Just when you think someone understands.....

[SadDucky]

The other night me and my boyfriend got into a huge fight. He put me down as a person because my anxiety is so bad that I rarely leave the house. I have gotten a lot better. As of recent I have gone shopping, driving and I even made it into my doctors appointment. To me this was all HUGE accomplishments since I've been home bound the last 2 1/2 months. Now he tore it all down.

To make it worse he played the guilty trip saying if I loved him I would have been by his side while he had his endoscopy done. My number one fear is doctors and medical tests/facilities.... followed by elevators and he was on the 6th floor. He was only gone for a few hours. Just picking him up and dropping him off gave me full blown panic attacks.

After our fight I literally locked myself in the bathroom on the floor crying. I eventually took an ativan and passed out on the floor. I don't think he understands how proud I was of the progress I was making and not understanding how embarrassing this is to me anyways. I know its not normal and I wish I could help it. I don't CHOOSE to suffer. I don't want to always feel this way. I use to be fearless... now I'm scared of what seems like everything. It sucks.

Now I feel like whatever little bit of support I had is gone and I feel even more isolated. Sorry I just had to vent to someone who might understand

[#1 hypochondriac]

I understand totally and I'm sorry you are put in this position. I know what it's like mostly because I have issues with people shooting down everything I'm trying to do to overcome my HA. It's very hard to be around people who do not have the same issues as you do..and they simply cannot relate. Does he have any idea how bad he made you feel? if not you should tell him..and if he's a good husband/boyfriend then he well understand. I hope it gets easier for you.

[Grandma]

Oh honey I am so sorry that this happened to you.  Try to remember that as much as it hurts, and as unfair as it is, this does not in any way diminish the enormous gains you have made.

Is your boyfriend usually like this or was this just a very bad night for a good man?  Is your relationship marked by fights and misunderstandings, or do you usually communicate well?

If your relationship is strong, and the good in it far outweighs the bad, then I suggest that you consider couples counseling so that your boyfriend can learn more about what you are going through and you can both learn to communicate better.  It can't be easy for people to live with us, but that never justifies cruelty.

However, if this is typical behavior for your boyfriend, then I think you need to evaluate whether he is someone who should be in your life.

No matter what, though - you are still a strong person, a fighter, someone who has accomplished so much.  Don't let anyone or anything take your hard earned and well deserved feelings of accomplishment away from you.

[jthami03]

good for you; forget him.

if he had the slightest idea of the hell you are facing daily with this problem, he'd break down in tears.

so if I were you, I wouldn't even take his opinion seriously. his words and thoughts are irrelevant, because he's not a doc, he's not a psychologist, and he definitiely doesn't understand.

F that.

[SadDucky]

Thanks everyone. I guess the hardest part is he has always been my support since I started having these feeling back in September and for someone to go from being so patient and understanding to ripping you down was really hard. I put him and his stuff to the curb. If I'm going to suffer I'm going to do it without somebody telling me I am a bad person for it!!

[crazygirl1]

I"m so sorry. I know how this feels, my husband is quite like yoru boyfriend. People who dont suffer like we do just don't understand.
Grandma says it just right-please re-evaluate if he's someone who should be in your life.

[floridaguy65]

It truly is very difficult for those outside the realm of anxiety to fully understand how these disorders can become such a dominating factor in our lives, at times. With these type issues, there is, often, a tremendous amount of assumption from others...which is generally incorrect. They assume we can, simply, "snap out of it", if we REALLY wanted to. They assume that our "aches" and "pains" are just in our heads...we can't actually be feeling ALL these things. They assume we don't really want to be a productive member of society and we are coping out (on this relationship, too) somehow. Frustrating, I know. We can only hope that we can get "more acceptable" treatment from our significant others and leave all those assumptions to those who really don't matter much in our lives. I would imagine it has to be frustrating for our caring partners (or potential partners), as well, that they can't get into our heads and see where we are coming from with our actions, insecurities, needs and wants. Simply, getting older helps too, often...you can realize from experience what you actually do need and expect in a partner. Finding a mate, a soulmate, is tough for most as it is. But compound that with an anxiety disorder and it can be a fickle affair, for sure:) Sometimes, we simply have to become more "whole" ourselves and be in a good place in life for us to be able to be with another. But, never should we be in a position in life where we are being made to feel that we are a "lesser" person for our struggles with these disorders...that is simply unacceptable, IMHO. Be compassionate with yourself. Affirm you have a lot to give (and will have even MORE to give in the future) to someone who can return this compassion you will afford yourself:) Above all, you can't allow the positive momentum you have gained in your healing process to be diminished by another's callous words and actions. Hold on tight to your successes they are golden and they are YOURS! Keep on keeping on and the shining light will find you...settle for no less:) Feel Well:)

[Clarity]

I know how it is to live with a partner that is for the most part understanding, but certain moments patience is lost and hurtful things come out.  I wish everyday I could stop being so anxious and experience fear being in public places.  Working is so hard and I am still learning coping mechanisms like being on this forum to help me though.  Keep your chin up it does get better.  Believe in yourself your boyfriend is only human and will make mistakes but also be aware of constant put downs.  Never take abuse from anyone. 

[rayandrae]

I understand your vulnerability. My hubby is the best husband ever, but he has had times where he gets frustrated. Not with me per se, but more the heavier load he sometimes has to carry.

People who have not experienced it don't know. They do not understand that the same fear they feel when they are faced with an incoming car, is the same feeling you can experience many times a day. I find that analogy helpful for people sometimes.

You are certainly not alone. We tend to be sensitive, and people who fear vulnerability due to the sensitivity. Cherish your sensitivity, it likely helps to make you a beautiful person my friend.