Dealing with Panic for years and on meds I still feel fear

[CK6951]

Hello everyone,

I have been through a lot in my life as I know a lot of others have to. My anxiety and panic has been under control now for years. I would get maybe one attack a year.

Recently over the holidays I had three family members die so needless to say I have not been into work for about a month. Today I am going in. I am the manager so I have a lot of work to do.

I am on medications but I am scared and really really sad. I sleep okay but I am so scared. I don't know what anyone can do for me anymore or if it is beyond help. Everything I am reading on here is about how the medications help and they do don't get me wrong but I know that I am already on the most medication I can be on. I have always been strong and next to putting my sister to rest this is the hardest time in my life. I don't know what to do. Work? don't work? I fear if I take more time off work I will get more depressed. I am lost and scared right now.

[constantmover]

If I were in your shoes, I'd go into work and immerse myself in it.  There is nothing like a distraction to take your mind off of your anxiety or problems.  When my sister passed away, it was bringing my disabled daughter back home that actually saved me from wallowing in anxiety and possibly depression.  She needed me and I needed her.  I didn't bring her home for my sake, she wasn't being cared for properly in her group home so we made the decision to bring her home just days before my sister passed.  I was glad to have my daughter with me safe and sound and it definitely did give me a reason to get up in the morning and face my day with all that goes into working with an adult child with cerebral palsy and a development disability.  I'm using this as a comparison because this is my job and your job is waiting for you outside of your home.  The distraction will be helpful albeit that you have been away from the job for a month, it may be overwhelming a little at first,  but it won't give you time to dwell on the sad circumstances that kept you home.  Take it as easy as you can getting back into the job, but this could actually be the best thing for you considering what you have already gone through.  There may be stress, but it will be a different kind of stress and you really need to step away from the passing of your relatives for a while.  This doesn't mean that you won't have your days of feeling down about them, but it will help you to have another focus that is different from your family situation.  Let us know how you make out and don't forget we are here for you.  So don't hesitate to venting to us.

[pippip]

Sorry to hear you have to go through all that. It is normal to feel sad/scared at a time like this, don't feel bad about that!! Meds are very helpful tools but it would be scary if they could allow someone to go through a loss without feelings of sadness.

Know that you have had success with them and felt well and that after some healing you can deff get there again!

Have you visited your Doc/Psych? Maybe they would be able to give you a Benzo short term to help you or some talk therapy to help you deal with your loss.

I also agree about going back to work sometimes my anxiety/panic is worse when I am at home without a lot to do my anxiety is worse getting back into your normal routine can help you feel more like your old self as time goes on.

[Duckie]

First, let me say how sorry I am for your losses.  It's no wonder that you're feeling scared and worried, but I agree with the above posts.  I think going back to work is the thing to do.  I think it will help you heal to be there where things are familiar and I'm sure you'll be feeling more comfortable as time goes on. 

[CK6951]

Thank you everyone for being so kind. I did go to work yesterday. The hard part is getting over the fear in the mornings when I wake up. I hate this scared feeling. The scary part is I know there is nothing to be scared of. I will be getting more counseling as well for me and my two kids they are 12 and 13. I know when I feel like this it makes me feel so alone and that no one knows what I feel like and to tell you the truth unless you have been here with this anxiety and panic you don't know. I really appreciate a site like this that can bring people together and help eachother through the hard times when it feels hopeless.

Thank you.

[floridaguy65]

Hi there:) Congrats in facing your fear and doing it anyway!:) That is a success! Don't get discouraged with atually having your fears...it's, simply, what Anxiety / Panic Disorders lay upon us...FEAR. A major key in "recovery" is understanding how these ADs root themselves in our minds feeding fully upon fear...they can survive upon nothing else but fear. Sounds simple...just have no fear! If only it were that easy...I do know:) Your counseling should help you tremendously, if you embrace the habits you can learn. But, IMHO, it's the habits and anxiety relief techniques that we create on our own volition (perhaps, with assistance from theapy, I should add:) that will more securely further you along your healing path. Remember, do not sell yourself short for ANY succeses you have along the way in your "recovery". Facing the simplest of fears is a step in the right direction. With success, comes momentum...and with momentum comes the postive affirmation, "Wow, look at me! I'm doing things that I thought I might not ever do again. Sure, I still have some trepidation with each fear I face, but I'm still getting it done anyway! If I can do it once, I can do it AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN!" Peace and Feel Well:)

[CK6951]

Florida Guy,
You are so right. I might wake up tomorrow and cry but today I went to work again and took on all my employees that depend on me. I also took time for me and went to the gym again as much as I didn't want to then I even went to tan. I know the sun helps (fake sun to say) You are right it is how we cope and just don't get down and get things done. It is easier said then done but I have done this plenty of times and with Gods help I will get through this again and feel "normal"

[constantmover]

You will get through this.  You have taken the right steps to ensure it.  No one said it would be easy and it never is when you lose people you love, but you are dealing with it in a very positive way and in time it will get easier.  The fact that you are trying to put on a brave face and carry on with being back at work, is admirable.  Taking a little time to go to the gym and also get a tan, is a positive.  Sometimes a little pampering and looking good on the outside can help with how you feel on the inside.  I know that when I make the effort to dress up a little, it helps with my confidence.  Crazy that clothes or a tan can help, but it really can make a difference.  Keep positive thoughts and take care of yourself...You really are doing well.

[CK6951]

Thank you very much. Today I made a appointment with a therapist it took me awhile and a lot of question though

[constantmover]

   This another HUGE and POSITIVE step!!!!!  You are doing all the right things.  Keep us informed as to how you make out.  It is so nice to see someone recognizing they have a problem and face it straight on.  I know with all that you are doing you will find some relief and possibly get some insight on ways of coping that you haven't thought of or we haven't mentioned.  You will get your life back but a lose does change people and you may find a "new normal" which is OK.  Most people go through changes in their lives, not just those of us with anxiety.  It is a normal part of life.  Some changes are extremely hard and that may make us reevaluate what we want or need to lead a happy life.  Sometimes the changes can give us a new focus or open our minds to a new way of thinking. 

I've gone through many moments like this over the years and I think in each case, I've learn something from it and it has made me evaluate what my values are and do they fit in with the way I want to live my life.  I know my eyes have been opened to people and ideas I never would have encountered if I didn't have these experiences.  These are the character builders in our lives and how we deal with certain situations help develop who we are and in some cases, makes us stronger and more knowledgeable as to what we want out of life.  I think therapy will be really good for you and may help you open up about what you have been going through and how you can take this difficult time and learn what you need to do to make your life whole again.   

[CK6951]

  This another HUGE and POSITIVE step!!!!!  You are doing all the right things.  Keep us informed as to how you make out.  It is so nice to see someone recognizing they have a problem and face it straight on.  I know with all that you are doing you will find some relief and possibly get some insight on ways of coping that you haven't thought of or we haven't mentioned.  You will get your life back but a lose does change people and you may find a "new normal" which is OK.  Most people go through changes in their lives, not just those of us with anxiety.  It is a normal part of life.  Some changes are extremely hard and that may make us reevaluate what we want or need to lead a happy life.  Sometimes the changes can give us a new focus or open our minds to a new way of thinking. 

I've gone through many moments like this over the years and I think in each case, I've learn something from it and it has made me evaluate what my values are and do they fit in with the way I want to live my life.  I know my eyes have been opened to people and ideas I never would have encountered if I didn't have these experiences.  These are the character builders in our lives and how we deal with certain situations help develop who we are and in some cases, makes us stronger and more knowledgeable as to what we want out of life.  I think therapy will be really good for you and may help you open up about what you have been going through and how you can take this difficult time and learn what you need to do to make your life whole again.

You are so very right. This time it has opened my eyes in a way I cannot explain. I know I have been a jerk to my husband and I need to spend more time with my kids. It is crazy how somethings just hit you out of nowhere. I know I will get through this because I know what I have to do. It is amazing how people look at others with this issue when really I believe it has made me a better more understanding person especially to my employees. I hope others with this issue can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it is hard but there is. I have been where some people are on here and it is the unknown that scares you the most and not thinking that there is a light. I really wish I could help more people then I have that go through this. I really believe that is why I have it is to help others through it because I really know that unless you have gone through it yourself you have no idea what it is like. Thank you for all your kindness.