Can someone please explain what I'm supposed to do? (anxiety/xanax)

[angier29]

I suffer from anxiety and insomnia (most of my anxiety relates to lack of sleep). I have been on Remeron for 8 years, Ambien for 4 years, and Xanax .5mg BID for about a year and a half.  Although life has not been a picnic over the last 8 years, I was able to recover more or less from every moderate-serious anxiety situation in the course of a few weeks.  During the last year up to the summer, I was feeling ok enough to fill my Xanax but go weeks without using it.  I was also using the Ambien less, and I was feeling good enough to work out a lot and stay active.

A month and a half ago, I lost out on a job opportunity that was both promised to me and that was very flexible with respect to my anxiety and insomnia.  This has triggered a bout of severe and sustained anxiety and insomnia, and I have no clue as how to cope with this.  I went to the doc and explained that I was now feeling severe anxiety during the day (whereas before it was mostly around night time relating to my insomnia) and that perhaps raising my Xanax to 3x .5 was a good idea.  Instead, I receieved a sanctimonious lecture about the dangers of Xanax and that he wants to stop even the 2x .5 prescription.  After the vist, I went home and threw up a bunch of times.  The two weeks since my visit, I've: slept an average of 2.5 hours a night, started drinking during the day to cope with the fear of sleeping 2.5 hours the next night, eating 2 half meals a day, using extra Xanax that I've had saved up, basically every thing you are not supposed to be doing to cope with severe anxiety.

But what the hell am I supposed to do?  Not a minute passes now that I'm not afraid, not on the verge of throwing up, not eating, not sleeping and there's no sign that it's going to get better.  It hasn't been a few days.  It's been 7 weeks.  Although I am dependent on my medications, I have had no problem in the past tapering when I've felt halfway decent, but is now the time to taper when I am going through the worst time of my life?  Xanax helps my anxiety attacks, gives me some appetite back, makes a few hours of my day tolerable.  The fear of not having anxiety medication is the number one source of my anxiety right now!  Can someone please explain what I'm supposed to do now?  Hospital?  New doctor?  I can understand that there are warning flags all over this post, but what is the actual alternative for me?  How long can I not eat, not sleep, when there are medications that can help me through this period?  My confidence that I will ever feel ok again is falling to zero.

[mgray]

First of all if I was in your shoes....which I have been in before..... I would go to another doctor. I would explain the severe anxiety and insomnia to the new doc. There are other meds you can take during the day. A month ago I started Buspar for my anxiety...it is not a benzo and it takes time to work, but it has made a difference. I also have clonazepam (benzo) that I take daily and I have xanax for panic attacks only. Yes the xanax and clonazepam are addictive but we need these meds to function. Drinking is not going to help but I can understand why you are. Go to another doctor...maybe a psychiatrist who can prescribe the right meds for you and help you gain some coping techniques. The meds will do their part but we have to do our part to. Right now you sound like you are in crisis....and I can understand that. You need your meds so you can learn some other coping skills. You do need sleep the less you sleep the more anxious yu become so something needs to change here. Please keep us posted and good luck to you!

[Mythreegirls]

I have been there too. I'm sure you go through every day like a zombie and exercise is the last thing you feel like you have strength to do. But if you can get some fresh air and exercise. Just go for a walk, rake some leaves, anything, it might help you sleep. Read anything by Claire Weekes!

[mgray]

I am reading CLaire Weeks and wow it does give you a lot of insight into what is happening.