My name is Gigi, I am 23 years old and suffering from Anxiety

[justcallme_gigi]

Hello all,
This is my first time joining any sort of online community beyond 0409. I have this silly inkling of faith that this community just may prove a saving grace.

I am not sure where to begin, as I cannot remember a time when I did not suffer from the emotional roller coaster that anxiety disorder can bring on. I was always a touch neurotic, but things hit me hard when my father died from a massive heart attack. I was a freshman in college, away from home for the first time. I was an EMT and studying Biochemistry on a PreMedical Track...or so I thought.

My first year and a half of college I nearly failed out because of Anxiety. I just could not help getting in my own way whenever the pressure was on. A term paper became a life or death issue. I would procrastinate constantly without ever really knowing why then hassle myself into coming up with the perfect thesis. My grades were great..at times. My work often stood out as the best in the class. I began taking graduate courses, working after class and taking on the max number of credits possible by second semester, only worsening my anxious feelings at the advent of deadlines.

My anxiety got in the way of my ability to concentrate, I was convinced that I had ADD. I thought that the ADD brought on the Anxiety. I tried amphetamines (Adderall) in low doses during final exams...I had euphoric episodes without realizing it at the time and the originality and intensity of my work improved at what seemed to be lightening speed.

In the end, even with a prescription for ADD meds, they destroyed me. I lost my social skills. While I had only previously been anxious during exam time, I became anxious for any sort of social occasion. Attending class made me anxious...though I had spent my entire life loving lectures and school.

To make a long story short, I did manage to graduate in 4 years... but my records are inconsistent. I'd have straight A's and spots of F's on my transcript. My dreams of attending graduate school (by this time I had switched to architectural history and english) seemed squashed. I was admitted (to my shock) to an intermediary program for architecture at an Ivy League of my dreams, one that would allow me to gain graduate credits while preparing a portfolio for a year. It was an intensified version of a first year Masters program. Deadlines were weekly. The esteemed faculty only intimidated me more during critiques which were also weekly and in front of a large audience. Public speaking terrified and continues to terrify me. Drawing in public (in the studio environment) even intimidates me now. I ended up leaving the program a complete mess. My digestive system became so out of whack that acid reflux was daily and I dropped to 97 pounds.

Today, with the help of a doctor, I have been able to recover my weight and regain balance with a healthy diet. I eliminated gluten, wheat, dairy, and egg from my diet as an allergist advised to do. I just began seeing a therapist (1 session last week) and am finding my way back to old friends and family. As for Anxiety, it still remains a mystery to me. I wish to figure out the root of this ridiculous disorder and how to tame it.

And so I wonder, what are your stories? Coping mechanisms?  Signs of weakness and roots of strength?

Forgive me for bearing all, but I thought it best to purge from the start. Looking forward to learning more about all of you.

-Gigi

[sixpack]

hello GIgi

I'm glad you found us and feel sure you will find friendly folks here.

here are a few suggestions, some of which you seem to be doing already.

1. Therapy---meds if you and your doctor feel it is appropriate---everybody is different on this issue.
2. self-help books--lots of good stuff out there these days ---Claire Weekes has good books out there that explain how it all works.  I read The Roadless Traveled by M. Scott Peck many years ago.  He speaks to people in a variety of ways.  He has a few other books too.   
3.  Exercise---even if you don't want to.  At first you are likely to feel miserable and panicky feelings are likely to bubble up OR rush at you.  It is BEASTY (your anxious overthinking) causing this.  But do it anyway.
4.  Eat a healthy diet.  This helps on all kinds areas of your life.
5.  Forums often have helpful advice.
6.  Hobbies--anything that completely immerses you in it and keeps you occupied.  This helps because eventually you'll get snippets of time when you feel good.  These are teaching moments because then you know it is obsessions/anxiety mucking with you.  After a while those snippets turn to hours then days etc.
7.  Don't pity yourself.  You can have a happy life.   As we experience life, we change.  Having any form of anxiety will impact your life just like all life experiences do.  But that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Even once you are on the road to recovery, you will have a 'new' normal but that doesn't mean you aren't happy and fulfilled.

[tigerpaw]

I know you will find lots of support here. 

Also you can post your favorite picture in the Members Gallery.

Check out an introductory post on, "When you think no one understands ....read this."........Link: http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,9100.0.html

Lots to do here~