Mentally Ill Family Member and PTSD

[csebring]

I have a mentally ill family member who suffers from a whole host of ills - paranoia, depression, megalomania, plus a whole bunch of others.  On top of that, this person is an alcoholic, which only makes things worse.

This person has made my life a living hell since I was a child.  I'm well over 30 now, but I'm still terrified.  Several years ago some events occurred which were, at the very least, "not very pleasant."  This person's threatened my life on a couple of occasions.  I've always dreaded this person's phone calls, letters, and e-mails.  At home I leave the phone off the hook because just the sound of a ringing phone terrifies me.  I also refuse to turn on our answering machine.  This frustrates my spouse to no end.  (Which I can understand.)  I'm also terrified of checking my e-mails and getting the mail.  I also dread the holidays, this person's birthday, my birthday, etc.

I constantly fear that this individual will try to kill me.  Or - will run out of money (he/she can't hold down a job) and try to come live with me.

I'm even terrified this person will see this post and realize it's me!

I'm seeing a counselor, but the counselor just keeps recommending that I look at the situation logically, and realistically analyze the situation.  If I could do that, I wouldn't need a counselor!

(Don't suggest protective orders.  They don't work) 

Just wondering about suggestions.  And it does feel good to vent! 

[gloomy]

Hey there, I am glad you found this site you will receive a lot of support here.  I agree its always good to vent, very therapeutic.  If your not happy with your current therapy then have you considered finding a new one.  Its a little bit obvious to suggest you look at the situation logically.  Anxiety sufferers and logical thought do not go together?  You have suffered ongoing traumatic abuse for many years from what you have said, so you have learned to act accordingly.  Unravelling strongly reinforced reactive behaviours like this very difficult and a long road but it can be done. 

I understand this person has  a massive amount of mental control over you.  But how much real physical control has this person got over your life?  Just trying to get a better picture of your situation.

Write back soon and welcome to the forum

[csebring]

Thanks for the info!

Physical control, at the moment, zero.  But my fear is that will change! 

I used to live in an apartment that was several stories above ground.  But I'd worry about "this person" climbing onto my balcony and breaking into the apartment - even though that would be almost impossible.  You're right - anxiety and logic don't fit in the same space!

[comeasyouare]

You are an unbelieveably strong person for putting up with it for so long. I know its a complex problem but you just have to remember to put yourself before this person, think of your own well being. It might sound selfish but you cant take care of them and you cant let them control your life. I know its easier said then done. i'm in a similar situation and i relized that trying to make them better was making me sick. I stop listen to the messages,and stoped paying for things i didnt have to, it took me years to relize that i cant change them but I can change the way you react to them. i understand its hard.

good luck

[TheFishman]

Well how close of a realation are they to you, why don't you just cut them off? by that Have you told the other members and your spouse how you feel and why you find it hard to deal with them? Clearly this person is unhealthy for you mentally and is mentally ill themselves? should they be in some sort f hospital?
I think the best decison is to talk you feelings over with the ones you trust and come up with a plan for combatting or dealing with this issue.
best of luck, and really you have no need to worry that he might think the post is about him, your description could fit hundreds of situations.