::ANGER AND INSANITY::

[sarahgotsissues]

Sometimes I get so angry I can't even function.
Often times it takes the smallest things to tip me over the edge.

One time my boyfriend was being kind of a jerk and I threw the kitchen table and everything on it across our apartment. I got in his face and I was like "HIT ME!!". Of course he wouldn't. So I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in and cut my leg up, just to relieve the pressure.

I get so mad about stupid things sometimes that I just cry because I know it's ridiculous.

It doesn't happen as often as it used to... it probably only happens about 5 or 6 times in a year. But man, I scare everyone around me (including myself) when I am like that.
I am usually the sweetest person. But sometimes I just turn in to this ball of anger for no reason and I literally think I am going crazy.

I know for a fact that I would never hurt anyone of anything (except my kitchen table obviously). I will be talking around the house just screaming and crying about my life and all the 0103... and then I will look at my dogs and they are scared to death and it just breaks my heart.

What in the world does this come from?   

[sarahgotsissues]

Oh.. and for the record... my boyfriend would never even consider hitting me.

[apple]

This is anxiety.  I had the same issues for years.  I am doing well now on meds and the CBT did wonders for me.

Funny I handle the BIG issues with grace and excellence but the trivial things set me on fire. 

You can get to a place where you dont react like this.  I know it makes it hard to think well of yourself...just remember this is the illness not you.

[sarahgotsissues]

Thank you so much for the reply!

That's exactly how I feel... something horrible will happen and I am perfectly fine. But if I look in the mirror and my face is broken out.... I flip!

Good to know it's the anxiety. I thought I was just insane!

[ggjjkk]

What you are describing happenes to me a couple times a year. When I was in junior high and then later a teenager, sometimes it would happen everyday. I would never know what it was going to be either... I would react differently to situations and problems everytime they came around...sometimes I could deal...sometimes I would flip out. A little thing would tip me over the edge..and then there was no coming back...but it's not the kind of anger that is directed at anything in particular...it is just big emotions that seem to exist on their own. It is interesting, because I have never thought of this rage as stemming from anxiety. It is an interesting thought... I have always associated my anger with low self-esteem and self hatred since I usually end up hurting myself in someway to kill the pressure and also because I always feel so confused when it happens. I'm obsessive and a rigid perfectionist and sometimes I think I get angry from stressing myself out over little trivial things. Sound familiar? Maybe it's just me. Rage is the one thing none of my meds every helped with... and the only problem that I still consider "out-of-control" in my life. Talking with a therapist was the most helpful thing for me.... I know that the episodes have gottne less frquent...but I doubt they will ever end completely. Maybe that is pessimistic...but at this point anger is just a part of me. Anyways, if you are looking for someone to talk to, or even just another support resource, you can check out http://goodtherapy.org  ... they have a free councelor search engine and unlike me, are more postive  about the ability to change things for the better.

I have never met any one else before that has experienced similar anger... it's nice to know there is someone else out there.

-Greta