I feel defeated

[cvd13]

Well, I'm back to my low point, almost.  Here it is a sunny day, actually NOT snowing, and pretty much my only opportunity to get out of the house and take my kids out to story time.  I've done it dozens of times.  7 minutes away. I couldn't do it today. I know, it's just story time, but for me to actually drive away from the house and do something would have been good for me, at least for today and I couldn't even do that.  I feel so sick, defeated, sad, and like a bad mother for keeping my kids from activities because of me.

I'm going to a dr. at the end of the month, but I just don't feel hopeful.  I've been to gps feeling like I'm begging them to help me, and I feel like the road just ends there since I have no clear "medical" condition.   They just look at my test results - healthy, look at me, appearing to be healthy, but I feel like my soul is on fire.  If every time I TRY to go out, I feel nauseaus, phlem-y, dizzy, disoriented, have chills or hot flashes, feel like I'm basically crazy - then I think I need help.

Thanks for reading.

[camel]

Hi

Sounds like you are struggling with agoraphobia.
If taking the kids to story time is too much, then may I suggest going back a step, and starting small.
Maybe break it down into smaller, more manageable steps, ie walk to the end of the street daily until you are comfortable with that, then maybe a short drive daily until you are comfortable with that, etc until you can go further and further.

Another thing i found is that maybe put the kids in the car with the intention of a short drive where you can return home whenever you want, and drive around the blocks and see if you feel like taking them to story time or not. I feel for myself that the pressure of "I am taking kids to point A" or whatever makes the anxiety worse, so if your intention is just a short drive, you might end up taking them to story time or not, either way it can not be seen as a failure as your goal was only a short drive.

I hope that makes sense lol

[constantmover]

Hi cvd13,

What Camel posted has a lot of merit.  Take it slowly for the time being and build up when you feel you can deal with it.  I'm not a doctor but it does sound like agoraphobia or GAD or certainly some sort of anxiety disorder.  I'm glad you are going to see a doctor at the end of the month, but you didn't mention what kind of doctor.  Please don't feel hopeless because there is plenty of hope.  You've just not gotten the proper care yet.  To be honest, I can't say that I'm very impressed with your gp for not recognizing early on that you were having obvious anxiety issues.  If the next doctor you see doesn't help, then insist on seeing a mental health professional who deals with anxiety disorders.  You don't have to feel this way, there are many therapies and/or medications one can try to help alleviate your symptoms.  Please keep in touch and let us know how you make out after your next appointment.