Fed up with this :( Please help

[MakeItStop21]

I really just need someone to talk to right now. I am so depressed and at a loss of what to do. =(  For the past three months I have been dealing with very very intense nausea.  I have no appetite.  I cannot sleep. I cannot eat and I am pretty much unable to preform simple mundane tasks.  I am an eighteen year old female and used to be a generally healthy person besides the mental health issues. I have always suffered from major depression and anxiety but I have never suffered physically from it, at least not to this extent.  I am always always nauseous.  I miss food so much, but I do not even want to look at it when I feel this way. I also miss going out with my friends and just laughing my 0104 off and having the time of my life like any normal college student would, but because of this physical distress, I can't.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I am losing weight because of this and I was not even heavy to begin with.  I have been to the doctor many times and I even took a trip to the ER a few weeks ago because I honestly thought I was dying....and the part that is mind boggling is that they cannot find anything wrong with me.  They did blood tests, urine tests, upper GI series, and the like.  Everything came back perfectly FINE.  I am on Pepcid and Zofran but it does not really seem to be helping at all.  I am just distraught because no one knows what is wrong with me.  It is the most stressful thing in the world.  No one knows the problem, so how can they come up with a solution?? =(   I am seeing a new psychiatrist and he put me on Zoloft for anxiety but he warned me it might make me feel sick the first few weeks, so I haven't actually taken it yet.  Why would I want to take something to make me feel WORSE when all I want is to feel BETTER??  I just need to know I am not alone.  I feel so alone.  I actually have recently been contemplating 0119 because why is life worth living when I cannot sleep or eat or go out and have fun??  I have also recently revived an old habit of mine-self mutilation.  I had been doing well for so long.  Now whenever I feel physically ill, I just want to cut myself to distract me from the pain.  It feels like I am dead already, why not just finish the job?  I hope someone replies.  I just don't know what to do anymore. </3

If any of you have had a similar experience, I would really appreciate some guidance or advice...something...just anything.  I want to be happy again. =(  I want to love life again.  I dread existing right now 

Btw I apologize for the length of this post.  I just hope someone will read the whole thing and reply.  Please. =(

[sixpack]

hi makeit

well hun I know feeling that is hard. 

I also know how hard it is having all the tests and all comes back normal because it is damned hard to believe it could. I mean you feel soooo crappy.  What I have come to really learn and understand in my time here and my understanding of anxiety disorders is that our bodies DO greatly react to stress AND I mean physically.  Our bodies have a stress threshold and once you cross it... all hell can seem to break loose.  Regarding the zoloft... the most common side effect can be nausea (as per my bro in law who is a shrink) and some people have trouble sleeping.  I took zoloft back in 2003 and I didn't have either problem.  However i also started on one of those "starter" packs.  This has a built in titration that moves you up to the first theraputic dose over a period of two or three weeks.  This helps minimize any side effects.  If your doc didn't do that, then what you could do is break the med in half and take just half for the first three weeks.  then move up to the whole pill.  I believe this should solve any substantial side effects AND you can start to feel better.  I feel pretty confident that since are feeling like cutting again, that you need to get this whole thing turned around.

Believe me you can feel better.  You can.  You are not alone.  We have a wonderful community here.  You will get lovely advice and sometimes just a bit of a kick in the bum   But you can, provide you are willing to do the work, get to feeling better.

here is a bit I post often to give you some head's up help and to let you know that anxiety really can tug you all over hell and back...

anxiety can cause all kinds of symptoms

This is my "neuro" symptoms I've had.  Well it isn't a complete list   

 *Shocking pain down thigh and left arm--due to herniated disks
*Sciatica pain--due to stress and the disks
*back pain
*hip pain
*numbing and tingling over various parts of my body--fingers/toes/hands/feet/back/legs/stomach/groin etc
*tense muscles
*cramping muscles---feet/hands/hips/shins
*Twitching/spasms---all over my body.  My right thigh sometimes twitches quite hard--the entire muscle
*vibrating/buzzing limbs
*muscles feel weak/fatigued/heavy
*patches of skin or limbs that feel wet
*burning skin or chilled skin
*vision--jumpy eyes (not eyelid twitching, though I've had that), blurry vision, floaters (which have ZERO to do with MS), sore aching eyes, pain behind eye orbits
*sore aching muscles and joints--name a muscle and a joint and it's hurt me
*headaches---that just won't go with meds
*sharp/shooting/jabbing pains down my arms or legs or stomach or head
*dizziness--sometimes mild; sometimes I've been off balance.  Once it was a 'dizzy day'-I spent most in bed
*head feeling swirly
*jolting awake, trouble sleeping, waking with a panic feeling
*forgetfulness
*trouble saying words--saying the wrong word repeatedly
*face pain--primarily my right side of face--pressure
*TMJ pain
*ear pain
*trouble swallowing
*Stress incontinence--buy hey I've birthed quite a few kids
*very fatigued/tired
*trouble sleeping
*when anxious--fast movements muck with my eyes--makes me somewhat dizzy/headache--ie.  watching the page on the computer scroll down

This link takes you to a list of the most common anxiety symptoms:

http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,17050.0.html

I don't live in a constant barrage of aches/pains anymore.  My mind and body have calmed some.  But it takes a leap of faith, several actually.  You have to accept logically (the easy part) and emotionally (the hard part) that anxiety can and will muck with you in all kinds of ways.  Once you can do that you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Here are some suggestions--and I've posted this a few times on what you can do to help you in your recovery

1. Therapy---meds if you and your doctor feel it is appropriate---everybody is different on this issue.
2. self-help books--lots of good stuff out there these days ---Claire Weekes has good books out there that explain how it all works.  I read The Roadless Traveled by M. Scott Peck many years ago.  He speaks to people in a variety of ways.  He has a few other books too.   
3.  Exercise---even if you don't want to.  At first you are likely to feel miserable and panicky feelings are likely to bubble up OR rush at you.  It is BEASTY (your anxious overthinking) causing this.  But do it anyway.
4.  Eat a healthy diet.  This helps on all kinds areas of your life.
5.  Forums often have helpful advice.
6.  Hobbies--anything that completely immerses you in it and keeps you occupied.  This helps because eventually you'll get snippets of time when you feel good.  These are teaching moments because then you know it is obsessions/anxiety mucking with you.  After a while those snippets turn to hours then days etc.
7.  Don't pity yourself.  You can have a happy life.   As we experience life, we change.  Having any form of anxiety will impact your life just like all life experiences do.  But that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Even once you are on the road to recovery, you will have a 'new' normal but that doesn't mean you aren't happy and fulfilled.