obsessing about the "meaning of life"...making me depressed

[itsjustme]

Most of my depression seems to revolve around me having this weird feeling that I need to figure out the meaning of life...it makes me feel sick to think that life has no purpose...it makes me feel sick that it seems everyday for the rest of my life will be the same thing over and over and over (I'm 24, btw). I feel like I'm stuck in life. Like I can't find anywhere to be happy for an extended period of time. I can't find anywhere to feel at peace. Everyone else is all excited about getting out of grad school, starting a career, and getting married. I don't get excited about these things anymore. It depresses me because I think something must be wrong with me that I'm scared to be out of school and that marriage doesn't excite, but kind of revolts me actually. I feel like love is a joke...being "in love" I mean. But I want to be happy about these things like everyone else. If all this doesn't make me happy, what will? What will I do with my life?

[GASF]

I am a new member to the board and reading your post really made me kind of emotional.  I am 23, finishing grad school, getting married, and moving out.  I am happy with my life, yet I just cant feel good about anything.  Like you, I have these weird feelings/thoughts about the meaning of life - I also feel sick about it because though I try to shake them off I always get back to being cynical about it, what's the point - what is the purpose of humanity?  I feel so stupid if I take joy in things, like I am ignorant.  Sometimes I question whether there is really a "me", or am I just an expression of chemicals in my brain.  I fear death.  The worry and the thoughts have given me anxiety problems.  All of it together has made me feel like I am crazy, that something is wrong with me, that I am not worth it.  I feel like that it is only going to get worse, and then I fear that I will lose control of myself and do something horrible like hurt someone - I feel terrified of being mentally ill and being in an asylum like in the movies.  I am not crazy - I know these things are so irrational - and I know that I would never hurt anyone, I am a loving, generous, caring person.  Yet, they come up sometimes, and then I feel like something is terribly wrong with me.  I DO NOT want to feel this way, I love life, I want to succeed in my career and have a family and live to be elderly.  I am going to my doctor tomorrow.  I was on medication two years ago when I suffered my first anxiety attack....a year later I felt better and went off the meds, because I would rather not be on them.  However, the symptoms are back now.  I guess I want you to know that it isn't just you, you aren't crazy either.  All the best to you, we will be fine.  I like to think that the meaning of life is to enjoy it, and to love.  Not waste it with negativity and anxiety.       

[NightOwl]

I basically feel this also and struggle religiously although deep down I believe in it.  But even with that, there is really nothing telling what the point of life is.  I just know I HAVE been happy and hope I somehow achieve it again.  And I see older relatives generally satisfied with living and wish I could take life the way they do.