Handling Frustration

[NightOwl]

Anyone have any tips on how to not take out anxiety/depression on others?  I am so unhappy a lot of times and I do not know how to handle it, so I am a jerk to people.  I don't want to be that way, but honestly I don't know how else to react to certain things. A lot of times when my gf has something come up I get mad at her as if it is ehr fault.  And I get very mad and annoyed over the slightest things my parents do.  Of course that may be because at 30, I sure should NOT be living with my parents to begin with, so it may be nature telling me to find a way out of here.  I also don't even know how to enjoy things, so I think I somehow get nervous, annoyed, or mad when others are having fun.  I don't know... I wish I could relax and just enjoy things and not mistreat others.

[ocdengineer]

Taking care of yourself first is the only way.  I noticed that with the birth of my daughter I found myself stressed out big time.  I noticed I was snappy with my wife and that I could hardly find the time or energy to play with my daughter.  This destroyed me.  I wanted so much to be a good father and husband but always felt sick and when I felt sick I was usually grumpy as a result.  I finally after nearly a life time of anxiety decided to try anti-anxiety meds and Xanax helped me a lot.  I also meditate daily, in fact I am going to meditate in a few minutes.  I exercise regularly, eat well etc.  I also avoid all drugs including alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine.  These all make anxiety worse.  I think the first step is to do everything you can do to reduces stress in your life; get out of your parents house, start meditating, begin your own life.  Eat better and practice some sort of relaxation technique.  www.buddhanet.net is a good place for meditation info and mindfulness info both which will help you.  Anyway, once you have made all those life changes and you still have anxiety issues, then find and anxiety disorder specialist nearby and get diagnosed and maybe find some medication that will help.

I wish you luck,
OE

[Meatball Jones]

The thing you said about not knowing how to enjoy things really hit home to me. I too feel that way and i almost get mad or jealous seeing people enjoying things.. I'm such a mean, realist sometimes... i think things are silly or stupid and then get mad inside when other people have fun with it... I just wish I could get over myself! I just want to sit back and relax and enjoy things!

[NightOwl]

Yeah, like at concerts I don't get into them.  If my dad is having fun in the car changing words to some song, I get annoyed.  I don't know if it's because I have been around him so many years or if I truly am jealous he feels good.  It's hard when my parents act like I can easily change also.

OE, I never seem to find a therapist specializing in anxiety disorders.  Although my current one has helped a lot.  She doesn't exactly use CBT though.  So I don't know what to do.  And getting out on my own is a double-edged sword.  It would add a lot of anxiety I assume.  So I don't know what to do to be able to do that either.  This is all so frustrating.

[ocdengineer]

Nightowl,

Not sure where you are in Memphis, but here is a good place to start:

http://www.anxietytreatmentcenter.net/meet.html

If they can't help you find someone then Google Psychiatrists in Memphis, TN and make a couple phone calls.  Ask about CBT and meditation and make sure that the doctor you choose is going to help you.  I would even try to get them to talk with you on the phone to ensure they are going to help you.

Good luck,
OE

[NightOwl]

Thanks.  I think that is most likely the place that my mom found out about a while back.  But if I understood it properly, exposure therapy is used.  I don't think CBT was something used there, although maybe it is also. 

My problem is I get so depressed and already hate the phone to begin with, so it's hard to make myself do what I need to do to find someone.  Hopefully I will be able to force myself to do it.  Now today I argued with several people yet again.  It's an endless cycle where I feel mistreated and also I take out my anxiety and depression on people also. 

[cognitivejunky]

If you take it out on others, it is a good start that you recognize it. I did/do the same and what has helped a little it letting them know I can tell afterward, and that I am sorry, I now understand that I was reacting to something other than them. This helps to alleviate feelings of guilt at having done so, and makes me feel better at having addressed a perceived stressor. Ultimately it makes me want to address that primary stressor, and not having that guilt makes me feel better about exploring those waters and finding it, instead of letting that guilt make me want to avoid those I fear taking it out on.

However, those some steps, like getting out of the rents house, may cause anxiety; no amount of "healing" is goin to be had with experiencing some anxiety.

For me that is a must for me to accept in order to continue actively making strides to cope. I have to understand that avoiding that anxiety is only going to build anxiety, but facing that anxiety with some resolve is honestly the only way to alleviate it in a healthy and productive fashion.... Such things as meditating like OE said are key steps to gaining acceptance, awareness, and comfort with one's anxiety. And by doing so, you might be more apt to face those anxieties in order to make them go away.

You can go through fear control or danger control... take your pick.

Fear control being avoiding the situations because they DO make you uncomfortable.

And danger control being active steps to decrease the possibility of those situations and subsequently, fears.

Head them (anxiety) off at the pass, or let them just slide their way to victory... the choice is yours.

Hope you can start working to win that race, I know you can.

Peace and Love,

Cognitive Junky

[NightOwl]

Thanks for taking the time to write all of that.  I do agree with it.  I guess I am just scared I "can't" do it.  I am scared I will have so much anxiety that I would get dizzy and not be able to do it.  I keep trying to keep myself comfortable, but obviously there are so many things I can't avoid which upset me.  I know facing it is the only way to truly get better, but I guess I am not sure if I can do it yet.