Anxiety Disoder Relapse (?)

[MsPacManCrunchingDots]

New here. I struggled with PTSD and anxiety disorder for many years. I was on every medication known to the psychiatric community. Was recommended that I get ECT, but thankfully didn't do it. I finally determined that the multitude of medications was actually exacerbating my symptoms and stopped taking them altogether over 3 years ago. Since then, my life has been wonderful. My moods have been stable, almost no anxiety attacks, agoraphobis, self-injury. Nothing. But recently over the past 5 months or so I've had increasing anxiety, panic attacks, and most recently depression. Disturbing nightmares, which I'm pretty used to, but nonetheless disturbing. Trouble sleeping. You all know the drill. So I started taking a very low dose of Xanax...reluctantly. I really feel that psychotropic medications ruined my life for several years, but with the return of my anxiety symptoms, depression, flashbacks, etc, I don't really know what else to do. I was just getting my life on track, and TADA!, relapse. I'm just really worried about slipping back into the dark place I lived for so long.

Thanks for listening.

[popeye]

tough call here.low dose of xanax should not harm you one little bit.help you get over this hump,no need to suffer.could be you suffer from some health anxiety. a visit to your shrink could be in order

[constantmover]

I don't want to be indelicate but are you in the age group between late 30s to 50?  If so, it could be that you are going through perimenopause or menopause.  If that is the case, it can really mess with your psyche especially if you have had anxiety issues in the past.  Even if this isn't the case, anxiety symptoms for those who have a long history with them, can disappear and then come back after years of almost feeling invincible.  I know, it happened to me.  The short term benzos may have been difficult for you if you were not using them as they are meant to be used, for the short term and sometimes in addition with other medication.  I know it is hard to get off them but for short term use, they can be life savers. 

I have to agree with popeye on this one.  A trip to the psychiatrist may be in order.  I don't know what city you live in and how easy it is to find a psychiatrist, but if you had one in the past, I'm sure you would be able to call his/her office and see if you could get an appointment.  A psychiatrist is really the best person to see regarding the proper way to address what appears to be the return of your disorder.  Nip this as soon as possible because you know what it is like going down that road and if you can avoid it, to some extent, it sure would be nice, especially the depression part of it.  Anxiety is tough enough to deal with without the addition of depression.  Taking a benzo occasionally will not address depression.  Benzos are for anxiety.  If your depression is only because of the anxiety then you could be fine if taken just as needed for a brief time, but if your depression is part and parcel of the anxiety, then you are going to need something other than a benzo to help you through the touch times.  Fighting something like this without the help of medication is doable, but it is much harder when there are so many factors involved. 

Definitely a trip to the psychiatrist would be my recommendation.  Good luck and please follow up with what you decide to do.

[MsPacManCrunchingDots]

Thank you both. I'm 28. I sure hope it isn't perimenipause already. I was sure hoping to have a kid someday. I do have a psychiatrist, which is how I got the Xanax. When I last went to her I wasn't feeling depressed, or even as anxious as I do now. I have an appointment in a little less than a month, and I'm planning to tell her about it. I'm just concerned she'll put me back on anti-depressants. I refuse to do that again because of what it did to my life. I'm just worried because it's so easy to slip back into depression. It's almost a comfortable place for me. I've felt that way so much of my life, it's almost like I fall in love with my own sadness. I never wanted to. I certainly don't want it now. My life's been really cool during the time I've been "alive" since coming off meds. I don't want to lose that again. I'm trying to just keep living my life the way I have been up until now. I'm continuing to exercise, go to social things w/ my friends, etc. But, I'm spending a lot more time lately isolating. I slept almost my entire weekend, and of course I feel awful about it. Such a waste. I don't know why I'm feeling so depressed. Nothing major has happened in my life lately. I never like this time of year much; less daylight, colder weather, etc. But it feels like a lot more than that. It's very heavy, and awfully familiar. Due to anxiety? I don't very much think so, but it's so difficult to tell which direction emotion comes from.

[constantmover]

Well, I guess we can rule out perimenopause...LOL  28 is a little young for that. 

OK, so let's assess.  You say you don't want to go on antidepressants because once off, you felt they seriously effected your life in a negative way.  I understand how you feel having tried many myself and even when I did find one that seem to work for me, I found once off that I seemed more alive...more emotion, happy and sad.  Having said that, I'm betting she may want you to consider an antidepressant.  Alternatively, she may consider something other than an SSRI or one of the other typical antidepressants and opt for a beta blocker.  Beta blockers have shown to be very successful with people who have stage fright or do public speaking and general anxiety issues. In the past three years there have been other medications that have come along and have proven to be successful with both depression and anxiety, so don't completely rule medication out especially if it is, as you say, that you kind of feel some comfort in depression.  That isn't really a healthy state.  You may be able to get away with just some talk therapy but please go into your session with your psychiatrist with an open mind. 

I'll be honest, I'm having a bit of a tough time myself right now and I think it is related to two things.  One is that I definitely do have more anxiety when there is a climate and time change.  The other is that my sister died two years ago on November 26th and that date is coming up.  Knowing these things and understand that they may have an effect on how I feel is something that I do struggle with, but at least I am aware of why I feel this way at this time of the year.  Maybe for you, the weather and darkness right now is intensifying your anxiety more that you think.  Weather can definitely be a trigger for many people.