Am I in the right place?

[wishtobreathe]

So, first thing first. I have no idea if Im in the right forum, on the right site, going to tell you too much....but thats the point right? Im mean thats anxiety doing its job. This is my first time on this site but not my first time on a chat site in general. A couple of years ago I was on a site for children of borderline personality disorder parents. It was a great site and helped me a lot but I was kicked off for not being 18. I went through a lot with my mom (who has bpd) and a lot of my ptsd stems from what I endured living with her. There are a couple of other things that have got me pretty anxious...things that I relive when put in certain situations.
On my 18th bday last year, the man who I babysat for (long story short) locked me in a room and took advantage. He didnt get too far because one of his kids fell and hurt  her head. Lucky me right? I didnt feel so lucky. Since then I have a very hard time talking to older men, being in crowded places and I have not babysat for anyone but my very own parents.
My biggest weak spot does not stem from anything terribly traumatic....it was the break up from my current fiance....yea we ended up back together which seems like even more of a reason that I should just grow up and get over it right? I know.
There were three people who were texting me and saying things about my looks or how they felt about me. It was a vicious cycle between my insecurities, him feeling like I was being unfaithful and thus not wanting intimacy and then how the lack of intimacy fed my insecurities and so on. As a result, I put little to no effort into telling them to stop talking to me that way, he took it as cheating and stormed out. I relive him yelling and leaving me everyday. Everytime he doesnt answer a text, every time he takes a while to come home, every time he leaves the room to get something without telling me where hes going...im always waiting for something to be taken out of a context and for him to leave again. Ive never seen that side of him before then and I am terrified of it now. I dont know how to describe it but I have constant anxiety that something bad is going to happen. We're getting married and yet I feel like the end is near...ALL THE TIME. I sound whiney...I know =[
Am I in the right place?

[AngelRage]

Hi Wish. First of all I liked to say - Yes you are at the "right place" (or one of the right places I should properly say)... And specifically posting in the Ptsd fourm.
I'm sorry you endured any type of abuse; and yes in some ways you got "lucky" but emotionally - this may stay with you awhile.

I'm a survivor of all 3 types of abuse. From reading your last few statements of how you feel about yourself sounds very common place in the cycle of feelings BEFORE RECOVERY. Just know your not alone, I understand all of your feelings and also there is a lot of great support here w/people with similar situations.

There is also a chat room here that you may want to visit as well.
I wish you only the best; hope you come back/visit soon and update.
Take care of YOU ~ 

[wishtobreathe]

I really really appreciate the reply. It makes me feel a bit more comfortable knowing im in the right place. Im so sorry to hear that you endured abuse of any sort. Please feel free to reach out if theres anything I can do