Constant Panic over my health...now it is breast cancer...ladies please help!

[hamsterswheel]

Hello

I have been looking on the forum for a while and sooo glad I found it!

Since my late teens I have always overly worried about my health and mainly getting a cancer, however it never affected my daily life/thoughts.  Once i would get a test and have negative result then I would forget about it for a while.

Anyway about 3 months ago I was getting some discomfort under my right breast.  Went to doc who examined my breast thoroughly and said was no lumps etc and thought I might have gallstones and arranged an abdominal ultrasound.  Whilst I was there the sonnographer said she had to call the consultant in!!  I was about to faint with just that.  Anyway Consultant came in and lng and short of it said he thought I had a small cyst on my liver.  Did not think anything to worry about but for peace of mind would organise an MRI.  Well I left that day and over the 3 week wait for the MRI I made myself ill with worry, strong anxiety and panic attacks which I had never experienced before.  I was in total disbelief that Anxiety could cause all of the awful aches and pains, breathing difficulties etc.  Also in between waiting on the MRI scan my right breast got tender and after lots of prodding etc lo and behold I found a lump!!  Rushed to docs who insied that it was a benign fibrous cyst and to just leave it alone.  The tenderness wnet away but lump still there.

Anyway I forgot about the lump as i was convinced I was dying of what was on my liver...long and short of it was that MRI confirmed I have a small benign cyst on my liver, that they think I have had since birth(I'm 30).  The Consultant did say that it is though something they have not specifically seen before but that it is definitely not cancer and he has shown my scans to several others. They want me to go back in 6 months to see if it grows but the Consultant also said he did not think it would and is expecting to see it exactly the same.  He said that lots of people have these things but because we don't all have MRI's etc then we never know it and they are harmless. 

I thought when I got the results back my anxiety over my health would calm.  Oh no, I have got worse, checking myself constantly.

Sorry this is so long.  Anyway my latest thing is back to the breast lump. I went for a second opinion as it had flared up again and this doc said I have fibrocystic breasts and that it definitely feels like a lump.  she said because she knows how worried I am she will send me to breast clinic for an ultrasound.

Ofcourse because of my health anxiety I am worried sick, convinced i have breast cancer and going to die leaving my 2 year old.  Can any other ladies help with their experience of breast lumps?

My doc said she is not worrieed about it at all but i have read stories before where the gp missed things!  My GP sas along with the fact it feels like a cyst, my age, no family history of cancers and the fact i breastfed my baby for a year then it is highly unlikely but I still cant stop getting hysterical!!

Help please xx

sorry soooo long, ust wanted to explain where my excessive worrying started. I also have pain in my right side of my back which another gp said i have gastritis or start of stomach ulcer from all of the stress in last 2 years!!

I just turned 30 and feel like I am falling apart.....x

[crazygirl1]

(((hugs))) I understand..I have a 3 yo about to turn 4 and I'm always afraid cancer will take me form her.
Listen to your dr.---you breasfed your daughter-thats a big big big GOOD thing in yoru favor. Fibrous breast lumps are common. Get the U/S to confirm it is just that & you'll be fine. Also-bc i hear doesnt usually present as discomfort....

[hamsterswheel]

Hi Crazygirl

Thank you so much, jsut being on here knowing other people worry as much as me helps!  I think the MRI situation just sent me over the edge and now I worried about everything.  In teh last three months I have had tonsil cancer, bone cancer (my back), liver cancer, breast cancer, throat cancer, cancer of the esophogus!  I think about it 24/7 but this breast lump is freaking me.  I know what you mean about tenderness not supposedly being bc but the way my head works at the moment i doubt everything so now i am wondering if the lump is tender or if it is just because i poked and prodded!!  Hence the  login name hamsters wheel, i feel i go round and round in circles and worry!!! ARGH x

[crazygirl1]

hamsterswheel--good name. take a look at mine-yup im a crazygirl form this HA LOL
I'm sure the lump was tender not from prodding. It could be a fluid cyst. I hear those are common too. Remember-your chances of NOT having bc are MUCH greater then your chances of having it. Take 1 step at a time.
step1: you are not alone, all of us here feel the way you do, all of here freak out, all of us here fear ca.
step 2: shift yoru focus to your daughter, enjoying her and taking care of her ( you said 2 yo-did you say daughter? lol0
step 2: when the scarey thoughts try to come into your mind-say to yourself STOP and visualize that all with your health is fine:)
step 3: get your u/s so you can be done with this scare.
step 4: try cbt or some other form of therapy, maybe TEA forms ( if you google then it will explainit, it hlps a lot I've tried it)
step 5: make time each day to smile and relax for a few minutes
You're fine I know it:)

[CrownofThorns]

I had a little lump a ways underneath my nipple. Got all big and red, and the redness spread around. Guess what it was? A hair follicle that just felt like going crazy.

Those doctors know what cancer looks like, I wouldn't freak out. Sometimes, our bodies get these little quirks that are nothing.

[tryingtoheal]

I'm a mother with a 6 year old, same thing, worried about not being here for her.

I think you're just out of emotional reserves because of HA. That's happening to me, too; with an ovarian cyst. Same thing: Doc says it's not cancer, but will follow up just to make sure it doesn't change...

But if your baseline is freaked out (mine is), then when even the smallest "real" thing happens, there's nothing left to deal with it. If you're already at a 9.5 on a scale of 10, it's pretty easy to go over the top.

What I am trying to tell myself is that it's GOOD if "they find something." It means I can be treated and most probably, cured. The whole point of these tests, other than to rule stuff out, is to rule it "in" at the earliest possible stage. The chances of this being cancer are so infinitessimally (sp?) small; but if it DID turn out to be, by some stroke of bad luck, you would be WAY ahead of the game and on your way to recovery and cure. You can't lose.

Having said that, I do really trust my GP. I don't worry that she would miss something. I think it's important to find a doctor, if you can, who you can have faith in. I still freak out, but I know she will tell me the truth and she's got the experience to pick up breast lumps, moles, whatever that need further attention. If objectively, you think your GP is good, then I doubt VERY much if she/he would tell you something is not dangerous if it was. And she's right, the ODDS are so, so, so in your favour.

[CoolCalmAndCollected]

I used to work for a surgeon who took care of the various lumps found in breasts (and these were the ones referred for surgery) and there had to be a few hundred of them for every one that turned out to be something bad.  I think it would be a good project for you to start learning to trust that the doctors are not just guessing and they have a lot of experience and education; they are conservative rather than risk their career and their reputation, so if they tell you it's nothing to worry about, they know what they are talking about.  I have (had?) a lump that comes and goes but lately I have not felt it for a while.  I'm sure it's due to hormones because it is connected to the calendar, and I know that people can get cysts or just areas of tissue that respond to hormones or caffeine...  I also asked my doctor what mine was (a year or two ago) and he said he felt nothing... I believe it can't be too bad if the doctor doesn't even think it is there.

[sugarcookie]

I can feel lumps and bumps all over my breasts.  I always go for my yearly mammo.  All results have been b9.  Last  years was more stressful waiting for results.  I had felt all kinds of lumps plus they took an additional view of my right breast.  I was too nervous to ask why.  So, I left the breast center after having my breasts stretched and smashed flat as pancakes feeling worried.  My results were b9.  My letter usually says your mammo appears to be normal; return in one year.  Last one said:  Your mammo appears b9; follow-up in one year.  So, I'm thinking something new was seen, but they were certain it is b9.  Bet your lump is b9 too!

[hamsterswheel]

Thanks Ladies, really means a lot!

It is a little girl I have and she just means the world to me. I think becoming a mummy has increased my health anxiety tenfold!

Regarding the mri and benign liver cyst I do trust the consultant particularly as he investigated thoroughly with mri, plus I had all sorts of bloods for liver function. It just scared me so much when they saw it and started to make me paranoid about what else is going on in my body that I don't know about!

Since that I've had pains I've never experienced before particularly mid back pain, mostly right side. My gp said if there was anything on my back cancer wise it would have been picked up on the mri. Plus to be honest the pain started at the same time my stress levels went through the roof! I just wish like many of us I am sure that the pains would go away. The other thing I get is nausea all the time!

On the breast lump, it really is scary. The tenderness is also making me feel more stressed. Its good to hear so many people have cysts and B9 things. My HA says though, 'oh god, all of these ladies have had positive outcomes, that must mean I am going to be the one who has bad news'. See how messed up my head is at the moment!

I am waiting on cbt and my doc said she is going to push to get me seen quicker. I have found a good doc who talks through my anxiety and I also trust her. I understand too its her job to tell me if there was something she wasn't sure about. She said it defo feels like a cyst. Plus I've had a few bloods taken over last few months and all perfect. I said to my doc that I had heard that not all cancers are indicated on bloods and she said, that there is usually some indication that something is not right and even then the most common cancers usually are indicated somewhere.

But do you every just think 'but what if I am the one the get it wrong about'!

Thank you, all of the replies helo!!x

[Jeannddp]

Hi. I also have been diagnosed with fibrocystic breast disease. I know how you feel. During certain times of the month my breasts get very sorry and more lumpier than usual. At the moment I feel a fiberous bump that is very tender which is probably due to my hormones. Usually, but not always..lumps that are tender are usually benign.

Try to feel better!

[hamsterswheel]

I do notice it gets worse in terms of overall tenderness in the right breast nearer my period. This falre up tho started about 2weeks ago, my period I'd due in about 5 days. I'm wondering if that's why it feels even sorer. I guess though with all the stress and anxiety our hormones are all over the place anyway! I'm finding that when I bend forward it feels sorer too! I just so hope its going to be ok.This forum is a lifesaver. Just hope I can help others the way this helps me!

Does anyone else get pain round one side of their middle back? I don't know if its related to this cyst or gastritis!

I start back work tomorrow so hoping it will help take my mind off it!!

X

[Josie57]

I can totally relate to this.  I'm currently in an HA spiral (unexplained) that started with bc and then moved to lymphoma (that one is a first for me).  I'm always amazed at how much our thinking is similar albeit flawed.  I'm 41 with fibrocystic breasts and have not had a mammo because of the USPTF Guidelines that came out in Nov '09.  I've done a lot of research on the subject and feel that the risk may in fact outweigh the benefit for my age group (specifically the false-positive; false-negative anxiety).   I have a 3 1/2 yr old son whom I adore and I fear not being here for him as well.  In fact, having the small child + turning 40 has sent my HA into overdrive for nearly the last 2 yrs.  The truth is that at 30 you have an infinitesimal risk of being diagnosed with bc (unless you have the gene, and even then the risk is small).  I'm always heartened by the struggles we all share.  It makes me feel so much less alone. 

[hamsterswheel]

Aw Josie, thanks for that. I know it is amazing how many of us have the same fears. I do find it amazing though how we can all be objective and rational with others fears and yet when it comes to ourselves we think irrationally!

I just don't know how I will ever relax again about my health. I wasn't even worried about turning 30 but literally a week before it I went for my ultrasound scan for the gallstones and that was it, My stress went through the roof!

I do all sorts of crazy things now from examining my face for signs of yellowing to do with my liver, to feeling for lymph nodes [
Which I have only started as I see how so many people on this board worry about it], to looking down the toilet every time I got to the look, oh and coughing my phlem into a hankie to check for blood!!! Everything else tho always either comes and goes or doesn't even exist I.e the blood in spit but I still check 'just incase'.!!

But the breast thing is worrying me most at moment as there is an actual lump and I worry that the pain in my back means it has spread!?!

[tryingtoheal]

When something turns up that needs to be investigated, no matter how probable (very) that the outcome will be fine, it just SUCKS. I don't know how those with HA cope with it, I don't know how I'm coping with it (very, very badly). But I'm turning 43 and I have had unbelievably good luck with my actual health. Makes HA all the sadder, really. I have NEVER had anything remotely seriously wrong with me. I almost never get sick. Never had appendicitis, tonsillitis, whatever. I HAVE had tons of surgery for skin grafts, but I always knew that was external.

But as we get older, as Josie57 pointed out, almost every single one of us is going to have to undergo tests/investigations for something. So we HAVE to figure out how to deal with that, preferably now.

My daughter is my world, too. Not the only thing I live for, but the biggest. I love her so, so much. My HA mushroomed after she was born, too. Dont' even get me started on how hysterical I get when she gets sick!

I don't know how to get any of us through THE WAIT. I wish I thought it would bring us closer to healing, going through this. Mostly, I've just found it unbearably exhausting. I just want to curl up with a book and rest. It's completely draining. Try to give yourself a big, fat, huge reward if you possibly can as you go through this. Sometimes good old pleasure helps me. If I can laugh at something, anything, that can relieve tension, too; I sometimes forget this. Sex does it, too.

[Jeannddp]

The last post that you wrote Hampsterwheel fits me to a tee. Hope that helps you that I'm the same exact way. Ive got the same exact problems and feelings and I'm sure many other people feel the same way.

Try to keep busy sweetie. I kept  busy today dechristmasfying the house and tomorrow I'm making returns at the mall. Keeping busy will make you feel better. Go out with a friend tomorrow and destress.

BTW, if you have small breasts you are more apt to have more glandular breasts, so you'll feel every bump and lump!