconsiderate or mean to me, but if I responded to them in the same way, I'd walk away wondering whether I had hurt their feelings. It's pretty ridiculous sometimes.

I mean, I guess there are times when we should feel guilty about something we've done. But if we sincerely apologize and try to do better the next time, it's all we can do. The hard part is when we feel guilty about things we have no control over -- or when we've done nothing wrong. I don't know the answer to that one myself, because I'm still working on it.

[NightOwl]

yes i feel guilty about my son being blind.  when i allow myself to dwell on i my anxiety goes through the roof.  i become physically ill and have crying spells that sometimes last for days.  which then leads to depression.  he was born 4 months early and really i couldn't have prevented that but sometimes i think i did something wrong to cause God to take it out on my son.  is that dumb to think that way? 

I was born like a month early and am legally blind, but not close to totally blind.  I think they put me on oxygen which most likely caused mine.  How old is your son and is he independant at all?  I can see decently and still I feel this attachment to my family still and I am 30!

ANyway it is natural to feel how you feel, but that does not mean it's true.

[VILLEFAN4]

nightowl.  my son is now 19 years old.  besides being totally blind he is also developmentally delayed,so mentally he is much younger than 19.  he can,t be left in the house alone. so no there is not much independence. he does have a very outgoing personality, plenty of friends, and a sweet little girlfriend who is also developmentally delayed.  i love him so much

[apple]

I understand the guilt about your son.  My daughter has health issues as well, altho she performs above her age level.  Something awful happened to her as well when she visited a family members house.  This went on for about a year.  I had no knowledge of it until this family member tried to do it in our house.  I found out, I did what I had to do, for her and for this bastard.  However I still feel guilt for not knowing or preventing her from this harm.  You tell them to talk to you when an adult  hurts them  and tells them  to keep it a secret, even Dad or Grampa...but you dont tell them that kids in the family can hurt them too.

There are things beyond your ability to fix or prevent.  God is not making you pay for some wrong you did...rather blessing you with this son who despite his disabilities harnesses more love and compation because of it..he perseveres!!  I too questioned god about my daughter.  He wept for her...as he did me.  We perservered...the pain of it will always be there I think. 

I dont know how to get over this kind of guilt.

[apple]

Please dont respond to this, I dont want to start a debate.  Unable to erase it at the moment