Isolated Panic Disorder sufferer Newbie

[Bobs]

Hello - Bobs here

Where do  I start - It first happened 2.5 yrs ago when I suffered what I thought was a heart attack in my sleep - numb left arm , really loud heart palpitations ,I  Knew I was dying so  ambulance called - Valiums s given - turned out it was a panic attack. I was later diagnosed with panic disorder but refused CBT treatment due to fear of people etc

A few weeks passed with intermittent panic attacks in my sleep,  then they started happening throughout the day then over and over again both day and night with lots of trips to A&E thinking I was dying. I couldn't work, couldn't leave the house, couldn't talk properly, was severely constipated and all of the time I thought I was saying of some horrible illness and that the hospital had made a mistake. I became scared of sleep and suffered terrible insomnia. I thought that maybe these attacks  were caused by food allergies as they often happened after eating. My diet became boiled chicken and rice and water & vitamin tablets only. I became scared of food. I bought a diabetic checker. I bought a blood pressure checker ( my blood pressure was haywire between really really high and really really low) I started taking antihistamines which seemed to help a little. I couldn't swallow without severe pain, my nose stung when I breathed in. I had sever bruxism and Tinnitus.  Fluorescent lights were really really bright. This scared me alot. This continued for weeks if not months with feelings of dread and no one I could tell who understood.

 Finally my whole body shut down. My back seized up completely, I had agonising neck pain which A&E said were due to muscle spasms, the muscle spasms caused paraethesia in my head & Face, my digestive tract stopped working and any food I ate,  I vomited. My stomach was in agony.  I lost 2 stone within a few weeks. I was admitted to hospital for checks on my stomach - all normal. I was discharged after a few days.  All this time feelings of dread over and over and over 24 hours per day and waking me up with panic attacks when I did sleep. In the end I gave up.

I said good bye to my son and decided to die. But death never came. I lost my memory. I can't remember anything that happened in the next couple of months but my mum tells me I just slept at the end of her bed and walked the dog once a day and I couldn't  talk properly.

Walking the dog became my life line and slowly i came back to reality - got on line , found some new friends and started making my way back in to society. The panic decreased and I thought that was it - I was relatively normal and I thought I would never ever suffer a panic attack again. This was over a year ago.

Until 8 weeks ago - I broke my foot, lost my job, was isolated due to the snow, stopped seeing my friends,  my dad got cancer and I had pelvic pain for which I got antibiotics ( metronidazole) I had an extreme mental reaction to the drug ( a reaction which wasn't on the leaflet but the hospital says some ppl have! ) . I started thinking I was going crazy again so went to EMDOC who sent me to the crisis team at the psychiatric unit. I was convinced I was going mad. But it turned out that it was just lots of panic attacks in a different form than before. I have since started getting them nightly and daily. I am obsessing about food again. I am obsessing about my health again. And I feel so ashamed because I know damn well what panic disorder is, I have read so much about panic Disorder and I am a very well educated person, but I am still unable to stop these worries and fears and am even considering paying for and ECG my self privately just to put my mind at rest about my heart. The tinnitus and the bright fluorescent lights are scaring me too. And the fact that my heart doesn't beat loudly anymore EVER. Even when I have palpitations its only fluttering . It doesn't help that I keep waking up with a dead left arm too. I am pulse checking again and have bought a blood pressure monitor.  I am scared of taking Valium in case I have undiagnosed sleep apnoea which can be a reason for night panic attacks.

Arrrghh. Somebody help me please. I can't go through all this again. I am a wreck.

Cheers Bobs

[constantmover]

Hi Bobs,

We are here for you that's for darn sure.  You've definitely come to the right place.  So many of us have had some sort of breakdown or whatever one wants to call it.  Maybe in different ways, but we have certainly felt the despair that you now feel.  This time though, you know what you went through before and are trying very hard to head it off before it takes over you.  Good for you that you are being proactive. 

When you went to the psychiatric unit, did they suggest therapy or medication.  You mentioned Valium, so I am assuming you have that at hand, but any other prescription given to help?  You also said that you are well versed in Panic Disorder by reading many books.  Should I assume that they didn't help or were there some like ones on CBT that helped the last time? 

You've gone through alot this year and what you are feeling, although is typical of someone with an anxiety disorder, it isn't uncommon for anyone to feel out of sorts when a family member passes away and on top of that the loss of a job.  These are all issues that anyone would feel depressed about but add that to a preexisting problem with anxiety and it makes it just that much harder.

You will get support on this site and some suggestions as to how to deal with having and coping with this disorder.  We are very supportive of various method of addressing it and will cheer you along on you way to feeling better. 

Night anxiety is not uncommon and many people use different methods of treating that.  It can be with CBT, therapy, relaxation tapes and/or medication.  I do understand your worry about taking Valium because of your fear, but if you have been through a gamut of tests which I would imagine you have because of your experience with the crisis team at the psychiatric unit, then I would suggest to you that your worry of sleep apnea is unfounded.  If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't let that hold me back from taking a medication that could very well help the anxiety and in turn, allow me to sleep without the fear of a panic attack.  We can talk about this in more detail once I get to know you better and find out what the crisis team suggested you do and/or what they did to help you.  Please feel free to post in one of the forums and tell your story.  You will get lots of people responding and probably with varying ideas, but that will be helpful to give you some food for thought and hopefully help you on your way to addressing this problem and nipping it before it overwhelms you. 

Welcome to the forum...we are here for you.

[tigerpaw]

I know you will find lots of support here. 

Also you can post your favorite picture in the Members Gallery.

Check out an introductory post on, "When you think no one understands ....read this."........Link: http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,9100.0.html

Lots to do here~

 

[sixpack]

wow bobs

you've really gotten your mind and body worked up!!  I know it is so difficult going through that cycle.  It is sort of like being on the spin cycle of the wash that just doesn't end.

I'm glad you found us.  I'm sure you will find a great deal of support and ideas on what you can do to get yourself going in the right direction.

[Bobs]

Hiya again

Thanks peeps

I am scared of taking the valium as I have never had a ECG , never had any tests  bar the endoscopy, colonoscopy and untrasound for my stomach. The blood tests I have had are for infection, liver function and kidney problems. These were all done in A&E or EMDOC .

Up until last week I was so convinced that the panic attacks weren't  actually panic attacks that  I have never seen a psychiatrist even  once in the last 2.5 yrs since my diagnosis. I've only ever been seen in  A&E for physical symptoms. So Last week was my first time to see the crisis team at the psychiatric unit EVER , and only because I said I wouldn't leave A&E until they sent me to see a psychiatrist as I thought I was going mad ( never happened to me before only physical symptoms before now) . The psychiatrists assessed me and assured me I wasn't going mad. They said it was all due to chronic stress. They offered me valium which I refused as I have fear of taking tablets.  And now I am scared of sleep apnoea as I usually get panic attacks alot in my sleep. I prefer diet and exercise to help me come out of my anxiety. Lots of walks and a good low salt diet. Although now looking at the state of this rant I'm maybe thinking valium might be a good idea. lol.