Is this OCD? Am I just weird? It's hard to live like this.

[yanakou]

This isn't anything new and usually I just deal with it, but I'm going through a rough relationship right now so I feel like it's getting worse.

My problem is I can't talk to anyone about my problems, haha. I believe that if I talk to someone about my problems, then the situation will get worse or if it could be fixed, then it won't be. But it's not just talking, this is a constant battle in my mind. Like if I drop a small piece of paper and I turn to walk away, I can't because a thought will pop into my head such as "If I don't pick up that piece of paper, he'll stop loving me." Or if I leave a door open and go to my room, a thought will pop into my head again "If I don't close the door, ____ will happen." The thoughts vary from someone dying to my future falling apart. It's usually about what's going on in my life at the moment. It's so hard, because I can't enjoy anything. If I'm watching TV, I'll get a thought "If you change the channel, everything will work out." If I'm walking my dog, closing the door, buying something, at the store, it's just endless. "If I use the blue straw, then ___ will happen." "If I don't wash this dish right away ____ will happen." "If I don't press this button at this moment when I'm playing this video game ___ will happen." I really suck at explaining this, haha. I'm just so tired, it's draining me. 

Oh! Like I said, I'm going through a rough relationship right now, right? So I was watching a TV show on my computer and I thought to myself "If I watch it from beginning to end without fast forwarding it or moving, then he'll love me again." and two minutes before the show ends ... my computer freezes and I have to restart it  . I literally felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I mean... ugh. Did it REALLY have to freeze?! I felt like I was drowning in my own depression at that moment.

I'm anxious all the time, too. If someone is late, if someone doesn't call me, if I don't know what's going on. It's so frustrating and this is the first time I've actually written/talked to anyone about it because I literally feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

So... is this just me being weird? Or is it some sort of OCD... or.. am I just an idiot. 

[Sugarpeeps]

I am not big on long posts, but I thought I should reply to this, short and sweet though, I have moderate to severe OCD and I have the type of thoughts you describe almost hourly sometimes, but certainly daily.  Have you talked to a doctor at all?