Starting a new job on Monday - Nervous!

[Lanie]

So I got a new job and I'm starting on Monday. After a very long (and stressful) interview process (2 phone interviews, HR interview and tests, and 2 in-person interviews), I snagged the job. My future co-workers invited me to one of their meetings this week in order to get to know everyone better before I officially start. It was a very warm welcome and everyone seemed really excited to have me on board. I wasn't even as socially awkward as I thought I'd be, though I did ask a couple of newbie questions which were totally standard and yet I feel like such a newbie/idiot/weirdo for asking them...(one was about the dress code and the other was about lunch hour/cafeteria options at the company)

I am SO nervous and anxious that I don't know what to do with myself. I have been going over my notes from the interviews and the meeting in order to freshen up on the tasks expected of me and what the office environment will be like. I won't have office space yet and for the first few days a girl will be training me (essentially giving me her old workload, which will now be mine). I feel really awkward and bad for having to take up so much of her time to train me, though I know it's completely expected of her and she probably doesn't mind.

I plan on coming into work on time, being polite to everyone I meet, and taking lots of notes and asking lots of questions regarding how to do my job properly - basically trying to be the ideal new worker for the organization. But I just can't shake this feeling I'll be a burden to everyone around me. That no one will like me because I'm new and need to ask lots of questions in order to learn my role better. It's also a "role-in-progress" so I was told many of my job responsibilities weren't properly defined yet and I needed to be flexible. For some reason, I'm really afraid I will completely mess this up. That everyone will think I'm incompetent and clueless and that I was a waste of a new hire =(

I hope this makes sense. Has anyone ever felt this way as a new employee? How did you handle it? I can't believe I start 2 days from now, and I am literally trying to hang onto these last few free days before I start...just trying to hold onto time as much as I can. I'm both excited for and dreading this job at the same time

[Warbirdwf]

First of all, everyone including non-anxious folks are nervous starting a new job. That's totally normal. Stop having the "what if" conversation with yourself. It's totally useless and of no value. Focus on the positives of the new job instead. It's normal for new  employees to have to have some new mentoring.

Enjoy the new job and have fun!

[thinker247]

Hey Lanie,
You are going through a very similar experience that I have been going through myself lately. I have just started getting back into the workforce lately and I can tell you that I am constantly concerned about the evaluation people will have of me. It's a symptom of social anxiety (I believe) and it is very annoying and very persistent. However, I can tell you that compared to when I got my first real job a few years back, I am a lot more comfortable in the professional setting and I can deal with the pressure much better now. It still bothers me, but it's better. Now, I don't know if this is your first "big job", but it sounds like it might be and, I think that as you said, part of your anxiety is excitement. Knowing that, I think that you have to go with this anxiety and let it project you, move you, motivate you into this exciting and motivational experience that you are about to embark upon. I hope this helps because I really fear for you. Some days I show up late to work because I can't stand to be so anxious there unless absolutely necessary. My situation is different, though because I'm in a temp job that doesn't tap my potential at all. Anyway, I believe you will do fine once you are there and in the moment. In the mean time, distract yourself and prepare accordingly. Good luck!

[constantmover]

The emotions you are feeling are completely normal and I really mean normal. Everyone feels the way you do on their first day of a new job, hell it can last for months with some people.  You know and I know that they don't expect you to walk into the job knowing it all.  That is why they will have someone to ease you through the process.  Don't be afraid to ask tonnes of questions even if you think they may sound stupid.  The person who asks lots of questions, learns the most.  I have a daughter who has been very successful in her career and has just made another switch.  She has always asked tonnes of questions and felt like a complete idiot at times (so she tells me), but in the long run, she has always become one of the top performers and that is because she was willing to ask the potentially dumb questions that others wouldn't because of feeling like an idiot. 

You will do fine.  Starting a new job is nerve-wracking but also very exciting.  Use that energy to help you learn and immerse yourself into the job.  It sound like the employer isn't exactly sure about all aspects of the new position, so they will be kind of dumb about it too.  That could work to your benefit.  You may actually come across as a genius because some of the questions you ask they may not have even thought of yet.  So, take the opportunity to listen, learn and enjoy.  Being a part of an new concept (new position) can really help your career move forward. 

Good luck and make sure you arrive on time, with a smile on your face and wearing something that makes you feel good because if you look good, sometimes it helps you to feel good too.

[ShineyPenny]

Ever "new guy/woman" is going to have some type of burden on the more experienced people- it's expected and they've done the same thing.

Know this- What you feel is normal, don't stress it.  They were in your position when they got hired.

[Lanie]

Thank you so much for your responses I did see most of them before I went into work today and they were definitely a mood booster. I appreciate it!

So today was my first day. It was A TON of notetaking. I don't think I've ever taken so many notes in my entire life in one sitting. It was very hard to remember everything though...can't tell you how many times I mixed up the information with people (okay, not that much but still! lol) The organization I now work for is incredibly busy...so many projects and people and e-mails coming in and out of the office. Lots of people work there and there are actually hiring a bunch of new people soon. Things are always changing (even during the day, things were getting moved around and it was hard for me to keep up). The girl training me was SO NICE and helpful. She introduced me to people, showed me around the office and surrounding buildings, and sat patiently as I wrote everything down. She even told me she expected that I ask the same question 50 times and to get things mixed up. She said it took her a long time to get up to speed with everything, and luckily she would be around for many more months to help me with anything I needed.

My fellow co-workers and bosses were also very friendly and helpful. There were a couple of new people (2 months so far at the company) who told me they were still learning and working out their job responsibilities. The entire company is re-organizing so it's widely known that everyone is stressed and trying to get their changing roles down...so I'm not alone Even though I still have anxiety and fear about the job, I do feel a little better about it. I just have a lot of social anxiety issues to work out...and I'm still a bit of a perfectionist. I need to let that go though and take it easy

My head is swirling so much that I can't even look at my notes right now...and my co-workers actually told me not to. "Enjoy your evening! Take it easy, you'll do great here! Don't worry We were all you at some point." So I think I will take a nice long bath, drinking a beer, and go to bed early tonight to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Thank you again for the kind words and support, I really appreciate it 

[Lanie]

I wish I could hold onto those happy feelings I felt a few days ago

Tues and Weds were much more difficult. Today I have the day off because of Veteran's Day. I have been worried about this job on and off ever since I started interviewing for it. There were a few things that didn't sit right with me but I kept pushing them to the side because I needed to take whatever job I could get. My mom was pressuring me for money to help pay the rent...so I took the job despite all my misgivings.

Well, the people there are so nice and helpful...They treat you like you are part of the team, not a 9-5 slave. Things don't seem too stressful there for now. But...I don't think I can do this job. It's too administrative for me. It's not really fulfilling. Not to mention the fact that what seemed to be easy is actually pretty hard. There are so many different ways to do things, according to the situation and paperwork that needs to be done. I take a lot of notes but I go home confused by it all. The girl training me is nice but yesterday she seemed too eager to start passing things onto me - things I had no clue what to do! "Here, work on this and then I'll come back in a bit." What?? I don't know what this is! She did it to me a couple times and each time I had no idea what to do...she would come back and then apologize, saying she shouldn't have done that to me. But then she would turn around and do it to me again. She also sat me down at her computer and made me write her e-mails for her. This was humiliating, because I had no idea who I was writing or responding to. She hovered over my shoulders and told me exactly what to write for her! Ugh, not helpful at all.

Then I got an e-mail last night from the girl who is training me asking me and our boss to follow up with some person on Friday. The girl and my boss are out of the office all day Friday and I have no idea how to follow up with this person. I have to hope that at some point today that my boss will take care of it. If not, on Friday, I will have to try to figure it out...somehow...I have no clue what to do about it! The girl training me is again, very nice, but...I can tell she wants to push everything on me right away (because I'm replacing her and she's moving onto another position). She's seems awfully eager to give me everything, despite me not knowing yet how to do things.

This job isn't what I expected it to be at all. My boss even asked me that yesterday. I had to grit my teeth, smile, and say "Oh yes, it's everything I thought it'd be! No problems at all." The more I talk to people, the more it's not 1 person I'm directly helping...it's 2...3...4...and growing! I didn't expect that I would be helping so many people when I took on the job. I'm just so miserable, confused, frustrated...How did I let this happen? I should have only applied to jobs that personally interested me and not just any job that was field-related

Quitting isn't an option at this point...I took the job and I have to stick with it...Not to mention I have a fear of failure. Quitting this job would be a major failure for me....Has anyone been in a situation like this? How were you able to just go to work, do your best, and then not take it so hard and personally at the end of the day? I wish I could just shrug it aside but I don't know how to...

[constantmover]

Lanie,

I think we need to talk.  May I pm you?  What you are experiencing right now is something that someone I know went through and because it is a delicate nature and don't want to reveal who it is, I would rather tell you what she did in a private message. 

What I will say though, try and tough it out for a while.  It is obvious this company is disorganized right now and the person who is supposed to be helping you is under the gun to get her stuff done.  I kind of expecting this might happen considering the lack of organization while they are going through this change.  Often when this happens, everyone is just doing things by the seat of their pants with the hope that the end result will be a good one.  I have more to say about this, but would rather do it in a pm.  You deserve to know how to handle this situation which in my mind shows a lack of proper procedures in place to make transitioning seamless.  It may show that you don't have well equipped people in charge. 

As far as going into the meeting is concerned, take what information you do have.  Let whoever it is in the meeting do most of the talking, take notes and if you are asked a question that you haven't an answer to, then just say, "You know what, I've just started here and I'm still processing alot of information.  Having said that, I don't have an answer for you right now, but will get back to you as soon as possible with that answer."  That is all you need say.  For that girl and her boss to through you into a meeting when you have barely started shows poor managerial skills.  They may be doing it to test you but that is unfair at such an early stage OR they just want you to become familiar with these people in the meeting so that you can form a relationship with them going forward. It maybe just a getting to know you kind of meeting.  Whatever, I still would like to fill you in on my take on this and how it was handled by my friend. 

Let me know if you want me to pm you or just pm me and I will definitely message you back.  This sounds just too familiar for me to let go of and for you to lose sleep over or have high anxiety about.

[Lanie]

Hi Constant! Yes you can PM me. Usually I have the PM off because I am a very shy and private person and not big into PMs on my community forums/message board. I just switched it back to PM-on option though. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me about your friend's experiences. Thank you!

I think I will try to tough it out for a while...Right now I am re-organizing my notes, and I feel better when I am doing that. The organization is really disorganized right now and going through a lot of changes. My co-workers told me this is actually the worst time for me to start, because it's always super busy before the holidays begin. They are mostly grant funded, and some major grants are coming through next week...which means there may be many new hires coming on board within the next few months. They are actually looking into hiring space consultants to try to figure out how to use their space better to accomodate these new people. We are also running out of storage space and there may even be legal issues surrounding our keeping of certain data! Eek!

That's really good advice about getting back to this person on Friday, especially if my boss doesn't respond to me by the end of the day on Friday. There was no reason to dump that e-mail on me when I don't know what to do or what it's about. The girl who is training me keeps forgetting that I don't know what's going on yet and I need more time to ease into the role. I understand she's busy and preoccupied (she looked so stressed out yesterday I felt bad for her) My boss is very nice and is attentive to my concerns/needs/etc but she's hardly ever around. Always in and out of meetings. Some days she even works from home. But she told me she would be sensitive to the fact that I will need extra help and communication the first few weeks...and she told me I can call and e-mail her whenever with questions...so let's see if that works out well in the long run

I guess I just have to follow my mom's advice "Take it one day at a time and do the best you can" I guess I have to also see it as a learning experience, whether good or bad. I will look out for your PM, thanks again!

[constantmover]

In stead of just addressing Lanie's particular issue, I thought I should maybe give some insight to all those people out there who are in new jobs or want to be in a job and fresh out of college or university.  These are just my own thoughts from years of experience, but having said that, take it for what it is.  This is not meant to be directive, just thought provoking and hopefully helpful for you to make your OWN decisions with your future.

It goes without saying that the first job you get most likely won't be your dream job.  Generally, it takes years to get that, so sometimes you just have to take a job that you may not love, but hopefully like, to take the steps to get that dream job.  There are some employers that are very understanding and helpful when someone is new and others that expect you to jump in with both feet and expect you to swim to the top.  The latter is the kind of employer that is very unrealistic.  If you find yourself with this employer, just do the best you can and try to hold on until you can find something better.  Hopefully you can catch on and figure things out to stay long enough to put the job on your resume.  Gaps in a resume are always suspicious to a future employer.  So, if you are really unhappy in the job, it is much better to try and stick it out until you find another one...try and find something about the job you do like. Having said that, if a job is literally making you sick, then get out of it because nothing is worth risking your health.  If your anxiety gets in the way of your ability to interview well for a new company, then it might be best to take a break, regroup, sit down and figure out what your next move should be. 

It is important to understand the skills that you have to offer and match them to a prioritized list of jobs that interest you.  Go out and do some volunteer work while you are waiting for that all important job.  It looks great on the resume and sometimes it connects you with people who know of a job that might suit you. If you can volunteer in an area that interests you, that's a bonus.  A friend of mine couldn't get a job as a teacher, so she volunteered at a school and when a position became available, she was in the perfect position to apply and they knew her work ethic, so naturally, she got the job.   Networking is key and as you go forward in your job and life you will come to recognize this. 

Don't dismiss a job because it's not exactly what you want. It may lead to a job that is more interesting to you.  In this economy it is hard to find work, so often people have to take something that isn't the most interesting, but if you do a good job, it can lead to something more to your liking.  As Lanie's mother said "Take it one day at a time and do the best job you can."

Find outside activities that you enjoy especially if you are in a job that you find either boring or creates anxiety.  To stave off depression or to quell the anxiety, having something outside of work to look forward to, is so important.  Also, you never know, your outside activity could lead to meeting new people and more connections can help with finding another job that would be more suitable.  I know of tons of people who have found jobs through networking this way.  One of my friends got so burned out in her job that she quit and joined a gym.  She made friend there and when one of the other members found out that she was looking for work, she new of an opening and my friend was no longer out of work and had an amazing job.  Again, I don't recommend that you quit a job before getting another, but she was at the point of a breakdown and so she tossed in the towel on a very lucrative job and spent her days de-stressing at the gym.  She was lucky, it worked out for her...not only did she get a ridiculously well toned body out of it, but she got a great job too. 

Anyway, I know there is a lot of repetition in this message, but I want you all to realize that others have been where you are and it has been a challenge but it also, has worked out.  I hope this has been helpful to, at least, some of you out there who are starting or wanting to start climbing the rungs of the ladder to corporate success.  It isn't easy, but with the right people working with you and support behind you, it can be a really interesting ride.

[Lanie]

Hi Constant,

I got your message and just to respond to it here - I did not have a good day at work The initial plan for yesterday and this week was to continue training and start reading up on things around the office. My boss and the girl who is training me were away yesterday, and so it was agreed by all parties that they wouldn't give me anything to work on for the time being. I still needed time to get to know the organization and settle in my job more. However, when I came into work on Wednesday and Friday, I found in my e-mail several things to immediately attend to. All without explaination or guidance. This sent me into a panic - I didn't know what to do and I had very little people to ask.

Then, yesterday, my boss calls me and starts rushing through an itinerary for me for the day. She was clearly in a rush but I tried to keep her on the phone as long as possible to ask questions and try to figure out what to do. Frustrated, she responded with "Didn't so-and-so tell you how to do all this?!" I was floored. The girl training me did go into as much detail as she could, but I still had questions and a lot to learn. My boss just said to me "I'm forwarding a bunch of e-mails to you. Try to take care of this as soon as possible."

Luckily, a co-worker gave me some advice how to take care of some of it, but I wasn't able to properly respond to my boss via e-mail with updates before I left work for the day/weekend. There is still a lot for me to do, and I think I need to take care of it this weekend. I'm really not sure how I would rate my performance for the week and I feel like I was ambushed and lied to by my trainee and boss - they keep "forgetting" I am new at the job and don't know what to do. I can't tell if they are just forgetful, are too stressed out about things, or just don't care. I was going to take care of all this extra workload today, but I woke up with my "time of the month" (sorry if that's TMI) and I feel physically and mentally drained. My cramps are keeping me from sitting down and working. It's almost 3:30pm on a Saturday and I feel like such a slug...I'm trying to relax though and hopefully tomorrow I can spend the day finishing up on things and trying to play catch up before my week begins again. I feel like my "time of the month" is just another downer to an already stressful week...Not to mention that when I came home to tell my mom about my week she got angry at me saying, "You should be greatful you even have a job! I can't believe you are already waning on this job after one week! And when's your first paycheck coming in anyway? I don't care about anything unless there's a paycheck coming in." I feel so alone

Thank you too for the insight in your post. My dream goal was to get a job relevant to my career interests but I knew that without a graduate degree, it would have been pure luck to get such a position. I do want to go to graduate school but I was so exhausted after college, I needed to take a break. I plan on going back though in Fall 2012...hopefully by then I can build up some outside experience, because I know this job isn't going to provide me with much.

I'm really scared about having gaps in my resume. I didn't have a job since May and many of my interviewers asked me what I had been doing during that time. I told them I was busy preparing to move to the area, taking care of family responsibilities, and preparing to enter the working world. However, I'm worried about the job I have right now and how it will work out. I would hate to quit or get fired because I'm not good at it or simply just burned out before I even began it. I know employers are very suspicious and wary of hiring someone who didn't do well in their last job. I have an excellent reputation in previous jobs and responsibilities and hopefully this wouldn't reflect negatively if something went wrong...I think I would simply label this job as a "bad fit" and hope potential employers would understand. I know that this job isn't playing into my strengths and I do know what I want. I could name several jobs I would be perfect for, without hesitation. I'm just not into being a director's and organization's assistant. It's really just a survival job for now.

Once I get settled into my job, I do plan on volunteering somewhere that interests me. I am also going out for a certification in the Spring, which I am very excited about. I can't wait to get my certification get continuing education hours in my true field of interest. I think that those steps would be my best bet in keeping fulfilled and my self-esteem high. But it doesn't help that my mom just doesn't care. To her, I've always been a money machine. Any money I make goes mostly to her. I'm trying to change that though. My mother can be either really supportive or really demoralizing...

Thank you again. I really appreciate the advice and encouragement. I hope everything can work out in the end, no matter what happens

[constantmover]

Lanie,  I'm glad you responded to me in an open forum as others may possibly learn from what you are going through.

What is happening to you in your job is typical of an organization that ISN'T organized.  You mentioned that they are transitioning and in a way, that has left you floundering.  No one wants to feel that way, let alone someone with our disorder.  I'm glad you were able to find some people to help you out for the time being.  Your workload right now may be a little overwhelming but, in time, everything will fall into place and if it doesn't then you need to talk with your boss and tell her that you really need some one on one time with her to make sure that you completely understand how to meet the needs of the job.  She is making assumptions that the other girl has done a good job of training you but your boss has to hold some responsibility for that if she wants you to thrive in the position. 

Don't worry about the gaps in the resume.  I actually discussed this with my husband who was an executive with a major company before retirement and his response was, the way you can explain the gap, if you do decide that you can't stay in the job, is to say just what you have already figured out, "It wasn't a good fit."  Believe me, executives understand as many have had that experience at some point in their careers too.  The other thing he did mention though, was if you can try and hold on to the job by finding just one thing that you like about it, that will give you time to look elsewhere for a job without there being a gap.  A future employer will look at your resume and wonder why you want to leave this job so quickly, but then you can say, the same reason as you would have if you had already quit your job. It is much easier to get a job when you already have one.  Having said that, again I must stress, your mental health must come first.  If you can't function well in the position you presently have, you are doing no one any favours by staying.  I'm glad your attitude is that you are going to give this job your best shot, though, and not give up for now. 

Doing the volunteer work in an area that interests you is so worthwhile.  I know, I did volunteer work for years and also participated on a couple of boards that interested me, but the actual hands on volunteering is what I liked the most.  I found it so fulfilling.  My hope is that it will be that way for you too.  Plus, it looks great on the resume.

Getting your certification in the spring will be wonderful for your future plans and a great escape from your present situation. 

Please don't let all of this get you down.  No one expects you to pick up a new job within one week.  What you are hearing from your boss is frustration because she is over worked too and under the gun.  You will get through this, but just make sure you don't let it break you down to the point you can't get up.  Put things in perspective.  Do the best you can with the information you've got.  Don't stop asking questions and make sure that the person you are asking is giving you an answer without brushing you off.  Make sure your boss knows that if you don't get the proper training, in the long run, you won't be able to do the top notch job you know you are capable of.  Lastly, don't be afraid of your boss.  A boss should want their employee to do well because it makes them look good too.  Just remember, they are being judged as well.  Everyone has someone to report to, even the president of a corporation.

Keep us updated.   

[Lanie]

This organization is more disorganized than I feared I am realizing more and more the red flags and I wish I had followed my gut by not taking the job.

I've realized now that although my boss is very kind, and everyone has a very friendly attitude overall, they are all too overworked and overbooked to keep up the needs and daily operations of the organization. My boss is always running around and I think I'll have a great deal of difficulty keeping up with her. I sensed more frustration and impatience from her than I liked on the phone the other day. I really felt put off by it, especially since she told me she would consider that extra time needed with me to begin with. The girl training me, by the second and third day, seemed really frustrated with having to train me and couldn't stop talking about how excited she was she didn't have to do my job anymore.

I just got my new work e-mail set up on Friday afternoon, and I am completely shocked and overwhelmed to find *11 e-mails* forwarded to me by the girl training me. No explaination. Nothing. Just forwarded them all to me in a mass sweep. It's bad enough that I wasn't feeling well to take care of things today, but now I know I will have to (try) to work double tomorrow to finish what I couldn't finish Friday and now try to get on top of this before the week even begins.

I knew the position would be in-progress and that they would be disorganized for the time being, but I am shocked to see the extent of the disorganization and the pushyness by my boss and trainer. It seems to me there is some sort of contradiction going on, whether intentional or unintentional...and I'm starting to wonder if it's intentional. Sugar-coating everything and then turning around and doing something entirely different. I'm really curious to see how my boss and trainer react to my questions about these e-mails and if they will treat me with a "You should already know how to do this" attitude so early in the job.

I know that I need to work as much as possible, and I'm certainly not lazy in that regard. But I thought the transition would be smoother, as promised to me over and over again. "We won't just give you things to do without explaining them first" and "We won't just push you into something right away - we will give you new things to work on and not just things going on in-progress because you'll just get confused." I'm not sure what to do with these 11 e-mails. I'm not taking it personally or anything, but I am seriously wondering if they care about me being a part of the team or not. I'm wondering with all their talk about work-life balance is going to become a case of "You are our 9-5 slave."

I feel like a baby complaining about all of this, but I don't know what else to do or who to turn to. My mother is flaky with her encouragement - one minute she will tell me to be strong and do the best I can, while the other minute she will tear me down emotionally and berate me. With more emphasis on the berating. I wanted to call one of my closest friends, but he's unemployed and wouldn't be sympathetic. Many of my other friends have either scored their dream jobs, are unemployed, or attending grad school to avoid the job market.

I keep telling myself to hang in there. I keep telling myself "It's okay, just do your best, just keep at it for a few months. It'll work out in the end." But everytime I start to look up, another red flag gets thrown in my face. All because I wanted to please my never satisfied mother I think I'm just so frustrated I let this happen to me again. I feel like the first time all week I want to finally cry and give up and try all over again. I know things are bound to get better and not worse...and even if they do get worse...like you said... "It's just wasn't a good fit." I just have to try my best...but it can be so sad when my best doesn't seem good enough to my mother or people around me.

Also, we can't go to Church tomorrow because we can't waste gas or transportation costs getting there. Our money is so tight right now. My one bright spot of the week, dashed...Praying to God and going to Church makes me so happy I swell up in tears. I also just found out tonight that my grandmother went in for emergency surgery...she's okay for now...but I can't even visit her because I'm so far away...What a terrible week...

I'm sorry for this sad post. I really am trying to stay positive. I shouldn't have even looked at my e-mail. I just wanted to become more acquainted with the system. I never expected to see 11 e-mails in my account! I think I'm going to go to bed and just rest my head...take care of it all tomorrow...

Thank you for listening and providing support. I really appreciate it. This community keeps me from completely falling apart and that makes me eternally grateful.

[constantmover]

Never be sorry for a sad post.  We are here to support each other.  It is hard for others who don't have this disorder to understand what we go through on a daily basis.  Having this forum makes us able to commiserate with others who know what it is like. 

Lanie, you are overwhelmed...bottom line.  You are feeling like everyone is against you and you have the emails to prove it.  Your boss is probably overwhelmed too and as I said before, she is most likely feeling pressure from her boss too.  If you don't understand what is expected of you or how to answer the eleven emails, then insist on a meeting with your boss.  You have only been in the job one week and the pressure to perform is either about your perfectionism or unrealistic expectations from your boss and the person who is supposed to be training you.  The trainer is so off base with the amount of emails and that should be brought up to your boss as well.  It sounds like everyone needs a reality check.  For the trainer to send those emails knowing full well that it is the weekend and you would normally not pick them up till first thing Monday morning, well she is freaking out about trying to unload this job so she can start her new one.  She is just sending all the information she can think of so she can say that she has helped you out and now she should be able to move on and leave you behind.  Frankly, it might be better if she did just move on and you try to deal with what is needed without her input.  You will eventually have to put your own stamp on the work.  Everyone has their own style and you haven't had an opportunity to show yours yet.  IT HAS ONLY BEEN ONE WEEK!  Once everyone  REALLY realizes the little time you have had to assimilate (because you will have to remind them of that Monday morning), hopefully, Monday will be a better day.

There is no reason to sit and stew on this the rest of the weekend as all that will do is feed into your anxiety and by Monday, you need to be bright-eyed and fresh.  Find something to take your mind off of the job tomorrow.  Anything just to let off some of the anxiety.  Forget about the emails until you get an opportunity to talk with your boss on Monday.  You say you haven't any idea how to deal with them anyway, so they can wait until Monday after you see your boss.  One way to get your foot in her door (literally) is by being the first one in in the morning.  Just go sit in her office and wait for her or sit by her door so that she has to see you.  If that doesn't work, just go up to her and insist that you have to talk with her.  If she is worth her salt, she will give you the time.  If not, you can go above her head and tell her boss that you are not able to be productive because you aren't getting the support you require so early on in the job.  This would be a last resort, but an effective one.  Your boss may be annoyed that you would go above her, but you can remind her that if she had taken the time with you that she had promised from the first interview, you wouldn't have had to go above her. 

As far as you mother is concerned and you family finances, that is a tricky one.  From the outside looking in, my feeling is she might be just so scared that you will not settle into a career.  All mothers go through that with their children as they get older and should be responsible for themselves.  We all want success for our children and it doesn't matter how old or smart they are, we still worry about their future.  I'm sure my parents felt the same way about me.  So, don't be too hard on her, I'm sure her heart is in the right place, it's just that she worries about both of your futures.  Sometimes moms just don't know how to handle difficult situations, therefore we may give bad advice or not really know how to deal with  a situation, so we just wing it and hope for the best. 

Lanie, like I said before, this is your call, if you want to push through and try to make the best of this situation, we will support you.  The same goes if you want to chuck the job.  No judgment will be made, just support from the members of this forum..  You have go to do what is right for you.

Take really good care and I hope to hear from you sometime on Monday after work.

 

[Lanie]

I am very overwhelmed I had over 30 e-mails forwarded to my account when I went into the office this morning...and more flowing in through the afternoon. Luckily, I was able to pull my trainer aside so that she went through every single one of them with me. My boss is very overwhelmed and I didn't see her all day because she was in various meetings. Tomorrow I might have a phone meeting with her and given the amount I have to go over with her, it's going to be a doozy. There is so much to talk about that I'm afraid she will become frustrated with it. I schedule for her now and her calendar is a complete mess. I am trying to learn her scheduling process but she is picky and always busy, and so it's hard to pin her down and understand her schedule. I am trying very hard though.

Then, when I came home, I spent the 3 hours re-organizing these e-mails and updates. 5 pages of things I need to follow up on or ask about from my boss tomorrow. All the while clicking between calendars, e-mails, and windows. I still need to finish it too and print it out. I am still pretty confused and disorganized though but hopefully it will smooth itself out in time. The trainer seemed a bit impatient when going through the e-mails with me though, but I kept on it and I was proud that I did. I'm glad I asserted myself in that regard. But I am so tired right now and hope things can slow down to an even pace in time. I don't think I can bring my work home every night like this!

Overall, I don't know how today was. I still have so much to do...I had a day of ups and downs, mostly downs, but that's okay. I hope that tomorrow I can get most of this done and then I won't have to bring any work home with me. I don't mind bringing some work home with me but to this extent is a bit too much, considering that I don't even get overtime for it. It's just stressful and meaningless work for me. I need to take a break right now because my eyes are hurting and it's just stressing me out. I have a feeling my boss is going to get annoyed by this huge list of stuff tomorrow. 

I'm going to give this 3 months and if I find nothing changes, I'm going to leave it. My probation period is that long anyway. I think giving myself a trial period will make me feel better. I do want to give this job a shot, and considering the extra time and effort I am putting into it, that must count for something. I think I would just label it as a "bad fit" and now I will know for sure this type of job isn't for me.

I will respond to the rest of your post tomorrow...so tired right now...thank you again for responding though. I hope tomorrow I can get the work load smoothed out with my boss and get a lot of work done before the "whistle" sounds at 5pm. I think I've repeated myself several times in this post and I'm probably all over the place lol ...but I am so tired...looking forward to the weekend already again!

Good night!

[Lanie]

I'll add in another reply before I head to work.

As for my mom, I do understand about financial pressures and worries. My sister is married and both her and her husband are unemployed. They get unemployment benefits and struggle to get by. My mom worries about them constantly. They are moving in a few months, several states down southward.

We just moved to the big city and it's been a struggle for my mom to get by the month without me helping with some sort of paycheck. A part of me wishes we had delayed this big move, by at least 2-3 years. It's not benefitting us in any way at this point. I'm lonely, depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed...she's lonely, depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed.... I don't think my mom's as happy here as she thought she'd be. I feel like a huge disappointment to her.  Another failed experiment and wrong choice. She says there's nothing for her back home and there's not much for her here either. She also says she doesn't want to move again for at least a few years because of the hassle it was getting here.

Today I woke up with a dread for work. No one's going to be in today - I have to talk to my boss in the morning, hopefully, and then I'm all alone in my office until 5pm. I honestly thought about just doing retail jobs for a few months before going back to school in January 2012. I should be nice with the quiet, and that I can keep busy with these e-mails, but, I feel like I'm still getting pulled under. I keep trying to shake these feelings but it's no use. No matter what I try to do I still feel the same way. Nothing seems to be helping, though I do keep trying. Which I guess is the most frustrating - I'm trying and nothing is changing.

I think I need therapy. Or meds other than St. John's Wort. Or a good long sleep and time where I can sit down re-evaluate all of these options....

Anyway, I have to finish getting ready for work. Have a nice day

[constantmover]

Lanie, I had no idea that you had made a big move when you took on this new job.  Both those things are major stresses separately let alone together.  I'm sure you both are lonely and disenchanted.  Living in a big city and not knowing anyone can really make a person  long for what they left behind.  It sounds like both you and your mother need to make a list of what you both expect from this adventure and how it can be achieved.  I know you feel the pressure to be the breadwinner, but the stress of just making a move can be overwhelming and add a new job to the mix and that just makes the situation more difficult.  BUT, I'm a great believer in trying to turn a negative into a positive.  It can be done and it adds to your learning experience about yourself and your mother. 

See how long you can last in this job.  How far from your old place is this big city?  If it isn't too far, then take trips back periodically once you give the city life more of a chance.  That way you can compare what you left behind to what you have now.  I've moved so many times, hence my forum name, constantmover.  It is interesting going back.  Sometimes I miss the old place, but most times I don't.  Where you live can depend on what your needs are.  I wouldn't suggest you go back soon, you need to explore where you are living first preferably by foot, to really get to know a city and where the places you might like to go and feel comfortable.  I've only been living in this house for 3 months and even though it isn't far from my last place, it is in a different community and it is taking time for me to familiarize myself with all that it has to offer.  I drove through it allot when I was at the other place but living and driving through are two completely different things.  Walking the streets and seeing who lives in your area will eventually make you feel more comfortable.  I also suggest you join a group of some kind to meet new people and hopefully, both your mother and you will make new friends.  Give it time, if it isn't for you, then consider moving.  I know moving is very distressing, but it is worth it if you aren't happy where you are.

The last place I lived, didn't really work for me.  I thought it would but as it turned out, it just wasn't a good fit for our family needs.  We stayed there for just over 3 years and finally, my husband consented to move.  He was resistant at first, but once he realized that it no longer meet our needs as a family, he was on board to make a move back to a house.  Now, all of us are happy and my dog is ecstatic!  We have a small yard again and it has afforded all of us a much greater feeling of freedom.  The move itself was horrendous, but that only lasted a day of actually moving.  Sure there are boxes and painting etc to do, but that can be done at your leisure.  Unless of course you are married to me who likes things in there place as soon as possible...LOL  I've had to try and settle down about that because it is unrealistic to attack everything in an old home all at the same time. 

Bottom line, give the job, your living arrangements a little more time and see how you feel.  Don't let it get to the point that you make yourself sick.   You don't have to move anywhere if you don't want to, but if you do, you also don't have to wait for three years to make the move.  I would wait out a year though if you can, just to be sure it is what you truly want to do.  If you can't wait a year, then no earlier than six months.  You've got to give this job and your home a chance.  Everything has happened at once and no one would be able to figure out if it is the job or the house that is the problem.  It could be both, but that is what you really need to figure out.  If you do find the job really a major problem, then stay as long as you can stand it, you don't have to wait the six months, that is more about your housing arrangements.  So, get that pen and paper out and list everything you like about where you live and all the things you don't like and do the same with the job.  Then make another list of the ways you can change what you don't like.  From there you can make an educated decision as to what to do and not a strictly emotional one.  Emotions are important, but right now, you have to concentrate more without too much emotion creeping in.  Otherwise, you'd be on the next train out of there and the financial situation has to be considered.  Listen, you don't have to make tonnes of money to be happy, but you do need some to be comfortable.  So figure out what you can do that would make you happy and comfortable financially at the same time.  If this present job doesn't work out, then you will already have a list of what type of jobs you should pursue and where.

I hope this all makes sense.  You certainly are not the first person who has made a move for a job just to find that it may not be suited to you and you hate your living environment.  But it is only you who can either live with it and try to adapt or move on to find something that suits you better. 

[Lanie]

Yeah, it's taken a lot out of us. I don't think we were quite prepared but we are here to stay. I don't know anyone here and all my friends are scattered all over the place now. I don't know how to make friends here...my same-age co-workers are nice but I don't think I have a lot in common with them...When I'm not outside, I sit in my room in front of the computer and television. My mom just wants to enjoy the city - shopping, museum, putzing around town, etc. But she can't do that without money. And I need to help her make that money. So not only are the bills important, but so are the extras like entertainment.

I talked to my boss on the phone today and my fears came true - she was very impatient with me and rushing me through the conversation. She seemed frustrated about my performance and kept reminding me that this was a fast paced environment and that I needed to catch up to her as much as possible, if not steps ahead of her. As I was scheduling her, she snapped at me saying "Look, you are overbooking me. I don't even know what to say to you right now." So much for that "laid back and easy going" office environment this is supposed to be...so much for that many-month learning curve I'm supposed to have here...so much for all that friendliness and promising to help. I was able to get most, if not all, of my job duties done so I was glad I could just go home today and relax. I had to call my mom though on  the phone after I talked to my boss. I was on the verge of a panic attack. I almost walked out of the office but my mom talked me out of it. She said to just stay for the day and quit later at need be. She said I could quit and look for another job, but at the same time, she wanted me to stick it out just for the paycheck. She said not to take the job personally and do my best. If they feel I'm doing a bad job, then let them lay me off. I told her I'm filled with so many different emotions and I don't know what to do. I can't think straight. One part of me wants to run far away. The other part of me wants that paycheck.

I told my mom I would stick it out until February 1rst. I would work hard and do the job as best I can. If they decide some point that I should leave, then that's fine. I can toss it away as a learning experience and find another job, whether a real job or not, and then applying to graduate school for January 2011. I need to stop taking this personally and I have to stop making myself sick about all this. I don't see anything else for right now that I can do differently.

My old place is about 2 hours from this new city. I am going home for Thanksgiving which will be nice. I don't miss the location as much as I miss my friends and family. I don't think I realized how much I would miss home until I got here. So I guess I really do have a lot to process and deal with. I keep trying to push it under because I feel like there's not much I can do about it. Maybe I should keep in touch more with my friends and family, and not isolate myself. Or once I get my paycheck, it will finally feel like "OK, the job blows, but at least I'm getting paid and I can do more things around town with it" Maybe when I start making money and able to get out of the apartment to do things more, it will feel more like home...Or I could just win the lottery and be set for life LOL I'm also trying to attend Church more and to volunteer more as well...once I get settled into this job, I think things will get better in this regard...

Thank you for sharing your experiences with moving too. It sounds like you went through some pretty stressful times yourself. I hope you are happy where you are now - it sounds like you are. I'm happy for you!

I do have a lot of emotions swirling through me...too many to go through and process right now. I really just want to take a shower and go to bed. I hope that on the weekend and during Thanksgiving vacation I can process everything better. I just want to make it until February where I can have a better idea of what's going on.

Thank you again...so much...I appreciate it more than you'll ever know! It's so nice to have people who understand. Thank you!!!!

[constantmover]

Hi Lanie,

Just wanted to check in and see how you are coping.  You've had some time off with Thanksgiving and my hope is that you have had some time to think and relax a little.  Monday, when back at work, maybe you will feel refreshed and able to look at things from a different perspective.  Don't hesitate to get in touch or post if you feel the need to vent.  Take care.

[Lanie]

Hi Constant, thanks for the check in

I still don't feel so great, but I was able to relax and take it easy for the Thanksgiving holiday. I'm still doing the best I can at the job, and slowly but surely I am feeling more comfortable...sorta. I feel like I'm still struggling and that my employer's expectations of me are too high and unrealistic. It seems like no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get the hang of it, like I continue to just "get through it" and go home at the end of the day. My boss flipflops between positive affirmations and frustration. I am happy about the paycheck but I feel like I'm doing a lousy job and that it will take me a long time to master it, if I ever will. I am trying though with the knowledge, training, and background I have...I wish I was doing something else though. Something I know I'm good at and would contribute to. I feel like this kind of work is empty and there's no real room for advancement or skill building. It's just "assist the executive and make sure she gets everything she needs to get done" work.

I came into work today and my boss was irritated about some double booking that had happened in her schedule. The girl training me, who used to have my position, assured me that it wouldn't happen but it did anyway. I wanted to talk to my boss about it, as well as other things, but she was too busy. I basically just sat around trying to keep myself busy...I just felt low, empty, and tired. Now I am home and I am so tired. I feel like this job will be day-in-and-day-out for the next 2 years. My only hope is that I can keep it and make money until I go back to grad school. I am so tired of being anxious, drained, depressed, and exhausted all the time...I'm so tired of worrying and feeling this way. I am coping as best I can with positive self-talk, listening to music, getting enough sleep, working hard, but sometimes it doesn't feel like enough.

I'm going to stick with the job past February. Actually my goal is to stay with the job until Aug/Sept 2012 when I go back to graduate school. Then I'm quitting and finding part-time work as I go back to school full-time. I guess I just feel like this job isn't contributing to my long-term career goals whatsoever. Which I think adds to my frustrations and depression...but I am hanging in there. I think it will get better and better in time.

Thanks again for the support

[constantmover]

In time, it will get better because you will have more knowledge about the job.  It may not be the ultimate job and possibly not a stepping stone to something better, but if you are only in need of a decent paying job so you can go to grad school, then that use it as the incentive to keep going to reach that goal.  Just keep reminding yourself of grad school and never having to go back to this type of job once you are in grad school and certainly once finished.  I hope that you can stick it out, but if you can't then make sure you don't beat yourself up about it as I know you have given it your best shot.

Keep plugging along...I'm here if you need support.

[graycloud]

Sorry for digging up an old thread but I didn't know how else I could contact the author. This is my very first post on this forum. I actually signed up because I read the entire thread Lanie created a few months ago and wanted to comment on it.  I found your post when I was doing a Google search on "anxiety starting a new job". 

I was supposed to start a new job Monday but I worried myself sick over the weekend.  So, I told them I got sick and needed to reschedule my start date. I have the very same concerns you talked about in your post.  I feel like I'm going to be incompetent and people will wonder how I even got hired.  I feel much better after reading your experiences and how you stayed with it! I figured if you could do it, then maybe I could do it to.

Are you still at the same job or did you get another one? 

Again, sorry for reviving an old thread.