Coworker tension

[eg4238]

I work closely with another coworker in my office on various projects and reviews. This person has always been personable, easy to get along with, easy to talk to.  Work circumstances over the past few months ( increased work load, lack of staff/supervisor) has left me very anxious and stressed.  I posted on this in my introduction. It has been difficult to just get through the day. I am on citalopram 20 mg and CBT therapy to help with my  anxiety. Even though I try to keep my personal life out of work, my coworker can obviously sense that I am stressed. I have not shared any details with him on my anxiety condition or how bad it really is. I dint feel close enough with this person  He is a very laid back person, doesn't worry about anything, hardly ever stresses. Lately, he has been stand-offish, and is curt when speaking to me. I feel like I am somehow causing this response...it is my stress and anxiety.  This is increasing my anxiety because I have to work with him on a daily basis. I don't know...maybe it is all in my head...worrying about what others think. Has anyone felt this way at work? People don't understand.   

[Lanie]

Hi EG,

A lot of the time I focus too closely on social cues and how people are reacting to me. This increases my social anxiety and stress levels by quite a bit. I'm always taking things the wrong way - "Oh so-and-so is quiet to me today. I bet I did something wrong to him/her?" and "I don't know if I bothered so-and-so with my questions about the job. Was I being annoying? They had such a flat affect to me I just can read if they like me or not." And I worry and worry about it. Turns out about 99% of the time it had NOTHING to do with me at all. That person could of been having a bad day, or feeling under the weather, or stressed out about things going on in their life, or simply had a flat affected personality in general. Point is, I tend to take things personally and make up things that aren't really there

Perhaps he is feeling pressure or stress in his own life and job - he's not as laid back as he initally seemed to be. Do you notice his curtness with other people? He may be under the weather for the time being.

Does he ask you what's wrong? Maybe he feels as if you are being stand-offish about not telling him your true reasons for being anxious and stressed. I wouldn't tell him about your medication and therapy, but you could mention that the work load is bothering you. Or maybe he thinks you are being curt and stand-offish to him and has chosen to "do the same" to you now. I know that when I am stressed and anxious I can be a bit withdrawn and agitated which in turn keeps people away. I don't notice how my actions and emotions are affecting other people.

It could be a whole bunch of things, but I think people like us are so sensitive with our anxiety that we take things personally and often jump to the wrong conclusions because of it. I would give this issue some time and let things flow normally for the time being. They may just clear up on their own and it will be business as usual. Look to see if he reacts this way to other co-workers. If it continues, and he becomes more rude and curt to you, you may want to politely ask him if there's a problem ("I noticed you haven't been acting yourself lately...Is there something bothering you?" and see how he reacts.

Hope that helps

[eg4238]

Lanie-

Thanks for the response!  I do worry too much about what people think and definitely take things personally.  Like you said, people have a lot of their own problems, worries and concerns, and it may just not be about me all the time!  He knows I am stressed about the workload, I have told him that much.  I think sometimes he might just not know how to respond to my demeanor when I have a super anxious day, so it is just easier to stay away and not say much.  I have noticed on days that I am less anxious he seems more open and personable.  I will have to give it more time and see if things improve. Thanks.

[wendyb45]

I feel like that sometimes too, but to tell you the truth most of the time it's me. I worry too much about what people might think of me and I way overstress at work. But I'm working on this problem and slowly starting to see results. I think the first step is admitting that you might have a problem and then action.



Good luck