A long journey just ended...any advice?

[hunter88]

Well, first off, I am a 22 year old male who has suffered from panic anxiety and depression for many years. However, one thing that always helped it was "knowing" that my ex gf who moved to PA would eventually move back with me and we would have a happy life together. We talked on the phone and texted all the time for the 3 and a half years that we didn't see each other, leading up to this past weekend. She was becoming more distant last fall, and I discovered that she had a boyfriend. Well, I figured that she would always come back to me(I live in MO) if I just gave her the cue.

She didn't really seem like she wanted to anymore, and told me that our plans were probably not realistic anymore because she found someone up there. Well, it took me a while to get over that, and I don't think I ever truely did. LAst week, her first cousin(more like a brother) commited 0119 and she came down here for the funeral. Right when she told me that, my anxiety and panic spiked tremendously.

Well we hung out Saturday night, and pretty much came to the mutual agreement that we were over with. I thought I would be ok with that since I had closure, but Im having a really hard time accepting it and moving on with my life. My anxiety has been terrible the past few days, though a bit better today. I just want to completely get over this and move on with my life. It also plays into my fears of being alone and never having a wife and kids, though I have really reasoned myself out of that fear for teh most part.

I suppose it is just a matter of time until I get over this? Any advice folks?

[pauly j]

Hey Hunter


It is hard for any words to help heal a broken heart!  I have been through exactly what you are going through as well!  It was a long distance relationship that eventually ended in a similar way!  It is hard to have a long distance relationship maintained especially for over 3 years!  Only time will mend a broken heart!  In the mean time what you need to do is focus on you and your anxiety!  You must focus on yourself first and foremost!  You are going through a rough patch in your life and believe me I know it ain't easy!  I know from replying to your other post that you might feel that your Zoloft is pooping out!  Maybe it could be that your anxiety is on high alert because of your added current stress levels!  Deal with your anxiety issues first!  You are the most important person in your life!  You can always count on your Anxiety Zone family to be here for you!  Wish you all the best! 

pauly j

[Grandma]

Hi hunter88 -

Yes, it is just a matter of time until you get over this, but I'm sorry to say that it may be a long and painful time.

This is the second thread this morning in which I have posted a comment right after a comment by pauly, and the second time that I am saying, "follow pauly's advice".

One warning: as your pain begins to subside, you may be tempted to form another romantic relationship.  Resist this temptation!  Do not, repeat, do not, get involved with anyone else until you have worked through your pain, faced your anxiety, and are strong and confident enough to go it alone.  Only when you are able to be a whole person on your own will you be able to bring a whole person into a relationship, and only then will the relationship have the potential to be strong and confident.

Am I getting ahead of myself?  It may seem so, since you haven't mentioned anything about new relationships.  However, if you are like so many of us, part of moving on with your life means finding another girlfriend.  This will most likely happen, and your dream of a wife and kids will most likely come true.

Let it happen in the right way and at the right time. 

Love, Grandma