Commitment phobia?

[cutiekrb]

I have just realized that I suffer from severe commitment phobia.  A little bit of background info.-I lost my mom when I was 15 (12 days before my 16 birthday actually).  I never grieved and barely even cried over the loss.  During my brief research on commitment phobia I discovered that one of the biggest causes is loss of a loved one at a young age.  Even though I don't consciously realize it, I feel as though I have a very deep rooted fear of losing the people that I love.  Looking back at past relationships, I have never been in a remotely serious relationship.  I have been with guys who were unavailable, who I knew I didn't care for, and who I knew I had no future with.  Finally, I am in a relationship with a man whom I love deeply and who I know is meant for me.  We've been friends for years and our friendship just developed into a relationship.  The problem is, recently I am terrified to be around him.  I am unconsciously trying to sabotage our relationship.  I get all sorts of anxiety symptoms when we're together and I can't even think about our future together without having a full blown panic attack.  I am very frustrated by the whole situation because I feel that I am slowly ruining the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I am hurting him and I hate that.  I stayed home from work today and am spending the morning trying to find a therapist that can help me.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with this problem and if so, what did you do in order to work through your fear and sustain a happy, healthy relationship?

[apple]

I have not dealt with this particular problem, however I did have to inform my boyfriend of my anxiety before we moved in together.  I was terrified he would change his mind and run.  Actually I went in depth of the severity and medications.  He still wanted to be with me, altho he did say later he really had no idea what I had tried to tell him.  He is still with me today.  We just got married and are still working thru my anxiety today.

You need to tell him about your anxiety, and how its effecting how you are with him now that things have moved past friendship, and why you believe it is happening, and that you are looking for help.  Its really hard to do but so important.  Then he is not left assuming your reactions to be his fault or that the relationship will not work.  You may even find he feels special and is willing to help you thru this.

Glad your looking for help.  hope we can also help you thru this also.