Emetophobia Has Made Me Into a Horrible Person

[pippip]

Urghhh. I hate myself so much right now.

I'll try to make this short.

On Monday we got a dog. I reallyyyy wanted a dog, as I am alone long hours and thought it'd be nice to have some company. Plus I have wanted one since I was young.

Then on the 3 hour car ride, she was car sick almost the whole way. I was originally sitting in the back with her, and was unable to even clean up her V, so she ended up eating it and getting re-sick over and over again. She got sick at least 5 or 6 times. I eventually had to move to the front and was feeling so sick and in tears the whole way home. What kind of dog owner can't even take care of them when they were sick.

Every time after she eats, is outside digging around, sticks her head to the ground to sniff, or burps I worry worry worry she will get sick.

But I was starting to get over until last night. After going potty (and getting a treat), and drinking some water she got sick a little on the floor.
I started freaking out and woke up my mum who had to get up early for work, who was angry that I couldn't even clean up a little dog sick.

Figured she got into something bad outside.

Then this morning when she was in her cage getting dressed she V'd again just a little bit of white stuff, I had to clean it out of her cage ahhhhh.

Now I can't stop crying. I am just going to leave her in the crate all day because I just cannot deal with this. I am so scared to feed her lunch.

This dog that was supposed to help solve my fear of being alone all day is just making me 9000 times more anxious.  I am so worried of her getting into something bad, eating, everything.  I can't live like this for 15 years with her, its not fair to her either, she must think I hate her because she gets sick. And while she is cute, adorable, and loving, I do resent her some because of the sickness.

I have an appointment with the vet tonight, but I am almost too terrified to even go because we have to get worming medicines which may make her even sick.

Has anyone ever been this pathetically upset/anxious over a dog getting sick??

I'm not even sure what I'm scared of. I guess me getting sick,having to look/clean it up. I know she can't make me sick but it just still scares the crap outta me.