i have been panicked over the start of new classes (in high school) this past week..I had sudden attacks of strong anxiety over the small change of a new trimester, after a relatively peaceful thanksgiving break. basically been in an anxiety fog ever since Monday morning, almost unaware and out of control of whats happening. after the traumatic week of being in panic mode, like 24/7, it finally ended, the weekend started. yet i t ends u like the light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be just another trick. the weekend isnt as bad as being in school, but i just feel out of it again, and unable to be myself.
the worst part of this, whats been happening, is how i feel around my family. i want to feel normal, how i used to be, and be at least in the realm of my family. but i feel disconnected when im around them, its such a horrible feeling. now that im sitting in front of the computer in my "comfort zone" at 12:00, i desire so much to connect with them again. but at the moments when im with them (my parents and sister), i get anxiety symptoms that can get unbearable. I feel great remorse during these kind of moments, when i look back on the day and i actually feel in the right mind. but i lose the sense of "right mind" when i wake up the next day with a new symptom. i cant stand the cycle.
I feel so overwhelmed, i dont know what to do, i love my family deep down but when around them i feel out of it. Sometimes I want to tell them sorry for everything, all the ***** that Ive caused with my disorder. this anxiety causes me to lose all my intentions in life, all i ever wanted.
I just dont know anymore, ive had this severe shitt for two years now, and what i wrote above, has probably happened many times. every start of a new trimester, probably is always like this. ITS JUST HELL. ARGhhhhhhh