Relationship OCD. Please help!

[fallenangel84]

For the past two weeks, I’ve been in a very bad state of mind.  Up until then, things with my current boyfriend had been amazing.  I was super happy and in love and on cloud 9 just thinking about him.
Rewind to 5 years ago.  I was with my exboyfriend at the time.  About 10 months into the relationship, I started feeling very weird and like we had magically grew apart.  I can’t pinpoint why but I tried to make it work and tried to feel more but after essentially faking it for 4 years, I called it quits and decided it was time to move on.  When my current boyfriend I started dating, as I said things were so good.  I felt like a void truly had been filled and there was so much passion and such a connection.  I was always afraid that I’d start feeling toward him like I did my last boyfriend and vowed never to go there in my mind again because they are two completely separate people and it’s not fair to compare or carry things over from one relationship to another.  So, I had been good at blocking this out.

Two weeks ago, I let down the flood gates in my brain and allowed my mind to “go there” and start to question and doubt everything.  I feel as if I pushed him away in my mind and keep telling myself I no longer find him attractive, this that and the other.  I keep thinking how it’d feel to break up with him in my mind even though I don’t want to do that.  I keep questioning my love and wondering if this is all right or how things “should” feel.  I don’t feel that constant elation or giddiness I once felt when thinking about him.  It’s just weird.  It is all I can dwell on.  I can’t even function anymore…I’m trying to make sense of it and analyze it all from every aspect.  I’m starting counseling in two weeks but don’t want to mess up this relationship.  Why do I keep talking myself out of my thoughts and not allow me to feel anything positive?  I want to so bad and I want to feel how I did until I let myself “go there” in my mind.  It’s so frustrating.  All I can do is obsess and at work, all I do is Google my symptoms, it’s getting old.  I feel like if I wanted to break up with him, I wouldn’t be beating myself up.  Literally NOTHING has happened to make me feel this way.  I HATE this!  I can’t see how I’d have the same feelings towards two completely seperate people which tells me it's just me.  I've made it so akward for myself.