I miss being free.

[CamsConcerns]

I miss the time when I could be a happy little kid and play outside and not have a care or a worry in the world.

I miss watching a tv show where a character dies of a disease and I never think of it happening to me.

I miss getting drunk with my young friends and being silly apathetic teenagers.

I miss thinking that being drug-free was all I needed to live a long healthy life when I know that sober people die, too.

I miss feeling normal, healthy, and not worrying about some rare disease like a subarachnoid hemmorage or a brain tumor or a blood clot or a heart attack suddenly pulling me out of existence.

I need someone's help and I don't really know what to do anymore. I think I'm at my wits end and I'm so scared to die I honestly don't know how to live.

I know I'm being really dramatic, but I need someone to tell me what to do.

[renaed]

ugh-i relate.

meds can help.....i need to go back on them....((((hugs))))

[benefit]

Awe, I hear you... I wish  I had the answers. It's funny to joke about hypochondria, but no one else really knows what its like to live with.  How scary and isolating it is.  Zoloft helps me some.. so does distraction, but every couple months I get sucked back in.  Try to seek help in whatever form you can afford, is really the only advice I have to give. I hope you get some comfort on this board.

[hkov]

hi ladies - yearly mammo next week.  So over the edge.  I'm sure I'm going to be diagnosed with CA.  Every freakin time I go somewhere to get checked or to the Drs IM SURE I'm going to be diagnosed.  I can't stand it anymore.  I give in to living like this forever.

[plomeli]

Wow, I think I could have wrtten this myself!!!! I often find myself thinking that the people around me are so lucky because they don't have to deal with thinking that they are dying!!! I so envy old people to how lucky are they to be alive!!! I wish I had the answers also because....I'm not living I'm like a prisoner on death row.

[Wanderer33]

I can completely relate. I had a stupid palm reader tell me I'd die at 65 and even though tons of people have told me it's bogus it's been incredibly hard to shake the anxiety about it. Sometimes I look at people past that age and think, 0534, maybe I'll never get there.

What has been helping me is a combination of psychotherapy, effexor, and always reminding myself that this is not me. That I am not thinking like my normal self. That it is an actual medical mental illness and that just like any other illness it will eventually go away. Hope is a very powerful tool.

[ClassicNerd]

CamsConcerns - I was just thinking about how much I missed all of those things today. I seem to know so much weird information about strange symptoms and diseases that I really cannot stop thinking about diseases simply by ignoring google. I have a fear of growing old and getting feeble/dying, and then I get worried I'm wasting the best years of my life on this junk. I'm so scared of death...I feel like such a bloody coward. I wish I could tell you how to beat this, but the best I can do is empathize and tell you what has worked for me so far:

Although staying off of google will not cure the problem it will make things better. Resist the urge to check your symptoms. Also, try and find time for at least two hours every day to do something you truly enjoy, whether it's reading a book, going for a bike ride, or visiting a friend. I find getting out of the house to be very helpful. Benefit mentioned distraction - distraction can work wonders. I often distract myself when things get to be too much by exercising or engaging in a favorite hobby. I've heard CBT helps but I'm still trying to get in to see a therapist.

Plomeli - I love your analogy about being a prisoner on death row. I often  compare my feelings with being on death row and have even joked that my body is a prison.

[LindaRK]

I agree with ClassicNerd - stay away from Googling your symptoms.  Keep yourself busy - get a hobby, take a walk - get involved!  Don't look back on your life wishing for all the things you gave up.

Wanderer33 - good grief!!! As much as I would LOVE to have someone read my palms, there is no way in H I would do that.  That would be an anxiety sufferer's nightmare.  I think it's important that we "pick and choose" what we do with our thoughts and actions.

I think it's important to not try and control our anxiety.  We get so caught up in trying to banish the thoughts - trying to keep them away, it makes it worse.  We have to accept that, right now, this is who we are and let it go at that. It takes work and patience, but when I stop getting so caught up with any given symptom I'm able to get through it alot easier.

[ClassicNerd]

Wanderer33 - a couple of palm readers told me that palm readings are very transient. Interpretation can differ from one reader to the next, and your palms are always changing. When someone reads your palms apparently they are reading your future according to your actions thus far, and can very easily change in the future. So if you went back to that palm reader today, she could have a totally different reading of your palm since the things you've been doing since your last reading have probably changed your future somewhat. I've also been told it is impossible to predict exact things like "you will die at age 65" or "you will marry at the age of 27." It's all very general stuff.

Not that I believe in psychics or palm reading. I am very interested in the art of palm reading and psychic readings. I think it has a lot to do with intuitive guessing (ie. if someone is not wearing a wedding ring and obviously putting a lot of effort into the way they look, you can bet your bottom dollar they're looking to attract some attention from the opposite sex - it's a generalization that isn't always true but it works in most cases).

So, please don't put much stock into what these "mystics" read. Just a little ancedote: I was once at a birthday party for a friend when I was younger and her mother hired a psychic. My mother came by and was chatting (as usual) to all of the other mothers. We had just moved and I was obviously feeling very out of place. I noticed the psychic watching me, and having conversations with my mother where he was gleaning a lot of seemingly insignificant information. Well, when my mom got a psychic reading she was shocked when he told her I was not happy with the move and the transition had been rough for the family. When I pointed out how he'd come by this information, he got really cross with me, and all of the other people who'd had psychic readings suddenly recalled information they may have revealed that assisted in the reading they received. Needless to say, that psychic flat-out refused to come to my birthday party (my mom's idea, not mine!) 

[talkalot]

  I can relate
I have two kids  my youngest just turned 6 months and I feel they get the short end of the stick with me as a mom.  I love them to death but i dont leaave much and I can't drive alone  my husband travels out of state a lot during each month.  Not sure how to do this  All i can say fo ryou is one day at a time and start with small short steps  keeping a positive attitude and find friends that motivate u on here helps.

[caco47]

I agree.  I remember being normal and that's what the hardest part is.  I just want that time back.