cant get close

[jay1234]

I posted  this in the social anxiety forum but thought i would post it here as well cause i dont really know where it applies.

I consider myself to be a fairly outgoing and social guy with lots of friends.  But at the same time i feel very alone.  I feel like i can never get close to them because i have always been afraid to share true feelings.  I guess it is because i am afraid to get hurt and at the same time have battled some self esteem issues where i am always questioning if what i feel is wrong.  I have lots of friends and am close to my parents but i am scared to tell people about my anxiety problems.  This is one of those nights where i feel really alone.  I always fear i will never be able to get close to anyone and i really dont know what to do.  I feel that telling people about my problem will change everything because everyone sees me as this funny care free guy but they dont know how i feel inside.  Honestly just to be able to talk to someone about how i feel would be awesome, especially someone who can relate.

Thanks for taking the time to read

[peanut]

I know exactly how you feel......For so many years I was always the happy, strong one out of my family and friends.  About two months ago I broke down to my mom.  I felt great telling her.  I decided to tell my husband of five years what I kept from him.  To be honest with you I feel 100% better.  It feels like a load of my shoulders and I find now that people understand me more.
You'd be surprised, I also found out that my best friend was dealing with the same thing, but she was to scared to tell me.  Ever since I've started telling people, I've found a lot more support then I thought I would ever imagine.
And people still like me for who I am
Hang in there
Peanut

[gloomy]

I have felt the same way as you for years.  In fact I accept it is part of me now.  I have friends and am often seen as strong whereas actually I am shaking inside with shyness its all an act.  I find it extremely difficult to let people in,  I think its part trust issue and part fear of rejection.  If I am truthful I dont want people to see me as weak, my friends come to me with their problems its not the norm for me to go to them.  I know I should tell them how I feel but its never gonna happen now.  I have created a totally different persona for myself.I have coped with my problems alone for so many years now I dont need their support anyway. The only reason I open up on these boards is because I am partly anonymous and am very unlikely to ever meet any of you.

I guess its difficult if you come from a no nonsense, hard attitude family and community any tears or complaints are seen as weakness and feeling sorry for yourself.  I guess these sort of mental health issues still have a stigma atttached to them

[jay1234]

Thanks for the replies, its great to know other people have gone through this same thing.  And peanut I have decided I am going to tell my mom because I know she will be understanding, but it is still incredibly hard.  I think I am going to do it by email because it will be easier than in person at first.

[peanut]

Good luck with telling her.  I'm sure she will be supportive and understanding......my mom was 
Let me know how it goes

Take care

Peanut

[ConstantWorrier]

I feel the same way that you do sometimes. Only my outgoingness is okay, but its just my anxiety that gets in the way. I have a really hard time trusting people in general, since I have been let down so many times in the past. It makes it so I rethink the people I am friends with and what to tell them, it also makes me wonder who I can trust. I guess trust issues can be a huge thing. =\

[jay1234]

Well I just talked to my mom about it and it went well and talking it out for the first time has actually made me realize what could be the true problem.  A lot of me feels like the anxiety is self induced due to a huge lack of self esteem and perfectionism.  I always feel that no matter what I say or do I could have done it better.  Even around close friends I always question what I say because I wonder if I could have said something funnier or cooler and this drives me crazy leading to anxiety.  I am constantly questioning everything I do and this drives me crazy.  This must be because of a lack of self esteem and belief that what I do is just fine.  Does anyone ever feel like this?