Horrible Emetophobia (Fear of Vomiting)

[GabbyV]

Hey everybody, I am a 14 year old girl, who has been struggling with this for years, probably around 5 now. However, this year, my freshman year of High school I have had Emetophobia worse than I have ever had.

It all started when I was in the fourth grade, I got sick in one of my classes with everyone around, and when I got back to school I realized that every time I sat in class, I would feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I would go down to the nurse a million times a day, and she would always say there was nothing wrong with me, but I would still feel sick when I sat in my classes. I didn't want to go to school either. For some reason, it went away after a few months of dealing with it. Fifth and Sixth grade passed with no problems, I was a normal kid in school, feeling fine. Then in the seventh grade, I went with my sister, mom, and uncle to New York. We were driving, and I got carsick on our way there. This was on Winter Break. I was already afraid to get sick then, but not that bad. I was embarrassed, but the break passed and school was back. I remember sitting in class and just feeling that sick to my stomach feeling again, and went to the nurse. Nurse said nothing was wrong with me, and I sat in school freaking out because I felt nauseous all the time again. The next day came and I hoped that I just felt like crap that day, and things would be better. But no, I felt the same way I did years ago, but this time, Panic Attacks started coming along with it, I realized there is a Panic Attack disorder forum I just feel like Phobias suit me more. My mother assured me it was all in my head, and she didn't want to go through this again, but I never bought it. I then started abusing the Nurse Privilege, leaving the room whenever I felt nauseous. The teachers and the nurse got fed up and called my parents.

The nurse set it up where I would go the Guidance Counselor whenever I felt sick, while the counselor was very nice, she had no idea what to do with me. So I just sat there until I wanted to go back to class, but the problem was I never wanted to go back to class. Everyone got fed up with me because I was missing so much work. I then never wanted to go to school, my mother and father literally had to force me out of my house. The nausea, panic attacks, and torture just kept coming, and no one or the doctors had any idea what to do. I even had a therapist, but my mom did all the talking and it did me no hope whatsoever. So I just suffered. My father thought I was lying about it, and my mother was lost. It again went away, well not really went away, but it got tolerable, I could actually sit in class. I then realized that every time I get sick, this anxiety happens with my Emetophobia. That's when it really heightened, because I never wanted to go through that again.

Eighth Grade came, and I did fantastic if you ask me myself. I never went to the Nurse or Guidance Counselor. I felt pretty good, and I made a lot of friends, and overall had a great last year of middle school. I was even excited for High School, little did I know that it was going to be the worst time of my life.

During the summer, one night in August, I woke up in the middle of the night and threw up. Just once. But in that one time throwing up, I knew that all my progress was gone. I prayed to god every night that my progress would stay, that I would be fine. But when I started leaving the house, I started getting the sick feeling! Even walking out the door, I felt like I was going to throw up. 9th Grade eventually rolled around, and I said I wasn't going to let this overcome me. And you know what, the first week of school was fantastic. I felt absolutely great. I thought that was a good sign. However, the second-week of high school rolled around, and it was back and worse then every. I felt like I was going to puke every time I sat in class or walked in the hallways. Not only that, my panic attacks were back, and it felt like I was having a heart attack every time I had one, and I had one in every class because I was so scared of getting sick. My mom set something up with the nurse where I could sit and there for 10 minutes and calm down. But that wasn't good enough, the first day I had it, I abused it and went home from school. I could tell you every horrible day I had after that, but there is too much to tell. I was pestering my mom with my texts to pick me up. I then flat out refused to go to school. And attempted 0119. I really didn't try, but I told my mom and she screamed at me, and was forced to take action. I was sent to a place called Princeton House.

Princeton House is a place where you get two hours of school work and four hours of group therapy. I still felt horrible, but they were a little more understanding. Group Therapy was a bust however. These people were dealing with horrible childhoods, getting raped, beaten, abandoned. How was I supposed to be like "Uh yeah...I'm terrified to throw up!" My problem didn't even seem significant compared to theirs, and I thought they would just laugh, so I never participated. Princeton House was a bust.

My mother set up Home Lessons for me. Which is where Teachers come out to your house and get you caught up. It didn't help me at all. I developed Agoraphobia because I never left the house. I also got very superstitious. I couldn't and still can't change my calender because I am afraid I will throw up if I do, or even more stuff around in my room. Staying home was the worst thing for me. I fought with my mother, caused her to cry every night, still felt extremely nauseous, terrified to throw up and depressed/suicidal. I had a therapist who came to the house, but she never helped. She didn't seem to care that I was so scared to throw up. She was basically like "I don't what to tell you kid." I got put on Lexapro, but it also never helped. I broke down every day, my father hated me for making my mother cry so much. I decided after MONTHS of home lessons, that it was time for me to go back to school.

I went back to school about a month ago from today. School was actually pretty good the first week, I went okay, and I though wow my fear is fading. But no. The next week everything went downhill. I still felt sick to my stomach and had that horrible fear. However, I never left the classroom. I would just bottle it up and not pay attention to school because to be honest I didn't care. I stopped cooperating with the teachers who wanted to keep me up. I was still very depressed. I have no friends and everyday I come home and sit on my computer for hours. School was horrible and never wanted to go but I still got up in the morning.

Last week, was absolutely horrible though. Last Thursday, I refused to go to school, my mom didn't do anything but take my laptop away and yell at me saying I was a screw up. The next day, I did it again. I refused to go to school. My mom told me she hated me. My mom and dad set up a meeting with my Guidance Counselor and Truant Officer. I still didn't care. On the way home my dad said he doesn't believe me and that I am making my fear up. I said to him in the car "Maybe I will just 0473 then..." His response? "Just don't do it in my house. I don't want to clean up any blood." My mother didn't even correct him. I was then extremely upset. I called my mom some foul names just to piss her off. Threw my dads birthday cards on the floor and my dad got the angriest I ever saw him. I threw a few punches at my dad because he was trying to kick me out and my brother had to come down stairs and restrain him from basically beating me up. My mom then gave me my glasses and I walked around in the freezing cold with sandals and ripped jeans with a sweat jacket on. I went in my backyard and sat in my shed on a lawnmower for four hours. My neighbors checked up on me, but never my parents. I eventually couldn't stand it, and came back in. My dad just told me to go to my room. My mom eventually came to talk to me and we patched it up like that whole fiasco never happened. Same with the whole weekend. My dad pretended like nothing happened.

Now its 11:09 PM and I have school tomorrow. I just can't deal with this fear anymore. It has destroyed me and my entire family. I just want to make them proud and be able to stand school and not worry about getting sick tomorrow. Tomorrow can either be horrible, or really good. Who knows, but I'm terrified. I just don't know what to do about this fear anymore. Anyway, that felt so good to get off my chest, phew.

[worried_girl]

hey, i rarely reply on these sites but your story really stood out to me, i am you but a few years onwards :) i was the same at school i had major panic attacks thinking i would be sick and feeling really unwell to the point i would get pins and needles in my whole body and make myself feel worse. i never ate at school as i was worried id be sick so i use to be starving by the time i got home, i like you always went to the nurse, tried to get sent home and missed so much school, i eventually dropped out of my last year as anxiety beat me, but dont let it beat you, deap down you no you wont get sick as youve been in this scenario a million times and everything is always ok, try and sit near the door so you no you have a fast exit if your anxious or feel ill. i really hope you are doing better now, my anxiety issuses have also caused ALOT of family problems as its so hard for others to understand xx

[pauly j]

Although throwing up for me is not a phobia, I really, really hate it!  I have done just about everything possible, within my control, to ever have to deal with this again!  I had been fortunate not too have had to experience this, literally since 1994, when I drank too much!  I haven't had a fever or cold for well over 10 years, too!  I am so happy to have to not experience this for so long!  I have been really fortunate!  I don't live an extremely healthy lifestyle either!  Knock on wood!

pauly j

[worried_girl]

Pauly J have you been around people that have had bugs aswell and just not cought them? my entire village seems to have it at the moment it feels unavoidable!

[butterflygirl]

Gabby listen (read) to me....this is the SAME exact thing that happened to me...I am now 33 and I still struggle....let me tell you my story..

When I was in 2nd grade I threw up in front of my class. It was the second to last day of school...the whole summer break I dreaded having to go back....when the first day of 3rd grade came, I was so terrified...my tummy hurt so bad and I was sure I was going to throw up....I cried and begged my mom not to make me go into the classroom...she ended up going in with me which helped a teeeeeeny bit...but when she would leave my stomach was so sick again...she had to stay with me for the whole first week. I was humiliated and made fun of but I was terrified to go alone....from then on my stomach hurt every single day in class...it was fine on the weekends, and at home, but at school I was so scared I would be sick....this literally lasted into high school....if anyone else threw up around me or I heard someone had thrown up, I would be terrified and my stomach would hurt even worse and I would be worried I was going to catch it.....and I noticed other symptoms as well...I would start to get so lightheaded and it would feel like a bucket of ice had been dumped all over my body...to the point that i would jump up and run out of class...I thought I was going crazy!!! Every single night before bed I took my temperature to make sure I wasn't ill...EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR YEARS!!!

[butterflygirl]

So now fast forward  to about 5 years ago...I had a horrible episode....I looked up my symptoms online and after all these years found out I have panick/anxiety disorder....I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for confirmation and sure enough....I asked him if he thought it was from when I got sick in 2nd grade and he said that panick/anxiety disorder is usually something thats already in a persons "make-up" and that something traumatic, such as what happened could trigger the symptoms....he put me on Zoloft...after about a month of taking it, I stopped being so afraid....it was wonderful...

I still have mild panick and anxiety....I still worry about becoming sick, but the fear is not as intense....

You sound JUST LIKE ME!!! But you are still young....nip it in the butt now so you dont keep suffering so much...go see your doctor....its NOT all in your head....your anxiety and panick and fears are giving you true and real physical symptoms.....:)

PM me if you need too!!!

[mvanessa]

I really feel for you.  I've this phobia as well, pretty severely, since I was at least 10, I am 34 now and it has gotten alot worse it the past  year.  I'm terrified every night that I'm going to wake up sick.  Its not a fun way to live.

[ziegfeldgirl]

This sounds just like me a few years ago. It's still very bad (I'll be 22 in May) and that's why I joined this site. I'm actually currently in the bathroom poking myself with a needle hoping to get my mind off this terrible feeling/fear. I really would like to talk to you privately sometime and see if we can help each other out. I'd write more, but at the moment I'm so anxious I can't do much. I know there are others like me and I really would like some support, and I had some back when I lived in the States. But last February I moved to Austria and I barely speak any German, so it's very hard to find friends, much less someone that understands my phobia!

[dirgepye]

I guess this would be a good place to put my first post, since this has probably been the most prevalent anxiety trigger for me for the majority of my life! I'm 24 now, but my phobia peaked at pretty much your age. I can relate to so much of what you're saying, right down to the superstitions (the last time I puked, I didn't eat or do anything I did that day for like five years, I never even wore the same outfit again!) I also know how embarrassing it is to have to try and explain to people that you're scared of puke.

I don't know if you're looking for amateur advice, but I'll give it a shot. This is what has worked for me, and what my philosophy on it has been most of my life and I feel like it's helped me a lot, but I realize what works for me doesn't work for everyone, so take it with a grain of salt I suppose. Personally, I don't think not going to school will help you at all. If you don't make yourself go to school, you won't be able to make yourself have a job or a social life.

Forcing yourself to go to school can be hard, I know, but you have to find ways to help yourself fight it off when that feeling comes along. Personally, a big thing for me is distinguishing the real thing from the fake; that is, knowing when you're really nauseous and when something's really wrong, and knowing when it's just your anxiety/phobia. Once you can do that, it helps a lot to be able to tell yourself that you know this isn't real and that you're going to be fine soon. I also find it helps to move around a bit, it doesn't have to be much, jiggle your leg or twirl your pencil. I also find it helps to think of something comforting, and I mean really think about it, totally immerse yourself in it.

Basically what it boils down to is being able to focus and to tell yourself that you're ok and that you KNOW you're ok. This may seem like bad advice to some, but if you're feeling that phobia coming on and you're stuck in class, don't worry about what's going on in the classroom, focus all your attention on telling yourself that you're NOT really sick.

Of course, I still avoid sick people like the plague, and I always wash my hands before I eat...

[Squelch]

I've had this for many years and it's definitely worse if my anxiety is high.  (Like at the moment).

I find it really limits my life sometimes.  I don't ever drink alcohol in case it makes me sick, can't go on night's out on a coach in case someone else is sick.  Can't fly in case I'm trapped near someone who's travel sick. Can't go on a boat in case it's rough and I get seasick.  Etc. etc.

I've had three children and was lucky didn't suffer from pregnancy related sickness.  However, the bugs they would pick up in school would totally freak me out (but I dealt with it!)

If I know the bug is about I'm so watchful of everyone I come into contact with. If anyone mentions they have been near someone with it, I physically back away from them in case they are carrying it.

I've had CBT for it some years ago and I was better for a while and I'm certainly better if my underlying level of anxiety is low - I don't freak quite as much.

[donnabarry]

Hi, my names Donna im a mummy of 2 and a wife, im 24 and have been suffering with emetophobia for well over 15 years now and its totally ruining my life, ive lost friends to this and family members think im being silly, but it really is a problem! it wuold just be so nice to be able to talk to everyone who understands EXACTLYhow i feel as this is something that is getting worse month by month.

Today i was putting my washing on the radiators when suddenly i started to get extremely hot to the point where i thought i was going to pass out i felt all dizzy and very nauseous! i got very frightened and had to go and lie down really weird how it just suddenely came on?? the doctors are no help either im sure they think im a joke! i feel completley alone.... a reply from someone who reallt truely understands and cares would make my day a whole lot nicer.

very low
Donna x

[Perfectly_Imperfect]

Yeah I have a small fear of throwing up too, I think it has to do with not being able to control it. Anxiety sufferers usually like to be in control and have everything in their life in control and when you vomit you can't control it.
Nobody actually "likes" to throw up, but some people deal with it better than others.
I get spooked when I know someone has a bug, I use hand sanitizer like it's my job, wash my hands a lot and try to stay healthy with exercise and diet.

We're talking about kids in the very near future and my #1 biggest fear about pregnancy is not the labor pains, it's the morning sickness I do not wish to deal with. I know there aer 100's of remedies and even medicine's you can take for it though so just knowing that is calming. Plus I hope I'll be so happy that I'm pregnant that it won't bother me 

[JackieC]

I had to post a reply because your story really hit home for me and I wanted to let you know that you're not alone and there is hope. I've been suffering with my anxiety since I was 15 (I'm now 28) and it all centers around throwing up. I didn't have a specific incident like yours that started it. My anxiety just kind of came out of nowhere and always made me feel really nauseous as well as hot and cold, heart palpitations, sweating, etc. My parents didn't understand and thought I was making it up. I didn't want to go to school and it really strained my relationship with them during that time. It got better after about a year and then came back when I went to college and has been on and off since up until this past year when my fear and anxiety came back in full force because of a lot of stressful events that were going on. It kept me from eating out at restaurants for fear of getting food poisoning, staying away from people if I had even an inkling that they were sick, washing my hands every time I touch something for fear I might get germs. When it was really bad, I only ate what I considered to be "safe" foods and I lost a lot of weight. Every time I got the tiniest pain or twinge in my stomach, it would set off my anxiety and give me an attack because I thought I was sick. Anyway, I decided to see a therapist this year for the first time in my life. She explained to me that everyone deals with stress differently and with some people, it comes out in the form of an anxiety or panic attack. I did some CBT and relaxation techniques and it helped a lot. She also recommended The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, which also helped a lot. It gives you insight on your disorder and techniques to help you prevent and cope with your fears and anxiety attacks. Other things I do that really help is any activity that keeps my brain completely focused and away from any drifting thoughts like crossword puzzles, sudoku, etc. basically any type of logical puzzle. I also do yoga at least three times a week. It not only keeps me focus on the present moment, but it also relaxes me while also getting exercise. I find that if I don't do yoga, my anxiety starts to come back. Also deep breathing always calms my body down because your anxiety attack is basically your body going into fight or flight mode and you need to calm it out of that state. I stopped going to my therapist after 6 months and feel a lot better.

Anyway sorry for the long post, but I wanted to let you know there are things you can do and it won't be like this forever. But just like any on-going health issue, anxiety is just something we will have to deal with our whole lives and we just have to do certain things to manage it. I think once I realized and accepted that, it really helped my road to recovery.

I hope you start to feel better soon! Feel free to PM me if you need to.

[miss 36]

Oh my gosh!!!!!! theres me thinking i was alone with this phobia! I had a stomach virus when i was 7,thats when it started. i managed somehow to not vomit until i was 23! i constantly washed my hands,ate safe foods,hated eating out incase i got food poisoning,etc etc. then i had my daughter,she had a bad tummy bug,and when you are a mum,they come first,so,she slept in my bed,and suprise suprise,i was throwing up a few days later! i rang my mum at 6am asking her to come and look after me!!!! (  i always cry for my mum when i feel sick) i know,i am a grown woman    i smell soap,hang my head out the window for fresh air,wear travel bands on my wrists, deep breathe,tell EVERYONE to go away ( i hate people being around me and talking when i feel sick!) nothing helps,but i will always be scared,i absolutely hate it! i had hypnosis,it didnt work, anyone know a cure??? i am 36,and it is ruling my life!

[purplegiraffe]

Hi. (:
I didn't know so many people had this: I mean it says 'common' on wikipedia, but that didn't really mean anything to me, y'know...there weren't REAL people who had it, just me. It's kind of comforting to read everyone's stories, because I feel like less of a freak now, although I feel bad for saying that, because you'd all be better off without it. Still.
Anyway, my particular case is quite recent...a few monthes now. It's incredibly frustrating - does anyone else just want to scream about the unfairness of it all? The why ME? The worst thing is, is that I know it can't hurt me. If I'm sick, I'll feel terrible for a few days absolute maximum, if someone else is...well I should just be able to think 'well that's disgusting' and walk away, but I can't. I feel more trapped by the fact that I know there's nothing to be afraid of, and yet I am. I'm honestly determined to just deal with it and push it aside...at least I think I am, but as this has been so far unsuccessful, I do wonder if maybe I'm just not trying hard enough, that I like the attention (my parents don't know exactly what the matter is; haven't brought myself to tell them, but they have noticed the not-going-out-at-all, eating less, and feeling ill frequently). I do wonder if maybe I'm just some attention-seeking little brat, and I've somehow managed to convince myself there's something wrong with me so people feel sorry for me. I don't think so, but who knows.
It started out so so stupidly as well. I'd been auditioning for drama schools at the time this horrible thing materialised: so I had gone to Manchester and London on the train. In Manchester (the first one), I think a man was sick on the platform...I certainly saw him coughing and bending over, but looked away VERY quickly and thankfully a train went past just then, and I heard nothing. I've always been a little scared of sick...but in a fear capacity, not severely enough that I'd call it a phobia. So then I was momentarily scared, but once I got on the train it was perfectly fine. By the London audition I was a little jumpier - avoiding looking out of the window when we stopped at platforms, but it was okay from what I remember. The bad bit came when I had to change trains. I'm pretty sure I heard a man throw up. This horrible thing is I just don't know. I didn't check, for obvious reasons, just stuffed my fingers in my ears as hard as possible and closed my eyes until I worked up the nerve to remove them long enough to put in headphones. I must have looked like a headcase, although again in this instance I was fine after about ten minutes on the train.  It was the third audition, in Cardiff, that finally screwed everything up. I think Cardiff was the one I most wanted to go to, and as such I felt quite sick that morning, probably in hindsight it was nerves, but at the time I couldn't see that.  I started panicking, and told my parents I wouldn't go, just kind of cowered in the toilet, convinced I was going to throw up. They managed to force me into the car, telling me that if I still felt sick/was sick when we got to the train station then I could go home. I still felt sick when we got there, and the statement (as I had thought) was not true, I was bullied onto the platform to wait. At this point I was still wondering if maybe I should go, maybe I'd feel better; but I am convinced I heard someone throw up as I stood there. Whether or not they did, I COULDN'T go after that, and ended up literally fighting against my mother to prevent her from physically pushing me onto the train. Since then, I have been terrified of either myself or others throwing up...so much so that I felt so awful that I missed a couple of days of school (literally two). At that point I dreaded the idea of taking my a-levels like this...but I've been at my school for about six years, and I managed to feel comfortable enough in it to do lessons and stuff...I was still on edge, but I knew where all the toilets and stuff was, just in case.
The ridiculous thing about this , is  that I have not been sick for years. I think the last time I did I was about six, bearing in mind that I'm now 18, so I don't understand where this has come from. True, there was the men possibly vomiting on the platform, and my Dad did get very sick a little while back...but even that was only for a few hours, and I KNOW there is nothing at all to be afraid of. I want to be like a normal person: accept that it's not nice, but just forget about it.
I swear I will end this gargantuan rant in a moment, but I do have a question. Does anyone else see a massive change in themselves after this phobia manifested itself initially? I mean, I used to love travelling about, long journeys, performing, eating tonnes (haha), rollercoasters even sometimes...but now I'm terrified. I just want to sit at home forever, because it's safe. Anyway, that's me. Thanks for reading if you did. This sucks.

[mscecex]

hey i am a 16 year old girl and i am going through a similar situation... last month i woke up feeling a bit nauseous i wasn't sick but i felt like i was going to be, i also started waking up in the middle of the night. this started around the first few days of my half term so i didn't feel like spending it the way i normally do, which is by going out and enjoying the time i have off before going back to school.... instead i stayed home because i felt ill.

the second week of the half term came i had previously gone to the doctors and they advised me to take Gaviscon to help with the nausea and a few paracetamols to help with the headaches ( i had been on a pill called Omperazole which was meant to help but it didn't as it had done a while before when i was ill) i also had to take a stool test in order to check to see if it was an acid bug which was building up inside of me( it wasn't). my mum was thinking that i should take a few blood tests just to check.

i have suffered from Emetophobia for a few years now, but although i knew i had it, i wasn't as controlled by it as i am now. anyways as i was saying on the second week of term i started to gradually feel a bit better i had my moments but i was getting there. me and a few friends arranged to go out before the day of a party in order to get outfits to wear. i had felt reasonably fine and was really looking forward to it. i got a little drunk at this party on vodka and redbull( i really shouldn't have drunk alcohol or energy drinks along with fatty foods and fizzy drinks and i shouldn't have smoked either) i didn't get too drunk just a bit tipsy and stopped before i threw up like a few people did at the party. knowing that people were being sick and witnessing it made it worse for me. near the end of the night i started to sober up and was more aware of what was going on, me and a few close friends were staying round and we all talked about the party with those who were waiting for a cab. i didn't really eat anything or drink anything like water in order to sober me up i just let it happen (big mistake) that night i started to feel really ill and i thought that i was just hungry so i went downstairs and had a small sandwich i then went back to bed thinking that i could sleep the sick feeling of and prayed that i wouldn't throw up i woke up early in the morning feeling like i was going to be sick so i went to the window to get air and i did start to calm down i also took mint chewing gum as this seems to calm me down and make me feel a bit better.
i then went back to the bed and sat up to prevent myself from being sick. i decided to walk home so that i could get some fresh air, so i did with a friend.

i had drunk a few times before but had never had a hangover. i felt terrible for the whole day but managed not to be sick.
as i was coming up to my last few weeks of school i decided that i didn't want to stay off school not matter how bad i felt, so i went in but couldn't stay in the lessons for a long period of time as i still felt a bit hungover and started to become anxious that i was going to throw up so i  kept leaving to go to the nurse she would let me stay there but she would kick me out after a while, claiming that i looked fine and i was just lying so that  i could go home. to make matters worse that same week, we had an unexpected maths mock exam which would last for an hour and 45 minutes. the day of the mock came and i felt fine and ready to do it. i found my seat and sat down i received the papers and started to complete although half way through a voice cam in to my head saying " I'm gonna be sick, I'm gonna be sick!' even though i felt fine,... then another came saying 'joking i feel fine' (it all sounds weird, i know) but i gradually started to feel sick only because i thought that i was going to throw up when in reality i was fine. i had to call examiners over to go toilet and to get air. eventually others started looking at me confused which made it worse for me i just wanted to get out of there but there was no way. i was tempted to walk out but i knew that i couldn't as it was an exam and i could have gotten in so much trouble. as soon as it was time to go i grabbed my stuff and ran relieved that it was over. i felt so embarrassed but luckily it was just a mock meaning it didn't really mean anything.

the next week i started to feel much better. i sat through lessons and stopped needing to see the nurse. i thought that it was all over. then the sunday came and i was on my period. and i felt OK until i realised i had school the next day (this was going to be my last full week on timetable before i went on study leave and left school for good). i felt anxious throughout the day and kept needing to got to the nurse, however this time she did send me home after an hour. as i was walking home i saw puke on the ground and it made me feel abit more sick.
the next three days i stayed of school as i was so anxious that i would be sick if i went to school. i missed out on soo much such as fights, funny moments and a load more. i came in to school on Friday telling myself that i wouldn't let the fear control me any longer. but because i came in late therefore i missed a big concert where someone famous had come in to our school to perform for us as it was our last full week at school. all my friends were able to meet them and take pictures and get autographs and t-shirts. apparently they were really good and i cant believe that i missed out. i just want to get rid of this phobia and especially the anxiety as it it ruining my life.

i would love to go on to work in fashion and i know that it takes a lot of hard work and determination to get there which is why i feel that it is extremely important for me to focus in lessons in order to get the grades i need but in just the three days i missed of school last week i have already missed out on so much. i now have 4 days left until school ends and i have no idea what to do to make it even worse my first real exam is coming up and i cannot stop thinking of me being sick in it or not being able to sit through it. i also really want to go to school so i don't miss out on the other performers who are coming in next week and all the other great things i will be able to do and experience on my last 4 days of school as these are the days i will be remembering for the rest of my life.

i am soo determined not to allow this fear to control me but its so hard. my family keep telling me to fight it and put it in the back of my mind but i just find it so hard and feel that they don't understand, what i am going through. I'm tired of this and i just desperately want and need to get rid of it before my first big exam. i too am afraid when someone says they feel sick. i continue to have panic attacks and am starting to feel sick because i think i feel sick, i have also considered 0119 to take away the pain( but what good would that do). i feel like i will never be myself again and this frightens me even more. i don't feel normal at all anymore, at times i even feel crazy. no one should have to live like this, its so unfair.