Possible ROCD?

[jcola]

Hello everyone, this is my first time writing on here so please bear with me and any feedback will be greatly appreciated.  My girlfriend and I have been together over a year now and things were amazing at first.  I felt like I was the luckest guy in the world.  She was kind hearted and beautiful.  I would always tell her that she is beautiful and perfect.  After about 4 months into our relationship,something happened.  I began to worry about her looks.  That turned into me worrying about whether I loved her or not. 

I must state that I am on an SSRI for what my doctor and I feel is GAD and OCD.

Anyways, one day about 4 months into the relationship something came up in me and ever since then I have questioned my feelings for her, especially her looks.  Instead of just being completely happy with her, I tend to analyze her looks down to the smallest things.  This is putting a great amount of stress on our relationship and it raises my anxiety severely.  I truly know that she has a great personality, but I always revert back to her looks.  Her and I have talked about this in the past when it all started to come into play, but has tapered off to a great deal.  I used to have a big problem with confessing everything to her that I felt was wrong, but that has since tapered off a great deal as well.  I have an issue of not being able to lie to my girlfriend whatsoever either.  This has gotten to the point of analyzing everything that I say to her to make sure that I am not lying to her.  For example, if she notices that I am down from thinking about something she will ask what;s wrong or ask if I'm OK.  Instead of just saying nothing or yes I'm OK, I will give vague answers that don't show me as lying to her.  If something is wrong and she asks what is wrong, I will just say I'm OK instead of just saying nothing like someone normally would.

I guess what my main concern is, is how I overanalyze her looks so much.  Certain days to me, she looks great, and certain days and certain ways her hair or make up is, I think otherwise.  I even also analyze her facial features, which sounds ridiculous even to me.  Me doing these things have completely changed our relationship and I hate it.

I am currently trying to taper off of my SSRI and start up 5-HTP.  I don't know if this is the best idea, but I am trying to get into a career which anti's probably look bad.  I would like to speak with a psychologist, but I'm afraid that it will also hurt my future and also the price of that is out of my reach at the moment.

Anyone with advice or stories, please share

Thanks so much,

J

[sunnysankey13]

It's natural to analyze looks. Ask yourself some questions. Can you imagine yourself without her? Does the thought of losing her make you sad? If she were to someday become ugly, would you still love her? You need to figure out if you truly want to be with her for her, or if her looks are the biggest part of your relationship. I know you can't lie to her, but try not to be too blunt about things. If she asks you if she looks pretty, just say something sweet like "you are amazing". If she insists on the question just tell her you don't know for sure, but that you love her for her, not for her looks. If you truly love her, things will be fine. If not, then maybe it's time for you both to think about whether or not you are really happy and maybe consider moving on.

[kate.r]

don't panic.

it's quite normal to notice flaws when you dedicate some time looking at someone, specially your girlfriend with whom you spend a lot of time, i believe. telling your girlfriend what you think about her looks is a ritual, so that you won't feel the burden (but don't lie to yourself, because that's a short-term solution).

telling her will only mess her self-esteem up, and your obsession won't go away. try not to tell her what you think about her looks and keep it to yourself, because everybody has imperfections and i'm sure you are aware of yours too. if that burdens you (to keep your thoughts to yourself), come here and tell us, because we are here to tell you it's ok to not find your girlfriend so attractive on X day or that you're noticing her facial features on Z day.

i've been in the same situation, so i hope it helps you to know that you're not the only one on this boat.

stay in touch.

[jackson312]

It's unfortunate that you don't feel like you could afford to see a counselor because of its possible effect on your future... career or otherwise.  It sounds like you have a lot to work through, and I've been (and am) there.  I am concerned that the OCD problem may cause you more damage to your career than would the fact that you saw someone that helped you resolve your issues.  There are places that could see you that would not share anything about you, including whether you were there at all, and it's really no one else's business.  I have lost good, close relationships needlessly because of the distress caused by GAD and OCD. Sometimes I even feel like I'm too defective to be in a relationship, and before my partner finds out just how bad off I am, I better bail!  I hope that is not your problem, it sucks.   There may be something else about your relationship giving you problems, and that's worth looking at.  But don't let your own stuff rob you of something good.  And, as a side note, don't feel the need to disclose everything about your doubts to everyone, especially the person you're feeling them for.  Find someone else that you can trust to keep your confidence, and spill it out to them, as ugly as you think it is.  You may find out that your situation is much better than you think.  That other person may say "My, God!  She is absolutely beautiful and why you don't see it is a mystery!".  Or... you won't get feedback, but talk these things over with a dog, a cat, a glass of water.  Sometimes just expressing your feelings in words will help you to see your situation clearer.  I think writing to this forum was an excellent start.