church woes...please help!

[markidee]

In an attempt to get help and work on long-standing guilt and anxiety issues I approached and did a "classic confessional." Since I've church has become my hell. And I hate this, because I feel I understand that there are spiritual underpinnings to my

Here's the skinny: nothing is haunting and loading me down more than the dread of conversations with the pastor. He seems full of truth, but underpinning the truth is a "darn right" conservative US baptist ideology that no longer works for me. I cannot fit into HIS mold. I could just write it off, and ask him kindly to stop requesting meetings...but we have too many ties to the church. He has told me "he could not say 'I love you, brother,' if he knew my intentions were wrong." The problem is: my intentions need to be in keeping with his theology (the Bible says, we do...). This is not unconditional love.

Here's where it gets crazy: Should I choose to sever our meetings (and therefore our personal ties): he will either (a) reveal things I said to him in confidence to my family in a way that I feel is not prudent and will cause far more division, or (b), ask me to leave the church. HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND how to deal with me, or my illness. and yet I feel bound by him.

I feel like a child in a well. I have to please my Pastor to get to back to good. Isn't this why Martin Luther posted the 95 theses in the first place?

Please anyone with religious affinities--help me understand a way to prudently address this issue (as well as the nuclear dread).

Thanks for reading!

[oneworld2010]

This will help.

all the best.

http://www.somis.org/TDD-01.html

[markidee]

Thanks OW. I guess this I've fallen under this category.

One thing: I think he wants me to be "saved" from myself, and I've been a believer (in the most organic form possible) for 27 of my 30 years (I've always known I can't go it alone!). I suppose the "psychological and spiritual problems" arise as he sees me as a "case" that he is responsible for, and subtly is taking away my autonomy.

Thanks for the article reference. I look forward to studying more than just the "issues."

Best,

[tigerpaw]

I will give this some thought!