I think you're childhood or inner child awkwardness is speaking in you're fears:
for instance if everybody were to go pet the horse would you do it?
How about if it was just you there?
What would happen if your were to go and pet the horse and your weren't supposed to, what would you say to an embarrassed school child?
What would you think of a schoolmate that accidentally did that when you were a child or even now?
As you can see i don't think this is about fear of horses, dogs, alcohol or intimacy i mean you listed many phobias and i think it is more likely that the fear lies within yourself wether it is indecisiveness, unworthiness, awkwardness, lost or whatever word that specifies you're feelings.
Anyway, my inhibitions go far beyond my simple horse example. In fact, I am inhibited from drinking because I fear becoming an alcoholic and I rarely have sex because it is supposed to be "evil" and "sinful". I obsess over my health and the health of my animals constantly and I am afraid to go out in my own yard (especially after dark) because my neighbor's dogs will start barking and then he might call the police (thinking I'm a prowler) and then I have to get the third degree from the cop, etc.
I think you are afraid of you're neighbor`s dogs barking at you, since you specifically mentioned the "prowler" thing and scared of you're own and you're animal's health because you feel as if you are doing something wrong. You obsessively patronize you're self as a "prowler" to relieve you're anxiety, awkwardness and the same thing goes for also "the neighbors calling the police" fear. An expressionist patronizing portrayal of you're self. Maybe you should ask you're self if you truly believe that.
Do you believe that you're neighbors are going to call the police so fast if they hear their dogs barking in the dark and do you truly believe they wont be able to recognize you that they would they call the police anyway?
The alcoholic fear might be because you already have a neurosis and as for as the sex thing i don't think you are being totally honest about it. I think you actually portray some sort of "unconventional"l images that might not be interpreted right if everyone were to know them. Of course i am only speculating and you don't have to answer anybody but you're self. Do you?
Because in that case i think that an obsession like that would also have to do with the same thing i have been writing about above, i don't think that this would be wrong.
I don't get the impresson of the obsessiveness of OCD but rather social phobia, agora phobia or something else. Please don't take this the wrong way, i could of course be wrong but from what you have written i sense a state of ease accept the rationalizing of the second message. However that was to eliminate a phobia and substitute an obsession for you're external objects in question. Do these anxieties go away almost to a forgetful state until the become relevant?
Rara. Please excuse my miss spellings i am not a native english speaker. On that note i would like to say that in swedish there is a very good for the otherwise sound of childish sounding word "awkward", "penibel". It would have shortend this hole message towards that one word...should i not have said that?
peace, love and understanding./Rara.
