interested to see what everyone's views on love are. What r yours?

[carmen_6589]

Hi everyone, my subject name pretty much explains itself. I just thought about it, because alot of my anxiety was caused by having very wrong views on what love actually is. I was so hung up on the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship, that when my boyfriend and i made the transition into the comfort stage, i completely freaked out and obsessed over why my tingly-butterfly-in-the-stomach-can't-stop-thinking-about-him-my-god-i-love-him-so-much feelings were gone. well faded at least. So what is your view on love?

What do you think it is and what do you think it means to be in love?

carmen

[gloomy]

This is a difficult one and a very personal viewpoint, I dont think there is a right and wrong answer either.  What I thought love was when I was eighteen is different to what I believe now.  My mother said when I was 16 and had a boyfriend 'you dont know what love is'  I dont think I did.  It all depends on what your needs are at the time.  As we grow older our needs change and our views on love change.  There is a big difference between love and lust for example.  I think you named it the honeymoon stage, I felt that lust for a boy I was engaged to at 18 , however, once that faded away I knew I didnt love him enough to marry him, I only cared deeply for him. 

When I met my husband of 13 years who I married at 20 it wasnt love at first sight or anything, we were just friends for a while before we went on a date or anything even then I thought he was joking around with me.  One day I realised we were much more than friends and the rest is history, we married after only a year together I was pregnant 4 months after we started dating seriously.  My love for him has grown a lot over the years, I love him now more than ever, we have been through a lot together including the death of our son of which my husband eventually had a nervous breakdown.  Things like that either make you or break your relationship.

The love I feel for my children is different again thats totally unconditional and I would give my life for them.

Love is strange

[apple]

The love I felt when younger was cloudded by lust and the need to help or change a man. 

I believe true love is unconditional love, loving someone reguardless of of quirks.  Wanting to share your life good and bad with one special person.  Having respect for them and they respect you back.  Wanting the best for your partner and they want whats best for you.

I wish I had known this when I was younger...it would have saved me a lot of pain.

[carmen_6589]

firstly, i am very sorry for your loss gloomy.

And secondly, it sounds like familiarities are cropping up already..."when i was younger" lol.

I respect both replies, but i thought i would share my story as a 17 year old girl lol.

i completely agree with apple, true love is definately unconditional. The kind of love you would have for a family member but instead of being stuck with them (lol i mean it nicely honest) you have chosen to love this person unconditionally.

As i am only 17, it's difficult to say whether i LOVE my boyfriend or not. I think i do, i tell him i do, and i believe that i do. I can imagine spending the rest of my life with him, and i am at my happiest when i am with him. I have felt the "lust" part of our relationship, and now that we have been together for about 13 months, i look forward to the rest of the months to come. People say i am much too committed for a 17 year old and i should be out haing fun, but what they don't realise is that this IS my fun, and i enjoy being that committed to him. The last thing i want is to be out havng "flings." It just doesn't appeal to me. i have true faith in the fact that we will be a lasting couple. i love caring for him, and being there for him, and sharing special moments together. It's the most amazing, and the scariest thing i have ever done in my life. Being in love is scary. lol. But i wouldn't change it for anything.

Was this what your view on love was at 17/18?

Have i still yet to learn the ultimate lesson? lol.  I hope not.

Carmen

[lamy12]

I totally agreee with what apple said.  If you can remeber one thing....the decision of who you marry is probably the decision that will have the most impact on your life/happiness.  At 17/18 I think it would be tough to make that call.  But if it's right it's right.  It's just at that young age...it's hard to know what YOU want from life so how can yhou decide if a partner wants the same, has similar values,etc.  I feel that now at 36...I wish I could make that decision all over again.

[NightOwl]

Yeah, I agree with apple also.  And I just got out of a relationship with a 17 y/o and she did basically the same things.... thought she could change me to what she wanted etc...  A psych once told me that a LOT of teenage girls think they can change someone in a relationship.  To an extent you can.... I changed a lot for her and she changed some for me...., but the person must be truly wanting to change and I was the only one of us who wanted to change himself/herself.

Love definitely requires both people respecting each other, both people sacrificing and compromising, caring how things effect the other.... while not letting the person walk all over you.  Obviously not "total" selflessness, but a combination of caring about yourself and that person.

[pippip]

Love sucks xD I still don't know what it is or if I ever experienced it, I just know i experienced a lot of different feelings and a crapload of pain. Your views are very interesting. I think mine would be alot different if I didnt have anxiety. I have like 0 trust when it comes to romance after what i've been through. I hope that when my anxiety gets better and better i'll be able to have a normal relationship again.

[Kate1982]

Relationships are complicated with a lot of ups and downs.  When you love someone you are willing to stick out through all the good and bad times and then some.  As much of a pain in the butt as love may be, at least it's better than hate.   

[jcp]

I am very deeply in love and have been for the past five years.  Just knowing how much he loves me makes me want to work harder at overcoming my anxietyhypochondria because I know it hurts both of us at times. 

0534 I'm a sap :)